Missing Christopher: A Mother's Story of Tragedy, Grief and Love

by Jayne Newling

Christopher was 17 and he had everything to live for. He was smart, charismatic, loving and deeply loved, and a champion rugby player. Yet behind the veneer of a popular and confident athlete he was struggling. Diagnosed a year earlier with depression and severe anxiety, he hid his fears from family and friends. Finally, Christopher chose to stop fighting. This is the story of Christopher's shocking death and its tragic aftermath for the family. It is also the story of a mother and father's love, and their determination not to lose another son to the temptation of taking his own life. Honest, raw, and deeply moving, Jayne's account brings to life the visceral experience of grief and the long, painful journey towards finding meaning in life again. This is compelling and inspirational reading for anyone affected by the death of a young person.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Mental Health

298 pages, Kindle Edition

First published June 1, 2014

Reviews

[Ruby]

I don't feel comfortable rating this book, although it is superbly written. Based on the writing and the strength of Jayne's voice, I'd give the book five stars... But it seems wrong to rate such a horribly sad, true story. As a parent, I find that even imagining my child dying is enough to shake me up. I understand completely when she says that she is permanently, profoundly and irrevocably damaged... How could she not be? And how could anyone ever dream of telling her that it's time to move on? I don't really know how to put words to my feelings about this book, but I have such respect and gratitude that Jayne took the time to share such a harrowing story... Maybe it will help other grieving families to feel less alone. What a story. Big hugs to anyone grieving, is all I can say, and especially people who have lost someone to suicide. May Nic honour Chris by protecting vulnerable lives. Respect.

[Amelia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing. This book is absolutely a must read. Heart wrenchingly painful and beautiful at the same time this book takes you on a journey of utmost pain and undying love.

[Kirsti · Rating 5 out of 5]

A truly touching book, this tells the story of Jayne Newling, her husband Phil and the three boys they raised together. Despite being a solid family unit, their world began crumbling down when their eldest son was diagnosed with depression, and like building blocks toppling over, a struggle began in which one family member wouldn't make it.

Christopher, or 'Cricket' as his family called him, fell to his death one night after telling a friend he planned to commit suicide. His friends believed they had stopped him, but he went back to look for pieces of his phone and it is believed that he then made the decision to kill himself. His mother Jayne spent many years almost in denial, hoping that it was an accident, but at the same time revealing more of her son's mental state as well as her own slide into depression. As she says, there is no coming back from the loss of a child, no moving on or getting over it. I have to wonder at the people who say this to anyone grieving. Although not the same as a child, I lost my dog recently and three days after it was asked if I'd thought of getting a new one. Really? Grief is intangible and unable to be defined and really doesn't need those kind of questions. I can only imagine how it must have felt for Jayne to be told she should be glad to still have two other children!

Obviously this story is raw and emotional, and Jayne has such a vivid voice and way with words. Her grief stings at you throughout the book because it is relentless. You know there is no end, no comfort. Slowly she pieces her life together and finds her husband still waiting for her under his own shadow of grief, but it takes time and effort.

This book will make you think, and make you feel. After all, that is why we read. Sometimes people can't or won't confront suicide and mental illness, but Jayne goes there and drags the reader along for the ride. This is absolutely a book that should be read and talked about, and I can see why it won a Human Rights award for literature. An important book, one that will stay with me for a long time.

[lelli · Rating 5 out of 5]

As in the progress updates , I had to keep putting this down because it was a struggle! It was a very hard read - I cried a lot bc it was just heartbreaking! Absolutely overwhelmed by it all but goodness what courage to write about this warts and all emotional journey

[Cathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jayne’s story of what happened to her family is heart-wrenching, raw and powerful. She writes in such a way so as to capture the heartbreak following the suicide of her middle son and transport you to that time in her life, her journey, what she was forced to face and still must encounter daily, and yet, as readers we understand that we are witnessing a mere glimpse of her and her family’s pain…

It’s a book that will affect you deep within your core, make you cry, make you smile, make you think long after you have closed the covers. A book I have not hesitated to recommend to anyone for its honesty, its depth, its beauty. In opening up a conversation about youth suicide and mental health, Jayne has written a hugely significant and much-needed piece. But it is above all, a beautiful and loving memoir of her son, Christopher.

[Sharon Hudson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a beautifully written book and gives you a real insight into the grief a mother feels after the suicide of her child and how mental illness effects the whole family unit. There is no happy ending in this book but there is a level of acceptance and a great love between two people and how they cope with each other's help. It's a book I could easily read again and again.

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written and captivating - This book takes you on one of life's hardest journeys, and amazingly makes the love and humour as palpable as the pain.
An important read, and unique insight.

[Louise Jongejan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very moving book. I was deeply touched by the outpouring of emotion in this book. Jayne's experiences will stay with me forever.

[Therese Spruhan]

A beautiful, brave book from my Faber Academy friend Jayne Newling.

[Judy Nickless · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreaking read

[Leanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I shed many tears in the process of reading this book. It gives a raw insight into the grief that suicide brings to a family and community. The grief makes it hard to read at times but it’s worth pushing through so that we can understand and gently support parents who may face this life changing event.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend this read...

Wow! What a gift you have Jayne. Thank you for your vulnerability and showing others your journey. Keep your memories close and enjoy the new ones you’re creating with your beautiful family. Xx

[aiken · Rating 5 out of 5]

Painful but worth reading, especially the afterword by Christopher's therapists.

[Lenny · Rating 3 out of 5]

My 4 rating is for the bravery and candid approach this book takes in talking about mental health and grieve. It is powerful and necessary, normalising the discussion of such tough topics. If I was eating it based on my feelings for the book itself, I honestly would need to give it a 2.
I wanted to love this so much :(
I saw Nic Newling speak at the Redbank conference last year, and he was phenomenal. Such a dynamic, engaging speaker, and the Newlings story is heartbreaking.
What didn't sit well with me was simply the writing style - I have found that I really need none fiction to be more linear. Which is a 'me' issue, not a 'this book' issue.
In saying that - I still recommend this book. It just wasn't for me.

[Kerry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jayne Newling's very personal account of the loss of her son is both heartbreaking and courageous. She interweaves the past and the present as she presents a picture of how suicide crushes those left behind. This is not a feel good book, but a very raw recount of one families fight to survive familial mental ill-health, the death of a child, and break down of a family post suicide. A tragedy such as this is so hard to put into words so that others can understand but this book opens the door to understanding.

[Jenny Fisher · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jayne has written a deeply honest story of loss and grief in a way that is beautiful and poetic. Her writing style and use of language as she describes her inner world and the impact of her son's death on the family life is extraordinary. She has started an important conversation about youth suicide and it should be read and discussed widely . This book is especially important because it shows that suicide and mental illness can occur in normal families and that the pain of grief and loss can endure for years.

[Lynette · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh my gosh, this is heartbreaking. I really don't know what to say! Very well written. Anyone contemplating suicide because they think no-one cares needs a book like this just to see how their loved ones are affected. I don't mean that in a cruel way at all, and they would be no more up to reading this than changing their mood, but their actions cause so much pain to those left behind.
I hope Jayne and her family continue to spread the word but also get a lot of pleasure from their lives now that some time has passed.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a truly devastating and heartbreaking story, and I felt very strongly for the mother/author. A powerful takeaway for me was that mental illness doesn’t discriminate - the Newlings were indisputably a privileged and beautiful family on paper, but this tragedy happened to them with no immediately obvious explanation or prior warning.

The writing style was not for me, but the story was truly heart wrenching and powerful, and I thank the author for sharing this with us and her work towards destigmatising mental illness.

[Jaime Criel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has changed my life. A brutally heartbreaking, honest, tragic account of the death of a loved one, this book will leave you in tears of rage and sorrow, but left with the solace of knowing that life continues after loss and a mother's love for her children is unmatchable. I recommend this for anyone that has lost a loved one, any mother that has loved a child, anyone that personally deals with or knows someone who struggles with depression, bi-polar, anxiety, etc.

[Zoe Oconnor]

What a great book. So well written. It easily takes you on Jayne and her family's brave and horrible journey. I can imagine this is the reality of this situation - not all happy endings and incredibly difficult. Jayne, you don't have to feel guilt - but I would be feeling the same as you. Best wishes to you and your family.

[Sylvie · Rating 5 out of 5]

what a book! it is beautifully written which allows the reader to fully involve in a very sad realm of the author without descending ourselves into the abyss. She managed to describe her loss in such a poetic way that it feels like it is not happening to a physical person but to a realm of the loss of a child. I recommend this book.

[Jane Elise · Rating 5 out of 5]

How do you rate a book like this? I think it is an incredible document of a mother's raw grief in the face of the trauma of losing a child to suicide. It's a club no mother wants to join but sadly has many members. Jayne Newling has bravely and honestly written about her grief, her son Christopher as well as her son Nic who she nearly lost to suicide as well.

[Naomi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an honest and beautifully written account of a family's important story. Jayne Newling's book was heart wrenching and her look into the human soul was gripping. The best book I've read for it's pure honesty and love in every word.

[Rebecca Graham · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so beautifully written, Jayne Newling is a truly superb writer. I couldn't put the book down, despite the often painful subject matter and I was thinking about it long after I finished it. Would definitely recommend this book to others.

[Bev Maybury · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book won The Human Rights Award 2014 and Jayne, the mother, featured on an ABC Australian Story episode. I was lent the book and found it compelling reading. Even at the end, when Jayne is once again it seems celebrating life, the underlying grief is still there.

[Leanne · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a truly tragic story but for some reason the retelling did not grab me as it should.

[Michelle Whitfield · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very hard read. As a mother one can never imagine ever losing a child through depression/mental illness. Brave storytelling.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written, but absolutely heartbreaking. The author shows amazing strength in this no-holds-barred book, and I think it will do wonders for raising awareness of suicide in adolescence.

[Wendy Galloway · Rating 4 out of 5]

A story of a mother's love for her son. Christopher died by suicide and his mother shares how they survived after his loss.

[Annie · Rating 4 out of 5]

So heartbreaking, but beautifully written.