Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself: The Top 10 Survival Tips for Loving Someone with an Addiction

by Candace Plattor

Loving someone who has an addiction problem is like being trapped on a roller-coaster of painful emotions. You never know what's going to happen from one moment to the next. It can be like living a re-occurring nightmare that you can't wake up from. The ongoing lies and the broken promises, the constant worry and fear, the dwindling hope that someday things will change. You know the story... It's downright exasperating. Whether the addict in your life is your spouse, partner, parent, child, friend, or colleague, the goods news is there is a way to end your suffering and Loving an Addict, Loving The Top 10 Survival Tips for Loving Someone with an Addiction shows you how. It doesn't matter what kind of addictive behavior your loved one is struggling with. It could be alcohol and drug misuse; an eating disorder; smoking; gambling; an Internet, relationship, or sex addiction; or compulsive shopping and over-spending. All addictions have negative consequences for loved ones. It's not news that many family and friends get caught in the "cycle of addiction" and don't know how to untangle themselves from the spiral of destruction the addict is engaging in. Candace shows you that the key to changing this painful reality for yourself lies in shifting your focus from your loved one's addiction to your own self-care. She shows you how to stop doing the things that are not only making your own life miserable, but which are also "enabling" the addict to continue on the path of destruction. However, thanks to this ground-breaking book you can now discover how to help yourself disengage from the ugly path of addiction. Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself Shows You How to Stop the Cycle of Pain and Chaos Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself presents a dramatically fresh approach to help you get off your loved one's roller-coaster chaos of addiction, maintain your own sanity and serenity, and live your best life. The book clearly and simply outlines 10 things you can do to take back control of your life. It covers all aspects of loving an addict. It will help This book helps you see that it's not your fault. Your intentions have been in the right place, you just haven't known what to do. You've done everything you can to try to help, and yet nothing you've done has worked. It's time for a new approach--an approach that works! Even though it may seem daunting at first to cease engaging in behaviors that appear to help your loved one, Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself describes how once you take this crucial step, not only does your life start getting better, but it also encourages the addict to make important decisions that could end up being life changing for them as well. Although Candace acknowledges that the addict may be helped through the actions you take to help yourself, the central theme of the book is that -- no matter what -- you must make this shift for your own sake!

Genres: Addiction, Nonfiction

204 pages, Paperback

First published December 1, 2009

About the author

Candace Plattor is a professional speaker, a TEDx speaker, and the author of the award-winning "Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself: The Top 10 Survival Tips for Loving Someone with an Addiction".

Candace Plattor, M.A., R.C.C., is an Addictions Therapist in private practice, where she specializes in working with the family and other loved ones of people who are struggling with addiction. As a former opioid addict with over 35 years clean and sober, Candace has learned that overcoming addiction is a family condition: everyone in the family is affected by addiction and everyone needs to heal. For more than three decades, she has been helping both addicts and their loved ones understand their dysfunctional behaviours and make healthier life choices.

The results Candace achieves have been astounding: addicts stop using and families regain their lives back from the ravages of addiction. As the developer of the Love With Boundaries Family Addiction Counselling and Therapy method, Candace now works with her team of top counsellors, helping both the families and their addicts break the devastating cycle of addiction for good.

Candace is a member of the Canadian Association of Professional Speakers (CAPS).

If addiction is causing pain and suffering in your family, and you’re ready to do what it takes to reclaim your sanity and serenity so you can live your best life, click go to lovewithboundaries.com/intake-questio... to qualify for a free 30-minutes consultation.

Reviews

[Nix Damon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simple and straightforward. I liked that the message was clear and repetitive. It was just what I needed to ground myself in a more worthy/competent attitude; I can move forward on better footing with these ten survival tips.

[Tiaré J · Rating 5 out of 5]

really helpful in terms of looking at oneself.
Especially when feeling like, "I have to x..." Or else "X bad thing will happen..." when it's about someone else's pattern of choices.

[Ardener · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was a good reminder of exactly where our focus should be. For me, it wasn't extremely eye opening, but it did a great job of reinforcing concepts I already was aware of and bringing to my remembrance things that are important in the journey. An easy read.

[Jody Cole · Rating 5 out of 5]

excellent book, changed me for the better. Very healing.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself by Candace Plattor addresses one of the most painful experiences a person can face: loving someone whose addictive behaviors are affecting their relationship, emotional well-being, and everyday life. What makes this book particularly meaningful is its focus on the people who are often struggling quietly alongside the person experiencing addiction.

The book recognizes the complicated emotions that can arise when someone you care about is caught in a cycle of addiction, including guilt, shame, anger, anxiety, confusion, and helplessness. These feelings can become overwhelming, especially when repeated attempts to help seem to make little difference. Plattor offers a different perspective by encouraging readers to shift some of their attention away from trying to control another person's behavior and toward caring for themselves.

I appreciate that the book addresses addiction in its many forms, acknowledging that these struggles can affect relationships in different ways. Whether the person involved is a spouse, parent, child, friend, or colleague, the emotional impact can be significant. The emphasis on self-care, personal boundaries, and reclaiming a sense of peace makes the book relevant to readers who may have spent so much energy worrying about someone else that they have neglected their own needs.

The promise of ten survival tips also gives the book an accessible, practical framework for readers who may feel overwhelmed and unsure where to begin. Rather than focusing exclusively on the person struggling with addiction, it invites readers to consider what they can change in their own lives and how they can protect their emotional well-being while still caring about someone they love.

Overall, Loving an Addict, Loving Yourself offers a compassionate perspective for people navigating the difficult realities of addiction within their relationships. Candace Plattor's central message—that loving someone does not require abandoning yourself—is an important reminder for anyone seeking greater clarity, healthier boundaries, and a more balanced way forward.

[Anika Sheikh · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was very personal read for me. While some parts were really thought provoking and educational, other parts were kinda boring because I felt like I already knew these things. I would have preferred a more scientifically approach and action based on how to actually navigate this situation. Although some of the example stories were helpful.

[Carol H. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loving someone who is actively engaging in addiction is a roller coaster. When she is fine, my life is easier and/ or the opposite.
I can only change myself - and my biggest change right now is limiting accessibility (not ‘on call’) to protect my energy (self respect, sanity, inner child).

[H · Rating 2 out of 5]

Outdated

[Robin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful (and practically the ONLY) book available for those living with an addict. Useful coping strategies, a good book to refer back to again and again.

[xxx yyy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful and positive

The book shows new and fresh approach towards addiction. I enjoyed it. It gave me reassurance that it's OK to focus on myself. My favourite tip is: stop trying to change somebody else! Brilliant, thank you so much for this book

[Edward Gerk · Rating 5 out of 5]

Extremely helpful.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

A rare book for an uncommon audience, bringing hope, solace and difficult truths for those who have lost themselves in caring for loved ones struggling with addiction