Secure: The Revolutionary Guide to Creating a Secure Life

by Amir Levine

Amir Levine, MD, coauthor of the groundbreaking, multimillion-copy international bestseller Attached, presents a bold new promise—that anyone can learn to create a secure life—and offers practical cutting-edge tools to achieve it.

Years after revolutionizing our understanding of attachment styles, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine returns with a brilliant, paradigm-shifting work on the science of secure human connection. As Dr. Levine explains in Secure, people with a secure attachment style are the most comfortable not just in their relationships, but also in their own skins. And remarkably, the latest research shows that anyone, regardless of how insecure they may feel, can learn to create a secure life.

The benefits of living in “secure mode” are people tend to be healthier and have a better relationship with their health care providers. When they do have a difficult illness, they have fewer symptoms and handle it better emotionally. If they’re looking for a job, they’re more effective in their search and their self-esteem doesn’t suffer as much. They are less susceptible to consumerism. They even navigate social media better and experience fewer negative impacts.

In Secure, Dr. Levine presents his pioneering approach, Secure Therapy and Coaching, offering practical, neuroscience-backed tools to help readers cultivate security so that they can thrive. Secure is the definitive guide for anyone looking to improve their emotional health, deepen their connections, and build more fulfilling lives.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help, Relationships, Audiobook, Personal Development, Health

288 pages, Hardcover

Published April 14, 2026

About the author

Amir Levine, M.D. is a psychiatrist, molecular neuroscientist, and Associate Professor of Clinical Psychiatry at Columbia University.

He is the co-author of Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment, which has sold over 3 million copies and been translated into 42 languages, and the author of Secure: The Revolutionary Guide to Creating a Secure Life (Avery/Penguin Random House, 2026), his follow-up book that merges attachment science with neuroscience to show how anyone can build a more secure life — at work, in friendships, in family, and within themselves.

Levine completed his adult psychiatry residency at New York Presbyterian/Columbia University, where he ranked first in his class three consecutive years, then specialized in child and adolescent psychiatry.

At Columbia, he has conducted NIH-sponsored research as a Principal Investigator alongside Nobel laureate Dr. Eric Kandel. His clinical work led him to develop Secure Priming Therapy, a treatment approach that draws on attachment science, clinical psychology, and neuroscience to help people shift into more secure patterns of relating.

Reviews

[Kristen Block · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had high hopes for this one because I loved Attached and have witnessed it help so many of my clients. This one fell flat to me. Many of the interventions are simplified and don’t take into consideration the amount of healing and internal work it takes to be able to execute these interventions in real relationships. He also lost me completely by suggesting the use of AI for real-time conflict management (What!). Sorry. No.

There are far better books out there that are more trauma-informed and inclusive of the role neurodivergence, gender roles, cultural backgrounds, etc creates nuance in relationships.

[Vicky McAfee · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

I found this to be interesting and scientifically fascinating, and it helped me put some things into perspective about attachment, relationships, and self-regulation. The book is heavy on social interactions and really emphasises that we are creatures who rely on each other, which I can intellectually appreciate.

That said, for me, it didn’t go deep enough in certain areas. It doesn’t talk about real-life relationships, power imbalances, unavoidable connections where you can’t simply detach or disengage, or how past trauma can effect dynamics, which can make the advice feel a little too idealised.

The text occasionally leans toward the idea that your partner should “make you secure,” which felt counterintuitive; I believe that true security comes from within. Healthy boundaries and cultivating your own wellbeing seem essential, but sometimes the book downplays them in favour of relational strategies.

I liked the emphasis on self-reflection and the practical examples, and I agree that we should aim to be people we’d like to come into contact with, cultivating a sense of self that’s resilient and autonomous. I just wished there was more nuance around the complexities of human relationships, especially mismatched attachment styles or situations where contact can’t simply be removed.

Overall, I’d say it’s a thought-provoking read, particularly if you’re new to attachment theory or want a science-informed framework, but I personally wanted a bit more depth on real-world relational challenges.

[Sanchita · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to love this. And to be fair, parts of it are genuinely useful. But overall? It’s one of those books that feels more convincing than it actually is.

The premise is strong — you can become secure regardless of your attachment style, and it’s supported by neuroscience rather than just labels. It’s more hopeful, less fatalistic, and tries to move beyond putting people into neat little boxes.

But it doesn’t go nearly as deep as it think it does. A lot of the advice feels … idealised. It assumes access to consistent, emotionally available people, while glossing over messy realities like trauma, power dynamics, and unavoidable relationships. The underlying message can feel like … just choose better interactions, which isn’t always possible.

Helpful in parts, but not as nuanced as it needs to be.

[Andrew Munden · Rating 2 out of 5]

Attached was so good, this is not.

First, it just feels like a big advertisement for his own methodology and treatment. A lot of branding and acronyms used over and over. The whole book could is covered in chapters 1 and 2. Then repeated. Strong vibe of needing to write a second book for money / influence.

Second, I disliked his chapters on anxious and avoidant. If you're anxious, you have a super power, and should cut anyone out of your life that triggers you. If you're avoidant, fuck you, be more secure. It felt weirdly biased and unhelpful.

Finally, I just found it a repetition of attached, and his solution to everything are his two little acronyms. So I finished the book feeling like I'd learned nothing about becoming more secure.

[Abigail · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was kind of very bizarre? Very different than anything I’ve ever learned. Said definitively boundaries are unnecessary and your childhood doesn’t inform your adult behavior, which lacks major nuance. Also pretty much says becoming “secure” is all up to other people’s actions, which isn’t very helpful as it didn’t really say much about how to talk to those people about changing their actions. I’m confused.

[Vicky · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this and found it such an accessible read. It was so refreshing to see Amir Levine move away from the usual way attachment styles are talked about. I particularly related to the chapter on anxious attachment and loved how he framed it as “not a deficit or problem to be fixed but a unique set of perceptual superpowers - that when properly channeled - can be a tremendous asset to you and the people around you.” That perspective shift felt really empowering.

It was also really interesting to read that they now believe attachment isn’t just something "set in stone" during your first relationship with a caregiver, but something that can actually alter and evolve later in life. I appreciated that the book didn't just focus on romantic relationships, but looked at how these dynamics affect every area of our lives. There are plenty of real-life examples throughout that show not just how people are affected by their attachment styles, but the actual changes they made that started to make a real difference. This is a great, practical update to existing books on attachment theory.

[Maria · Rating 2 out of 5]

Something is very off about this man

[Sophie · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is crazy making.
There’s a HUGE focus on managing other people‘s behavior and emotions which I have quite frankly no interest in doing. DNF

[Jane · Rating 2 out of 5]

I hoped this book would be as interesting as his first book on attachment theory, but it wasn't. I found the repetition of acronyms throughout the book annoying. (CAARP and SIMIs)

I do agree that it is "crucial to determine who's worthy of your time, energy, and resources. A lot is at stake" - figuring out who drains you with little return and who gives back in kind, so you both can grow makes such a difference in your life. "Surrounding yourself with the right people can make or break the course of your life." (page 187)

The book says, "life partners who feel supported find their partners more attractive and are drawn to them more." (page 188) I really wish I could find a supportive and loving partner.

The author mentions how "the strongest kind of relationships are the ones where people try to outdo each other in being helpful and caring" (page 190) - I love the idea of that, but I have never met a couple like that. Maybe one day I will experience this...

We all need to find the people who bring out the best in us and also return the favour back to them.

[Samantha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant. Even more insightful and useful than Attached, I will be buying a print copy to re-read it straight away so I can do the exercises. Particularly liked the updated research/theories on attachment theory, and the benefits of having an insecure attachment style not just the drawbacks.

[Erin McGarry · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are parts of this book that will probably stick with and help me forever. And there are parts that felt sort of obvious and redundant. I recommend it, but I guess I was more blown away by Attached than I was by this slightly sweeter take on attachment theory.

[Rachel]

Brainwashing in 2026 continues…

[Jule Stelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book! Well written, and some parts definitely helpful and insightful.

[Esma · Rating 4 out of 5]

Goed boek: interessant en leerzaam, maar ‘attached’ (verbonden) van dezelfde schrijver vond ik vele malen beter en interessanter geschreven.

[Serafina Pike]

I liked the inclusion of the attachment style quiz as well as actionable steps to take to help make yourself feel more secure. A great resource for clients if you're doing attachment work.

[Dustin · Rating 5 out of 5]

If Amir Levine’s first book was the diagnostic, *Secure* is the operating manual. For anyone actively doing the work to transition into an Earned Secure baseline, this book moves past the basic pop-psychology labels and breaks down the actual somatic and neurobiological mechanics of how we connect.

I read this from the perspective of someone who operates with a 50/40/10 split (Secure/Anxious/Avoidant). What Levine does exceptionally well here is remove the shame from the insecure quadrants. By framing attachment through the lens of evolutionary biology, he makes it clear that a highly sensitized threat-detection system isn't a character flaw—it’s ancient survival hardware.

The most valuable takeaway is the CAARP framework (Consistency, Availability, Responsiveness, Reliability, Predictability). If you have a history of trauma bonds, your nervous system is likely wired to seek out high-voltage, chaotic connections that feel like a "rescue." CAARP replaces that emotional fog with a clean, objective diagnostic. You don't have to guess if someone is good for your nervous system; you just run the data. It forces you to build connections slowly through SIMIs (Seemingly Insignificant Minor Interactions) rather than shortcutting intimacy through oversharing.

Levine also clarifies the critical difference between activating strategies (the internal alarm bell of anxiety) and protest behaviors (the external actions we take to force a connection, like hyper-systematizing someone else's trauma or over-functioning to fix them). Understanding that difference allows you to observe the internal software running without executing the behavioral program.

His take on boundaries is a necessary correction to modern therapy speak. He points out that setting a boundary shouldn't be about dictating someone else's behavior and expecting them to fall in line. It’s simply defining your own secure perimeter. You stand in your space, put your oars down, and see if they can meet you there. If they can't, his "Appendix Rule" applies: you surgically deprioritize the connection.

A few later chapters dragged slightly if you are already in the "clear-cutting" phase of removing insecure dynamics from your life, but the structural protocols he introduces—like turn-based affect regulation during conflict—are incredibly useful.

Ultimately, this is a pragmatic blueprint for building a secure architecture. Applying it will likely shrink your social circle in the short term, but it ensures you stop wasting energy on leaky containers and bad foundations.

[Trish · Rating 4 out of 5]

Social connections are the greatest determinant to our physical and mental health, and the lack of meaningful social connections has a greater impact on our cardiovascular health than obesity or heart disease. Our connectedness also influences our longevity.

The five pillars of a connected life (CARRP):
Consistency; Availability; Responsiveness;
Reliability; Predictability

These are each crucial for SECURE connections.
Are you showing up for people with CARRP?

Immersion over prolonged periods of time in small but highly beneficial day to day interactions can change the brain. Being immersed in loving, attentive relationships can rewire the brain for secure attachment, even in an anxious attached brain.

Seeking out relationships with hyper-connectedness (based on CARRP) improves your quality of life and allows you to thrive and feel like life has meaning.

SIMI: Seemingly Insignificant Minor Interactions

Keep an eye out for CARRP SIMIs in everyday life, these build secure connections. Being the the company of trusted others is a fundamental way to regulate our emotions, feel safe, and build secure attachments.

Any perceived slight can ruin your entire day… so make sure that your relationships are HEALING forces in your life, filling your brain with energy (ACTUAL energy!), vs harmful and zapping your energy.

Anxious attachment (20% of people) — the first people to notice subtle changes in the emotional state of others. Their finely tuned nervous system picks up on social and environmental shifts faster and respond more strongly. They have a social hyper-vigilance and can pick up on danger, nuance, and subtlety that nobody else seems to even notice. These “perception super powers” can be very beneficial in business and negotiations.

The most powerful obstacles that keep anxious attachers from becoming secure: attachment gaslighting (internal or external) and the protest/regret cycle — being hard on yourself or toughing it out because of shame, feeling like “too much,” being mocked or dismissed by others, then trying too hard and feeling like everything is their fault….

How does an anxious attacher become secure? They need to fill their inner circles with CARRP friendships.

“Secures” can get along with anyone, but anxious attachers have a NEED (and ability) for a lot of closeness — which is paramount for their health and well-being.

I love that this book had suggestions to improve security and the ultimate hope that you CAN shift from a different attachment into a secure attachment — in general and in specific relationships. I listened to the audiobook, but it might have been better to actually read this one, to see the charts and assessments on paper, there are (free) assessments on his website, so I focused most on what he had to say about people with anxious attachment styles (me).

He talks about the “biological talents” of each attachment type, which is nice, because not having a secure attachment isn’t a life sentence…

Embracing your natural talents builds secure functioning by helping you stay true to yourself. Who you are is NOT an impediment; there are strengths to every attachment style, and leaning into that improves self esteem and overall life satisfaction.

Anxious attachment folks need to surround themselves with CARRP people in order to thrive. However, for someone with an avoidant attachment style, being surrounded by CARRP people who desire closeness will trigger their urge to flee.

Butting heads with your biology won’t change your circumstances; it will only make it harder to COPE. When you get your biological needs met, you can thrive.

Actively find a favorable habitat where your talents can flourish. If you *need* to be alone, don’t choose a career path where you are surrounded with people whenever you are at work. Focus on building a hyper-connected, secure environment to deepen your sense of meaning in life.

[Charlie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Levine takes readers back to the original research and science behind the success of his first book, Attached. Secure answers what many ask, and have tried to write about ever since the release of Attached: how do we become more secure? If that's also your question, Levine's newest book has some great content for you.

I picked this up at the public library, having seen the title. There are many books about Anxious, Anxious-Avoidant, and Fearful attachment styles but the ones on being more secure that I've read, were missing the clinical research he infuses into this book. It was nothing short of excellent. It won't replace attached, but if you consider how the field of research, conversation, and depth of practical clinical intervention was changed by his first book, you begin to understand the long-haul possibilities of Secure.

My biggest takeaway was that stability in our lives is the difference-maker for nearly every aspect of our experience. Secure attachment styles reflect some of our histories, sure, but that at the core is the work to develop a series of SIMIs (seemingly insignificant minor interactions- Levine's acronym) that allow our brains to take a deep breath in relationship present, rather than relationships past. Attachment style is not destiny, and I'm grateful that Levine speaks to the mutability of styles, particularly where he talks about how those with secure childhoods can have an avoidant style one might associate with trauma. Likewise, he notes that people with trauma can build secure styles (it might take work, but the implication is there that you're not stuck with one style forever). I'm considering Doige's book The Brain's Way of Healing: Remarkable Discoveries and Recoveries from the Frontiers of Neuroplasticity and perhaps even My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey where Levine writes the neuroplasticity-meets-interpersonal-relationship equivalent. For those in the mire of relational styles and wanting to provide people with practical, hit-the-ground-running tools or who want those for themselves, what I understood from Levine's book is that first we need to create a secure structure. We live in a world that rewards the running, but often doesn't show the selecting the right shoes, tying the laces well, and making sure the fit is just so (to overdo an already overdone metaphor). Levine's book is the neuro-stabilization that precedes the tools we are used to. In this sense it's a little unassuming, but that is it's differentiation and real strength. Levine also avoids bogging down the book with loads of studies, and avoids a lot of jargon so the writing is still as accessible as his first book. The chapter at the end of the book entitled, "Secure Coaching" is a very helpful real-world application of the book. It's not a catch-all, and it won't solve every problem, but there are more than a few resources in it. What I appreciate about his book however, is that it respects readers enough to show that secure attachment styles are not a quick fix. Simply changing behaviours without respecting neurobiology, and long-standing patterns that shape said neurobiology aren't doomed to fail, but change can be an uphill battle. He notes that readers are likely working with long-standing patterns but leaves those same readers with many reasons to hope. He equally breathes life into that hope with a wealth of resources.

Not everyone will like his style of writing in this book. He writes with more personal anecdotes, and demonstrates the standard he is bound to as a scientist and someone with the letters "MD" (i.e. the bar for expertise is far higher than narrative palatability). Some may also find his encouragement to use AI a huge turn-off, but to be fair, that happens at page 225 (near the end of the book) and is not a chapter, but a call-out box that takes up a quarter of the page with 7 suggested questions to ask it about our responses/reactions to relational triggers to understand another perspective. He notes therein:

"That said, AI cannot replace the human support in your life. Make sure you've also identified people you trust to be your secure base. You can even ask them to help you assess whether what the AI is recommending is grounded" (p.226).

I too, have used AI to temper my responses when I'm triggered and experiencing C-PTSD symptoms, asking almost identical questions to the ones he suggests and it's been pretty helpful. I think it's actually a great way to help us adjust our sails to attachment triggering winds. AI is not going away anytime soon, and I think he is wise to offer a supplemental (rather than totalizing) way to use it, alongside a caveat of buttressing AI advice with real-world critical thinking. The most important part of his recommendation to use AI is that it starts to anchor a pattern-interrupt so that instead of responding immediately, we are giving our brain breathing room that is required to make lasting-change stick. The book isn't going to replace Attached but offers a very helpful volume for more research and application that will further another wave of interpersonal development in the wellbeing and psychiatric fields. Going into Secure knowing that may be helpful for those who are expecting this book to replace or replicate the veritable industry of attachment style interventions that his first book inspired.

Secure provides a roadmap for a variety of readers, and I think many people will benefit from reading it. I had more than a few epiphanies while taking my time reading. I would absolutely recommend this book.

[Orton Babb · Rating 3 out of 5]

Much needed follow up to his first book on Attachment with Rachel Heller. That one was about understanding the attachment styles and this one is about becoming secure.

This book does a few things differently. It takes much more of a neuroscience informed approach (“secure focused neuroscience”). It tries not to pathologize the attachment styles but to see them as partly genetic such that many secures are like dandelions that thrived under a variety of circumstances and insecures are more often like orchids who need a specific type of environment to thrive. Usually anxious attachers have a heightened sensitivity to social information and avoidants may have less of a need for closeness to feel safe. The premise is that even with healing there might not be a change in these durable traits so the shift has to be in behavior primarily.

The behaviors Levine links to security are called CARRP (consistent, available, responsive, reliable and predictable). He goes on to show how across interactions the absence of CARRP leads to problems. It addresses the protest-regret cycle as well as the closeness-distance cycle.

Overall, the advice of the book for everyone is to practice the CARRP behaviors and to prioritize people who also practice them. He says one shouldn’t abruptly distance from non-CARRP as that itself would not be self consistent but instead to address it by asking for those things directly such as asking friends to include you more etc.

An interesting note on collaboration is that Levine says he doesn’t believe in boundaries and instead advocates secure collaboration. I think it’s a really interesting point because ultimately he does advocate for one boundary which is to create a special kind of protective bubble of secure functioning relationships. Overall, I think this is a bit misleading but does address an issue of the way boundaries nowadays have been misused where people get cut off without explanation or anything. Anyway, I think that what really works is to combine boundaries with empathy and have the shift from request to boundary be an escalated ladder. This is necessary because practically speaking work and family make it such that living in a secure bubble is not feasible for many people in the short run even if it is a long term goal.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's an interesting and educational read. I'm not sure it would work for everyone, in fact I'm pretty sure I know of at least one person for whom it would be ineffective. Regardless of that, I really liked that the book enables the reader to evaluate themselves using tools created by the author. And there is a link available within the book that enables the evaluation tool to be used on the authors website, thereby saving the need to do any mathematics.

The book is divided into three sections:- PART I: The Secure Brain; PART II: Living in Secure Mode and PART III: The Secure Mind. It is necessary to read the book in a linear fashion to understand how the system works and how to use it. There are examples throughout which help with comprehension and invite responses to consolidate the learning.

I anticipate that most people will be able to read through once and then dip into the various sections to refresh memory and learning as needed.

When I completed the assessment of my attachment to various individuals, it was very much as I expected, which was reassuring. And should I wish to make changes to my relationships, I now have the tools I need to work towards that goal.

I found the tone of the author to be compassionate and caring about the wellbeing of others. Something that is really nice to come across in a scientific book.

I am thankful to the author, Random House UK, Cornerstone | Cornerstone Press and Netgalley for allowing me to read this book for free.

[Ink · Rating 4 out of 5]

Firstly, let me preface this review that I read this book form the mindset that they are there to provide suggestions and not definitive answers. I am pretty sure this is written from a more humanistic psychology perspective stringently backed up from the clinical and research psychology platform and as such reinforces the point that it is a suggestion over a decree

The tools for self-reflection are well structured along with a useful calculator online. At times it felt like a book to be worked through as opposed to a reference book, but this adds to the engagement with the themes in a structured, comprehensive form which begins with "The Secure Brain", leading to the practical "Living in Secure Mode" and elaborating with "The Secure Mind"

There is a fine balance between writing as a scientist and writing as an author and Levine is able to blend these two aspects into effective communication that would appeal to professionals and laymen alike, although it is predominantly aimed at those who seek to enrich their own lives by learning more about how they can connect with and maintain connections with others. A very interesting and engaging read

Thank you to Netgalley, the author and Random House UK, Cornerstone | Cornerstone Press for this fascinating ARC. My review is left voluntarily and all opinions are my own

[Elise G · Rating 2 out of 5]

I haven't read the author's previous book Attached, which I understand is supposed to be more of an introduction to attachment style theory. This one seems strangely basic for a follow-up.

It does have some good advice, and I liked the neuroscientific explanations. My main issue is that the advice in general and the always positive outcomes for the people in the examples, seemed unrealistic. It was all "change jobs", "surround yourself with this kind of people and pull away from these", "be consistent and reliable". Not taking into consideration things like socioeconomic issues, mental health issues etc. Very much just another self help book for privileged middle class people.

I also felt like he glorified an anxious attachment style as being sensitive and having a "sixth sense". The advice for that style was more focused on surrounding yourself with understanding people, whereas the advice for the other attachment styles was mostly to change your behavior.

One last thing to point out is the wtf moment of the author suggesting using an AI chatbot for personal advice in difficult situations, with only a short disclaimer that that shouldn't be used as a replacement for human interaction.

[Josephine · Rating 4 out of 5]

With books of this style that I have read before (psychology, psychiatry and advice books) I have found them to be hit and miss. This is definitely a hit for me with the caveat that I am a firm believer that different approaches to advice and therapy will strike a chord with different people. You just have to find the approach that works best for you. But I definitely found this advice to be relevant and useful in my life. Building on his previous book, “Attached”, the author runs through his theory on how you can become more secure in all of your relationships whether they be in your career, your friendships, your romantic or your familial ones.

In terms of how it is written, it is a good mix of the scientific and practical. The author is clear with their explanations and uses great examples to further illustrate their meaning. I occasionally found parts of the book repetitive but I’m sure others will find that repetition useful.

Overall, I found this to be a really useful book and I will be using much of the advice given.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read this book.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I realise it's only April but this is my non-fiction book of the year so far! 🎉🎊 Everyone should read this book! It was such an insightful read.

It breaks down the attachment styles and explains how to change yours in an easy to understand way. It was also easy to read generally. It's not just your own attachment style it can help with it will help build and improve your relationships with people who have different styles to you.

I've always associated attachment styles with romantic relationships but it talks about with family and friends. I love how easy it was to understand how you can work to change to having a secure attachment style.

I know this book and what I've learned from it will stay with me for a long time. I do believe it's life changing what it can teach you! It's been a long time since I've been this excited about a non-fiction book! 💃🏻

I really enjoyed reading this book and found it incredibly empowering and enlightening. So much so I will buy a physical copy of the book to keep on my shelf and be able to refer back to. 😍 I'll definitely be checking out

[Sue Page · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted this to be a 5-star, life-transforming book, but I just couldn't gel with it enough. I did get some useful bits of information from it - the discussion around the genetic variation associated with avoidant behaviour in C. elegans was really interesting, but it didn't really go anywhere. Much of the book seems focused on anxious attachment styles - even most of the case studies used feature people with this type of attachment. Avoidants, on the other hand, seem just be told to make an effort to connect with people. That's not exactly ground-breaking advice! The heavy use of acronyms throughout the book irritated me - CARRP isn't exactly the most friendly feeling acronym (I just kept getting an image of a largely inedible fish!). Having said that, it was useful to complete the attachment style questionnaire, and there are a few little behavioural traits that I will try to implement. Overall, though, it feels a bit optimistic to think that people can dramatically change the security level in their life through this book alone.
Read it if: you want to learn how an anxious attachment style is a positive thing

[Morag Murray · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a holy grail book - it starts by sharing the benefits of being ‘secure’ and then, wonderfully, it shares that there is a way to achieve secure attachment in adulthood (and how to achieve this!). Written by a psychologist who has a special interest in this topic (hence his previous book ‘Attached’), it is essential reading for anyone wanting to work on themself.

Part 1 is all about attachment, connections, science, and evidence, but backed up with interesting anecdotes - this is a deep dive, so much information, all explained very clearly.

Part 2 discusses the insecure attachment styles and how to help these become secure. For those who are unsure, there is a quiz to find their attachment style, then the attachment strategies are discussed. As an avoidant type I found CARRP so helpful, beautifully straightforward and yes - possible to implement!

I love how supportive and non-judgement this book is - it made me feel understood!

My thanks to NetGalley, author and publisher for the opportunity to review this book in exchange for an advance copy.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with an ARC copy in exchange for an honest review.

I wanted to read this book to see if it would be helpful for myself personally, and there were definitely some interesting points throughout. The book includes a variety of activities and exercises to work through, which could be useful for readers wanting a more interactive approach.

There were also some thoughtful perspectives and ideas that gave me a different way of looking at certain things, and at times I did find the information informative and insightful.

However, I unfortunately found the book quite difficult to follow in places, and I ended up losing interest as I went along. While I can see how it may help other readers, I’m not entirely sure it was the right fit for me personally.

Overall, a mixed read with some valuable ideas, but one I struggled to fully connect with.

[Hanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley for my free review copy.

As an A-Level Psychology teacher, a book about attachment was right up my street. I already know a lot about the research; what the different attachment types are, how they form, what it looks like in childhood/adolescence/adulthood. What I didn't really know was how to change your attachment type (a question my students requently ask). Now I feel I can put them in the direction of an easily accessible book with tips they can understand. In particular, I liked how Levine tried to steer away from the negativity surronding insecure attachments (as someone with an insecure attachment to her parents!) and saw it not an issue that needing immediate fixing as such but as a different way of interpreting situations. I also liked how Levine centred it around social interaction, almost from a client-centered therapy perspective: it felt like he was cheering everyone on. This is definitely a book I will recommend.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I went in thinking this would be an attachment styles update, which it is, but also so much more! There were so many interesting insights and valuable tools, but the chapter on causality alone was a turning point for me. It helps you look at your past from a scientist's lens instead of the usual common psychology perspective, and it totally changed how I think about some old hurts I'd been carrying around and made me feel less burdened and more hopeful. I wasn't expecting that. It even has an exercise that invites you to reflect on your childhood in that way, which I did, and found useful. Most relationship books give you frameworks to apply to others. This book gives you frameworks to apply to yourself as well as with others, which is harder but more useful. Chapter 10 is a must read for anyone who wants to understand themselves and their past better. Life changing.

[Cheyenne Curl · Rating 2 out of 5]

Didn’t really learn much that I didn’t already know. Some aspects are straight up questionable. Encouraging using AI almost felt like a joke. Also telling anxious attachments that they’re actually just extra perceptive and “right” might do more harm than good. Maybe that’s true but in my opinion that rhetoric just enables that behavior and the focus should be on how to eradicate it, because ultimately being right and being able to predict certain events won’t save you from the grief. Also saying that anxious attachments may need a million different friends and hobbies to stay satisfied - also probably true, but shouldn’t you learn how to feel secure when you’re alone? To find peace in your own mind? Lots of things in here just felt like very surface level treatments instead of proposing permanent changes to how an individual operates.