Thinking of You: A Memoir of a Girl's Crush, a Teacher's Grooming, a Forbidden Love and the Journey to Reclaim My Voice

by Mary Beth Runnoe

Mary Beth Runnoe was only eleven when she met Mr. Davis—the charming and worshipful young choir teacher would hold her in thrall for decades.

In prose as resolute as it is haunting, Runnoe explores what it felt like to be groomed by an older man as the focus of Davis’ inappropriate, yet strongly appealing, attentions and favor. As she was drawn deeper and deeper into his web, her life turned upside down. She became the keeper of his secrets and his closest confidante, carried along amidst the exhilarating expectation that she was somehow more than just a child with a crush on a teacher, and that God himself looked with favor upon their relationship.

Today, Runnoe is about the same age as was Mr. Davis when their compelling and inappropriate relationship began. She finds herself looking back on Mr. Davis’ influence over the very course of her life—the notes and letters he wrote, the gestures he made, the memories long-buried, the traps she was unable to avoid—to reflect upon the meaning of innocence and faith, and to come to terms with the experience of this older man’s attentions and its effect on her development as a woman and an adult.

Thinking of You is a story about grooming, the delicacy of power, and the effects of its influence on the powerless. It is a story about reclaiming, repainting, and retelling. And, though it is specifically Runnoe’s story, she knows her life experience has not been unique. By sharing her journey, she hopes she might help others find their voices, and their peace, as well.

Genres: Memoir

232 pages, Kindle Edition

Published July 15, 2025

Reviews

[Alana Seymour · Rating 5 out of 5]

What Runnoe does is deft, nuanced, and powerful. Though these memories may be imperfect (by her own admission), they leap off the page, so that I felt compelled to keep reading about their relationship even as the pit of dread in my stomach grew. The muddled timeline emphasizes the theme of memory and the nonlinear nature of healing, and the conceit of the letter excerpts is brilliant—what better way to reclaim the narrative than stripping the power from his words, making them her own? And with interwoven themes of disillusioned faith and the power of music, Runnoe further explores the complexity of her journey. Read this and you will mourn for the girl she was and the girl she never got to be, but you will also cheer for the woman who emerges from this telling: a woman who found closure (though not complete peace), a woman whose story is as much hers as it is many others’, and a woman whose brave vulnerability will help those others.

[Kelly Colabianchi · Rating 5 out of 5]

The highest praise I can give for Thinking of You is that I stayed up way past my normal bedtime to finish it. This memoir is a brave and honest reflection of what it is like to be groomed and manipulated by the one person you admire the most. My heart broke for this teen girl whose entire high school and early college years were molded by a man that blurred lines and crossed boundaries, while she was too young to even understand those boundaries should exist.

Runnoe’s story explores a nuanced experience that is all too often overlooked and dangerously dismissed by outsiders.

I think anyone with an adolescent in their life needs to add this to their must-read list right now.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished this a while ago but wasn’t sure how to put my thoughts into words. This memoir feels remarkable simply because it exists. We need more stories like this—because, unfortunately, the experiences it describes are common. If narratives like this were as widely told as the events themselves are lived, this wouldn’t feel like such an exceptional memoir. But in this moment, its bravery and rarity make it deeply deserving of some hype.

[Katie Kruger · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an important story that both deserves and needs to be told. I loved the disjointed timeline of it all — I thought the crafting of the narrative was masterful for a first novel. However, there are a lot of typos, some of them notably effecting the story’s flow if you’re not careful to understand what’s happening. I’d recommend it to those not only with grooming trauma but with religious trauma as well.

[Shelby Funfgeld · Rating 5 out of 5]

First and foremost, thank you, MB, for sharing your story with us. I had an idea what was going to be within these pages, but it was SO MUCH WORSE than I could have imagined. Thank you for your vulnerability.
Your writing was so prosaic, it felt like I was walking through it all with you.
I read the entire book in one sitting. I could not put it down!!

I celebrated you when you got the part in Annie (and all the others).
I celebrated you when you married Your William.
I celebrate you now with your first book as an author.

I loved being girls with you. I always looked up to you as the coolest people I'd ever known. Just know it's still true.

Proud of you forever MB <3

[Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Thinking of You, Mary Beth recounts her story in a powerful, compelling way. I devoured this book, hanging on her every word to watch her story unfold, while simultaneously feeling so heartbroken for all she encountered (and thinking of how common it is for others to encounter something like this too). There are so many people who need to hear what she has to say. The bravery it takes to tell a story like this is admirable, and the impact it will have on so many people is vast. Her voice will surely inspire others to give voice to their own stories, while raising awareness and helping to protect others from encountering similar experiences.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mary Beth did an incredible job of describing her interactions and relationship with her high school choir director, Mr. Davis, and how their relationship progressed emotionally through high school and then really accelerated after she graduated. The way she processes his care and attention for all those years is so incredibly relatable. I found myself remembering times in my life where the attention of older men left me feeling unsettled, but there wasn’t a big red flag waving. It’s always small. The person in the authority position always tests the waters slowly. As a female, it’s so easy to talk yourself out of feeling uncomfortable.

Mary Beth’s crush on Mr. Davis added another layer to this story. I think he knew she liked him and he liked that she did. He encouraged her, but was always careful as well, which made it even more disturbing. He knew it was wrong. He was the adult. He should have stopped it. Reading Mary Beth’s inner turmoil as she justified his actions one second and felt completely unsettled the next was all too familiar. I feel like all women have experienced this to some extent.

Perhaps the most disgusting part is the way Mr. Davis used her religion and faith in God to manipulate her. Unfortunately, false and twisted teaching in church about the dynamic between men and women abound. These twisted and oppressive views are not what the Bible teaches and it’s a shame that her abuser is responsible for not only robbing her of her innocence, but also robbing her of her relationship with a loving God.

Thank you Mary Beth for sharing your story.

[Meggie Sue · Rating 5 out of 5]

Runnoe’s debut novel is haunting with ghosts of past, humorous with the light heartedness of youth, and terrifying with its relatable nature. Her vulnerability about the dangers of a young girl’s crush is so real it makes you think it could be happening to you. Poignant and bold, it’s a must read for anyone wanting to dive in to the world of love and power. A can’t put down story that will have you second guessing whether it was a whirlwind of love and loss or something more sinister in grooming and selfish abuse. Runnoe is sure to become a hit author and fast!

[Emma Costello · Rating 5 out of 5]

From the very first page, this book captured me in a way no other book has. It felt like Mary Beth was having a personal conversation with me. The short chapters made the book so engaging- I finished it in one day! Each chapter is beautifully written and jumps around from different times in her past. While it is a tough subject to address, Mary Beth approaches it with such eloquently written prose. I highly recommend you add this to your to be read- you will not be disappointed!

[Hannah Ingraham · Rating 5 out of 5]

A breakout debut with beautiful prose and haunting complex memories that weave a tale of a girl becoming an adult under the manipulation of an authority figure.

This book explores grooming, religious manipulation and guilt tripping, and healing on your own. It’s a testament to women who have had to recall memories and think “did that really happen? Do I have the facts straight because that didn’t feel right?” Ladies you have the facts straight - that man is a piece of wet lettuce and he’s giving you the uh-oh feeling.

[Kaitlyn M your_GeekyGF · Rating 5 out of 5]

To quote myself in comments to the author (who I have known since our days of shared schedules in the BGSU IECE program #gofalcons! 🧡)


"I Devoured this book"

"The honesty used to recall and relive this story is so descriptive and real, I can FEEL the emotions coming out of the words and off the page"

" I HAVE to hear where it ends"


As a debut work, a memoir is no easy feat. But add to that the recall of a traumatic period of time, lost love, end to a relationship (one that should not have gotten as far as it did anyway!) WOW talk about a mountain to climb.

What was interesting for me when reading this is I know Mary Beth- I REMEMBER when she met her husband (talked about briefly in the book towards the end). I KNOW what church experience she had. I WALKED those buildings and that campus and it was so surreal to me to simultaneously be transported back to that era of my life, being a side character in her story, and then knowing that my own story was unfolding across the same plane of space and time! Only BG students will be able to taste the smoothies, smell the Starbucks from the union and SEE the leaves of fall changing and feel the wind. This book was a sensory experience for me in more ways than 1!!

Now for the subject matter: as a teacher myself, a lot of what she shares in here about responsibilities, duties, roles is all true. But, the statements she shares about children crushing on their teachers? Also true. Exchanging emails, sometimes texts, taking photos, knowing personal information about students and investing in their success are all parts of the job yes. BUT- there is a definite line and boundaries which need to be established.

The metaphor used about the line in the sand getting washed away is a very clear picture of what this relationship was. I find it hard to see it as anything other than what Mary Beth describes it in her book: grooming and inappropriate.

Sprinkled throughout with little Taylor Swift lyrics, references and Easter eggs for the true fan (even if this wasn't intentional, I noticed 🤣) added an extra element of joy to the reading.

I Hope she decides to write other things!!!!!!!


Until next time, happy Reading 📘

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading Thinking of You was both heartbreaking and eye-opening, not just because it tells a painful story, but because it was written by someone I once sat beside in class, someone I knew as a teenager. In this powerful memoir, Mary Beth shares her experience of being groomed by our high school choir director, a man entrusted with the safety and growth of his students, a man who ultimately betrayed that trust in ways that were both subtle and devastating.

She was only 19 when their relationship was no longer teacher / student.. He was 34 but the story began long before that. A slow erosion of boundaries masked as mentorship, admiration, and praise. Mary Beth unpacks it all with clarity and courage: the emotional manipulation, the moments of doubt, the pain of realizing what had actually happened.. not just hindsight, but in layers of over time.

What struck me most was her willingness to examine how deeply the experience shaped her identity, her relationships, and her sense of self. She doesn’t shy away from the complexity - the parts that are hard to talk about - especially for survivors. This isn’t just a “this happened to me” story; it’s a deeply reflective account of what happens AFTER the confusion, the shame, the silence, and finally the reclaiming of her own voice.

As someone who remembers those school years, this book hit close. It forced me to reflect on what we didn’t see or what we saw and didn’t question. How often we trust authority without examining the power it carries. How easily a predator can hide in plain sight even behind a piano and a podium.

I’m proud of Mary Beth for writing this. For pulling back the curtain not only on her own, but on a larger pattern that exist in schools, churches and communities everywhere. If you ever wondered what grooming looks like, Thinking of You is an essential read. It isn’t easy. But it’s Necessary.

[Becka Neuenschwander · Rating 5 out of 5]

Firstly, this memoir is written with such intention and emotional intelligence that it captivated me. Processing trauma looks different to many, but I greatly appreciated MB’s allowance for two seemingly conflicting emotions/ perspectives to be held concurrently. It seems to often be the case. Forgiveness and acceptance of a situation for what is was is not necessarily the same, but it felt like the author closed a chapter in her life, and I hope it brings her peace. My own views on God may differ, but her life circumstances allow for an understanding on some level as to why she holds them. I know that this is not what telling your story is about MB, and I have no intention of distracting from the incredibly important story you have told, though I would like to lend the idea that church hurt is real. People are fallible and tend to ruin things. I hope you are able to one day find the right church place for you (if you so choose with your family) because the God I know values you as a person, did not wish for bad things to happen to you, and does NOT hold women as inferior or unimportant. All this to say, I hope that person you once held in highest regard, who abused your trust and his own position, does not take anything more from you. You deserve peace. I’m so happy you have found and built your family. And just know, no matter what your emotions and memories may try to convince you, no part of what happened was your fault. I know you said it, but I also know sometimes you can mentally know things and still not feel them to be true. God bless and thank you for sharing your story with the world.

[Megan Farison · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I started Mary Beth’s memoir, Thinking of You, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I knew it explored her experience of being groomed by her high school choir director. I assumed the book was a series of letters written directly to this teacher, explaining the effect his actions had on her life.

It was so much more than that.

One of the insidious things about grooming is that it occurs in broad daylight, in the presence of others, persistently blurring the line between caring teacher and egocentric predator. However, Mary Beth's insightful reflections, woven into an evocative and compelling narrative, make it abundantly clear that child sexual grooming is not a case of one or two eyebrow-raising interactions, but a pattern of observable and identifiable behaviors. We just have to know what to look for.

As a fellow author of a memoir about educator sexual grooming and abuse, I cannot recommend this book enough. Mary Beth offers a front-row seat to the experience of living as the target of grooming—day after day, year after year—and the deeply profound impact it can have on a person's life, both in and beyond high school. It also reveals the subtle (and not so subtle) ways religion and society continue to perpetuate the grooming and abuse of girls and young women.

When it comes to illuminating the experiences of survivors of child grooming and abuse, Mary Beth Runnoe’s Thinking of You is a masterpiece of literary art. I am grateful to her (and her loving husband) for the time, energy, and perseverance it took to write this book. It will save lives.

[Jacquiay · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thinking of You is a beautiful and heartbreaking memoir that will stay with me for a long time. Mary Beth's willingness to share such a deeply personal chapter of her life is both powerful and brave. Her writing is raw, honest, and filled with an emotional depth that makes it impossible not to feel the weight of her story. This book goes beyond a simple memoir. It's a voice for others who have been silenced. I truly hope it finds its way into the hands of people who need to hear it, whether to understand, to heal, or to feel less alone.❤️

[Erin Bertolini · Rating 5 out of 5]

Devastatingly poetic at times, Mary Beth Runnoe's memoir is beautiful and brave. This story needed to be told. I could not put this book down for a plethora of reasons – one of the biggest being the way this story literally hit so close to home. Predators, groomers, and abusers beware. We see you.

[Yadira · Rating 4 out of 5]

Must read.

This is a story that I wish all kids in highschool should read. Hopefully it helps someone avoid a sketchy situation.
I related on some parts and I know how hard it is to talk about it so thank you.
Overall me personally I wouldn't go back and forth on the time line as much but it was a good read over all.

[Andrew L. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good, quick read that has great insight on grooming and the effects of grooming

[Laney · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book I have been waiting 10 years for someone to write. Mary Beth, thank you. Thank you for sharing your deepest thoughts with the world so that survivors like me feel less alone in our own confusing thoughts.