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How to Deal with Your ____ So Your Kids Don't Have to: An Encyclopedia for Ditching Your Emotional Baggage
The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read—So You Can Be the Parent Your Kids Deserve
Because our kids can feel what we don't heal.
Are you determined to parent differently than you were raised? Ready to break cycles, heal old wounds, and give your children the emotionally close relationship you always wanted? This is your roadmap.
Why This Book?
Written by licensed therapist and educator Eli Harwood
Practical, no-nonsense guidance for parents and parents-to-be
Alphabetically organized for quick, targeted help—flip to the growth area you need, when you need it
Inside, You’ll Discover How to Heal
Complicated emotional states like anger, anxiety, body image struggles, and jealousy
Insecure habits such as people-pleasing, toxic comparison, blaming, and denial
The lingering effects of insecurity or trauma from your own childhood
What You’ll
Tools to heal yourself—so your children don’t have to carry your pain
Strategies to build a secure, emotionally close bond with your kids
Confidence to become the parent you wish you’d had
Give your children the invaluable gift of an emotionally secure parent. Start your healing journey today—for them, and for you.
Because our kids can feel what we don't heal.
Are you determined to parent differently than you were raised? Ready to break cycles, heal old wounds, and give your children the emotionally close relationship you always wanted? This is your roadmap.
Why This Book?
Written by licensed therapist and educator Eli Harwood
Practical, no-nonsense guidance for parents and parents-to-be
Alphabetically organized for quick, targeted help—flip to the growth area you need, when you need it
Inside, You’ll Discover How to Heal
Complicated emotional states like anger, anxiety, body image struggles, and jealousy
Insecure habits such as people-pleasing, toxic comparison, blaming, and denial
The lingering effects of insecurity or trauma from your own childhood
What You’ll
Tools to heal yourself—so your children don’t have to carry your pain
Strategies to build a secure, emotionally close bond with your kids
Confidence to become the parent you wish you’d had
Give your children the invaluable gift of an emotionally secure parent. Start your healing journey today—for them, and for you.
304 pages, Hardcover
Published April 14, 2026
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
April 26, 2026
So many important quotes. My favorite is: "Full, undivided attention is regulation pixie dust for me and my kids". Eli has organized this book to be so helpful! Feeling rejected? There’s a chapter for that. Feeling angry? There’s a chapter for that. 100 percent recommend this book for folks who are parenting differently than they were raised.
April 18, 2026
A great parenting book to help build secure relationships with our children while healing ourselves.
May 14, 2026
While my worldview is very different from the author’s, I found the majority of her writing to be incredibly profound and helpful. I initially listened to it as an audiobook, but purchased the hard copy to highlight sections I bookmarked with time stamps so I can read and reread them for years to come.
I’m so thankful God led me to discover this book right when I needed to read it most. I’m grateful to understand myself and how to parent and steward the gifts of my precious children a bit better in ways I was never taught.
“If we can allow ourselves to feel our anger without reacting to it, we can create the necessary pause that lets us make decisions instead of having reactions.”
“Think of yourself as your child’s primary emotion mentor. Your kid learns how to eat, watching you use a fork. They also learn how to feel, watching you deal with your feelings. And so if you want to help your kids, the most important thing you do, is you learn how to show them an array of healthy ways they can cope with what they feel.”
I’m so thankful God led me to discover this book right when I needed to read it most. I’m grateful to understand myself and how to parent and steward the gifts of my precious children a bit better in ways I was never taught.
“If we can allow ourselves to feel our anger without reacting to it, we can create the necessary pause that lets us make decisions instead of having reactions.”
“Think of yourself as your child’s primary emotion mentor. Your kid learns how to eat, watching you use a fork. They also learn how to feel, watching you deal with your feelings. And so if you want to help your kids, the most important thing you do, is you learn how to show them an array of healthy ways they can cope with what they feel.”
Review of advance copy received from Edelweiss+
I received an advance review copy of this book from the publisher. All opinions are my own.
This book does exactly what it says on the tin: helps us parents deal with our emotional baggage so our kids don't inherit it.
What really worked for me with this book was the format. It's structured like an encyclopedia, nothing revolutionary, but it makes revisiting incredibly easy when needed. We obviously can't fix everything at once; we need to tackle each struggle slowly and steadily, and this format makes it very easy to dip in and out.
A perfect example for me is the chapter on "feeling at odds." My son is currently 3, so I'm clearly not feeling at odds with his choices just yet, but I probably will when he starts becoming more independent. I'll definitely be coming back to that chapter when the time comes, and this format makes that effortless.
But the real strength of this book is how Harwood handles the identification of each issue we might need to work on. Some struggles are easy to name like anger and defensiveness, but others are harder to self-diagnose. At the start of each chapter, she gives a rundown of what each struggle might look like, which makes the whole book feel accessible rather than prescriptive.
>> This is a wonderful entry point for parents drawn to secure attachment parenting who are willing to do the inner work to understand how their own unresolved feelings shape their children's emotional world. Harwood also provides a reading list at the end of each section for those who want to dive deeper, a thoughtful touch. If you're ready to do that work for your kids' sake, this is a great place to start.
This book does exactly what it says on the tin: helps us parents deal with our emotional baggage so our kids don't inherit it.
What really worked for me with this book was the format. It's structured like an encyclopedia, nothing revolutionary, but it makes revisiting incredibly easy when needed. We obviously can't fix everything at once; we need to tackle each struggle slowly and steadily, and this format makes it very easy to dip in and out.
A perfect example for me is the chapter on "feeling at odds." My son is currently 3, so I'm clearly not feeling at odds with his choices just yet, but I probably will when he starts becoming more independent. I'll definitely be coming back to that chapter when the time comes, and this format makes that effortless.
But the real strength of this book is how Harwood handles the identification of each issue we might need to work on. Some struggles are easy to name like anger and defensiveness, but others are harder to self-diagnose. At the start of each chapter, she gives a rundown of what each struggle might look like, which makes the whole book feel accessible rather than prescriptive.
>> This is a wonderful entry point for parents drawn to secure attachment parenting who are willing to do the inner work to understand how their own unresolved feelings shape their children's emotional world. Harwood also provides a reading list at the end of each section for those who want to dive deeper, a thoughtful touch. If you're ready to do that work for your kids' sake, this is a great place to start.
May 14, 2026
I listened to this one and felt motivated to take care of my own issues in most chapters. Some parts were more eye opening than others, which I assume most readers will feel based on their experiences and own trauma. The writing is easy to understand, feels doable to implement, and I like that it’s all about ownership. We don’t have complete control over our children and it can feel challenging to get to a solution when you only have agency on one side. But if the work comes from within and our own progress is brought to the situation at hand, instantly it feels more manageable.
Great research, ideas, solutions and exercises! It was a nice combo of a parenting book and self help book written by a therapist all in one.
Great research, ideas, solutions and exercises! It was a nice combo of a parenting book and self help book written by a therapist all in one.
Review of advance copy received from Author
This included lots of emotions I wouldn’t have considered - and habits too! Lots of practical takeaways.
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews