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Leave Your Mess at Home
Longe, eldest daughter, estranged from the family, is secretly back home in Chicago for the first time in a decade. She’s a newly single and recently disgraced influencer trying to quietly put her life back together again. The other three Longe siblings aren't doing much better.
Anjola is in love with her best friend, who just got engaged to someone else; Karen, a college junior and the baby of the family, is grappling with her sexuality and self-image; and Ola, the golden child with a baby of his own on the way, is questioning his marriage and how to raise a Black son in America.
Sola’s unexpected return sets them on a crash course towards each other, and when the four siblings find themselves together again at their Nigerian immigrant parents' Thanksgiving table, a decade’s worth of secrets and a lifetime of resentments explode to the fore.
In the wreckage of their fateful reunion, each Longe is forced to reckon with the past, take stock of what really matters, and find a way back to each other. Big-hearted, hilarious, and poignant, Leave Your Mess At Home is an insightful debut about forgiveness, unconditional love, and becoming who you want to be, asking the what do we owe to our families, and what do we owe to ourselves?
Anjola is in love with her best friend, who just got engaged to someone else; Karen, a college junior and the baby of the family, is grappling with her sexuality and self-image; and Ola, the golden child with a baby of his own on the way, is questioning his marriage and how to raise a Black son in America.
Sola’s unexpected return sets them on a crash course towards each other, and when the four siblings find themselves together again at their Nigerian immigrant parents' Thanksgiving table, a decade’s worth of secrets and a lifetime of resentments explode to the fore.
In the wreckage of their fateful reunion, each Longe is forced to reckon with the past, take stock of what really matters, and find a way back to each other. Big-hearted, hilarious, and poignant, Leave Your Mess At Home is an insightful debut about forgiveness, unconditional love, and becoming who you want to be, asking the what do we owe to our families, and what do we owe to ourselves?
384 pages, Hardcover
First published April 14, 2026
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 595 reviews
July 7, 2026
words to live by.
https://emmareadstoomuch.substack.com...
i was nervous when i realized this book followed all four distant children in a family in turmoil, because i am a multi-pov skeptic.
but i never should have doubted my love of reading books about siblings.
this managed to be deep and complicated while following so many different threads, achieved silliness in the midst of seriousness, contained countless tragedies without feeling melodramatic (almost all of the time).
bottom line: what a great read!
(thanks to the publisher for the e-arc)
https://emmareadstoomuch.substack.com...
i was nervous when i realized this book followed all four distant children in a family in turmoil, because i am a multi-pov skeptic.
but i never should have doubted my love of reading books about siblings.
this managed to be deep and complicated while following so many different threads, achieved silliness in the midst of seriousness, contained countless tragedies without feeling melodramatic (almost all of the time).
bottom line: what a great read!
(thanks to the publisher for the e-arc)
August 1, 2026
MESSSSSSSSSY. 4 siblings and they are all going through SOMETHING. Not the closest but thanksgiving finally brings them all back together and everything finally comes out. This book explores finding one’s self identity, grief, parental issues and pressure, relationship woes, exploration of what can family can be once forgiveness is on the table.
BUT THEIR MAMA…. SHE WAS THE PROBLEM
BUT THEIR MAMA…. SHE WAS THE PROBLEM
April 21, 2026
Overall I enjoyed this novel about four Nigerian siblings living in Chicago. Sola, the eldest daughter, is back home for the first time after having been estranged from her family. Anjola, the second eldest daughter, is in love with her best friend who is getting married to someone else. Karen, a college junior and the youngest sibling is confronting her sexuality and who she wants to be in this stage of her life. And Ola, the only male sibling, has mixed feelings about embarking on the journey of fatherhood with his wife. Sola’s return to the family after many years away catalyzes changes that force each of the siblings to figure out who they are and what they’re willing to go for in each of their messy lives.
There were several elements of this novel that I really liked. First, I felt that Tolani Akinola nailed the family estrangement dynamic with Sola. Loved reading about how she navigated that and how her siblings responded, took accountability, grew in their understanding, etc. Each character also had a respectable growth arc (Ola’s I was kinda eh about, I think the ambivalence about being a parent could have been more richly explored, it was okay though.) Sola coming into herself after being in a mid interracial relationship, Anjola confronting her desires, and Karen developing confidence in herself and her sexuality were all moving and meaningful. Props to Akinola to writing a positive portrayal of therapy within Sola’s arc, and I was deeply in my feels about how Anjola’s story ended up because it was so relatable as an accomplished person who unfortunately still does not have everything I want in life.
The main constructive critique I have about this book is that I did find the writing style a bit predictable and not that exciting, especially for the first half of the book. For the first half of the book I was pretty certain I would give it a 3-3.5 at the highest. However, the way things came together for each of the characters in the second half impressed me enough for me to give it four stars instead. And, appreciated that Akinola truly decentered white characters/white love interests and focused on Black/Nigerian characters in this novel. If you’re into realistic fiction about family and relationships, you may want to check this one out!
There were several elements of this novel that I really liked. First, I felt that Tolani Akinola nailed the family estrangement dynamic with Sola. Loved reading about how she navigated that and how her siblings responded, took accountability, grew in their understanding, etc. Each character also had a respectable growth arc (Ola’s I was kinda eh about, I think the ambivalence about being a parent could have been more richly explored, it was okay though.) Sola coming into herself after being in a mid interracial relationship, Anjola confronting her desires, and Karen developing confidence in herself and her sexuality were all moving and meaningful. Props to Akinola to writing a positive portrayal of therapy within Sola’s arc, and I was deeply in my feels about how Anjola’s story ended up because it was so relatable as an accomplished person who unfortunately still does not have everything I want in life.
The main constructive critique I have about this book is that I did find the writing style a bit predictable and not that exciting, especially for the first half of the book. For the first half of the book I was pretty certain I would give it a 3-3.5 at the highest. However, the way things came together for each of the characters in the second half impressed me enough for me to give it four stars instead. And, appreciated that Akinola truly decentered white characters/white love interests and focused on Black/Nigerian characters in this novel. If you’re into realistic fiction about family and relationships, you may want to check this one out!
June 3, 2026
4.25 What a beautiful mess of a family! Leave Your Mess at Home invites us into the lives of three sisters, one brother, and parents who are all dealing with their own complex baggage. Following this Nigerian-American family from childhood into the present day means experiencing all of their joys, pain, struggles, separation, and eventual coming together.
The standout for me was the father—his dancing, joy, warmth, and unconditional acceptance of his children exactly as they are was so beautiful to read. There is some deep, unexpected heartbreak in these pages, but I ultimately loved it. An incredible debut.
The standout for me was the father—his dancing, joy, warmth, and unconditional acceptance of his children exactly as they are was so beautiful to read. There is some deep, unexpected heartbreak in these pages, but I ultimately loved it. An incredible debut.
July 29, 2026
I really, really enjoyed this book. As someone who doesn't always get along with multi-POV books, I think this one was really well done. All of the siblings are distinct and have their own mess to deal with, the sibling relationship feels so real and honest. I found the ending to be a little bit neat, hence this not being a 5 star for me personally, but I highly recommend this one and definitely think it's a contender for favorites of the year
Watch me discuss this more in my wrap up: https://youtu.be/-0xKTojtvME
Watch me discuss this more in my wrap up: https://youtu.be/-0xKTojtvME
July 31, 2026
Leave Your Mess at Home was the contemporary family drama I really needed. I’ll always love a messy family story, but this one took it to a much deeper level for me. I really loved the Longe siblings. After getting to know each of them in the beginning, you really start to see just how different their first-gen experiences were and how those experiences shaped the people they became.
I especially felt for Sola. Learning everything she had been through and watching her slowly grow beyond it was honestly everything. And I loved seeing the other siblings come to terms with their own flaws, take accountability, and realize they all wanted to do better. And not just for themselves, but for each other. 🥲🫶🏽
I especially felt for Sola. Learning everything she had been through and watching her slowly grow beyond it was honestly everything. And I loved seeing the other siblings come to terms with their own flaws, take accountability, and realize they all wanted to do better. And not just for themselves, but for each other. 🥲🫶🏽
September 24, 2025
4.5 ☆
This was simply beautiful. Heartbreaking, thought-provoking, and oh so real.
First, I liked the writing. This is written in third person limited from the prospective of each sibling (and even the mother getting her own chapter). I feel that this prospective was perfect to tell this story as it allowed me to properly observe the story as if I were in the room or walking alongside the characters.
Each person was messy and imperfect and at times incredibly unlikeable and that just made me enjoy their journey's that much more. They weren't created to be liked, but you couldn't help but love and feel for them because of how realistic they were. While I couldn't relate to the characters' main struggles, I found bits in each that truly spoke to me. I couldn't help but to root for them.
I'd say the ending was bittersweet. They spent a lot of time angry, confused, and insecure and yes, there was some goodness at the end, but I saw it as the beginning of their journeys. They still have a ways to go of accepting themselves, healing relationships, etc. and I like that thought more than everything being okay at the end. Healing is a long journey and I think the author did a great job of showing that.
There were even funny moments! It was nice to laugh away some of my tears.
Utterly unputdownable and amazing for a debut. Everyone should definitely give it a read.
** There's not a TWs page but be mindful that there are mentions of child molestation, chastisement, and abuse. They're not incredibly detailed and the mentions are brief, but they are there.
Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for access to this ARC in exchange for a review!
⤷ Fave quotes:
• 'Knowing what she wants out of life is a hard thing. If she had to describe what she's done so far to, say, a blank-faced God on Judgement Day, she thinks she would say it's mostly been a mixture of what she's been told to do and what seems right. Want is something else entirely.'
• 'She realizes that she keeps trying to bargain herself into the life designed for her and then making small compromises to inch outside of it.'
• 'Learning this late that love takes kindling and stoking work, diligent effort, that it isn't just handed to you? The same way she's had to learn, this late, that she even deserves love at all?
This was simply beautiful. Heartbreaking, thought-provoking, and oh so real.
First, I liked the writing. This is written in third person limited from the prospective of each sibling (and even the mother getting her own chapter). I feel that this prospective was perfect to tell this story as it allowed me to properly observe the story as if I were in the room or walking alongside the characters.
Each person was messy and imperfect and at times incredibly unlikeable and that just made me enjoy their journey's that much more. They weren't created to be liked, but you couldn't help but love and feel for them because of how realistic they were. While I couldn't relate to the characters' main struggles, I found bits in each that truly spoke to me. I couldn't help but to root for them.
I'd say the ending was bittersweet. They spent a lot of time angry, confused, and insecure and yes, there was some goodness at the end, but I saw it as the beginning of their journeys. They still have a ways to go of accepting themselves, healing relationships, etc. and I like that thought more than everything being okay at the end. Healing is a long journey and I think the author did a great job of showing that.
There were even funny moments! It was nice to laugh away some of my tears.
Utterly unputdownable and amazing for a debut. Everyone should definitely give it a read.
** There's not a TWs page but be mindful that there are mentions of child molestation, chastisement, and abuse. They're not incredibly detailed and the mentions are brief, but they are there.
Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for access to this ARC in exchange for a review!
⤷ Fave quotes:
• 'Knowing what she wants out of life is a hard thing. If she had to describe what she's done so far to, say, a blank-faced God on Judgement Day, she thinks she would say it's mostly been a mixture of what she's been told to do and what seems right. Want is something else entirely.'
• 'She realizes that she keeps trying to bargain herself into the life designed for her and then making small compromises to inch outside of it.'
• 'Learning this late that love takes kindling and stoking work, diligent effort, that it isn't just handed to you? The same way she's had to learn, this late, that she even deserves love at all?
June 10, 2026
Am I enough?
Is love enough?
What must one sacrifice to even be considered enough?
Leave Your Mess at Home is as unavoidable as death and taxes. It is layered with trauma, the idea that hurt people hurt people, and screams how sacred but lonely culture can be. In this story, we are introduced to four siblings raised in the same Nigerian household, yet they are worlds apart. Their mother's way of raising her children strangles their adulthood to the point that they do not know how to love themselves or others.
As a reader, my perspective on the characters changed throughout the story (besides Ola), but the vulnerability of each character when telling their POV makes you feel seen. Whether it is the defensive mechanisms Sola has shielded herself with, the inward shell Karen has retreated into, the arrogance Ola hides behind, or Anjola, the one who follows the plan even though the jail she has encaged herself in can only be unlocked by her, Leave Your Mess at Home feels so close that it is practically at my doorstep.
All four siblings have grown distant, fighting their own internal battles while their mother plays puppet master and their father just wants peace. But how can he be afforded that when he is unaware of what was happening in his own household? Through this journey, we discuss culture, sexuality, abuse, forbidden love, loss, new life, and what forgiveness can look like, even when it should not be afforded to someone.
Individual healing takes place, but things will never be the same. How can they be when the damage is done? So you move forward. Move forward with stronger connections, but also without people you once held dear.
“She considers that maybe she deserves the loneliness that always finds her, that no one can really stand to hold the weight of her heart.”
And even in that loneliness, we still want love. Love of self. Love of others. But it takes courage, and sometimes words left unsaid.
Is love enough?
What must one sacrifice to even be considered enough?
Leave Your Mess at Home is as unavoidable as death and taxes. It is layered with trauma, the idea that hurt people hurt people, and screams how sacred but lonely culture can be. In this story, we are introduced to four siblings raised in the same Nigerian household, yet they are worlds apart. Their mother's way of raising her children strangles their adulthood to the point that they do not know how to love themselves or others.
As a reader, my perspective on the characters changed throughout the story (besides Ola), but the vulnerability of each character when telling their POV makes you feel seen. Whether it is the defensive mechanisms Sola has shielded herself with, the inward shell Karen has retreated into, the arrogance Ola hides behind, or Anjola, the one who follows the plan even though the jail she has encaged herself in can only be unlocked by her, Leave Your Mess at Home feels so close that it is practically at my doorstep.
All four siblings have grown distant, fighting their own internal battles while their mother plays puppet master and their father just wants peace. But how can he be afforded that when he is unaware of what was happening in his own household? Through this journey, we discuss culture, sexuality, abuse, forbidden love, loss, new life, and what forgiveness can look like, even when it should not be afforded to someone.
Individual healing takes place, but things will never be the same. How can they be when the damage is done? So you move forward. Move forward with stronger connections, but also without people you once held dear.
“She considers that maybe she deserves the loneliness that always finds her, that no one can really stand to hold the weight of her heart.”
And even in that loneliness, we still want love. Love of self. Love of others. But it takes courage, and sometimes words left unsaid.
May 23, 2026
4.5 stars*
Trigger warning: eldest daughters in African households 😭 proceed with caution reading this one. Phew.
The Longe family is a mess and unfortunately they did not leave that mess at home. It followed each of the siblings into adulthood and is now manifesting in ways they’re individually struggling to understand.
This is one of those stories that perfectly captures how siblings can grow up in the same household with the same parents and still experience completely different versions of childhood.
The story follows four siblings: Sola, Ola, Anjola, and Karen. Sola, the eldest daughter and family “black sheep,” ran away as a teenager and returns home years later after becoming a disgraced influencer trying to rebuild her life. Ola, the only son and golden child, seems to have everything together on paper but is quietly struggling with marriage and impending fatherhood. Anjola has spent her life trying to compensate for Sola’s “mistakes” by following every rule possible, while Karen, the youngest, is navigating identity, self-image, and sexuality.
When Sola unexpectedly returns home to Chicago, the siblings are forced to confront the adults they’ve become, the dysfunction between them, and the roles they all played within the family. And when they all end up together for Thanksgiving with their parents… catastrophic doesn’t even begin to describe it.
This book was hard, emotional, and funny all at once. Hard because of the portrayal of abuse disguised as tough love. Emotional because of the way it shapes someone’s understanding of themselves and their relationships. And funny because wherever there are Nigerian siblings, trust the banter will still prevail!!
What a debut.
Trigger warning: eldest daughters in African households 😭 proceed with caution reading this one. Phew.
The Longe family is a mess and unfortunately they did not leave that mess at home. It followed each of the siblings into adulthood and is now manifesting in ways they’re individually struggling to understand.
This is one of those stories that perfectly captures how siblings can grow up in the same household with the same parents and still experience completely different versions of childhood.
The story follows four siblings: Sola, Ola, Anjola, and Karen. Sola, the eldest daughter and family “black sheep,” ran away as a teenager and returns home years later after becoming a disgraced influencer trying to rebuild her life. Ola, the only son and golden child, seems to have everything together on paper but is quietly struggling with marriage and impending fatherhood. Anjola has spent her life trying to compensate for Sola’s “mistakes” by following every rule possible, while Karen, the youngest, is navigating identity, self-image, and sexuality.
When Sola unexpectedly returns home to Chicago, the siblings are forced to confront the adults they’ve become, the dysfunction between them, and the roles they all played within the family. And when they all end up together for Thanksgiving with their parents… catastrophic doesn’t even begin to describe it.
This book was hard, emotional, and funny all at once. Hard because of the portrayal of abuse disguised as tough love. Emotional because of the way it shapes someone’s understanding of themselves and their relationships. And funny because wherever there are Nigerian siblings, trust the banter will still prevail!!
What a debut.
July 22, 2026
I thoroughly enjoyed this debut novel by Tolani Akinola. It really is a case study in how cultural upbringing and trauma can manifest differently in siblings despite overlapping experiences. Every character carried their own mess and the reckoning that occurs is heavy, endearing, and entertaining. Definitely a bit trope heavy. The way some of the storylines wrapped up were a little too neat. I came up with alternate endings in my head for Ola and Neil. Loser behavior from these two. 🫠
I need a physical copy asap!
I need a physical copy asap!
May 4, 2026
Brb I’m crying 🥹
April 2, 2026
I don’t believe in perfect books but this one is making me reevaluate that. A perfect story of family, sibling relationships, culture, immigrant families, the courage to be yourself, and more.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for this arc in exchange for honest opinion.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for this arc in exchange for honest opinion.
July 10, 2026
Really enjoyed this debut novel about the messy family dynamic and lives of four second generation Chicago based Nigerian-Americans. The writing and storytelling were engaging and fresh. While this is a story about family, it also manages to seamlessly infuse lots of current day social issues that lend to it and add realism.
The characters were all beautifully developed and it was quick how invested I became in all of them. The story pace covers a short period of time but with all characters looking back through time at decisions and experiences that contributed to where and how they have landed in their current lives.
For the most part I was unsure where the tale would take me. There was one plot point that I could see coming a mile away but the nice part was I couldn't predict how this would impact the storyline and characters. I hope we see more from this author!
Rate 4.5 Stars Rounded Up to 5
Disclosure: Received an uncorrected ARC of this book through NetGalley from Pamela Dorman Books/ Viking/Penguin Random House LLC (Thank you!) in exchange for an honest review.
The characters were all beautifully developed and it was quick how invested I became in all of them. The story pace covers a short period of time but with all characters looking back through time at decisions and experiences that contributed to where and how they have landed in their current lives.
For the most part I was unsure where the tale would take me. There was one plot point that I could see coming a mile away but the nice part was I couldn't predict how this would impact the storyline and characters. I hope we see more from this author!
Rate 4.5 Stars Rounded Up to 5
Disclosure: Received an uncorrected ARC of this book through NetGalley from Pamela Dorman Books/ Viking/Penguin Random House LLC (Thank you!) in exchange for an honest review.
April 13, 2026
Thank you to Viking Penguin, Pamela Dorman Books, and NetGalley for the eARC! Greatly appreciated :)
This book's bittersweet story about the lives of Ola, Sola, Anjola, and Karen navigating their lives of being children of Nigerian immigrants was something fresh and in a way, very inspiring and relatable. I lowkey feel that I resonated most with Karen, especially with trying to be the person my mother wants me to be but wanting to pave her own path and do what feels right for her. Her also being a lesbian black woman also made her story all the more interesting and relatable, but everyone's stories and how they intertwined with each other and how their parents shaped their lives and relationships with others.....wow.
This book was so well written and even though I'm not really well versed with familial contemporary fiction, this is was very well done. Reading about Sola's story was so heartbreaking, and I felt like a could relate to each of the sibling's experiences. From Anjola having feelings for a best friend of years who loves someone else, to Ola's experience of never really knowing or feeling adequate enough as a partner, to Sola's experience of always being the one who had to be the prim and proper child and always being on the receiving end of her mother's scorn, and to Karen's experience of her feelings towards women and feeling like she has to fit in a certain box to be validated and appreciated by her mother.....just wow. Akinola did her BIG ONE with this one. For this to be a debut.....is absolutely incredible and impressive.
This book's bittersweet story about the lives of Ola, Sola, Anjola, and Karen navigating their lives of being children of Nigerian immigrants was something fresh and in a way, very inspiring and relatable. I lowkey feel that I resonated most with Karen, especially with trying to be the person my mother wants me to be but wanting to pave her own path and do what feels right for her. Her also being a lesbian black woman also made her story all the more interesting and relatable, but everyone's stories and how they intertwined with each other and how their parents shaped their lives and relationships with others.....wow.
This book was so well written and even though I'm not really well versed with familial contemporary fiction, this is was very well done. Reading about Sola's story was so heartbreaking, and I felt like a could relate to each of the sibling's experiences. From Anjola having feelings for a best friend of years who loves someone else, to Ola's experience of never really knowing or feeling adequate enough as a partner, to Sola's experience of always being the one who had to be the prim and proper child and always being on the receiving end of her mother's scorn, and to Karen's experience of her feelings towards women and feeling like she has to fit in a certain box to be validated and appreciated by her mother.....just wow. Akinola did her BIG ONE with this one. For this to be a debut.....is absolutely incredible and impressive.
April 30, 2026
If you are a fan of dysfunctional family fiction, this was an interesting read. Plenty of drama, secrets, etc told from the various viewpoints of most of the major characters. There is some strong emotional content. Because there is a reference to childhood abuse, I do wish a page with a trigger warning had been included. Otherwise, well written for the genre.
June 30, 2026
4.5 star 🥹😭😭
September 3, 2025
Such an impressive debut novel. It's so good that it really is hard to believe that this multi perspective book from four Nigerian American siblings is this author's first published work. This contained multitudes about a family who is at odds with each when the prodigal daughter returns home for Thanksgiving. There are so many secrets and truths withheld, but what was truly touching, is when each learned the difference between perceived love and actual love. The ending is exceptionally strong and I really loved how each of the siblings grew into and within themselves.
I received an arc from the publisher but all opinions are my own.
I received an arc from the publisher but all opinions are my own.
July 25, 2026
I loved this book! Especially the audio.
I'm always going to fall for a family saga/ drama with strong character development and engaging storylines.
Each of the siblings felt like family. Nigerian cousins. They each had their own crosses to bear and I was here for all of it! When family secrets are revealed and tragedy strikes, they can either come together or be driven further apart.
Excellent book!
I'm always going to fall for a family saga/ drama with strong character development and engaging storylines.
Each of the siblings felt like family. Nigerian cousins. They each had their own crosses to bear and I was here for all of it! When family secrets are revealed and tragedy strikes, they can either come together or be driven further apart.
Excellent book!
June 30, 2026
As dysfunctional families go, this one is right up there, and for about the first two-thirds of the novel, the author takes her time in exploring all their individual and collective conflicts…thus the frustratingly slow pace of the story (and the repetition of key scenes from different perspectives doesn’t really help in that regard). When finally something (melo)dramatic happens, the pace picks up…but here the novel becomes more or less predictable, and the ending is too pat for my taste. I appreciated the view into this family’s multidimensional immigrant experience and the cross-cultural currents the author explores…but I never fully connected with the characters or their different journeys.
March 27, 2026
Review of advanced reader copy received from NetGalley
Leave Your Mess At Home by Tolani Akinola is a dynamic read that explores the adult lives of four siblings raised by Nigerian immigrant parents.
While we all have our own family experiences, many readers will feel seen by how Akinola masterfully captures the different layers of belonging, love, individualism, jealousy, hate, and fear that unfold throughout family life. Throughout this book, each sibling is forced to confront their past while also trying to understand who they want to be in the future.
What I loved about this book is how it doesn’t shy away from some of the hard stuff, like tense mother-daughter relationships, identity crises about who you are rather than who your family wants you to be, and confronting racial bias. I found myself emotionally invested in Sola’s story. Not because I had the same experiences, but because I know so many older daughters have to carry so much of what they don’t ask for.
Overall, this is an engaging read I’d recommend to solo readers and book clubs, as there are many themes to explore that could keep you talking for hours!
Thank you NetGalley for an advanced reader copy of this book.
Leave Your Mess At Home by Tolani Akinola is a dynamic read that explores the adult lives of four siblings raised by Nigerian immigrant parents.
While we all have our own family experiences, many readers will feel seen by how Akinola masterfully captures the different layers of belonging, love, individualism, jealousy, hate, and fear that unfold throughout family life. Throughout this book, each sibling is forced to confront their past while also trying to understand who they want to be in the future.
What I loved about this book is how it doesn’t shy away from some of the hard stuff, like tense mother-daughter relationships, identity crises about who you are rather than who your family wants you to be, and confronting racial bias. I found myself emotionally invested in Sola’s story. Not because I had the same experiences, but because I know so many older daughters have to carry so much of what they don’t ask for.
Overall, this is an engaging read I’d recommend to solo readers and book clubs, as there are many themes to explore that could keep you talking for hours!
Thank you NetGalley for an advanced reader copy of this book.
December 1, 2025
PERFECT.
May 26, 2026
The arthur touched on many hard topics in the Diaspora.
This was one of those books that irritated me if I had to put it down to do ANYTHING! 👌🏿😄
This was one of those books that irritated me if I had to put it down to do ANYTHING! 👌🏿😄
July 17, 2026
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ This was such a good family drama. Every sibling was carrying their own pain, and I loved how the story peeled back the layers little by little instead of giving everything away at once. By the end, I understood every character so much better—especially Sola. The conversations felt real, the emotions hit, and the ending brought everything together beautifully. Definitely a 5-star read. ❤️📚
July 30, 2026
4.75 stars for the best book I’ve read so far this year
June 6, 2026
This was a slow burn. In fact, there were multiple times in the first 100 pages that I almost gave up. Despite its Chicago setting, I struggled to connect to the characters and to the family story. I’m not sure if it was the smattering of Yoruba language that got in my way or the “unlikability” of these siblings, but I struggled to find empathy.
And then, suddenly, I was hooked. Their humanity shone through and I felt their individual struggles to find their identity in this confusing world. Their immigrant story started to make sense. I rooted for each of them to find the key to unlock their relationships with themselves and with each other. I flew through the middle third.
And, without spoiling anything, I admire this author’s courage in refusing to tie everything up, refusing to make everyone likable and refusing to provide entirely tidy endings. But, the ending felt rushed to me - the characters’ maturing and development a little convenient. I wasn’t completely satisfied.
She considers that maybe she deserves the loneliness that always finds her, that no one can really stand to hold the weight of her heart.
And then, suddenly, I was hooked. Their humanity shone through and I felt their individual struggles to find their identity in this confusing world. Their immigrant story started to make sense. I rooted for each of them to find the key to unlock their relationships with themselves and with each other. I flew through the middle third.
It seems like the kind of love that has no duplicate, forged by divine, expert blacksmith hands. It's the kind that traverses sea and country and still endures,the kind that makes four children and struggles to eke out a living and still tries to make time for itself when it can. Not everyone finds this, she thinks; it is not guaranteed.
And, without spoiling anything, I admire this author’s courage in refusing to tie everything up, refusing to make everyone likable and refusing to provide entirely tidy endings. But, the ending felt rushed to me - the characters’ maturing and development a little convenient. I wasn’t completely satisfied.
She forgives Ols because she knows now that he is just like her: messy, unsure of his place in the world, striving to make it to somewhere only God knows.
May 19, 2026
It is a lucky thing to get a 5 star read like this! I love a family drama and this was thrillingly entertaining.
Count me in for any story about the weight of generational expectations, especially in families of first generation Americans. Honestly, I can’t even imagine the pressure that some parents can place on their children, pressing down on them with the constant underlying sentiment of “we uprooted our lives, we came to America, we gave up everything so that you could have it all, so you better go out and be a doctor and if you’re not a doctor and if you’re not perfect then you may no longer be worthy of my love.” It’s amazing that people can come out of childhoods with the weight of those expectations and still be sane, productive members of society, still actively participating in their families and carrying on loving relationships.
All four siblings in Leave Your Mess at Home were flawed, but so endearing. Ola’s struggle was particularly fascinating to me. Men suffer tremendously in patriarchal societies. They are told that their worth and superiority is intrinsic because of their gender which ends up being a form of brainwashing that keeps them in turmoil - conflicted, unable to be their authentic selves. As Ola notes he was “teetering along parallel paths” code-switching between the authentic self and the ingrained role.
The Thanksgiving dinner scene has the most fascinating line-by-line, emotion-by-emotion, subtext-by-subtext showcase of a dysfunctional family dynamic. The writing is tense and insightful throughout the entire novel, but that scene in particular was superb. It is a very special writerly skill to be able to make the reader feel both disappointment in and empathy for every character in a scene that has eight characters. She unveils the motivations behind their defensiveness and bravado while letting you watch the siblings slowly devolve into their adolescent archetypes, the kindly patriarch slowly pull his head out of the sand, and the matriarch finally reveal all her nastiness.
Tolani Akinola gives us a whole dissertation in a page-turning banger of a book. In addition to the depths she plumbs to show an immigrant Nigerian-American family dynamic, there’s deep commentary here on intra-family relationships (ie mothers and daughters), multiple love stories playing out - one new love with self discovery, one old love with maturing/moving on, and she even gives us debates about the black American experience vs the black first generation experience and the striations and resentments therein. I’m wildly impressed with books that can do this much and never lose the thread of story authenticity.
Count me in for any story about the weight of generational expectations, especially in families of first generation Americans. Honestly, I can’t even imagine the pressure that some parents can place on their children, pressing down on them with the constant underlying sentiment of “we uprooted our lives, we came to America, we gave up everything so that you could have it all, so you better go out and be a doctor and if you’re not a doctor and if you’re not perfect then you may no longer be worthy of my love.” It’s amazing that people can come out of childhoods with the weight of those expectations and still be sane, productive members of society, still actively participating in their families and carrying on loving relationships.
All four siblings in Leave Your Mess at Home were flawed, but so endearing. Ola’s struggle was particularly fascinating to me. Men suffer tremendously in patriarchal societies. They are told that their worth and superiority is intrinsic because of their gender which ends up being a form of brainwashing that keeps them in turmoil - conflicted, unable to be their authentic selves. As Ola notes he was “teetering along parallel paths” code-switching between the authentic self and the ingrained role.
The Thanksgiving dinner scene has the most fascinating line-by-line, emotion-by-emotion, subtext-by-subtext showcase of a dysfunctional family dynamic. The writing is tense and insightful throughout the entire novel, but that scene in particular was superb. It is a very special writerly skill to be able to make the reader feel both disappointment in and empathy for every character in a scene that has eight characters. She unveils the motivations behind their defensiveness and bravado while letting you watch the siblings slowly devolve into their adolescent archetypes, the kindly patriarch slowly pull his head out of the sand, and the matriarch finally reveal all her nastiness.
Tolani Akinola gives us a whole dissertation in a page-turning banger of a book. In addition to the depths she plumbs to show an immigrant Nigerian-American family dynamic, there’s deep commentary here on intra-family relationships (ie mothers and daughters), multiple love stories playing out - one new love with self discovery, one old love with maturing/moving on, and she even gives us debates about the black American experience vs the black first generation experience and the striations and resentments therein. I’m wildly impressed with books that can do this much and never lose the thread of story authenticity.
May 24, 2026
I have really enjoyed this book .What stood out most to me was how realistically it portrayed family roles, especially the burden placed on firstborn daughters. Sola’s storyline hit hard because she was heavily parentified, expected to carry responsibilities beyond her years while still being verbally abused, humiliated, and treated almost like a rival by her own mother. The contradiction was painful: being trusted with adult burdens but denied basic softness and respect.
I also appreciated that the book understood that trauma is not distributed equally within families. Ola frustrated me the most because he clearly understood how much the women around him carried after the father’s death, yet still benefited from being treated with a completely different standard. His emotional immaturity and entitlement felt very real. On the other hand, Karen was one of the few genuinely kind and emotionally grounded characters, and I loved that she stood up for herself instead of accepting a “clean slate” after being treated badly.
I was also glad the book didn’t romanticize the Neil/Anjola situation. I’m tired of stories where emotional cheating is reframed as destiny while innocent partners are expected to just understand because it’s “true love.” The novel handled complicated relationships and family dysfunction with a lot more honesty than most.
What really made the book work for me was its emotional realism. The characters were flawed, frustrating, and sometimes deeply unlikeable, but they still felt believable. At its core, the book is less about romance and more about shame, family roles, gender expectations, and the lasting impact of emotional neglect. Definitely one of the stronger family dramas I’ve read in a while.
I also appreciated that the book understood that trauma is not distributed equally within families. Ola frustrated me the most because he clearly understood how much the women around him carried after the father’s death, yet still benefited from being treated with a completely different standard. His emotional immaturity and entitlement felt very real. On the other hand, Karen was one of the few genuinely kind and emotionally grounded characters, and I loved that she stood up for herself instead of accepting a “clean slate” after being treated badly.
I was also glad the book didn’t romanticize the Neil/Anjola situation. I’m tired of stories where emotional cheating is reframed as destiny while innocent partners are expected to just understand because it’s “true love.” The novel handled complicated relationships and family dysfunction with a lot more honesty than most.
What really made the book work for me was its emotional realism. The characters were flawed, frustrating, and sometimes deeply unlikeable, but they still felt believable. At its core, the book is less about romance and more about shame, family roles, gender expectations, and the lasting impact of emotional neglect. Definitely one of the stronger family dramas I’ve read in a while.
May 18, 2026
Leave your Mess at Home felt messy in the most
human way possible - emotionally layered, frustrating at times, but very real. Tolani Akinola did a great job capturing the tension between family expectations, personal identity, and the emotional baggage people drag from one relationship into the next.
What stood out most for me was how grounded the characters felt. Nobody was perfectly good or perfectly terrible; everybody was carrying something. The dialogue and interpersonal conflict felt natural, like conversations you've either overheard or personally survived.
The pacing slowed a little in parts for me, but the emotional payoff kept me invested. Overall, this was one of those reads that quietly lingers after you finish because it forces you to think about what people inherit emotionally and what they refuse to unpack.
human way possible - emotionally layered, frustrating at times, but very real. Tolani Akinola did a great job capturing the tension between family expectations, personal identity, and the emotional baggage people drag from one relationship into the next.
What stood out most for me was how grounded the characters felt. Nobody was perfectly good or perfectly terrible; everybody was carrying something. The dialogue and interpersonal conflict felt natural, like conversations you've either overheard or personally survived.
The pacing slowed a little in parts for me, but the emotional payoff kept me invested. Overall, this was one of those reads that quietly lingers after you finish because it forces you to think about what people inherit emotionally and what they refuse to unpack.
August 7, 2026
Messyyyyyyyy. That’s the only word that comes to my mind when I think about this book. The family is dysfunctional af. And individually the three siblings had everything under the sun going on. I had to take breaks and discuss the mess with my husband 🤣
But…I said all that just to say that I loved the book and it kept me entertained and shaking my head at the same time. A 5⭐️ read for me and I highly recommend!
But…I said all that just to say that I loved the book and it kept me entertained and shaking my head at the same time. A 5⭐️ read for me and I highly recommend!
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