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How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most
Brought to you by Penguin.
We can be loved — and still not feel loved. Many people believe that if they behave the right way, say the right things, or make themselves more lovable, they will feel more loved. But this kind of reflexive thinking is fundamentally misguided, causing a disconnect that can lead to loneliness, depression, and self-doubt.
Sonja Lyubomirsky, the world’s preeminent expert on happiness, and Harry Reis, one of the world’s leading experts on relationships and connection, have studied the complexities of well-being and love in depth. Truly feeling loved, they’ve discovered, differs widely from the actions that we usually associate with loving, being loved, and falling in love.
In this exceptional book, they present a radical, hopeful, and science-backed shift in how to think about love, revealing that feeling loved isn’t about making ourselves more appealing, available, and lovable — it’s about showing our full and vulnerable selves to others and encouraging our loved ones to reveal their full and vulnerable selves to us. This is true for romantic love but also for the love we feel in friendship, family, and beyond.
In How to Feel Love, they introduce five powerful mindsets—tools to help us feel the love we crave with the people in our lives.
A Sharing mindset — showing our vulnerabilities and inner world, not just the polished parts
A Listening-to-Learn mindset — making space to truly tune in to another, not just to take turns speaking
A Radical Curiosity mindset — being genuinely interested in another and asking better questions
An Open-Heart mindset — being kind and affirming to another for who they truly are
A Multiplicity mindset — embracing the messy complexity in all of us
These mindset shifts give shape to a dynamic back-and-forth process the authors call the Relationship See-Saw, which will help readers remake their conversations in ways that enable them to deeply know those they love and become deeply known by them. It isn’t enough to be loved. To be truly fulfilled, we must feel loved. This book shows us how.
'A deeply-researched and beautifully-written guide to finding what we all need for true happiness. This book might change your life. ' Arthur C. Brooks, Harvard Professor and #1 New York Times bestselling author
'A gift to anyone who wants to live with more joy and connection.' Dan Buettner, author of The Blue Zones
Sonja Lyubomirsky and Harry Reis 2026 (P) Penguin Audio 2026
We can be loved — and still not feel loved. Many people believe that if they behave the right way, say the right things, or make themselves more lovable, they will feel more loved. But this kind of reflexive thinking is fundamentally misguided, causing a disconnect that can lead to loneliness, depression, and self-doubt.
Sonja Lyubomirsky, the world’s preeminent expert on happiness, and Harry Reis, one of the world’s leading experts on relationships and connection, have studied the complexities of well-being and love in depth. Truly feeling loved, they’ve discovered, differs widely from the actions that we usually associate with loving, being loved, and falling in love.
In this exceptional book, they present a radical, hopeful, and science-backed shift in how to think about love, revealing that feeling loved isn’t about making ourselves more appealing, available, and lovable — it’s about showing our full and vulnerable selves to others and encouraging our loved ones to reveal their full and vulnerable selves to us. This is true for romantic love but also for the love we feel in friendship, family, and beyond.
In How to Feel Love, they introduce five powerful mindsets—tools to help us feel the love we crave with the people in our lives.
A Sharing mindset — showing our vulnerabilities and inner world, not just the polished parts
A Listening-to-Learn mindset — making space to truly tune in to another, not just to take turns speaking
A Radical Curiosity mindset — being genuinely interested in another and asking better questions
An Open-Heart mindset — being kind and affirming to another for who they truly are
A Multiplicity mindset — embracing the messy complexity in all of us
These mindset shifts give shape to a dynamic back-and-forth process the authors call the Relationship See-Saw, which will help readers remake their conversations in ways that enable them to deeply know those they love and become deeply known by them. It isn’t enough to be loved. To be truly fulfilled, we must feel loved. This book shows us how.
'A deeply-researched and beautifully-written guide to finding what we all need for true happiness. This book might change your life. ' Arthur C. Brooks, Harvard Professor and #1 New York Times bestselling author
'A gift to anyone who wants to live with more joy and connection.' Dan Buettner, author of The Blue Zones
Sonja Lyubomirsky and Harry Reis 2026 (P) Penguin Audio 2026
397 pages, Kindle Edition
Published February 19, 2026
About the author
Sonja Lyubomirsky
10 books253 followersThe majority of my research career has been devoted to studying human happiness. Why is the scientific study of happiness important? In short, because most people believe that happiness is meaningful, desirable, and an important, worthy goal, because happiness is one of the most salient and significant dimensions of human experience and emotional life, because happiness yields numerous rewards for the individual, and because it makes for a better, healthier, stronger society. Along these lines, my current research addresses three critical questions: 1) What makes people happy?; 2) Is happiness a good thing?; and 3) How and why can people learn to lead happier and more flourishing lives?
Why Are Some People Happier Than Others?
I have always been struck by the capacity of some individuals to be remarkably happy, even in the face of stress, trauma, or adversity. Thus, my earlier research efforts had been focused on trying to understand why some people are happier than others (for a review and theoretical framework, see Lyubomirsky, 2001). To this end, my approach had been to explore the cognitive and motivational processes that distinguish individuals who show exceptionally high and low levels of happiness. These processes include social comparison (how people compare themselves to peers), dissonance reduction (how people justify both trivial and important choices in their lives), self-evaluation (how people judge themselves), and person perception (how people think about others). All of these processes, it turns out, have hedonic implications – that is, positive or negative consequences for happiness and self-regard – and thus are relevant to elucidating individual differences in enduring well-being. My students and I have found that truly happy individuals construe life events and daily situations in ways that seem to maintain their happiness, while unhappy individuals construe experiences in ways that seem to reinforce unhappiness. In essence, our research shows that happy individuals experience and react to events and circumstances in relatively more positive and more adaptive ways. For a recent example, we found that happy individuals are relatively more likely than their less happy peers to “endow” positive memories (i.e., store them in their emotional “bank ACCOUNTS”) but to “contrast” negative memories (i.e., “life is so much better now”) (Liberman, Boehm, Lyubomirsky, & Ross, 2011).
On-going studies in my laboratory are exploring additional cognitive and motivational processes that support the differing worlds of enduring happiness versus chronic unhappiness. For example, several investigations have revealed that unhappy individuals are more likely than happy ones to dwell on negative or ambiguous events (Lyubomirsky, Boehm, Kasri, & Zehm, 2011). Such “dwelling” or rumination may drain cognitive resources and thus bring to bear a variety of negative consequences, which could further reinforce unhappiness. These findings demonstrate some of the maladaptive by-products of self-reflection, suggesting that not only is the “unexamined life” worth living, but it is potentially full of happiness and joy.
To cast our work on happiness in a broader framework, we have also been exploring the meaning, expression, and pursuit of happiness across cultures, subcultures, and age groups (e.g., Boehm, Lyubomirsky, & Sheldon, 2011). For example, despite media reports, we have found that parents actually experience more happiness and meaning than do non-parents–both when evaluating their lives as a whole, when going about their days, and when caring for their children (versus doing other ACTIVITIES; Nelson, Kushlev, English, Dunn, & Lyubomirsky, 2013). Of course, parents’ happiness is impacted by myriad factors, including their age and SES and their children’s ages and temperaments (Nelson, Kushlev, & Lyubomirsky, in press). Furthermore, we are currently carrying out happiness-increasing interventions among Japanese engineers,
Why Are Some People Happier Than Others?
I have always been struck by the capacity of some individuals to be remarkably happy, even in the face of stress, trauma, or adversity. Thus, my earlier research efforts had been focused on trying to understand why some people are happier than others (for a review and theoretical framework, see Lyubomirsky, 2001). To this end, my approach had been to explore the cognitive and motivational processes that distinguish individuals who show exceptionally high and low levels of happiness. These processes include social comparison (how people compare themselves to peers), dissonance reduction (how people justify both trivial and important choices in their lives), self-evaluation (how people judge themselves), and person perception (how people think about others). All of these processes, it turns out, have hedonic implications – that is, positive or negative consequences for happiness and self-regard – and thus are relevant to elucidating individual differences in enduring well-being. My students and I have found that truly happy individuals construe life events and daily situations in ways that seem to maintain their happiness, while unhappy individuals construe experiences in ways that seem to reinforce unhappiness. In essence, our research shows that happy individuals experience and react to events and circumstances in relatively more positive and more adaptive ways. For a recent example, we found that happy individuals are relatively more likely than their less happy peers to “endow” positive memories (i.e., store them in their emotional “bank ACCOUNTS”) but to “contrast” negative memories (i.e., “life is so much better now”) (Liberman, Boehm, Lyubomirsky, & Ross, 2011).
On-going studies in my laboratory are exploring additional cognitive and motivational processes that support the differing worlds of enduring happiness versus chronic unhappiness. For example, several investigations have revealed that unhappy individuals are more likely than happy ones to dwell on negative or ambiguous events (Lyubomirsky, Boehm, Kasri, & Zehm, 2011). Such “dwelling” or rumination may drain cognitive resources and thus bring to bear a variety of negative consequences, which could further reinforce unhappiness. These findings demonstrate some of the maladaptive by-products of self-reflection, suggesting that not only is the “unexamined life” worth living, but it is potentially full of happiness and joy.
To cast our work on happiness in a broader framework, we have also been exploring the meaning, expression, and pursuit of happiness across cultures, subcultures, and age groups (e.g., Boehm, Lyubomirsky, & Sheldon, 2011). For example, despite media reports, we have found that parents actually experience more happiness and meaning than do non-parents–both when evaluating their lives as a whole, when going about their days, and when caring for their children (versus doing other ACTIVITIES; Nelson, Kushlev, English, Dunn, & Lyubomirsky, 2013). Of course, parents’ happiness is impacted by myriad factors, including their age and SES and their children’s ages and temperaments (Nelson, Kushlev, & Lyubomirsky, in press). Furthermore, we are currently carrying out happiness-increasing interventions among Japanese engineers,
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Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews
November 22, 2025
Feeling loved starts with making the other person feel love and understood ...
Want to Read
February 9, 2026As heard on The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos (How to Feel Truly Loved (with Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky and Dr. Harry Reis))
https://omny.fm/shows/the-happiness-l...
Most of us have people in our lives who love us — partners, friends, family — yet many of us still don’t feel as loved as we want to. Why is there such a gap between being loved and feeling loved? And what can we actually do about it?
Dr. Laurie sits down with social psychologists Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky and Dr. Harry Reis, co-authors of How to Feel Loved, to unpack the science behind this disconnect. They explain why feeling loved so often eludes us — even in close relationships — and share research-backed insights that can help us change the conversation, strengthen our connections, and feel more loved both now and in the relationships we build in the future.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most
"Social Ties and Susceptibility to the Common Cold"
"Toward Understanding Understanding: The Importance of Feeling Understood in Relationships"
How to Win Friends and Influence People
How to Win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls
"Self-Expansion Theory: Origins, Current Evidence, and Future Horizons"
"Everyday Prosociality in the Workplace: The Reinforcing Benefits of Giving, Getting, and Glimpsing"
"The Genomic Impact of Kindness to Self vs. Others: A Randomized Controlled Trial:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
https://omny.fm/shows/the-happiness-l...
August 11, 2026
beacuse i need to read this after that census form oh my god im exhausted
unfortunately this book felt a little common sense like so nothing new so meh 3/5 read
notes:
- stop trying to be more loveable
- Many people move through life with a nagging sense that the love they receive only reaches the surface. It often warms the polished version of themselves they’ve presented to the world instead of the fuller, messier, realer person underneath
- all that effort to be funnier, more impressive, more attuned to what others want from you? It might get you admired. But to really feel loved, you need to stop performing
- feeling loved starts with making others feel loved first
- when you press down on your side by turning your full attention toward the other person, you lift them. More of who they actually are rises above the waterline. They feel seen. And almost automatically, they want to reciprocate. So they press down, and you rise.
- This back-and-forth is how real intimacy forms. Each moment of connection makes the next one easier.
- Feeling truly understood by someone is, in a very literal sense, a meeting of minds (brain imaging wise anyway)
- If you’re doing all the lifting – asking, giving, showing up – and getting nothing back, that’s exhausting. And it’s worth asking whether your counterpart deserves your energy. (this isnt common sense???)
- chances are, the last time someone made you feel interesting, they weren’t the most impressive person in the room. They were just the most curious about you.
- ask someone what drew them to their work, what the most useful mistake they’ve ever made was, or what they hope their life looks like a decade from now. People are far more open to personal questions than we tend to assume.
- When a topic does come up, follow it toward the person rather than the subject. That means if they mention their grandmother’s lasagna recipe, skip the ingredients and ask why it matters to them
- None of this demands a naturally extroverted personality. Research following people who practiced curiosity deliberately for just one week found they ended it happier, with a stronger sense of self-worth. Curiosity can be cultivated.
- Keeping yourself hidden from the people you love feels safe, but it slowly makes feeling loved almost impossible.
- If someone tells you that you’re brilliant, funny, or kind, but they’re only responding to the version of yourself you’ve carefully curated for public consumption, does it actually land?
- We’re talking strong opinions, fears, your embarrassing stories, the things you’re bad at, the parts of yourself you’re not entirely sure about. Research shows that people are far more interested in these things than we tend to think, and far more charitable in their responses than we fear.
- We consistently overestimate how much others will judge us, and underestimate how much they actually want to connect.
- Sharing doesn’t require a grand confession. Just start with something real but manageable. Mix the serious with the light. Give the other person room to respond and to share back. Notice whether they’re with you before going deeper.
- 94 percent of people overestimated how well they listened in conversations with strangers.
- Listening to learn is something different. It involves showing up to a conversation with one goal: to understand the other person’s experience as fully as possible. Not to fix it, not to match it with your own, just to get it. Research shows that when people feel truly listened to, they become less defensive, more open, and more willing to be vulnerable – which is exactly what the sea-saw needs to move.
- What did that feel like?” and “What made that moment stay with you?
- Stereotyping is when you assume you already know someone based on the group they belong to. Projection is when you assume they’d feel the way you’d feel in their situation. And transference is when a new person unconsciously reminds you of someone from your past, and you respond to that memory instead of the actual human in front of you.
- on ai (The bot nailed attentiveness. It nailed curiosity. But did anyone believe it actually wanted them to be happy? No.)
- this mindset means caring about someone’s well-being – not just in the abstract, but enough to act on it. Research asking people what makes them feel loved found the top answers weren’t, in fact, impressive listening skills or clever questions. It was things like “cares for me” and “shows compassion in difficult times.”
- Michelangelo effect: seeing another’s potential before they see it themselves, and doing something about it
- the way we typically describe people – he’s conscientious, she’s anxious, they’re selfish – is mostly wrong? Not because those labels are inaccurate, but because they’re incomplete. Studies tracking behavior across days found that variation within a single person fluctuates more from moment to moment than it differs between people. Most of us swing between generous and selfish, brave and cowardly, warm and withholding… sometimes within the same afternoon
- People aren’t averages. They’re probability distributions.
- Shame thrives on secrecy. It pushes people to hide the parts of themselves they fear would repel others, and that makes real connection nearly impossible. The antidote isn’t pretending those parts don’t exist. It’s seeing them in context
- Holding someone’s complexity absolutely doesn’t mean excusing harm. But it does mean being willing, when trust has been rebuilt, to release the desire for punishment and move forward.
- Connection rarely transforms all at once.
- someone has to go forward first (might as well be you)
tba activity:
- Here’s a quick experiment that illustrates why. Pair up with someone and spend two minutes sharing your most meaningful experience from the past year, while they listen with zero expression – completely unmoved, no reaction, no encouragement. Then switch: they share something mundane, and you respond with over-the-top energy, leaning in, eyes wide, like “Wow, tell me more!” The unmoved listener leaves speakers doubting whether their experience was even worth sharing.
- Psychologists call this capitalization – sharing something good with someone and having them amplify it back to you
unfortunately this book felt a little common sense like so nothing new so meh 3/5 read
notes:
- stop trying to be more loveable
- Many people move through life with a nagging sense that the love they receive only reaches the surface. It often warms the polished version of themselves they’ve presented to the world instead of the fuller, messier, realer person underneath
- all that effort to be funnier, more impressive, more attuned to what others want from you? It might get you admired. But to really feel loved, you need to stop performing
- feeling loved starts with making others feel loved first
- when you press down on your side by turning your full attention toward the other person, you lift them. More of who they actually are rises above the waterline. They feel seen. And almost automatically, they want to reciprocate. So they press down, and you rise.
- This back-and-forth is how real intimacy forms. Each moment of connection makes the next one easier.
- Feeling truly understood by someone is, in a very literal sense, a meeting of minds (brain imaging wise anyway)
- If you’re doing all the lifting – asking, giving, showing up – and getting nothing back, that’s exhausting. And it’s worth asking whether your counterpart deserves your energy. (this isnt common sense???)
- chances are, the last time someone made you feel interesting, they weren’t the most impressive person in the room. They were just the most curious about you.
- ask someone what drew them to their work, what the most useful mistake they’ve ever made was, or what they hope their life looks like a decade from now. People are far more open to personal questions than we tend to assume.
- When a topic does come up, follow it toward the person rather than the subject. That means if they mention their grandmother’s lasagna recipe, skip the ingredients and ask why it matters to them
- None of this demands a naturally extroverted personality. Research following people who practiced curiosity deliberately for just one week found they ended it happier, with a stronger sense of self-worth. Curiosity can be cultivated.
- Keeping yourself hidden from the people you love feels safe, but it slowly makes feeling loved almost impossible.
- If someone tells you that you’re brilliant, funny, or kind, but they’re only responding to the version of yourself you’ve carefully curated for public consumption, does it actually land?
- We’re talking strong opinions, fears, your embarrassing stories, the things you’re bad at, the parts of yourself you’re not entirely sure about. Research shows that people are far more interested in these things than we tend to think, and far more charitable in their responses than we fear.
- We consistently overestimate how much others will judge us, and underestimate how much they actually want to connect.
- Sharing doesn’t require a grand confession. Just start with something real but manageable. Mix the serious with the light. Give the other person room to respond and to share back. Notice whether they’re with you before going deeper.
- 94 percent of people overestimated how well they listened in conversations with strangers.
- Listening to learn is something different. It involves showing up to a conversation with one goal: to understand the other person’s experience as fully as possible. Not to fix it, not to match it with your own, just to get it. Research shows that when people feel truly listened to, they become less defensive, more open, and more willing to be vulnerable – which is exactly what the sea-saw needs to move.
- What did that feel like?” and “What made that moment stay with you?
- Stereotyping is when you assume you already know someone based on the group they belong to. Projection is when you assume they’d feel the way you’d feel in their situation. And transference is when a new person unconsciously reminds you of someone from your past, and you respond to that memory instead of the actual human in front of you.
- on ai (The bot nailed attentiveness. It nailed curiosity. But did anyone believe it actually wanted them to be happy? No.)
- this mindset means caring about someone’s well-being – not just in the abstract, but enough to act on it. Research asking people what makes them feel loved found the top answers weren’t, in fact, impressive listening skills or clever questions. It was things like “cares for me” and “shows compassion in difficult times.”
- Michelangelo effect: seeing another’s potential before they see it themselves, and doing something about it
- the way we typically describe people – he’s conscientious, she’s anxious, they’re selfish – is mostly wrong? Not because those labels are inaccurate, but because they’re incomplete. Studies tracking behavior across days found that variation within a single person fluctuates more from moment to moment than it differs between people. Most of us swing between generous and selfish, brave and cowardly, warm and withholding… sometimes within the same afternoon
- People aren’t averages. They’re probability distributions.
- Shame thrives on secrecy. It pushes people to hide the parts of themselves they fear would repel others, and that makes real connection nearly impossible. The antidote isn’t pretending those parts don’t exist. It’s seeing them in context
- Holding someone’s complexity absolutely doesn’t mean excusing harm. But it does mean being willing, when trust has been rebuilt, to release the desire for punishment and move forward.
- Connection rarely transforms all at once.
- someone has to go forward first (might as well be you)
tba activity:
- Here’s a quick experiment that illustrates why. Pair up with someone and spend two minutes sharing your most meaningful experience from the past year, while they listen with zero expression – completely unmoved, no reaction, no encouragement. Then switch: they share something mundane, and you respond with over-the-top energy, leaning in, eyes wide, like “Wow, tell me more!” The unmoved listener leaves speakers doubting whether their experience was even worth sharing.
- Psychologists call this capitalization – sharing something good with someone and having them amplify it back to you
April 9, 2026
The narrative is credible, well researched, and every reader will find a related point of view when it comes to love…. You have nothing to lose by reading this book, and you very likely be surprised to learn. Yes, love is the answer. I am not partial to the book’s title, but maybe it is a matter of style…..
June 18, 2026
I was on board until they advocated for use of ecstasy/MDMA. WTF
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 7, 2026
This is a great book. The authors have a reputation as solid researchers in psychology. The suggestions they make are practical and simple.
May 4, 2026
A lot of good information in here, truly. But it’s a bit of a slog to get through it. It’s almost sometimes like it’s written for fourth graders. I mean it’s based on science and like I said there’s a lot of good information, but to anybody who already has a heart or a clue, a lot of it induces out loud comments like, “Duh!”
And the relationship seesaw metaphor is a bit weak. And truly the people who could benefit from knowing some of these things are not gonna read this book.
I almost abandoned it 10 different times because truly so much of it just seemed stupid. But I pushed through and read the whole damn thing. Lucky me.
And the relationship seesaw metaphor is a bit weak. And truly the people who could benefit from knowing some of these things are not gonna read this book.
I almost abandoned it 10 different times because truly so much of it just seemed stupid. But I pushed through and read the whole damn thing. Lucky me.
August 24, 2026
This is the paradox of vulnerability—you yearn for authenticity and deeply want to be recognized for who you are, yet at the same time you are reluctant to let go of your polished public image and expose your true self, complete with your insecurities and shortcomings, to others.
Sonja Lyubomirsky and Harry Reis put together a guide on how to feel loved (obviously, from the title). What they propose is that you should not aim to get other to love you, but that will come by itself if you adopt the right mindset.
I can't say that I disagree with any of the advice given here, though to most people it's going to fall squarely into the common sense bucket. Do some things like make yourself vulnerable, listen to others rather than just waiting your turn, listen better and ask better questions, etc. I think all of the advice here is what we already know, but most people could use the reminder.
The first few chapters had some excellent discussion and rapid-fire good advice. They hit on a few things like the human need for love and the "Overdigital" and "Undersocial" aspects of the modern world. Part III details the 5 mindsets that they propose. Later on they explore some interesting topics like AI, polyamory, and drugs.
At nearly 400 pages much of the good content gets swamped by the noise and repetition. I think that this could be particularly helpful for individuals with social anxiety or social development issues. But most people will mostly find common sense backed by science between these covers.
Sonja Lyubomirsky and Harry Reis put together a guide on how to feel loved (obviously, from the title). What they propose is that you should not aim to get other to love you, but that will come by itself if you adopt the right mindset.
I can't say that I disagree with any of the advice given here, though to most people it's going to fall squarely into the common sense bucket. Do some things like make yourself vulnerable, listen to others rather than just waiting your turn, listen better and ask better questions, etc. I think all of the advice here is what we already know, but most people could use the reminder.
The first few chapters had some excellent discussion and rapid-fire good advice. They hit on a few things like the human need for love and the "Overdigital" and "Undersocial" aspects of the modern world. Part III details the 5 mindsets that they propose. Later on they explore some interesting topics like AI, polyamory, and drugs.
At nearly 400 pages much of the good content gets swamped by the noise and repetition. I think that this could be particularly helpful for individuals with social anxiety or social development issues. But most people will mostly find common sense backed by science between these covers.
Review of advance copy received from Goodreads Giveaways
Thank you to Harper Collins for this ARC of How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most by Lyubomirsky, Sonja and Harry Reis.
Whether you are struggling to allow yourself to actually feel loved by others or you are trying to break through to others and make them feel loved, you should pick up this book. It is not limited to romantic relationships. Instead, it emphasizes the human experience of finding love in your everyday interactions with strangers in passing, colleagues, friends, family, etc.
It is a manual to finding joy in the small things by remaining curious and deliberate in your relationships. I found it a humbling, self-awareness provoking read and hope it does wonders for you all the same. May love find you and yours.
Whether you are struggling to allow yourself to actually feel loved by others or you are trying to break through to others and make them feel loved, you should pick up this book. It is not limited to romantic relationships. Instead, it emphasizes the human experience of finding love in your everyday interactions with strangers in passing, colleagues, friends, family, etc.
It is a manual to finding joy in the small things by remaining curious and deliberate in your relationships. I found it a humbling, self-awareness provoking read and hope it does wonders for you all the same. May love find you and yours.
August 12, 2026
I listened to this one on and off as I had other audiobooks on loan from the library then had to request this one again. I liked that it provides actual psychological research on this topic and that it really puts the emphasis on the reader’s ability to foster these skills/mindsets for loving relationships. It’s not in the control of the other person in your relationship, it’s in yours. It makes sense that if you live a radically curious mindset, others will reciprocate your curiosity. I think like with any book like this, I’ve learned some strengths and weaknesses. I wish there were tools to help practice these mindsets to keep them fresh and build on the skills/behaviors needed to employ them regularly (especially if one doesn’t come as easy). For now, I have a screenshot reminder: open-heart, listen to learn, radical curiosity, multiplicity, and sharing.
April 26, 2026
Sometimes it can be difficult for people to feel loved. We may know we probably are, but what can we do to feel that?
The authors break it down to five different mindsets. Throughout the book, they share the research base for these mindsets, as well as sharing stories. Humans are wired for story, and these create concrete examples that people can learn from and remember the concepts more clearly. Plus, they can also help the reader relate to something said and/or see better how to apply it to their own lives.
In a few places, the books becomes redundant, but it's still interesting. And repetition can help the reader remember the concepts.
Thank you to Edelweiss and the publisher for an ARC!
The authors break it down to five different mindsets. Throughout the book, they share the research base for these mindsets, as well as sharing stories. Humans are wired for story, and these create concrete examples that people can learn from and remember the concepts more clearly. Plus, they can also help the reader relate to something said and/or see better how to apply it to their own lives.
In a few places, the books becomes redundant, but it's still interesting. And repetition can help the reader remember the concepts.
Thank you to Edelweiss and the publisher for an ARC!
May 7, 2026
This book gave some really helpful tips on how to form deep and lasting relationships and to feel more loved as a result. Although the book probably could’ve been a bit shorter, I do appreciate that they emphasized over and over that the key to feeling loved is to make other people feel loved. The key to feeling loved is to be curious about other people. The key to feeling loved is to be a good listener and focus less on yourself. I found the chapters about AI and social media to be particularly interesting.
March 9, 2026
Thanks to the authors, publisher, and Goodreads for my free print copy of this book (and not even an ARC! a finished copy). I learned a lot and think I can apply the 5 mindsets to my relationships to improve them. As a late diagnosed autistic/adhd-er I have a tough time socially and maintaining friendships so I need the help in understanding how to feel more loved.
May 22, 2026
2.75 rounded up.
Good information but VERY repetitive and felt like a slog. I highlighted a lot of things that I felt interesting but im walking away not really having learnt anything new or having any ah ha moments
I did really enjoy the MDMA research though
Good information but VERY repetitive and felt like a slog. I highlighted a lot of things that I felt interesting but im walking away not really having learnt anything new or having any ah ha moments
I did really enjoy the MDMA research though
August 31, 2026
This one isn't a hardcore 5 stars, but it certainly gets the 'everyone should read this book' certification! The content is an easy 5 stars, and the readability, quality of the anecdotes, is also 5 stars. A book that seems worth returning to every 5 years or so.
March 9, 2026
Earlier chapter was quite nice but as the book went through, I feel this is a more Western Approach on relationship. I was expecting more.
March 29, 2026
Good book on how to find self love
April 5, 2026
As somebody that has been pretty dedicated to self-loating since he was 11 years old and as a result, is grateful for the amazing family and friends he has in this life but will never feel deserving, you could say seeking this book out and taking it all in was destiny and much-needed. In real practicality however, it was an interview conducted by Dr. Todd Kashdan with Ms. Lyubomirsky that grabbed my interest here. What a delight the book was in terms of all facets of love being covered (Intimate, Friendship, etc) and how love is shown and the dynamic nature of it all. One of my favorite insights from the read is "The more you believe in your partner, the more they will believe in you". It seems simple but relationships aren't easy and you can turn on your partner and become jaded pretty easily I've found. Holding on to that bond is the important thing to always keep in mind and the lessons from this read are now in my toolbag for success. The two authors seem to combine for a united voice but with the gender dynamics in play, it would have been better to see who was saying what.
June 15, 2026
There is a lot here to take away but it gets mired in repetitive, overly clinical jargon. It also purposefully refuses to provide any tools to apply the knowledge.
August 5, 2026
A very insightful book into how to feel more loved. The 5 mindsets are clearly explained and the background to them. Will definitely be using this in my life.
September 13, 2026
Every single person on planet earth should read this book and I say that with my whole chest.
July 22, 2026
Connection Corrections
Life is more fun when we have more and deeper connections with those in our life. This book provides lots of ideas about how to happily do that. I wish it had even more concrete ideas, although there are many.
Life is more fun when we have more and deeper connections with those in our life. This book provides lots of ideas about how to happily do that. I wish it had even more concrete ideas, although there are many.
Did Not Finish
July 17, 2026DNF'd at almost 100 pages. Way too long. The use of song titles to back up a point drove me batty.
April 12, 2026
I learned a lot about what was wrong with my soon to be ex husband from this book. He is missing the open heart mindset necessary for a relationship to flourish. I wish the next person he has a relationship with luck.
May 24, 2026
A bit drier than I prefer my pop science books to be.
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