Secure: The Revolutionary Guide to Creating a Secure Life

by Amir Levine

Amir Levine, MD, coauthor of the groundbreaking, multimillion-copy international bestseller Attached, presents a bold new promise—that anyone can learn to create a secure life—and offers practical cutting-edge tools to achieve it.

Years after revolutionizing our understanding of attachment styles, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine returns with a brilliant, paradigm-shifting work on the science of secure human connection. As Dr. Levine explains in Secure, people with a secure attachment style are the most comfortable not just in their relationships, but also in their own skins. And remarkably, the latest research shows that anyone, regardless of how insecure they may feel, can learn to create a secure life.

The benefits of living in “secure mode” are people tend to be healthier and have a better relationship with their health care providers. When they do have a difficult illness, they have fewer symptoms and handle it better emotionally. If they’re looking for a job, they’re more effective in their search and their self-esteem doesn’t suffer as much. They are less susceptible to consumerism. They even navigate social media better and experience fewer negative impacts.

In Secure, Dr. Levine presents his pioneering approach, Secure Therapy and Coaching, offering practical, neuroscience-backed tools to help readers cultivate security so that they can thrive. Secure is the definitive guide for anyone looking to improve their emotional health, deepen their connections, and build more fulfilling lives.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Relationships, Audiobook, Personal Development, Health

384 pages, Paperback

Published April 28, 2026

About the author

Amir Levine, M.D. is a psychiatrist, molecular neuroscientist, and Associate Professor of Clinical Psychiatry at Columbia University.

He is the co-author of Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment, which has sold over 3 million copies and been translated into 42 languages, and the author of Secure: The Revolutionary Guide to Creating a Secure Life (Avery/Penguin Random House, 2026), his follow-up book that merges attachment science with neuroscience to show how anyone can build a more secure life — at work, in friendships, in family, and within themselves.

Levine completed his adult psychiatry residency at New York Presbyterian/Columbia University, where he ranked first in his class three consecutive years, then specialized in child and adolescent psychiatry.

At Columbia, he has conducted NIH-sponsored research as a Principal Investigator alongside Nobel laureate Dr. Eric Kandel. His clinical work led him to develop Secure Priming Therapy, a treatment approach that draws on attachment science, clinical psychology, and neuroscience to help people shift into more secure patterns of relating.

Reviews

[Kristen Block · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had high hopes for this one because I loved Attached and have witnessed it help so many of my clients. This one fell flat to me. Many of the interventions are simplified and don’t take into consideration the amount of healing and internal work it takes to be able to execute these interventions in real relationships. He also lost me completely by suggesting the use of AI for real-time conflict management (What!). Sorry. No.

There are far better books out there that are more trauma-informed and inclusive of the role neurodivergence, gender roles, cultural backgrounds, etc creates nuance in relationships.

[Vicky McAfee · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

I found this to be interesting and scientifically fascinating, and it helped me put some things into perspective about attachment, relationships, and self-regulation. The book is heavy on social interactions and really emphasises that we are creatures who rely on each other, which I can intellectually appreciate.

That said, for me, it didn’t go deep enough in certain areas. It doesn’t talk about real-life relationships, power imbalances, unavoidable connections where you can’t simply detach or disengage, or how past trauma can effect dynamics, which can make the advice feel a little too idealised.

The text occasionally leans toward the idea that your partner should “make you secure,” which felt counterintuitive; I believe that true security comes from within. Healthy boundaries and cultivating your own wellbeing seem essential, but sometimes the book downplays them in favour of relational strategies.

I liked the emphasis on self-reflection and the practical examples, and I agree that we should aim to be people we’d like to come into contact with, cultivating a sense of self that’s resilient and autonomous. I just wished there was more nuance around the complexities of human relationships, especially mismatched attachment styles or situations where contact can’t simply be removed.

Overall, I’d say it’s a thought-provoking read, particularly if you’re new to attachment theory or want a science-informed framework, but I personally wanted a bit more depth on real-world relational challenges.

[Sanchita · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to love this. And to be fair, parts of it are genuinely useful. But overall? It’s one of those books that feels more convincing than it actually is.

The premise is strong — you can become secure regardless of your attachment style, and it’s supported by neuroscience rather than just labels. It’s more hopeful, less fatalistic, and tries to move beyond putting people into neat little boxes.

But it doesn’t go nearly as deep as it think it does. A lot of the advice feels … idealised. It assumes access to consistent, emotionally available people, while glossing over messy realities like trauma, power dynamics, and unavoidable relationships. The underlying message can feel like … just choose better interactions, which isn’t always possible.

Helpful in parts, but not as nuanced as it needs to be.

[Vicky · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this and found it such an accessible read. It was so refreshing to see Amir Levine move away from the usual way attachment styles are talked about. I particularly related to the chapter on anxious attachment and loved how he framed it as “not a deficit or problem to be fixed but a unique set of perceptual superpowers - that when properly channeled - can be a tremendous asset to you and the people around you.” That perspective shift felt really empowering.

It was also really interesting to read that they now believe attachment isn’t just something "set in stone" during your first relationship with a caregiver, but something that can actually alter and evolve later in life. I appreciated that the book didn't just focus on romantic relationships, but looked at how these dynamics affect every area of our lives. There are plenty of real-life examples throughout that show not just how people are affected by their attachment styles, but the actual changes they made that started to make a real difference. This is a great, practical update to existing books on attachment theory.

[Maria · Rating 2 out of 5]

Something is very off about this man

[Andrew Munden · Rating 2 out of 5]

Attached was so good, this is not.

First, it just feels like a big advertisement for his own methodology and treatment. A lot of branding and acronyms used over and over. The whole book could is covered in chapters 1 and 2. Then repeated. Strong vibe of needing to write a second book for money / influence.

Second, I disliked his chapters on anxious and avoidant. If you're anxious, you have a super power, and should cut anyone out of your life that triggers you. If you're avoidant, fuck you, be more secure. It felt weirdly biased and unhelpful.

Finally, I just found it a repetition of attached, and his solution to everything are his two little acronyms. So I finished the book feeling like I'd learned nothing about becoming more secure.

[Jane · Rating 2 out of 5]

I hoped this book would be as interesting as his first book on attachment theory, but it wasn't. I found the repetition of acronyms throughout the book annoying. (CAARP and SIMIs)

I do agree that it is "crucial to determine who's worthy of your time, energy, and resources. A lot is at stake" - figuring out who drains you with little return and who gives back in kind, so you both can grow makes such a difference in your life. "Surrounding yourself with the right people can make or break the course of your life." (page 187)

The book says, "life partners who feel supported find their partners more attractive and are drawn to them more." (page 188) I really wish I could find a supportive and loving partner.

The author mentions how "the strongest kind of relationships are the ones where people try to outdo each other in being helpful and caring" (page 190) - I love the idea of that, but I have never met a couple like that. Maybe one day I will experience this...

We all need to find the people who bring out the best in us and also return the favour back to them.

[Samantha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant. Even more insightful and useful than Attached, I will be buying a print copy to re-read it straight away so I can do the exercises. Particularly liked the updated research/theories on attachment theory, and the benefits of having an insecure attachment style not just the drawbacks.

[Rachel]

Brainwashing in 2026 continues…

[Esma · Rating 4 out of 5]

Goed boek: interessant en leerzaam, maar ‘attached’ (verbonden) van dezelfde schrijver vond ik vele malen beter en interessanter geschreven.

[Serafina Pike]

I liked the inclusion of the attachment style quiz as well as actionable steps to take to help make yourself feel more secure. A great resource for clients if you're doing attachment work.

[Dustin · Rating 5 out of 5]

If Amir Levine’s first book was the diagnostic, *Secure* is the operating manual. For anyone actively doing the work to transition into an Earned Secure baseline, this book moves past the basic pop-psychology labels and breaks down the actual somatic and neurobiological mechanics of how we connect.

I read this from the perspective of someone who operates with a 50/40/10 split (Secure/Anxious/Avoidant). What Levine does exceptionally well here is remove the shame from the insecure quadrants. By framing attachment through the lens of evolutionary biology, he makes it clear that a highly sensitized threat-detection system isn't a character flaw—it’s ancient survival hardware.

The most valuable takeaway is the CAARP framework (Consistency, Availability, Responsiveness, Reliability, Predictability). If you have a history of trauma bonds, your nervous system is likely wired to seek out high-voltage, chaotic connections that feel like a "rescue." CAARP replaces that emotional fog with a clean, objective diagnostic. You don't have to guess if someone is good for your nervous system; you just run the data. It forces you to build connections slowly through SIMIs (Seemingly Insignificant Minor Interactions) rather than shortcutting intimacy through oversharing.

Levine also clarifies the critical difference between activating strategies (the internal alarm bell of anxiety) and protest behaviors (the external actions we take to force a connection, like hyper-systematizing someone else's trauma or over-functioning to fix them). Understanding that difference allows you to observe the internal software running without executing the behavioral program.

His take on boundaries is a necessary correction to modern therapy speak. He points out that setting a boundary shouldn't be about dictating someone else's behavior and expecting them to fall in line. It’s simply defining your own secure perimeter. You stand in your space, put your oars down, and see if they can meet you there. If they can't, his "Appendix Rule" applies: you surgically deprioritize the connection.

A few later chapters dragged slightly if you are already in the "clear-cutting" phase of removing insecure dynamics from your life, but the structural protocols he introduces—like turn-based affect regulation during conflict—are incredibly useful.

Ultimately, this is a pragmatic blueprint for building a secure architecture. Applying it will likely shrink your social circle in the short term, but it ensures you stop wasting energy on leaky containers and bad foundations.

[Sophie · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is crazy making.
There’s a HUGE focus on managing other people‘s behavior and emotions which I have quite frankly no interest in doing. DNF

[Trish · Rating 4 out of 5]

Social connections are the greatest determinant to our physical and mental health, and the lack of meaningful social connections has a greater impact on our cardiovascular health than obesity or heart disease. Our connectedness also influences our longevity.

The five pillars of a connected life (CARRP):
Consistency; Availability; Responsiveness;
Reliability; Predictability

These are each crucial for SECURE connections.
Are you showing up for people with CARRP?

Immersion over prolonged periods of time in small but highly beneficial day to day interactions can change the brain. Being immersed in loving, attentive relationships can rewire the brain for secure attachment, even in an anxious attached brain.

Seeking out relationships with hyper-connectedness (based on CARRP) improves your quality of life and allows you to thrive and feel like life has meaning.

SIMI: Seemingly Insignificant Minor Interactions

Keep an eye out for CARRP SIMIs in everyday life, these build secure connections. Being the the company of trusted others is a fundamental way to regulate our emotions, feel safe, and build secure attachments.

Any perceived slight can ruin your entire day… so make sure that your relationships are HEALING forces in your life, filling your brain with energy (ACTUAL energy!), vs harmful and zapping your energy.

Anxious attachment (20% of people) — the first people to notice subtle changes in the emotional state of others. Their finely tuned nervous system picks up on social and environmental shifts faster and respond more strongly. They have a social hyper-vigilance and can pick up on danger, nuance, and subtlety that nobody else seems to even notice. These “perception super powers” can be very beneficial in business and negotiations.

The most powerful obstacles that keep anxious attachers from becoming secure: attachment gaslighting (internal or external) and the protest/regret cycle — being hard on yourself or toughing it out because of shame, feeling like “too much,” being mocked or dismissed by others, then trying too hard and feeling like everything is their fault….

How does an anxious attacher become secure? They need to fill their inner circles with CARRP friendships.

“Secures” can get along with anyone, but anxious attachers have a NEED (and ability) for a lot of closeness — which is paramount for their health and well-being.

I love that this book had suggestions to improve security and the ultimate hope that you CAN shift from a different attachment into a secure attachment — in general and in specific relationships. I listened to the audiobook, but it might have been better to actually read this one, to see the charts and assessments on paper, there are (free) assessments on his website, so I focused most on what he had to say about people with anxious attachment styles (me).

He talks about the “biological talents” of each attachment type, which is nice, because not having a secure attachment isn’t a life sentence…

Embracing your natural talents builds secure functioning by helping you stay true to yourself. Who you are is NOT an impediment; there are strengths to every attachment style, and leaning into that improves self esteem and overall life satisfaction.

Anxious attachment folks need to surround themselves with CARRP people in order to thrive. However, for someone with an avoidant attachment style, being surrounded by CARRP people who desire closeness will trigger their urge to flee.

Butting heads with your biology won’t change your circumstances; it will only make it harder to COPE. When you get your biological needs met, you can thrive.

Actively find a favorable habitat where your talents can flourish. If you *need* to be alone, don’t choose a career path where you are surrounded with people whenever you are at work. Focus on building a hyper-connected, secure environment to deepen your sense of meaning in life.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's an interesting and educational read. I'm not sure it would work for everyone, in fact I'm pretty sure I know of at least one person for whom it would be ineffective. Regardless of that, I really liked that the book enables the reader to evaluate themselves using tools created by the author. And there is a link available within the book that enables the evaluation tool to be used on the authors website, thereby saving the need to do any mathematics.

The book is divided into three sections:- PART I: The Secure Brain; PART II: Living in Secure Mode and PART III: The Secure Mind. It is necessary to read the book in a linear fashion to understand how the system works and how to use it. There are examples throughout which help with comprehension and invite responses to consolidate the learning.

I anticipate that most people will be able to read through once and then dip into the various sections to refresh memory and learning as needed.

When I completed the assessment of my attachment to various individuals, it was very much as I expected, which was reassuring. And should I wish to make changes to my relationships, I now have the tools I need to work towards that goal.

I found the tone of the author to be compassionate and caring about the wellbeing of others. Something that is really nice to come across in a scientific book.

I am thankful to the author, Random House UK, Cornerstone | Cornerstone Press and Netgalley for allowing me to read this book for free.

[Ink · Rating 4 out of 5]

Firstly, let me preface this review that I read this book form the mindset that they are there to provide suggestions and not definitive answers. I am pretty sure this is written from a more humanistic psychology perspective stringently backed up from the clinical and research psychology platform and as such reinforces the point that it is a suggestion over a decree

The tools for self-reflection are well structured along with a useful calculator online. At times it felt like a book to be worked through as opposed to a reference book, but this adds to the engagement with the themes in a structured, comprehensive form which begins with "The Secure Brain", leading to the practical "Living in Secure Mode" and elaborating with "The Secure Mind"

There is a fine balance between writing as a scientist and writing as an author and Levine is able to blend these two aspects into effective communication that would appeal to professionals and laymen alike, although it is predominantly aimed at those who seek to enrich their own lives by learning more about how they can connect with and maintain connections with others. A very interesting and engaging read

Thank you to Netgalley, the author and Random House UK, Cornerstone | Cornerstone Press for this fascinating ARC. My review is left voluntarily and all opinions are my own

[Josephine · Rating 4 out of 5]

With books of this style that I have read before (psychology, psychiatry and advice books) I have found them to be hit and miss. This is definitely a hit for me with the caveat that I am a firm believer that different approaches to advice and therapy will strike a chord with different people. You just have to find the approach that works best for you. But I definitely found this advice to be relevant and useful in my life. Building on his previous book, “Attached”, the author runs through his theory on how you can become more secure in all of your relationships whether they be in your career, your friendships, your romantic or your familial ones.

In terms of how it is written, it is a good mix of the scientific and practical. The author is clear with their explanations and uses great examples to further illustrate their meaning. I occasionally found parts of the book repetitive but I’m sure others will find that repetition useful.

Overall, I found this to be a really useful book and I will be using much of the advice given.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read this book.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I realise it's only April but this is my non-fiction book of the year so far! 🎉🎊 Everyone should read this book! It was such an insightful read.

It breaks down the attachment styles and explains how to change yours in an easy to understand way. It was also easy to read generally. It's not just your own attachment style it can help with it will help build and improve your relationships with people who have different styles to you.

I've always associated attachment styles with romantic relationships but it talks about with family and friends. I love how easy it was to understand how you can work to change to having a secure attachment style.

I know this book and what I've learned from it will stay with me for a long time. I do believe it's life changing what it can teach you! It's been a long time since I've been this excited about a non-fiction book! 💃🏻

I really enjoyed reading this book and found it incredibly empowering and enlightening. So much so I will buy a physical copy of the book to keep on my shelf and be able to refer back to. 😍 I'll definitely be checking out

[Sue Page · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted this to be a 5-star, life-transforming book, but I just couldn't gel with it enough. I did get some useful bits of information from it - the discussion around the genetic variation associated with avoidant behaviour in C. elegans was really interesting, but it didn't really go anywhere. Much of the book seems focused on anxious attachment styles - even most of the case studies used feature people with this type of attachment. Avoidants, on the other hand, seem just be told to make an effort to connect with people. That's not exactly ground-breaking advice! The heavy use of acronyms throughout the book irritated me - CARRP isn't exactly the most friendly feeling acronym (I just kept getting an image of a largely inedible fish!). Having said that, it was useful to complete the attachment style questionnaire, and there are a few little behavioural traits that I will try to implement. Overall, though, it feels a bit optimistic to think that people can dramatically change the security level in their life through this book alone.
Read it if: you want to learn how an anxious attachment style is a positive thing

[Morag Murray · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a holy grail book - it starts by sharing the benefits of being ‘secure’ and then, wonderfully, it shares that there is a way to achieve secure attachment in adulthood (and how to achieve this!). Written by a psychologist who has a special interest in this topic (hence his previous book ‘Attached’), it is essential reading for anyone wanting to work on themself.

Part 1 is all about attachment, connections, science, and evidence, but backed up with interesting anecdotes - this is a deep dive, so much information, all explained very clearly.

Part 2 discusses the insecure attachment styles and how to help these become secure. For those who are unsure, there is a quiz to find their attachment style, then the attachment strategies are discussed. As an avoidant type I found CARRP so helpful, beautifully straightforward and yes - possible to implement!

I love how supportive and non-judgement this book is - it made me feel understood!

My thanks to NetGalley, author and publisher for the opportunity to review this book in exchange for an advance copy.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with an ARC copy in exchange for an honest review.

I wanted to read this book to see if it would be helpful for myself personally, and there were definitely some interesting points throughout. The book includes a variety of activities and exercises to work through, which could be useful for readers wanting a more interactive approach.

There were also some thoughtful perspectives and ideas that gave me a different way of looking at certain things, and at times I did find the information informative and insightful.

However, I unfortunately found the book quite difficult to follow in places, and I ended up losing interest as I went along. While I can see how it may help other readers, I’m not entirely sure it was the right fit for me personally.

Overall, a mixed read with some valuable ideas, but one I struggled to fully connect with.

[Vera Avila · Rating 5 out of 5]

Secure – Dr. Amir Levine
Carrp + Simis really stood out to me in this. Consistent, available, responsive, reliable, predictable… that’s what actually creates emotional safety.

And Simis—those small everyday moments—are everything. Checking in, listening, remembering things, being kind. They seem insignificant but they build trust over time.

Made me realize how much it can feel like playing tennis against a wall when it’s not mutual… when someone isn’t showing up the same way. Deprioritize those relationships and let them fade in the background!!

Also important: even secure people can get destabilized, especially with things like gaslighting, which can lead to protest behavior.

The book highlights all attachment styles and really shows how secure relationships aren’t about grand gestures, they’re built through consistency in the small things.

Big takeaway for me—prioritize relationships that feel safe, not draining. 😊🔅

[Hanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley for my free review copy.

As an A-Level Psychology teacher, a book about attachment was right up my street. I already know a lot about the research; what the different attachment types are, how they form, what it looks like in childhood/adolescence/adulthood. What I didn't really know was how to change your attachment type (a question my students requently ask). Now I feel I can put them in the direction of an easily accessible book with tips they can understand. In particular, I liked how Levine tried to steer away from the negativity surronding insecure attachments (as someone with an insecure attachment to her parents!) and saw it not an issue that needing immediate fixing as such but as a different way of interpreting situations. I also liked how Levine centred it around social interaction, almost from a client-centered therapy perspective: it felt like he was cheering everyone on. This is definitely a book I will recommend.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I went in thinking this would be an attachment styles update, which it is, but also so much more! There were so many interesting insights and valuable tools, but the chapter on causality alone was a turning point for me. It helps you look at your past from a scientist's lens instead of the usual common psychology perspective, and it totally changed how I think about some old hurts I'd been carrying around and made me feel less burdened and more hopeful. I wasn't expecting that. It even has an exercise that invites you to reflect on your childhood in that way, which I did, and found useful. Most relationship books give you frameworks to apply to others. This book gives you frameworks to apply to yourself as well as with others, which is harder but more useful. Chapter 10 is a must read for anyone who wants to understand themselves and their past better. Life changing.

[Cheyenne Curl · Rating 2 out of 5]

Didn’t really learn much that I didn’t already know. Some aspects are straight up questionable. Encouraging using AI almost felt like a joke. Also telling anxious attachments that they’re actually just extra perceptive and “right” might do more harm than good. Maybe that’s true but in my opinion that rhetoric just enables that behavior and the focus should be on how to eradicate it, because ultimately being right and being able to predict certain events won’t save you from the grief. Also saying that anxious attachments may need a million different friends and hobbies to stay satisfied - also probably true, but shouldn’t you learn how to feel secure when you’re alone? To find peace in your own mind? Lots of things in here just felt like very surface level treatments instead of proposing permanent changes to how an individual operates.

[Gabriella · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars. I really loved this, both as a standalone and as a follow up to Attached. I felt it was well written, perfecting the balancing act between scientific information and accessibility for the average reader while still being informative, offering different insights and development opportunities. I also loved that this covered anxious, avoidant and fearful avoidant with examples of all and exercises for all.

I can safely say this will be one I’ll refer back to (particularly for CARRP) and will be getting a physical copy once released.

Finally, while all views are 100% my own I do need to thank NetGalley & publisher Cornerstone for the advanced copy and early opportunity to read & review!

[Julie Simons · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like the lack of pathologizing and discussing the lack of definitive evidence of causation from childhood experiences to adult attachment. I especially appreciated the discussion and explanation on avoidant attachment and how it shows up in relationships. The positive reframing approach was refreshing. But much of the advice I found too reductive , obvious or unrealistic. Also, understand the author’s decision to create acronyms & catchy labels like carp and spiel, but I personally found them distracting (although other people may find them very helpful). Helping people with insecure attachments to be more accepting of themselves and empowering them to change situations when they can in order accommodate their attachment needs seems a helpful approach overall.

[Katie McMurran · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book helped me reframe some of my behaviors and feelings, so I’m giving it a 4-star rating. I thought it was a worthwhile read and have recommended it to a few friends. However, like other reviewers, I also found it oversimplified at times. I also kept waiting for advice on where to find professional help for attachment trauma/issues. While I understand the importance of focusing on CARRP relationships (the author’s term), what happens if your current social circle doesn't include people like that? I’d argue that depending on your attachment style, you might actually be drawn to people who are not CARRP, which makes applying this advice much more challenging.
By the time the author recommended turning to LLMs for support, I was pretty disappointed.

[Heather Jones · Rating 3 out of 5]

First off I will say that I write reviews from the perspective of how it relates to me. Three stars maybe harsh, but for me, it was concepts that I’ve heard just with a different coat on. There were a few great points and I was left craving more info and more “how to”. I felt that there wasn’t enough dedicated to the what’s next of after you decipher your attachment style. Too much convincing that it’s even a thing and complex (seemingly via audiobook) algorithms to find out what your style is.
I probably won’t listen to it again but I am also glad to hear it. It had some good nuggets and great reminders.

[Chrissann Nickel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I find attachment theory not only deeply fascinating, but something that has helped me understand myself and how I interact with the world and other people better.

The author’s first book, Attached, is one of the best books I’ve read on attachment theory, and so I was super excited to see this new release. This one is a good companion to the first; I wouldn’t read this without reading that one beforehand.

There are some practical tips and insights in here, but it’s more of a perspective-shifter, and about learning to appreciate and harness what’s unique about yourself. The author’s podcast appearances in promoting this book were also great, and useful supplementary material.