Lesbianism Made Easy

by Helen Eisenbach

The essential guide to enjoying modern lesbianism These days, lesbians are everywhere you turn, streaming for your entertainment or commenting on the important political movements and hairdos of the day. Yet as more doors open on this often-misunderstood world, who hasn’t found him- or herself wondering how he or she might uncover the secrets, experience the glamour, enjoy the special advantages of lesbianism?   Helen Eisenbach’s hilariously irreverent guide provides a front-row seat to a largely female universe where love, lust, and forbidden laughter are just a fingertip away. Sharing hard-earned truths with sly insight and wit, Eisenbach reveals the fascinating inside story of a growing culture and shows how anyone can acquire the skills and state of mind to be a lesbian.   From flirting to family values, from work to play, from enlightening friends, relatives, or strangers to figuring out how to have sex with women or choose a pet, Lesbianism Made Easy answers all your questions—and some you didn’t know you had.

Genres: Nonfiction, Humor, LGBT, Queer, Lesbian, Gay

194 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 28, 1996

About the author

Helen Eisenbach writes comedies for both screen and stage and has published two books, the novel Loonglow and the slyly optimistic how-to Lesbianism Made Easy. Her essays, reviews, and interviews may be read at the Huffington Post, and 429Magazine, and other tasteful publications. She is currently developing several screenplays and a new novel.

Reviews

[Sam Maggs]

DNF’d a third in for truly heinous racism

[Steph · Rating 1 out of 5]

Lesbianism Made Easy is classified as humor - it’s a book that should be light and funny. It could be, if not for an underlying tone of bitterness, which takes away from the already not-so-clever commentary on lesbian life in the 90s.

There are a few nice things about this book, but I don't feel able write about them here. Unfortunately, in addition to consistent bisexual erasure and some casual anti-semitism, Eisenbach makes a disgustingly, unforgivably racist comment in this book. There are situations where I believe a somewhat-offensive statement can be redeemed by good intentions and quality writing. That is not the case here. Eisenbach’s easygoing bigotry just one feature of a coarse and mediocre book that I cannot endorse.

Thank you to NetGalley and Open Road Integrated Media for providing me with a copy of this book in return for an honest review.

[Kendall McClain · Rating 2 out of 5]

Gonna cut this some slack because it was written in 1996 and some moments were funny, but damn this seems very counterproductive. We don’t need a chapter comparing butch lesbians to men, nor do we need a chapter on how to pick up straight women, nor do we need racism???
Also one of my biggest gay pet peeves is when authors write lesbian characters and stories but refuse to say the word lesbian. I thought for sure since the word is in the title that would not be a problem, but then the author went on a little rant about how gross the word lesbian is and ew no thanks.

[Holly · Rating 1 out of 5]

Picked this one up for humor, but could not finish as it’s simply too counterproductive. I currently have no interest to volunteer my free time with that and cringe.

[Judy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reads like a stand-up routine. It's pretty funny at times and often silly, but there's a lot of truth in there too, some of which I needed to hear at this time.

[Nicole · Rating 3 out of 5]

3*

I thought this book was hilarious at parts, but also somewhat repetitive. Still I appreciate the dry humor that made some of the tough issues that people might have in their lives a bit more bearable. Even though at first I thought that I'm not having any of them and I'm not the part of the problem, after reading it I had to reevaluate my opinions. If at first it seems as a sarcastic commentary on "how to deal with your sexuality" topic, when you get further it makes more sense and does help you figure things out. Some of the ideas in dating section really hit home and I might use them in the future.

I think this book will make a wonderful gift or a quirky coffee table book choice. But make sure the person you're giving it to is out.

I was given an ebook copy of this book through Net Galley in exchange for an honest review.

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Il Libro sul lesbismo, sull'omosessualità e sulla sessualità tutta. Che ogni buon lettore dovrebbe aver letto. La Heisenback, tra un sorriso e una scrollata di spalle, fa molto di più che parlare di sesso in queste poche pagine. Parla dell'amore, della donna e dell'uomo. Della vita e della morte.

[emily. · Rating 4 out of 5]

brb gonna read all the 90s lesbian self-help books

[Svalbard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Questo libro, come è facile intuire, rientra nella categoria dei “manuali di vita”, come ce ne sono tanti da un po’ di anni a questa parte, che raccontano come bisogna fare per raggiungere determinati fini esistenziali. Ma lo fa con estrema ironia, in maniera spigliata e disincantata; tanto per dire, segue l’esempio dei testi scritti da psicologi o sociologi, in cui sono raccontate vicende reali tratte dalla loro esperienza clinica o di ricerca, in cui i nomi o i particolari rivelatori sono stati cambiati per motivi di privacy; ma qui, quando questo accade, c’è sempre una nota a piè di pagina che dice “il suo vero nome”, alla faccia della riservatezza… Il libro, indirizzato alle donne ma non solo (infatti il titolo dice “lesbismo per tutti” e non “per tutte” – anche se quello originale è lesbism made easy, cioè letteralmente “il lesbismo reso facile”) fornisce una serie di test per scoprire se si è lesbica, consigli su come relazionarsi con il resto del mondo, sia lesbo che etero o gay, osservazioni sui vantaggi (molti) e gli svantaggi (pochi) che questa condizione offre, consigli su come rimorchiare donne, anche eterosessuali, senza farsi male (ad esempio sfuttando la comunissima fantasia erotica di molti uomini di vedere la propria donna far l’amore con un’altra donna, e il desiderio delle loro donne di compiacerli – l’uomo, dopo i primi preliminari, dovrà essere spedito a comprare dell’olio per massaggi, possibilmente in un’altra nazione), su come fare del sesso in maniera soddisfacente (in linea di massima questo punto si riduce a un rimando al materiale pornografico di genere lesbico, anche se ab origine prodotto ad uso e consumo di maschi eterosessuali) e come portare avanti una storia con un’altra donna – o chiuderla, se occorre. Certo è che alcuni dei consigli, delle opinioni e delle osservazioni contenute nel libro sono state molto utili anche a me, che non solo non sono una donna, bensì un maschio eterosessuale. Non ho mai amato la manualistica di vita, ho sempre trovato che fosse un approccio estremamente riduttivo e un po’ furbastro a problemi esistenziali anche gravi, ma, forse proprio per il tono disimpegnato e ironico di questo saggio, alcuni dei consigli proposti – con i dovuti adattamenti – li ho fatti miei, e devo dire che mi sono stati pure assai utili in un periodo piuttosto oscuro della mia vita. Uno per tutti: prima di dire qualcosa che può suonare sgradevole, sostituirlo con un’espressione equivalente, ma positiva: ad esempio, invece di dire “era ora che ti decidessi a telefonarmi”, dire “la tua voce mi riempie di gioia”. Ho provato, e funziona. Concludo con questa mini-citazione, anche se vorrei citare tutto il libro: "…Naturalmente, vi accorgete benissimo che la vostra sessualità non è una scelta; in realtà voi non scegliete chi desiderare. Potete scegliere di sopprimere il vostro desiderio, mentire su di esso, fingere che sia innaturale sentire le emozioni che percorrono il vostro corpo tutte le mattine, mezzogiorni e notti, e rendono la vita di quelli intorno a voi così miserabile come credete meriti di essere la vostra. O potete scegliere di accorgervi che amare e persino desiderare un’altra persona non è un segno di depravazione ma essenzialmente di umanità. Per quelle che stanno pensando che non perché hanno una voce che gli gira in testa reclamando una lei, allora devono cedere al desiderio, chiedetevi in primo luogo perché vi sarebbero stati dati tali sentimenti se non foste destinate a esprimerli. Se credete che qualche potere superiore (Dio, Buddha, Maria Vergine o in qualunque modo vogliate chiamarlo) determini il vostro destino, rispondete a questo: perché un potere superiore dovrebbe essere così perverso da imporvi deliberatamente quei sentimenti per farvi soffrire e per farvi spendere tutte le energie cercando di sopprimerli? Specialmente quando esprimendoli rendereste tutti, tranne vostro marito e l’attuale fidanzata, tanto più felici?"

[Bailey · Rating 2 out of 5]

Honestly as I read this book, it was fun and funny enough to keep me interested. However, it's from 1996 and it shows. Many of Eisenbach's witty comments rely on bioessentialism, with woman equaling vulva and man equaling penis. Additionally, outside of one off-hand comment about the spectrum of sexuality, bisexuality goes completely unmentioned. Creating literature for lesbians in particular is absolutely fine, and suggested in the book's title. However, many of the pithy quips made throughout operate under the assumption that you are either gay or you are straight.

Eisenbach is at times harsh towards lesbians and women more broadly, but I interpreted it as the good-natured, if not overly familiar, teasing of a group by one of its own members. There were times I would get to the end of a sentence and forget how it had started after all the comma-offset-phrases, but the style was otherwise quick, conversational, and well suited to the style of the book. I would recommend this book to other newly out lesbians with a pretty large asterisk about some of its archaic understandings of lesbianism.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like reading a lifetimes worth of sarcasm and irony that's been distilled down into a single book. My reaction to this book has either been 1) hysterical cackling or 2) slow, baffled, she's kinda got a point nodding at my tablet. Just don't- don't give this to your friend who just told you that she thinks she might be gay. It's not That kind of book.

[Mary Gootee Schafers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short read that has lots of humor but also points out the weird hoops that society makes women jump through to appease man even when they are the kind of women who has no desire to romantically entangle one's self with said men. If you are a lesbian or a women who loves other women this may be a fun break from heteronormativity.

[John · Rating 3 out of 5]

After reading this book, I realize I’m probably not lesbian material. It was mostly a fun book, though: very funny and well-written, although there are a lot of very twisty sentences and the last third or so bogged down somewhat.

[Katherine Ast · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very funny but also includes some solid advice about love and life. Wish if read this 25 years ago.

[Yj · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit dated as it was published in 1996, but still enjoyable enough to be worth reading.

[Janelle Hammonds]

Sardonic humorous book about different aspects of lesbianism, but admittedly outdated 90s mindset.

[SweetCorn03 · Rating 1 out of 5]

wtf

[heresy · Rating 3 out of 5]

biphobic, bioessentialist, some bits were just plain unnecessary (there was a whole tangent where eisenbach called anyone who does bdsm inherently a misogynist? which was so random and out of place), but the rest of it was fairly entertaining. definitely interesting from a historical point of view

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A funny, self-aware book about the various perils and joys of being a gay woman. Despite coming out (no pun intended) in the late 90's, the books themes are still relevant today, and are universal meaning anyone (not just lesbians) can easily relate to and gain from this book. Helen Eisenbach is witty and insightful, and not afraid to point out stereotypes (they exist for a reason; see the chapter on pets).

[Mikki · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first read this book in the late 90’s and found it hilarious. I have recently found myself recommending it to friends, “no really, it’s a book about lesbians that is funny”. The doubt I’ve encountered made me go back and read it again last night, open an account at GoodReads and rate it. What more can I say? Hilarious! (Especially when read with the 1990’s in mind).

[Max · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very much of its time, this is a funny and light-hearted (and only rarely wince-inducing) humorous take on lesbianism of the 1990s, written in a style that reminds me of The Toast.

[Kristīne Vītola · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting stuff said in the part about emulation of traditional gender roles in queer rships, not so much in the part about kink.
Some other good advice about self worth below the (too) heavy layer of humor. Quite liked the idea of "radical mainstream".

[Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious! An excellent book to leave lying around so people can pick it up and reach chunks out of it, but actually pretty insightful if you sit down and read it.

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

funny.

[Sarita · Rating 4 out of 5]

absolutely hilarious. and sharp. brilliant satire and full of insight into the female human condition. another library book i went and purchased my own keeper copy.

[Yvensong · Rating 1 out of 5]

I have tried to give this book a chance two times, and have not been able to get into it either time. The caustic humor used is just not my cup of tea.

[apparently, · Rating 5 out of 5]

lesbians will rate this book five stars. as for others, why are you even reading this?

[Cat Tobin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lightweight and amusing look at one of life's greatest mysteries. The irreverent, sardonic tone is entertaining for about three quarters of the book, but then gets really repetitive.