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72 pages, Paperback
Published January 14, 2026
So what?
I cannot accept this ending. I have fallen
From the highest ledge. I will never land.
So what if I am safe? I am not.
ATTENTION PLEASE. Yes. Stop.
Everyone must feel like this. Must rend.
Must wreck. And yet that cannot be true.
If someone understood, I wouldn’t beg
So much attention. Please, my arms are empty.
I have laid it down, the rank and perfect
Onliness of my loss.
They counted out your time left and you spent it
without any extraordinary grace.
They tried to say you’d exceeded expectations.
Maybe in efforts towards love
but not in dying. Maybe in brightness of thread,
consistency of hat, the line of song
bent in horsehair – not in dying. Maybe
in commitment to the wristwatch. To the spirit.
To the ocean. Not in dying. We thought
You’d always laugh while you were speaking
But you wore brown pyjamas you didn’t choose
And you spat out grape seeds and stopped talking.
Then you couldn’t love me.
Then you died. Then they burnt you.
Darling get tired of me. I’ve no plans to improve.
Isn’t it difficult even inside love
to make tonight’s dinner? Pair the socks?
I see ahead years of tinned vegetables
and faulty decisions; you will lose your keys
and you will die of or beneath something
without me. No these days are barely soft.
I am
a large dirty lake, a tepid naughty heart.
I do not want anyone to love me.
But when they don’t, why don’t they?