Straight to Hell: Memoir of an Ex-Evangelical Pastor

by John Wesley Wilson

If you were raised in evangelical Christianity and taught to fear that who you are could damn you, this book is for you.

Straight to Hell is the true story of a Pentecostal pastor who spent decades suppressing his identity to survive—until the life he built on obedience finally collapsed.

John Wilson spent his life mastering the art of disappearing.

Raised in poverty and abuse in the fire-and-fury world of Pentecostalism, he learned early that desire could damn him and obedience might save him.

So he buried himself beneath a life built for survival. He became everything a godly man was supposed to a pastor, a husband, a father. A man shaped for approval.

But secrets this big don’t stay buried.

When tragedy ruptures the life he’s constructed, the truth he’s spent decades suppressing erupts—shattering his faith, his marriage, and the only identity he’s ever known. Cast out by the church he once served, John spirals into a darkness he isn’t sure he wants to survive.

What follows is a raw, riveting journey through collapse and rebirth—an unlearning of fear, a dismantling of shame, and the sacred work of building a life that finally belongs to him.

It’s the story of a father fighting to stay connected to his daughters, of discovering grace outside the walls of religion, and of finding love that doesn’t require hiding.

Harrowing, hopeful, and deeply human, Straight to Hell is for anyone who has lost their world—and dared to build a truer one.

For fans of Boy Erased, Educated, and This Is How It Always Is, this memoir isn’t just a confession.

It’s a reckoning. And a call to courage.

318 pages, Kindle Edition

Published July 27, 2025

Reviews

[Chris Cerny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful memoir. Amazing rags to riches struggle with the author and his banishment from church, community and family. Captivating story had me hooked from the first page. Love his honest respect and compassion for all involved including the church. The tragic story of the brother and its aftermath had me in tears. How he managed to climb out of this wreckage is unimaginable. Thank you for sharing this story!

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

I arrived in Ptown late in the day of JWW's book signing event at Jimmy’s Hideaway. I learned of the book reading the Provincetown Magazine. I was never much of a reader but had to reach out to say, “I couldn’t put it down”. I laughed. I cried. I smiled.

Although I am out since high school, my childhood was spent at the local Baptist Church. My parents didn’t have a social life outside of the church. If the doors were open, we were there.

This book is a must-read for any person who grew up in the church but needed help in finding their way. I am reminded of a lyric from Jekyll & Hyde. "Life is hard when your life's a facade." I am so glad that JWW is living his truth. What a journey!!!

[Meg · Rating 5 out of 5]

A powerful thought provoking read. I found myself marking quotes so I could go back and read them again. I cried big tears, laughed, and felt some big feelings reading this book. This memoir will stay with me for a long time. I ended it with a sense of hope. I highly recommend giving it a read!

[peggy sogard · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an incredible story! It was so well written! Knowing John makes it that much more powerful! It shows that you never really know what other people have been through in their life…. And how unconditional love is the one thing that can truly save us.

[Denise J]

The memoir kept me entranced. It reminded me a bit of Glass Castle.

[Collin Hill · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well-written and an incredibly honest look at how difficult it can be to leave all you’ve ever known, to pursue yourself. The search for truth, compassion, and understanding, all while deconstructing a faith built on shame and fear, is no easy feat. This author retells his story beautifully and inspires us all to be kind to one another, but most importantly ourselves.

[cherie thurner · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Accepting the truth.” John Wesley Wilson. His truth, suffering and longing is on every page. The author’s writing flows and engages the reader from the first page. I could not put it down. A cliché but true.
The author's endurance to take one step after the other during the heartbreak time of coming out and severing the past brought me to tears. His bravery though hesitant at times is to be admired.
This memoir is well written and balanced. Each page brings the reader deeper into the life of a brave, intelligent, and strong man. He is to be admired for sharing his truth.
This is a must read.

[Melba · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must read. The story is beautifully written. It is a story of pain and triumph and happiness. I know the author personally and he has found happiness in his life.

[Karen Newell · Rating 5 out of 5]

“A roller coaster journey from anguish to exhilaration! This book has the power to transform and SAVE lives! It is a story that the world NEEDS to hear! 'Straight To Hell: Memoir of an Ex-Evangelical Pastor' is NOT just about grit; it provides the courage, confidence and hope needed to anyone struggling with their own version of hell.”

Karen A. Newell, MMSc, PA-C, DFAAPA
Emory University School of Medicine
Assistant Professor Emeritus

[Fran Bishop · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Straight to Hell” by John Wesley Wilson had me hooked from the very first page. His writing is so vivid and descriptive that I often felt like a fly on the wall, quietly witnessing his story unfold before my eyes.

Wilson’s memoir is more than just a personal narrative—it’s a powerful testimony of resilience. It is at once heart-wrenching and inspiring, taking readers through the depths of struggle while never losing sight of hope. His story is a reminder of the strength it takes to overcome adversity, live your truth unapologetically, and recognize your own worth.

At its core, this book is about transformation. Wilson shows how healing through love—both giving and receiving—can open the door to renewal and, ultimately, to lifting others as you rise. It is a book that speaks to anyone who has ever longed for acceptance in a world that too often demands conformity.

“Straight to Hell” is more than just a life story—it’s a call to courage and authenticity. A must-read for those seeking hope, healing, and the reminder that even the most painful journeys can lead to purpose and light.

[Deidrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Straight to Hell" is one of the best memoirs I have read, not just this year, but I'd say it is in my top 10. I make that claim boldly because it isn't often that I'm challenged to think about things, ponder questions about life, perspective, self-reflection, and how to navigate the world authentically with such precision and depth in the questioning. From the beginning, the author poses questions to himself, which in turn prompted me to ask the same questions of myself. It is with great relief that he answers those probing questions with such openness and vulnerability. And I was moved every time.

There is redemption, even when you never thought you would need it. There is grace, even when you weren't looking for it. "Straight to Hell" will open the gates to compassion and understanding, even if you thought yourself the gatekeeper.

I'll reread it soon. I want to spend more time in the author's world.

Thank you for sharing this moving story.

[Blessing Debel · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Gut-wrenching, raw, and redemptive.”

This book is a fist to the chest, in the best way. Straight to Hell isn’t just a memoir, it’s a reckoning. John Wesley Wilson doesn’t flinch once. He writes like a man who has nothing left to lose and everything to give.

The story of a pastor clinging to his faith while burying his truth could’ve been told with bitterness or blame, but Wilson gives us something braver: honesty. Tender, brutal, unrelenting honesty. From the suffocating confines of the pulpit to the unbearable moment with his dying brother, every page pulses with humanity.

I found myself angry, grieving, and weirdly hopeful all at once. This book is for anyone who’s been crushed by systems that promised salvation but delivered shame, and for anyone clawing their way back to wholeness.

Read it. Then sit with it. Then maybe read it again.

[Susan Dalo · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was touched, moved, and inspired by Mr. Wilson’s story. Well-written and captivating from the very start, I found that I just couldn’t put it down. The title may lead one to believe Mr. Wilson is bashing religion and rejecting God. This is far from the truth. It is a courageous story, written with brutal honesty, about a man’s search for his true self as he overcomes his past and builds an authentic future for himself. It is filled with honesty, courage, hope, and the importance of finding and speaking one’s truth. While this story is about discovering and embracing one’s sexuality, it is also a universal message of self-discovery and self-acceptance that every person can relate to. I will definitely be recommending this book to everyone I know. Absolutely LOVED this book.

[Elizabeth A. · Rating 5 out of 5]

A story of hope that will resonate with anyone who needs to be reminded they are beautiful and loved for who they are! Be true to yourself and you will find those who love you for who you are and not for who they expect or want you to be. Love yourself and you will find those who love you, unconditionally and without judgement.

I cried, laughed, experienced sadness, fear, anger, anxiety, frustration and finally relief and happiness. I've read the book twice so far and expect that I'll continue to pick it up again and again. Thank you to the author for sharing so much of himself to help others who need to know there is love and happiness on the other side of whatever darkness you are OR have experienced. Stay strong and don't give up.

[Jerry Sullivan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a heartbreaking autobiography of a boy born in southern Alabama in the 1970's to a dysfunctional single mother living in abject poverty. Later in his early teen years, while going to school, he has no choice but to become the financial supporter for his mother by working after school to pay the rent and buy the food. Subsequent well-written tear jerking chapters are riddled with even more challenges in this roller-coaster life involving his siblings, marriage, children, divorce, religion and sexual orientation. Eventually after much perseverance with high emotional trauma, light shines at the end of his life’s tunnel.

[Dave A · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was privileged to be an advance reader of this memoir, and I was hooked from the first page. Couldn't put it down. Read it one day. It's harrowing, deeply moving, and inspiring. Made me think and re-think assumptions and beliefs I've had my whole life. The writer took me on a chronological journey that was easy to follow with beautiful turns of phrase and deep insight. The ending felt like a warm hug. Highly recommend.

[Niki Murphy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was completely immersed in this book from the very beginning—so much so that I read it in a single day! For a story about secrets, this memoir is incredibly honest. The author’s vulnerability and courage shine through every page, offering a rare and personal look into his inner world.

This is more than just a compelling story—it’s a brave and beautifully written account of following your heart and finding your truth that stays with you long after the final page.

[Mary Cerny · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend “Straight to Hell: Memoir of an Ex-Evangelical Pastor” by John Wesley Wilson. How the author was able to rise from the ashes of a life he believed would save him is a testimony to his inner strength and courage. Desperation, physical and emotional hunger, grief, redemption, love and a “shake your head in disbelief” type of humor, is so carefully crafted in this memoir that you will not want to put it down.

[Chris · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a memoir that deserves to be read and shared widely. The author takes you on a raw, heartfelt journey through self-discovery, deconstruction, and redemption. I laughed, I cried, and sometimes did both at the same time. Even having heard many of these stories firsthand and watched his love story unfold, I still found something new and deeply moving on every page. I couldn’t put it down. Congratulations, Dr. Wilson, and thank you for sharing your story with such honesty and courage.

[Wendy Agbay · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely captivating. This memoir pulled me in from the first page—I couldn’t put it down. The storytelling is raw, beautiful, and deeply human. As an ex-evangelical pastor, the author shares a journey that’s both deeply personal and universally resonant. I couldn’t stop thinking about it for days after I finished. Highly recommended.

[Steve Hoppe · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's an amazing story and hard to put down. I read it in two parts, interrupted only by dinner.