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Ravaged by the Gingerbread Man
Kara's bakery is struggling to make ends meet, and with the holiday season in full swing, she's working around the clock to make enough cookies. After a recipe mistake leads her to make way too much gingerbread dough, she decides to put it to use.
When a magical holiday wish brings her life-sized gingerbread man to life, she discovers she's created the randiest, nastiest confection ever, and he's going to make her taste his creamy filling!
This ridiculous short story contains explicit sexual content, including a life-sized gingerbread man with an oversized length of stiff dough, hot and fresh from the oven. Warning: Improper use of a rolling pin.
When a magical holiday wish brings her life-sized gingerbread man to life, she discovers she's created the randiest, nastiest confection ever, and he's going to make her taste his creamy filling!
This ridiculous short story contains explicit sexual content, including a life-sized gingerbread man with an oversized length of stiff dough, hot and fresh from the oven. Warning: Improper use of a rolling pin.
26 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 12, 2014
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June 27, 2018Despite his cheery smile and cookie buttons, despite his iconic status, this gingerbread man was no mere cookie brought to life. She had created a monster, a being of pure, unbridled lust.
when it comes to monsterotica, Fannie Tucker is one of the all-time greats.
not only did she presage Chuck Tingle in the category of “i can make ANYTHING sexxy, just try me,” with stories such as
and
she also boldly reversed the natural order of monsterporn by substituting passive for active voice in the title of her seminal work I Fucked the Puppet. although scholars disagree about who is being fucked by whom in the text, there is no question that tucker’s use of the rhyming couplet is the work of a writer at the peak of her climax:
- This is the only face I’ve got! I’d like to bury it in your twat!
- You dance like a magical fairy! Between those boobs, my face I’ll bury!
- Hooray, this blowjob is first class! Put your fingers in my ass!
she continues to hone her craft here, with an uplifting holiday tale of a beleaguered small business owner who, overwhelmed by the demands of running a bakery and the prospect of the lonely christmas ahead, makes a wish that comes true and additionally, comes all over her, saving her business and her business with a coating of magical jizz.
longtime galpals kara and allison have been running a bakery together for about a year, and are preparing for the winter holiday rush. but kara is undone by math and miscalculates the measurements. by a LOT:
”I thought this seemed like a lot for a hundred cookies. Did we make a double batch?”
Kara winced. “No…we made ten times too much.”
oh, dear. you would think a proper baker would have noticed that, right? or two bakers? who have been running a bakery together for a whole year? my recipe for gingerbread calls for 1 egg per three dozen cookies, and these damsels thought they were making 100 cookies, which should be about three eggs, if my recipe is the gold standard for gingerbread recipes, and it is. TEN TIMES more than 100 cookies and you’re talking about a significant number of eggs, my friend,
enough so a savvy baker would pause for a moment to lick the tip of a pencil and carry some ones. but they’re not very good bakers, or businesswomen:
Neither woman had really understood the hard reality of running a small business, and so far they hadn’t accomplished much, unless you counted draining their savings accounts and putting a strain on their friendship.
fed up with Kara and The Too-Many Eggs (Baby-Sitters Club Special Edition #45), alison leaves in disgust, abandoning her sister-baker for the snuggly arms of her man at home, and kara is left with a hundred pounds of sticky dough and a cloudlayer of despair, thinking, nobody on earth wanted this much gingerbread.
maybe not, kara, maybe not when it is just in a lump on your table, but what if….
struck by a jolt of inspiration, kara decides to make a full-sized gingerbread man for the shop window, just under six feet with a “big round head” and “blocky arms and legs,”
but again - measuring is hard and “there was still a bit of dough left, a cylindrical lump several inches long.”
when in doubt, make a dong. obviously she’s too much of a pro to leave the gingerdong on when it’s window-displaying time, but as a frisky impulse that anticipates the girlish giggles she and allison will share like some wide-awake slumber party, it’s worth it. after all, they could still display him in the storefront window after they broke the penis off. It would make a good snack while they decorated cookies.
so, into the oven goeth her man, and in a mere 15 minutes, he’s hot and ready:
and yet she HAD, apparently, meant to make it stand straight out perpendickular to the body, instead of in a penis’ more traditional ready position? erections, how do they work?
at any rate, kara goes to work, giving him eyes, a mouth, and some “festive trim” around his wrists and ankles
and kara looked over all she had made and saw that it was very good.
Her eyes lingered on his gingerbread member, and she felt a pang of longing. How long had it been since she’d gotten laid?
1) long enough to forget how erections work, amiright?
2) and long enough that fucking a cookie is looking pretty good right about now.
oh shit, should i have said “spoiler alert?”
spoiler alert - in this book, kara will be ravaged by the gingerbread man
”I wish you were a real man,” she said, putting her hand on the still-warm gingerbread man’s arm. The gingerbread man just lay there, cock and smile pointed at the ceiling.”
that’s a cold thing to say to a still-warm cookie, kara. especially one with some weird-ass half-mast mutant cock you designed so poorly.
but then - a christmas miracle!! her gingerbread man comes ALIVE! and… he’s …. well, he’s all ready to be a real boy
with real boy needs
He held a glazed donut in one blocky hand, and as she watched, he stuck it on the end of his big, doughy manhood. His gingerbread hips thrust up into the donut, but she’d made him too thick for the donut hole, and he split it in two as he tried to stick his cock in it.
OUCH! you play too rough!
fortunately, kara’s vagina is not made out of dough, and even though it’s been a while, the gingerbread man will find her donut hole more accommodating.
i need to take a moment aside to grin and giggle about Fannie Tucker’s particular brand of monsterlover. she certainly has a type, and this cookie is eerily reminiscent of dongo, the jolly titular puppet from I Fucked the Puppet:
whose romantic patter consisted of those celebrated rhymed couplets delivered in a silly voice and punctuated frequently with the ejaculation, “uh-hoo! uh-hoo!”
this gingerbread fella, well he’s cut from the same mold. this is their meet-cute moment, with the crumbs of a fucked-to-death donut still spilling from his fist:
Grinning at her with his wide icing mouth, he spoke in a high, cheery voice. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! As much as I can! I need to fuck things, I’m the gingerbread man!”
and, because his utterances continue to be really first-rate, i need to share a few more.
-”Suck, suck, suck! As hard as you can! You’re gonna blow me, I’m the gingerbread man!”
-Strip, strip, strip! Take off those pants! You’re gonna be impaled on my gingerbread lance!
-”Fuck, fuck, fuck! As hard as I can! I’m gonna pound you, I’m the gingerbread man!”
amazing. just amazing.
so, yeah, plenty of cookie sex occurs. kara is confounded by the fact that he has so many working parts she never gave him, like elbows and vocal cords and most importantly, a tongue, which she discovers when “she felt his sticky icing mouth nuzzle her crotch,” which sounds so messy and gross, and the whole sex act with a cookie seems creepy, especially after the afterglow wears off and she sees his little icing eyes are all but smeared away after he rubbed them all over her butt when he was spelunking.
but she’s also shaken by her role in creating him - not only did she bring life into this world, but she created a sugary sex addict.
”This can’t be happening, “ Kara said. “You’re not real. I fell asleep or…and why are you so filthy? Gingerbread men are supposed to be sweet and crunchy, not nasty perverts.”
“You made me this way, you can lay me this way! You can! You can!”
it’s a sobering thing for her, knowing she's responsible for bringing such ick into the world, and she makes a vow:
She resolved to be more careful what she wished for in the future.
her shame and bewilderment do not last very long at all, with the beautiful simplicity of monsterotica:
Kara put aside the absurdity of what was happening and lost herself in the blowjob…
and all of the other sensations a cookie can ignite in a lady.
“Pleasure swelled inside of her, rising like a perfectly baked soufflé, and she moaned. “Oh god, I’m gonna come, gingerbread man!”
maybe she’s a baker after all…
but cookiepuss says NO:
“No, no, no! Your pussy is wet! But you’re not quite ready for my gingerbread yet!”
and then he… uses a rolling pin upon her in a most unsuitable way, committing many health code violations. of course, splayed all over the table as she is, she’s already left that A from the health inspector far behind, especially since this is all happening right in front of that giant picture window like she’s in some gluttonous peep show.
what i learned - a rolling pin is a poor lover
but so is a man who is also a cookie:
She clawed at his back, raking deep furrows in his doughy flesh that left chunks of gingerbread beneath her nails.
now who's too rough, kara?
another thing i learned which has more to do with the review than the book, but it is a useful tip - never GIS phrases like “magical jizz” or “ginger fucker” or “sex cookie” without ALSO typing in lol. because the things you will see, my friends, they are not right.
i need to wash away the memory of them with more cookie pillowtalk
“Come, come, come! Fast as you can! I’m fuckin’ you hard, I’m the gingerbread man!”
and finally, the moment you’ve all been waiting for
“Here we go! I’m gonna pop! And you’re gonna swallow every gingerbread drop!”
WHAT COMES OUT OF THE “FAT LOAF” OF GINGERBREAD PEEN?
The gingerbread man’s cum tasted like cinnamon roll frosting, the richest, creamiest frosting she’d ever tasted.
ever the professional, kara risks looking her gift horse in the…mouth, putting business before pleasure.
“I’ve never tasted anything like …that.” She gestured toward the gingerbread man’s crotch. “Can I get the recipe?”
way to ride the afterglow, kara.
and then she’s waking up on the floor of her bakery - no pants, no shoes, “frosting” in her hair, and allison is tarriving with apologies for their fight and praise for the magnificent (clothed, unpeened) gingerbread man in the window and the tousled kara is very excited to tell her all about the new recipe she’s planning on “whipping up,” although the recipe given to her from misterginger sounds exhausting if we’re talking about a holiday rush, i worry that kara might be sucking at math again.
Suck, suck suck for ten minutes on high heat. Fuck, fuck, fuck until thoroughly beat. Stroke, stroke, stroke until I come. Recipe makes one cup of delicious frosting.
one cup is both an alarming amount of ejaculate and not enough frosting for bakery-running. but i do want make much enthusiastic applause over the fact that she is going to feed her monsterlover's jizz to her customers and that will be what, ultimately, saves the day, health department be damned.
i leave you with this:
**********************************************
my monsterporn read of the month.
review to come.
heh.
come to my blog!
when it comes to monsterotica, Fannie Tucker is one of the all-time greats.
not only did she presage Chuck Tingle in the category of “i can make ANYTHING sexxy, just try me,” with stories such as
and
she also boldly reversed the natural order of monsterporn by substituting passive for active voice in the title of her seminal work I Fucked the Puppet. although scholars disagree about who is being fucked by whom in the text, there is no question that tucker’s use of the rhyming couplet is the work of a writer at the peak of her climax:
- This is the only face I’ve got! I’d like to bury it in your twat!
- You dance like a magical fairy! Between those boobs, my face I’ll bury!
- Hooray, this blowjob is first class! Put your fingers in my ass!
she continues to hone her craft here, with an uplifting holiday tale of a beleaguered small business owner who, overwhelmed by the demands of running a bakery and the prospect of the lonely christmas ahead, makes a wish that comes true and additionally, comes all over her, saving her business and her business with a coating of magical jizz.
longtime galpals kara and allison have been running a bakery together for about a year, and are preparing for the winter holiday rush. but kara is undone by math and miscalculates the measurements. by a LOT:
”I thought this seemed like a lot for a hundred cookies. Did we make a double batch?”
Kara winced. “No…we made ten times too much.”
oh, dear. you would think a proper baker would have noticed that, right? or two bakers? who have been running a bakery together for a whole year? my recipe for gingerbread calls for 1 egg per three dozen cookies, and these damsels thought they were making 100 cookies, which should be about three eggs, if my recipe is the gold standard for gingerbread recipes, and it is. TEN TIMES more than 100 cookies and you’re talking about a significant number of eggs, my friend,
enough so a savvy baker would pause for a moment to lick the tip of a pencil and carry some ones. but they’re not very good bakers, or businesswomen:
Neither woman had really understood the hard reality of running a small business, and so far they hadn’t accomplished much, unless you counted draining their savings accounts and putting a strain on their friendship.
fed up with Kara and The Too-Many Eggs (Baby-Sitters Club Special Edition #45), alison leaves in disgust, abandoning her sister-baker for the snuggly arms of her man at home, and kara is left with a hundred pounds of sticky dough and a cloudlayer of despair, thinking, nobody on earth wanted this much gingerbread.
maybe not, kara, maybe not when it is just in a lump on your table, but what if….
struck by a jolt of inspiration, kara decides to make a full-sized gingerbread man for the shop window, just under six feet with a “big round head” and “blocky arms and legs,”
but again - measuring is hard and “there was still a bit of dough left, a cylindrical lump several inches long.”
when in doubt, make a dong. obviously she’s too much of a pro to leave the gingerdong on when it’s window-displaying time, but as a frisky impulse that anticipates the girlish giggles she and allison will share like some wide-awake slumber party, it’s worth it. after all, they could still display him in the storefront window after they broke the penis off. It would make a good snack while they decorated cookies.
so, into the oven goeth her man, and in a mere 15 minutes, he’s hot and ready:
Her gingerbread man had plumped a bit as he cooked, and his arms and legs were as thick as a real man’s. The penis she’d grafted onto his body had swollen as well. The pornographic confection stood enormous and erect, its tip almost touching the oven’s ceiling. Somehow, she’d gotten the shape of it just right, from the swell of its head to the slightly curved shaft. When she thought about what Allison might say when she saw it, Kara blushed. She hadn’t mean to make it that big.
and yet she HAD, apparently, meant to make it stand straight out perpendickular to the body, instead of in a penis’ more traditional ready position? erections, how do they work?
at any rate, kara goes to work, giving him eyes, a mouth, and some “festive trim” around his wrists and ankles
and kara looked over all she had made and saw that it was very good.
Her eyes lingered on his gingerbread member, and she felt a pang of longing. How long had it been since she’d gotten laid?
1) long enough to forget how erections work, amiright?
2) and long enough that fucking a cookie is looking pretty good right about now.
oh shit, should i have said “spoiler alert?”
spoiler alert - in this book, kara will be ravaged by the gingerbread man
”I wish you were a real man,” she said, putting her hand on the still-warm gingerbread man’s arm. The gingerbread man just lay there, cock and smile pointed at the ceiling.”
that’s a cold thing to say to a still-warm cookie, kara. especially one with some weird-ass half-mast mutant cock you designed so poorly.
but then - a christmas miracle!! her gingerbread man comes ALIVE! and… he’s …. well, he’s all ready to be a real boy
with real boy needs
He held a glazed donut in one blocky hand, and as she watched, he stuck it on the end of his big, doughy manhood. His gingerbread hips thrust up into the donut, but she’d made him too thick for the donut hole, and he split it in two as he tried to stick his cock in it.
OUCH! you play too rough!
fortunately, kara’s vagina is not made out of dough, and even though it’s been a while, the gingerbread man will find her donut hole more accommodating.
i need to take a moment aside to grin and giggle about Fannie Tucker’s particular brand of monsterlover. she certainly has a type, and this cookie is eerily reminiscent of dongo, the jolly titular puppet from I Fucked the Puppet:
whose romantic patter consisted of those celebrated rhymed couplets delivered in a silly voice and punctuated frequently with the ejaculation, “uh-hoo! uh-hoo!”
this gingerbread fella, well he’s cut from the same mold. this is their meet-cute moment, with the crumbs of a fucked-to-death donut still spilling from his fist:
Grinning at her with his wide icing mouth, he spoke in a high, cheery voice. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! As much as I can! I need to fuck things, I’m the gingerbread man!”
and, because his utterances continue to be really first-rate, i need to share a few more.
-”Suck, suck, suck! As hard as you can! You’re gonna blow me, I’m the gingerbread man!”
-Strip, strip, strip! Take off those pants! You’re gonna be impaled on my gingerbread lance!
-”Fuck, fuck, fuck! As hard as I can! I’m gonna pound you, I’m the gingerbread man!”
amazing. just amazing.
so, yeah, plenty of cookie sex occurs. kara is confounded by the fact that he has so many working parts she never gave him, like elbows and vocal cords and most importantly, a tongue, which she discovers when “she felt his sticky icing mouth nuzzle her crotch,” which sounds so messy and gross, and the whole sex act with a cookie seems creepy, especially after the afterglow wears off and she sees his little icing eyes are all but smeared away after he rubbed them all over her butt when he was spelunking.
but she’s also shaken by her role in creating him - not only did she bring life into this world, but she created a sugary sex addict.
”This can’t be happening, “ Kara said. “You’re not real. I fell asleep or…and why are you so filthy? Gingerbread men are supposed to be sweet and crunchy, not nasty perverts.”
“You made me this way, you can lay me this way! You can! You can!”
it’s a sobering thing for her, knowing she's responsible for bringing such ick into the world, and she makes a vow:
She resolved to be more careful what she wished for in the future.
her shame and bewilderment do not last very long at all, with the beautiful simplicity of monsterotica:
Kara put aside the absurdity of what was happening and lost herself in the blowjob…
and all of the other sensations a cookie can ignite in a lady.
“Pleasure swelled inside of her, rising like a perfectly baked soufflé, and she moaned. “Oh god, I’m gonna come, gingerbread man!”
maybe she’s a baker after all…
but cookiepuss says NO:
“No, no, no! Your pussy is wet! But you’re not quite ready for my gingerbread yet!”
and then he… uses a rolling pin upon her in a most unsuitable way, committing many health code violations. of course, splayed all over the table as she is, she’s already left that A from the health inspector far behind, especially since this is all happening right in front of that giant picture window like she’s in some gluttonous peep show.
what i learned - a rolling pin is a poor lover
but so is a man who is also a cookie:
She clawed at his back, raking deep furrows in his doughy flesh that left chunks of gingerbread beneath her nails.
now who's too rough, kara?
another thing i learned which has more to do with the review than the book, but it is a useful tip - never GIS phrases like “magical jizz” or “ginger fucker” or “sex cookie” without ALSO typing in lol. because the things you will see, my friends, they are not right.
i need to wash away the memory of them with more cookie pillowtalk
“Come, come, come! Fast as you can! I’m fuckin’ you hard, I’m the gingerbread man!”
and finally, the moment you’ve all been waiting for
“Here we go! I’m gonna pop! And you’re gonna swallow every gingerbread drop!”
WHAT COMES OUT OF THE “FAT LOAF” OF GINGERBREAD PEEN?
The gingerbread man’s cum tasted like cinnamon roll frosting, the richest, creamiest frosting she’d ever tasted.
ever the professional, kara risks looking her gift horse in the…mouth, putting business before pleasure.
“I’ve never tasted anything like …that.” She gestured toward the gingerbread man’s crotch. “Can I get the recipe?”
way to ride the afterglow, kara.
and then she’s waking up on the floor of her bakery - no pants, no shoes, “frosting” in her hair, and allison is tarriving with apologies for their fight and praise for the magnificent (clothed, unpeened) gingerbread man in the window and the tousled kara is very excited to tell her all about the new recipe she’s planning on “whipping up,” although the recipe given to her from misterginger sounds exhausting if we’re talking about a holiday rush, i worry that kara might be sucking at math again.
Suck, suck suck for ten minutes on high heat. Fuck, fuck, fuck until thoroughly beat. Stroke, stroke, stroke until I come. Recipe makes one cup of delicious frosting.
one cup is both an alarming amount of ejaculate and not enough frosting for bakery-running. but i do want make much enthusiastic applause over the fact that she is going to feed her monsterlover's jizz to her customers and that will be what, ultimately, saves the day, health department be damned.
i leave you with this:
**********************************************
my monsterporn read of the month.
review to come.
heh.
come to my blog!
February 6, 2017
5 TOTALLY FROSTED GINGER GOODNESS
When I saw this crazy title on my Goodreads feed I said NO FREAKING WAY!? This is a joke, right?
Curious as ever, I need to know what this one was about.
And it was just what it seems!
Naughty dirty gingerbread smut!
Now there is a line I never thought I would ever and I do mean never ever say!!!
It was a confectioners nightmare when Kara is left with too much dough after making all the cookies required for her bakery.
She thinks, Oh what to do with all that dough?
She decides to make a big life size gingerbread man complete with an extremely large male appendage!
(Yeah, you heard right a big cock!)
Now here are the juicy & dirty bits.
I will just let these quotes tell you about this story.
“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! As much as I can! I need to fuck things, I’m the gingerbread man!”
-------
“You made me this way, you can lay me this way! You can! You can!”
-------
“Suck, suck, suck! As hard as you can! You’re gonna blow me, I’m the gingerbread man!”
------
“Strip, strip, strip! Take off those pants! You’re gonna be impaled on my gingerbread lance!”
------
“No, no, no! Your pussy is wet! But you’re not quite ready for my gingerbread yet!”
------
“Fuck, fuck, fuck! As hard as I can! I’m gonna pound you, I’m the gingerbread man!”
------
“Come, come, come! Fast as you can! I’m fuckin’ you hard, I’m the gingerbread man!”
-----
“Here we go! I’m gonna pop! And you’re gonna swallow every gingerbread drop!”
-----
GINGERBREAD MAN FROSTING
Suck, suck suck for ten minutes on high heat.
Fuck, fuck, fuck until thoroughly beat.
Stroke, stroke, stroke until I come.
Recipe makes one cup of delicious frosting.
Honestly, this Book was just outrageous but it was also so fun and enjoyable.
I think this is one Book that you either loved it and laugh or you hated it and called it stupid.
I guess I needed a laugh today so I was very receptive to this ridiculous story.
NO I wouldn't read it again but I'm not sorry I read it. It was fun!
When I saw this crazy title on my Goodreads feed I said NO FREAKING WAY!? This is a joke, right?
Curious as ever, I need to know what this one was about.
And it was just what it seems!
Naughty dirty gingerbread smut!
Now there is a line I never thought I would ever and I do mean never ever say!!!
It was a confectioners nightmare when Kara is left with too much dough after making all the cookies required for her bakery.
She thinks, Oh what to do with all that dough?
She decides to make a big life size gingerbread man complete with an extremely large male appendage!
(Yeah, you heard right a big cock!)
Now here are the juicy & dirty bits.
I will just let these quotes tell you about this story.
“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! As much as I can! I need to fuck things, I’m the gingerbread man!”
-------
“You made me this way, you can lay me this way! You can! You can!”
-------
“Suck, suck, suck! As hard as you can! You’re gonna blow me, I’m the gingerbread man!”
------
“Strip, strip, strip! Take off those pants! You’re gonna be impaled on my gingerbread lance!”
------
“No, no, no! Your pussy is wet! But you’re not quite ready for my gingerbread yet!”
------
“Fuck, fuck, fuck! As hard as I can! I’m gonna pound you, I’m the gingerbread man!”
------
“Come, come, come! Fast as you can! I’m fuckin’ you hard, I’m the gingerbread man!”
-----
“Here we go! I’m gonna pop! And you’re gonna swallow every gingerbread drop!”
-----
GINGERBREAD MAN FROSTING
Suck, suck suck for ten minutes on high heat.
Fuck, fuck, fuck until thoroughly beat.
Stroke, stroke, stroke until I come.
Recipe makes one cup of delicious frosting.
Honestly, this Book was just outrageous but it was also so fun and enjoyable.
I think this is one Book that you either loved it and laugh or you hated it and called it stupid.
I guess I needed a laugh today so I was very receptive to this ridiculous story.
NO I wouldn't read it again but I'm not sorry I read it. It was fun!
January 15, 2024
“Come, come, come! Fast as you can! I’m fuckin’ you hard, I’m the gingerbread man!” 😭
I really needed this laugh lol
I really needed this laugh lol
Read
May 17, 2017*This book and review aren't suitable for under 18 readers, You've been warned.*
The attack of the gingerbread men!!
They will take down the Donald and become the new heroes of erotica books. Step away six-pack heroes, you are nothing to
It's worth having a Kindle unlimited supscription just to discover crazy books like this. I read this because my friend Tink (who is very good at reviews whatever she says) posted her review and of course the review and the comment thread of the review was hilarious.
It sounded so funny, so different, so crazy that knew I had to check it out.
I'm not dissapointed!
This book :
Outrageous
Ridiculous
Hilarious
Original
Different
Pornographic
What are you expecting from an author whose other titles include gems like:
* Bagged by the Groceries
* F@ck#d the puppet
*Nostril F@#cked by the Micropenis
*Garden Gnome gangbang
* F@ck♦ng teddy??
Along with other books of the monster erotica genre. Oh Yes. If you didn't know that dinosaur porn and monster erotica are a thing I'm so sorry to have opened your eyes to this subgenre. I didn't need to know about this when I first found out, but I'm not sorry I read this. I finished this short story in 20 minutes during my lunch break and couldn't stop laughing. It's exactly what I needed to get over a book hangover. I laughed, I roll my eyes, I had so much fun! I'll re-read around Christmas time, that's for sure.
This book will work better if you have a juvenile sense of humour and if you need something different that will make you laugh.
For more info, hilarious rhymes and funny gifs read:
Tink Magoo's review
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
Chantal's review
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
'Q' aka CoCo's review
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
Sh3lly Bring on the Weird's review
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
SUSCRIBE TO KINDLE UNLIMITED 30 DAYS FREE TRIAL HERE You don't need to have a kindle, just an amazon account.
The attack of the gingerbread men!!
They will take down the Donald and become the new heroes of erotica books. Step away six-pack heroes, you are nothing to
It's worth having a Kindle unlimited supscription just to discover crazy books like this. I read this because my friend Tink (who is very good at reviews whatever she says) posted her review and of course the review and the comment thread of the review was hilarious.
It sounded so funny, so different, so crazy that knew I had to check it out.
I'm not dissapointed!
This book :
Outrageous
Ridiculous
Hilarious
Original
Different
Pornographic
What are you expecting from an author whose other titles include gems like:
* Bagged by the Groceries
* F@ck#d the puppet
*Nostril F@#cked by the Micropenis
*Garden Gnome gangbang
* F@ck♦ng teddy??
Along with other books of the monster erotica genre. Oh Yes. If you didn't know that dinosaur porn and monster erotica are a thing I'm so sorry to have opened your eyes to this subgenre. I didn't need to know about this when I first found out, but I'm not sorry I read this. I finished this short story in 20 minutes during my lunch break and couldn't stop laughing. It's exactly what I needed to get over a book hangover. I laughed, I roll my eyes, I had so much fun! I'll re-read around Christmas time, that's for sure.
This book will work better if you have a juvenile sense of humour and if you need something different that will make you laugh.
For more info, hilarious rhymes and funny gifs read:
Tink Magoo's review
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
Chantal's review
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
'Q' aka CoCo's review
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
Sh3lly Bring on the Weird's review
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
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December 25, 2020
'Tis the season of love. And of everything sweet. So I thought why not combine those two for my Christmas read?!
And this little book sounded like the perfect choice. Even though the characters have some problems, for sure.
Kara and Allison own a bakery since about a year or so. And with the Christmas season upon them they hope to finally turn a profit. I have my doubts though, that Kara would recognize a profit when she sees one. Because frankly, she's not that great at maths.
They were planning to make a hundred cookies, but somehow end up with an extra hundred pounds of gingerbread dough. Go figure!
After Kara realizes her mistake, Allison leaves for her boyfriend's and Kara stays at the bakery trying to figure out what to do with all that extra dough. That's when sudden inspiration strikes and she proceeds making a life-sized gingerbread man for the shop window. But, oh no, what's that?!
...there was still a bit of dough left, a cylindrical lump several inches long.
This actually sounds like a pretty clever set-up for what is about to cum. So far so good.
A little bit of naughty baking ensues, and Kara turns out to be quite happy with her creation. Except for one tiny detail.
When she thought about what Allison might say when she saw it, Kara blushed. She hadn't meant to make it that big.
A common problem in monsterporn.
One and a half pages later we come upon another monsterporn trope.
Her eyes lingered on his gingerbread member, and she felt a pang of longing. How long had it been since she'd gotten laid?
Hint: Too long.
But now in traditional Christmas tale style, it's time to make a wish.
"I wish you were a real man," she said, putting her hand on the still-warm gingerbread man's arm. The gingerbread man just lay there, cock and smile pointed at the ceiling.
Oh, this is golden. Is it the perfect Christmas story after all?
What follows is a fairly mundane meet-cute, as Kara catches Gingerman in the act of deflowering a donut. But charming as that might be, it goes horribly wrong, because Gingerdick is too gingerthick for pastries. And the guy is far too eloquent to go down the American Pie route anyway. I'm not kidding. Turns out he is a poet. Because he only says stuff like that:
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! As much as I can! I need to fuck things, I'm the gingerbread man!"
Or, adding a more personal note:
"Suck! Suck! Suck! As hard as you can! You're gonna blow me, I'm the gingerbread man!"
Kara, naturally, is very impressed. Who would be able to resist that kind of old-fashioned charm? Amiright?! Not Kara, that's for sure. In typical monsterporn fashion all logic gets thrown overboard now.
...after all, she told herself, it was only gingerbread.
Exactly! What's wrong with gingerbread?!
Kara put aside the absurdity of what was happening and lost herself in the blowjob...
Well, that's what every sane person that hadn't been laid in "too long" and now faces "several inches" of selfmade gingerdick would do. I mean, this is monsterporn, after all. Also, it would be quite stupid to waste your one Christmas wish.
Several pages of finally getting laid follow, including the promised improper use of kitchen equipment. While we're being treated to more of Gingerpoets lyrical ejaculations and the author cleverly circumnavigates some anatomical obstacles.
She had only a moment to wonder how he was pulling her panties down without fingers when his face pressed up against her crack, and she felt a tongue probe her slit.
"Oh!" she cried. How did he have a tongue? She hadn't given him one. Then again, she hadn't given him vocal chords, either.
You win some, you lose some. I suppose.
A couple more pages of this and then the story heads for its climax. And I really don't think you will be surprised how that might look.
Kara's reaction though is somewhat surprising.
"I've never tasted something like...that." She gestured toward the gingerbread man's crotch. "Can I get the recipe?"
Maybe not all hope is lost for Kara, the baker.
Maybe you should buy your pastries somewhere else.
Speaking of, I had some dough left when I had finished baking a cake for my mother. Funny coincidence, isn't it?!
I'm really trying to immerse myself more into my reading. So I thought it would be nice to do some cookiedick baking myself. It looked promising in the beginning.
But somehow poor Cookieman's cookieblood moved from his penis into his legs. The guy looks broken, and I can't tell you how sorry I am about that.
On the plus side, the cake for my mother turned out to be pretty good. And it doesn't have a penis. I think she will appreciate that. And now I feel a little filthy for mentioning my mother in this review.
I also feel a little filthy because of that:
Merry Christmas, everyone!
And this little book sounded like the perfect choice. Even though the characters have some problems, for sure.
Kara and Allison own a bakery since about a year or so. And with the Christmas season upon them they hope to finally turn a profit. I have my doubts though, that Kara would recognize a profit when she sees one. Because frankly, she's not that great at maths.
They were planning to make a hundred cookies, but somehow end up with an extra hundred pounds of gingerbread dough. Go figure!
After Kara realizes her mistake, Allison leaves for her boyfriend's and Kara stays at the bakery trying to figure out what to do with all that extra dough. That's when sudden inspiration strikes and she proceeds making a life-sized gingerbread man for the shop window. But, oh no, what's that?!
...there was still a bit of dough left, a cylindrical lump several inches long.
This actually sounds like a pretty clever set-up for what is about to cum. So far so good.
A little bit of naughty baking ensues, and Kara turns out to be quite happy with her creation. Except for one tiny detail.
When she thought about what Allison might say when she saw it, Kara blushed. She hadn't meant to make it that big.
A common problem in monsterporn.
One and a half pages later we come upon another monsterporn trope.
Her eyes lingered on his gingerbread member, and she felt a pang of longing. How long had it been since she'd gotten laid?
Hint: Too long.
But now in traditional Christmas tale style, it's time to make a wish.
"I wish you were a real man," she said, putting her hand on the still-warm gingerbread man's arm. The gingerbread man just lay there, cock and smile pointed at the ceiling.
Oh, this is golden. Is it the perfect Christmas story after all?
What follows is a fairly mundane meet-cute, as Kara catches Gingerman in the act of deflowering a donut. But charming as that might be, it goes horribly wrong, because Gingerdick is too gingerthick for pastries. And the guy is far too eloquent to go down the American Pie route anyway. I'm not kidding. Turns out he is a poet. Because he only says stuff like that:
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! As much as I can! I need to fuck things, I'm the gingerbread man!"
Or, adding a more personal note:
"Suck! Suck! Suck! As hard as you can! You're gonna blow me, I'm the gingerbread man!"
Kara, naturally, is very impressed. Who would be able to resist that kind of old-fashioned charm? Amiright?! Not Kara, that's for sure. In typical monsterporn fashion all logic gets thrown overboard now.
...after all, she told herself, it was only gingerbread.
Exactly! What's wrong with gingerbread?!
Kara put aside the absurdity of what was happening and lost herself in the blowjob...
Well, that's what every sane person that hadn't been laid in "too long" and now faces "several inches" of selfmade gingerdick would do. I mean, this is monsterporn, after all. Also, it would be quite stupid to waste your one Christmas wish.
Several pages of finally getting laid follow, including the promised improper use of kitchen equipment. While we're being treated to more of Gingerpoets lyrical ejaculations and the author cleverly circumnavigates some anatomical obstacles.
She had only a moment to wonder how he was pulling her panties down without fingers when his face pressed up against her crack, and she felt a tongue probe her slit.
"Oh!" she cried. How did he have a tongue? She hadn't given him one. Then again, she hadn't given him vocal chords, either.
You win some, you lose some. I suppose.
A couple more pages of this and then the story heads for its climax. And I really don't think you will be surprised how that might look.
Kara's reaction though is somewhat surprising.
"I've never tasted something like...that." She gestured toward the gingerbread man's crotch. "Can I get the recipe?"
Maybe not all hope is lost for Kara, the baker.
Maybe you should buy your pastries somewhere else.
Speaking of, I had some dough left when I had finished baking a cake for my mother. Funny coincidence, isn't it?!
I'm really trying to immerse myself more into my reading. So I thought it would be nice to do some cookiedick baking myself. It looked promising in the beginning.
But somehow poor Cookieman's cookieblood moved from his penis into his legs. The guy looks broken, and I can't tell you how sorry I am about that.
On the plus side, the cake for my mother turned out to be pretty good. And it doesn't have a penis. I think she will appreciate that. And now I feel a little filthy for mentioning my mother in this review.
I also feel a little filthy because of that:
Merry Christmas, everyone!
April 2, 2025
Happy Christmas in July! Ok, so I’ll preface this review with the fact that there are so, so many tasteless jokes I could make about this book, but I will refrain, as to not offend anyone. I’ve now clocked in time reading about sexual experiences with raptors, a homosexual bigfoot, Krampus, lizard warriors, and God knows what else at this point. Now maybe it’s because I am a self-taught baker, and I know the feeling of creating something beautiful in the kitchen. But I can honestly say that I’ve never fantasized about being intimate with any of my desserts. Sure, now that my mind has been polluted with this story, the thought may be there now. Especially with the desserts that have sexual sounding names like pound cake, spotted dick, cream pies, etc. So spoiler alert, a woman, Kara, is lonely, works late in a bakery, makes a gingerbread man that is anatomically correct, and he proceeds to come alive and let her sample a particularly special recipe. Cause he’s a gingerbread man. You get it. So as he somewhat forcibly copulates with Kara, even showing her some new ways to use a rolling pin, I felt my sweet tooth actually try to smother itself to avoid being near the insanity on these pages. Oh and the gingerbread man also has a quirk where he says things three times in rapid fire fashion, and, at times, even rhymes with his vulgar dialogue. The writing isn’t bad and I gave a lot of points for creativity, but the plot is so nonsensical, the sex is very ok, and there is no sign of any character development, or even any semblance of an actual story. It’s just a gingerbread man and a lonely lady making hanky panky in a kitchen. So thank you Fannie Tucker for ruining Christmas, except for the filthiest and most perverted bakers like myself.
March 17, 2016
"Fuck, fuck, fuck! As hard as I can! I'm gonna pound you, I'm the Gingerbread man!"
"No! No! No! Your pussy is wet! But you're not quite ready for my gingerbread yet!"
Fannie does it again. First there was rainbow gnome semen and now there's cinnamon frosting cum. And a rolling pin.
"No! No! No! Your pussy is wet! But you're not quite ready for my gingerbread yet!"
Fannie does it again. First there was rainbow gnome semen and now there's cinnamon frosting cum. And a rolling pin.
December 26, 2022
Run run as fast as you can, don’t read this book about the gingerbread man!
Another buddy read with my husband, this was very short and silly. It was more readable than some of these bad, parody erotic stories, but the rhyming was disturbing.
The dick building here wasn’t very creative, we were hoping for a gumdrop cock or some other candy topping but it was just made of cookie 😔. I feel like authors of this genre are not getting the assignment right if they aren’t really stretching their imaginations in terms of monster junk. 90% of my husband’s buy in on these is to know what is going on in the dong department!
But this was a hilarious read anyway. We laughed, we cried, we regretted the life choices that led us to this new hobby. Overall a fun time.
We both agree that royal icing is ruined for us forever. You can figure out why… 😱.
Another buddy read with my husband, this was very short and silly. It was more readable than some of these bad, parody erotic stories, but the rhyming was disturbing.
The dick building here wasn’t very creative, we were hoping for a gumdrop cock or some other candy topping but it was just made of cookie 😔. I feel like authors of this genre are not getting the assignment right if they aren’t really stretching their imaginations in terms of monster junk. 90% of my husband’s buy in on these is to know what is going on in the dong department!
But this was a hilarious read anyway. We laughed, we cried, we regretted the life choices that led us to this new hobby. Overall a fun time.
We both agree that royal icing is ruined for us forever. You can figure out why… 😱.
February 7, 2017
What did I just read??!
There was sugar and dough mentioned, as well as a special GINGERBREAD MAN FROSTING recipe.
A rolling pin was also utilized, but for additional purposes BEYOND the obvious...
This story was hella outrageous and I enjoyed it!
Favorite lines?
For additional quotes, please see this excellent review, if you dare, of course...
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
☞ Thanks, Tink Magoo for finding this story for me!
There was sugar and dough mentioned, as well as a special GINGERBREAD MAN FROSTING recipe.
A rolling pin was also utilized, but for additional purposes BEYOND the obvious...
This story was hella outrageous and I enjoyed it!
Favorite lines?
For additional quotes, please see this excellent review, if you dare, of course...
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
☞ Thanks, Tink Magoo for finding this story for me!
March 20, 2023
i need to start minding my own business.
Want to read
May 17, 2023That's a sure way to get a yeast infection, just saying! (Stole this joke from Howie Mandel)
June 19, 2015
Short and sweet (pun intended)
This was everything I thought it would be. If your sense of humor leans toward juvenile, you'll be giggling like I was just at the imagery alone. When he starts rhyming? Forget it. There's even a part I wasn't expecting. I do wish it was longer. It only took me about 15 minutes to read, but I smiled almost the whole time. To be 100% honest, this is a 4 star read for me, but I added a star because I had so much fun pun-ning the title before I even read it. Extra credit for the extra laughs. This parody is a tasty little treat. Sorry. Couldn't resist.
This was everything I thought it would be. If your sense of humor leans toward juvenile, you'll be giggling like I was just at the imagery alone. When he starts rhyming? Forget it. There's even a part I wasn't expecting. I do wish it was longer. It only took me about 15 minutes to read, but I smiled almost the whole time. To be 100% honest, this is a 4 star read for me, but I added a star because I had so much fun pun-ning the title before I even read it. Extra credit for the extra laughs. This parody is a tasty little treat. Sorry. Couldn't resist.
June 21, 2015
And I thought reading about Big Foot, and then a story about a Dinosaur was wierd!
Fannie took this book to a whole other level of erotica. LOL, that was a very tasty little treat! I guess I'll go home and boil down some sugar and flavoring and make myself a sugary smooth phallus after everyone goes to bed. I hope mine is sweet too because I plan on licking it all night. I feel a little bit shame for saying that.
Fannie took this book to a whole other level of erotica. LOL, that was a very tasty little treat! I guess I'll go home and boil down some sugar and flavoring and make myself a sugary smooth phallus after everyone goes to bed. I hope mine is sweet too because I plan on licking it all night. I feel a little bit shame for saying that.
June 14, 2016
This story was ridiculous.
Like in the absolute best way possible.
I don't think I'll ever look at cute little gingerbread men the same way again.
Like in the absolute best way possible.
I don't think I'll ever look at cute little gingerbread men the same way again.
January 5, 2023
Don’t ask.
Bonus points for making me laugh until my sides hurt at having the gingerbread man only speak in rhyme.
CW: explicit sexual content
Bonus points for making me laugh until my sides hurt at having the gingerbread man only speak in rhyme.
CW: explicit sexual content
June 19, 2015
for QC
Proof that working hard and late into the night can have its advantages! Gotta love the g'man frosty goodness!!
Proof that working hard and late into the night can have its advantages! Gotta love the g'man frosty goodness!!
September 25, 2025
Oh my god, every line of dialogue from the Gingerbread Man.
This is wonderful. There's an excellent story around the bizarre sexual encounter, which is disturbingly hilarious and everything you might expect. The whole thing works perfectly.
I don't think I can ever eat a gingerbread man again, though.
Kara and her friend run a struggling bakery business and stress is running high, made all the worse when Kara misreads a recipe and they produce 10x the amount of gingerbread dough they needed. What will Kara do with all the excess? Working alone late at night, she has a great idea, but she had no way of predicting what would happen next, especially since "there was still a bit of dough left, a cylindrical lump several inches long." What could she do with that? Hmm ...
Caution: the Gingerbread Man is rather aggressive. It's entirely in keeping with the character, but it's a bit uncomfortable in places, unless you want to be somewhat dominated by an enormous anthropomorphic cookie complete with icing.
This is wonderful. There's an excellent story around the bizarre sexual encounter, which is disturbingly hilarious and everything you might expect. The whole thing works perfectly.
I don't think I can ever eat a gingerbread man again, though.
Kara and her friend run a struggling bakery business and stress is running high, made all the worse when Kara misreads a recipe and they produce 10x the amount of gingerbread dough they needed. What will Kara do with all the excess? Working alone late at night, she has a great idea, but she had no way of predicting what would happen next, especially since "there was still a bit of dough left, a cylindrical lump several inches long." What could she do with that? Hmm ...
Caution: the Gingerbread Man is rather aggressive. It's entirely in keeping with the character, but it's a bit uncomfortable in places, unless you want to be somewhat dominated by an enormous anthropomorphic cookie complete with icing.
Read
December 6, 2023No words 😂
August 4, 2022
Pure curiosity and perhaps a moment of weakness. . .
This was a very quick read, only 26 pages. It was absolutely ridiculous but also quite amusing.
It may put you in the mood for some gingerbread cookies. . . Or it could turn you off of them completely.
This was a very quick read, only 26 pages. It was absolutely ridiculous but also quite amusing.
It may put you in the mood for some gingerbread cookies. . . Or it could turn you off of them completely.
December 30, 2022
Well, yes I had to read this book. Have you seen the title!?!?
Only 28 pages and free on Kindle.
Who would not just be like… what the hell.
So…I read it. And as silly as it is… it is also crazy for me to think that this is someone’s kink. I know it must be because there is a book called “ Snowballin': I Fucked Frosty” by Auralie Viergeand and some commentators there talk about there snow fetish. So, I figure, if there are snow/snowmen fetish people there have to be food/gingerbread fetish people.
Be forewarned that this GB man is a tad rapey. So if forced oral triggers you… just say “no” to the GBMan. Although, if you read this book, you will learn that he does not take “no” as an answer.
I do not know how many stars to give it. I promise you it is the best gingerbread dub/con story I have ever read. 😆
Nothing about it spoke to me but who am I to give low stars to someone else’s kink? It doesn’t pretend to be anything it is not. The writing and grammar where up to par and I was entertained. (I think.) 5 stars?
Oh, and I always rate a virgin hero’s deflowing.. I have a whole scale and stuff… but… I am not doing that. I have already spent more time writing this review than I took reading this book.
Only 28 pages and free on Kindle.
Who would not just be like… what the hell.
So…I read it. And as silly as it is… it is also crazy for me to think that this is someone’s kink. I know it must be because there is a book called “ Snowballin': I Fucked Frosty” by Auralie Viergeand and some commentators there talk about there snow fetish. So, I figure, if there are snow/snowmen fetish people there have to be food/gingerbread fetish people.
Be forewarned that this GB man is a tad rapey. So if forced oral triggers you… just say “no” to the GBMan. Although, if you read this book, you will learn that he does not take “no” as an answer.
I do not know how many stars to give it. I promise you it is the best gingerbread dub/con story I have ever read. 😆
Nothing about it spoke to me but who am I to give low stars to someone else’s kink? It doesn’t pretend to be anything it is not. The writing and grammar where up to par and I was entertained. (I think.) 5 stars?
Oh, and I always rate a virgin hero’s deflowing.. I have a whole scale and stuff… but… I am not doing that. I have already spent more time writing this review than I took reading this book.
Read
February 28, 2017No rating as it to ridiculous to rate! Definitely amusing so if you're looking for something with little substance but want to laugh...this is for you!
Read
December 19, 2023How about I forget I read this and you forget you saw me read this? Yes? Okay, great.
November 1, 2021
Holy shit! Just when I think I've read it all...
Kara has a little bakery and one day she made up too much gingerbread dough. So what does Kara do? She makes a life-size gingerbread man to display in her window. And to top it off for shits and giggles, she endows him with a confectionery cock. It's all fun and games until her creation comes to life.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck! As hard as I can! I'm gonna pound you, I'm the gingerbread man!"
Don't worry about poor little Kara, though. It all turns out pretty well for her in the end. The gingerbread man gave her a delicious secret recipe for frosting.
Kara has a little bakery and one day she made up too much gingerbread dough. So what does Kara do? She makes a life-size gingerbread man to display in her window. And to top it off for shits and giggles, she endows him with a confectionery cock. It's all fun and games until her creation comes to life.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck! As hard as I can! I'm gonna pound you, I'm the gingerbread man!"
Don't worry about poor little Kara, though. It all turns out pretty well for her in the end. The gingerbread man gave her a delicious secret recipe for frosting.
February 7, 2017
This was absolutely hysterical. It's a funny erotic short story about a gingerbread man and a bakery owner. You get exactly what you would expect from this story. lol “Here we go! I’m gonna pop! And you’re gonna swallow every gingerbread drop!” I'm dead. *tears*
January 21, 2015
"....improper use of a rolling pin." Fannie Tucker is definitely creative.
December 1, 2023
It was funny AF... don't judge me 😂
December 5, 2023
“Fuck, fuck, fuck! As hard as I can! I’m gonna pound you, I’m the gingerbread man!”
If you read any gingerbread romance/erotica this season let it be this. Full of piping hot thick creamy icing, spice(s), and laughs. Brilliant story.
If you read any gingerbread romance/erotica this season let it be this. Full of piping hot thick creamy icing, spice(s), and laughs. Brilliant story.
December 3, 2023
The gingerbread was a huge narcissist.
How do I keep ending up here?
How do I keep ending up here?
nope-not-4-me
March 26, 2022Still haven't read it (yet😉 ...jk), but I saw this gif and it reminded me of this book cover. Still makes me laugh that books like this exist.
June 1, 2017
Everything I could ask for in a smuttastically ridiculous & gingerly delicious fun book!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 160 reviews