If Only Love: A memoir of second chances

by Shelley Saywell

An astonishing memoir of love's enduring power, resilience and transformation, If Only Love is a celebration of the timeless connection between two souls—a real-life love story for the ages.

In 1973, a seventeen-year-old Canadian girl meets an American boy on her first day of school in Japan and falls in love, not realizing that he is also a goner for her. When they finally connect, they only have two months together before school's out and she has to head home. Bad timing and swirling emotion botch their attempt to stay together and they fall out of touch. Long after she loses him, she still thinks of him, and even sets out on a journey to find him, one that fails in the most traumatic of ways.

Thirty years later—after her award-winning documentary career has taken her to the most dangerous of places pursuing the toughest of stories—Daniel Peterson's name pops up in an email in Shelley Saywell's inbox, delivering them both a second chance at love. Soon they are edging towards each other in a soul-baring exchange of emails that slowly confirms that their teenage love was real. For fifteen years, they are bonded in life and in love, only to have their marriage cut short when Daniel is diagnosed with terminal cancer.

By braiding together the strands of time—threads of first love enhancing threads of grief, a magic reunion undone by final separation—Saywell reveals the power of memory and the healing magic of love. In his last moments, she asks Daniel, "Can we do this again?" and he replies, "We'll do it again, only better." Hard to imagine any two people doing love better, or any writer creating a more touching, revelatory story and testament to the heart.

Genres: Nonfiction, Canada, Audiobook, Memoir, Book Club, Japan, Biography

Audible Audio

Published January 13, 2026

About the author

SHELLEY SAYWELL

Shelley Saywell is a documentary filmmaker whose work has focused primarily on social/political issues, war and conflict, violence against women, and children. Her films won numerous awards, including an Emmy for Investigative Journalism.
Her memoir IF ONLY LOVE Random House Canada 2026, tells the story of the great love and events that shaped her life behind the lens. A book about love and loss, it is love-interrupted story that began when she was seventeen, attending an international school in Kobe, Japan.
Saywell's first book, Women in War, Penguin Viking, along with her film archives have been donated to the University of Toronto.
A full filmography can be found at
www.shelleysaywell.com

Reviews

[BookmarkedByDrea]

What an absolutely stunning memoir about love, second chances, grief and all that comes with losing your person. The audiobook narrated by the author was such a beautiful way to experience her words, her love for Daniel is so clearly steeped into every written and spoken word. I am so glad I decided to read this book.

[Ellen Ross]

So much to take in from this stunning memoir that’s a real and raw love story. What could have been, comes back around decades later and really makes you believe in fate although not every ending is a completely happy one. I was so emotional reading this book. I was devastated at times, happy at others, and the way the story of Shelley and Dan is told is done so beautifully. I had tears in my eyes and had to sit for a moment when I finished just to really let everything I’ve read settle in. What a fantastic book. I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Jessie]

Heartbreaking, bittersweet, beautiful.

As a girlie in a second chance relationship, the love & longing in this spoke to me. It carries you through such personal moments, of tenderness & joy.. then becomes absolutely devastating without warning.

I loved this

[Lori]

I LOVED this book! Such beautiful writing and such a beautiful love story <3
Where are these people that can articulate their feelings so deeply and emotions so elegantly??

One of my favorite paragraphs in this book (there are really so many)
"When I tried to decipher what that feeling was, I realized that even more than love, it was hope. I had been living with a hope deficit. For many years I had existed in an eddy of Michael's emotional debris, resigned to the limitations he put on our life together, always prepared to accept leftovers. Now, with hope swelling my heart, I understood I deserved more." p139

[Kaelyn Merrithew]

I picked this up on a whim after reading the blurb and it might be my best surprise of the year. It’s clear that Shelley’s artistry extends beyond filmmaking and into prose as well. I loved the way she wove past, present, and future together in the book. I definitely need to check out her films now, because if she’s able to paint such a gorgeous picture of her decades long love affair with Daniel using words, I can only imagine what she can do with a camera.

[Margaret Armstrong]

Fav romance to DATE (I don’t read romance) and CANADIAN❤️🍁

[Catherine]

Loved this bc she honours her hubbys death by sharing the true tale of their quite remarkable romance thru many years!! V sweet and she and her hubby both lived such cool lives
I wanna go to Japan

[Cierra Taylor]

So painful but so beautiful!!!

[B]

Heartbreaking.
Lovely.

[Ali Gayowski]

i’ve brought up this book in most social interactions i’ve had over the last week

[Toby Welch]

4.185241329 stars
Cute love story with lots of timeline jumps

[Nat Reads]

This started out as a beautiful love letter to her husband and to Japan. Sad story, but I found them both to be unlikeable people. Difficult to find empathy for a man who had a son he never bothered to help parent, and the author who saw no issue with that.

[kasey]

I had the absolute privilege of reading this book before its release date on January 27th and what a beautiful journey it was.

If Only Love tells the true story of a first love that slips away, only to return decades later when two souls find each other again. Reunited by fate, Shelley Saywell and the boy she never forgot discover that love can survive time, distance, and heartbreak. Tender, devastating, and deeply human, this memoir is a testament to love’s enduring power, and the hope of doing it again, only better.

This book is truly beautiful and deeply emotional. It carries you through moments of such joy and tenderness, only to completely devastate you in others. It captures the full complexity of love, loss, and memory in a way that feels incredibly intimate and honest.

This was the first non-fiction book I’ve read in a very long time, and I can honestly say I loved every second of it. I’m so grateful to Shelley Saywell for sharing her story, it taught me not only so much about love, but also offered glimpses of history and lived experiences I hadn’t known before.

[Gayle]

I can’t in all fairness rate this book. It’s beautifully written and really poignant. It’s just not my typical go-to, genre.

[Taneal Lockstadt]

A beautiful reminder that love shows up and keeps showing up regardless of time and distance and even loss. A powerful reminder of what it means to be human 💖

[Danielle Guerard]

I don’t read romances . They don’t interest me , I am uncomfortable of Hallmark characters and spunky characters who are always going to have a fairytale ending . The title of the book hooked me . The sparse but perfectly imperfect book broke my heart and I don’t give out five stars much , but this beautiful gem of a book, it rates a five .
If only love … you see that oft written before an obituary or a tragic circumstance and almost always it’s written, if love could have saved you , and the if just illustrates it cannot .
I think all of us have someone who got away , wrong time , wrong circumstance . I think , or I like to think , that to make the heart break a little less , we all indulge in what if narratives , or what if they showed up twenty years from now , things would be different, it would work out , it would be lightening in a bottle . Of course that would only work if both parties actually ached and missed each other , and it wasn’t just a one way longing . We all live with hearts that have been through it , it’s just whether or not we plunge in again.
This is a book written about and by a real person who had a romance in her teenage years , that ended badly , and she held that torch , and amazingly her object of affection missed her equally and they found each other again . I root for these occasions , as someone who would never have this happen, I root often and whole heartedly for anyone that braves the second chance . I wish this book was called happily ever after , I wish this book was a celebration of star crossed lovers who put the capital L in longevity .
I put that there is spoilers , but the spoiler is the premise of the book . They did not get to get to the old age they deserved with each other , and I hate that so damn much .
In any case , this is a beautiful book , I wish the author gentle breezes , coffees that never go cold , transit that is always on time , flowers that hire without tending and a memory span that will keep all of her beautiful moments with her love , intact until she joins him in whatever lies after this life . This is a beautiful book, I don’t tend to even over fawn on reviews , but this book just resonated without my having the kind of situation she found herself back in. I guess it’s safer and better that I can read vicariously through someone who did have that chance .

[Danielle Guerard]

I don’t read romances . They don’t interest me , I am uncomfortable of Hallmark characters and spunky characters who are always going to have a fairytale ending . The title of the book hooked me . The sparse but perfectly imperfect book broke my heart and I don’t give out five stars much , but this beautiful gem of a book, it rates a five .
If only love … you see that oft written before an obituary or a tragic circumstance and almost always it’s written, if love could have saved you , and the if just illustrates it cannot .
I think all of us have someone who got away , wrong time , wrong circumstance . I think , or I like to think , that to make the heart break a little less , we all indulge in what if narratives , or what if they showed up twenty years from now , things would be different, it would work out , it would be lightening in a bottle . Of course that would only work if both parties actually ached and missed each other , and it wasn’t just a one way longing . We all live with hearts that have been through it , it’s just whether or not we plunge in again.
This is a book written about and by a real person who had a romance in her teenage years , that ended badly , and she held that torch , and amazingly her object of affection missed her equally and they found each other again . I root for these occasions , as someone who would never have this happen, I root often and whole heartedly for anyone that braves the second chance . I wish this book was called happily ever after , I wish this book was a celebration of star crossed lovers who put the capital L in longevity .
I put that there is spoilers , but the spoiler is the premise of the book . They did not get to get to the old age they deserved with each other , and I hate that so damn much .
In any case , this is a beautiful book , I wish the author gentle breezes , coffees that never go cold , transit that is always on time , flowers that hire without tending and a memory span that will keep all of her beautiful moments with her love , intact until she joins him in whatever lies after this life . This is a beautiful book, I don’t tend to even over fawn on reviews , but this book just resonated without my having the kind of situation she found herself back in. I guess it’s safer and better that I can read vicariously through someone who did have that chance .

[Sara Aoyama]

I am almost hesitant to write a review for this book because I am worried that I won't be able to convey what a remarkable and beautiful book it is. It's an easy five star book for me. I'd give as many stars as I could to this book because it moved me in so many different and unexpected ways. And isn't that what we really want from a book?
I was interested in reading this book for one reason. The author was in Japan in the 1970s. So was I. I did see that she'd been there for just one year and I told myself that it probably wasn't a huge part of her memoir. But clearly it was. I found her writing to be so very Japanese in many ways. Am I imagining that? Will others see it? Or is it 'if you know, you know'?
This is a book about a first love. If you've ever had a first love, you need to read this book--and I hope everyone has a first love to remember. My own wasn't much in retrospect, but Saywell brings back all those precious moments and the thrill of a first love. And hers really was spectacular. But wait, wait, there's more! This book takes you to so many places, both near and far. The unusual upbringings of the author and her love adds much to the story. Do expect to cry. But also do expect to feel the joy.

I give up. I can't write a decent review of a book that moved me to pieces. Just read it, people!

Thank you to NetGalley for an advance copy of this book. It's the best present I've had in a very very long time!

[Kim]

In 1973, a seventeen-year-old Canadian girl meets an American boy on her first day of school in Japan and falls in love, not realizing that he is also a goner for her. When they finally connect, they only have two months together before school's out and she has to head home. Bad timing and swirling emotion botch their attempt to stay together and they fall out of touch. Long after she loses him, she still thinks of him, and even sets out on a journey to find him, one that fails in the most traumatic of ways.

Thirty years later—after her award-winning documentary career has taken her to the most dangerous of places pursuing the toughest of stories—Daniel Peterson's name pops up in an email in Shelley Saywell's inbox, delivering them both a second chance at love. Soon they are edging towards each other in a soul-baring exchange of emails that slowly confirms that their teenage love was real. For fifteen years, they are bonded in life and in love, only to have their marriage cut short when Daniel is diagnosed with terminal cancer.

By braiding together the strands of time—threads of first love enhancing threads of grief, a magic reunion undone by final separation—Saywell reveals the power of memory and the healing magic of love. In his last moments, she asks Daniel, "Can we do this again?" and he replies, "We'll do it again, only better." Hard to imagine any two people doing love better, or any writer creating a more touching, revelatory story and testament to the heart.

[Courtney Hernandez]

Such a raw, beautifully written, and deeply bittersweet story about love, timing, and second chances. The novel follows Daniel and Shelley as they reconnect later in life, showing how some loves never truly disappear no matter how much time passes.

What makes this story so powerful is the way each chapter weaves between past and present. As their shared history slowly unfolds, you feel yourself yearning for them more and more, hoping that this time they’ll finally get the future they were once denied. The writing is emotional and reflective, capturing the tenderness and complexity of a love that has endured through years of separation.

That’s what makes the story so heartbreaking. Just as their second chance begins to feel real, it’s suddenly and painfully snatched away when Daniel is diagnosed with terminal cancer. The contrast between hope and inevitability makes the entire story feel profoundly bittersweet.

Listening to this on audio that was narrated by the author just made its impact linger that much longer. What a ride this read was and forever grateful for Shelley sharing her journey, life, and love with Daniel with us.

This beautiful life is so fragile. Spend every day doing something that makes you happy and sharing it with the people you love.

[Elizabeth]

this is hands down my new favourite book of all time. this has the most romantic, poetic, gorgeous writing I have ever come across and the way everything unfolds is perfectly paced and explored with such an intense level of depth. the feelings were all so raw and real and it's like you understand her, you understand him, and you understand why they were meant for each other. it was so cool to be reading this in toronto, familiar with the streets and places mentioned. it made it that much more real.

i'm obsessed with the way shelley saywell writes and explores her emotions so thoroughly and genuinely. even the way daniel writes to her like ugh. truly truly truly gorgeous. I want to cry a million empathetic tears for her and a billion tears of admiration for her story, strength, bravery, and ability to constantly go beyond surface level despite all challenges whether it be via her thought processes or her documentaries like i am inspired. ultimate cool girl.

this story is beautiful and I'm so grateful i randomly picked it up after being curious about the two people on the cover. i have also never in my life read an author's acknowledgements until now; i wanted to soak in every single word in this work of art and im so glad i did.

god. I feel like my heart just exploded into thousands of fireflies.

5 mf stars!!!

[Teresa LaBella]

There's a comfort in knowing someone else has survived the unimaginable and has the courage to share their story with strangers.

So much of Shelley Saywell's story of love and loss parallels my own. Emailed love notes. Long distance phone calls filled with an intimacy normally reserved for in-person connection.

Similar careers. Mine as a journalist. My beloved's dream of stretching his creative limit beyond videos and short films into full length films and documentaries.

Common geographic points and immigration challenges along our timelines. Toronto where they and we experienced our committed beginning. Green card in the U.S for him. Permanent residency in Canada for me.

The intensely personal mutual expressions of our love. Coffee brewed and brought to Shelley and to me every morning. The same three circles of gold in their rings and my husband's wedding band honouring our past, present and future. Shelley and Daniel married in November. So did we. Nothing but cancer could separate us.

I wasn't sure that I would or should read this book. I'm so glad I did. Now I understand why and how I must and will, as she did, tell our story.

[Ashley]

If Only Love: A Memoir of Second Chances, written by Shelley Saywell, is one of the most touching and relatable memoirs I have ever read. The memoir tells the beautiful and tragic love story of Shelley Saywell and Daniel Peterson. Shelley and Daniel initially met when they were teenagers, and as time went on, they went their separate ways. After thirty years apart, they find each other again.

I absolutely loved this story. I personally felt like I could relate to their experiences. I laughed, cried, and didn’t want their story to end. This was a book that I couldn’t put down once I started reading, and highly recommend this to anyone who enjoys memoirs. Their love story is a beautiful representation of life, love, and the losses we suffer as human beings trying to find our way in the world.

I want to give a huge thank you to NetGalley.com, author, Shelley Saywell and Penguin Random House Canada (Adult) | Random House Canada for the opportunity to read the advanced reader copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

[Pgchuis]

I received a copy of this memoir from the publisher via NetGalley.

This tells the story of Shelley and Daniel, who met at boarding school in Japan and fell in love, but things went wrong and they lost touch. Then 30 years later they find each other again and enjoy 12 years together before Daniel dies of cancer. This is not a spoiler - the time frames of the narrative are blended throughout. I think this effect is an important part of what the author was trying to say, but at times (especially at the beginning) it could be confusing - certainly the formatting of my ARC often concealed where one memory ended and another began.

This was moving and read as very real - the scene describing how Shelley and Daniel broke up as 18 year olds felt excruciating and relatable. While the thrust of the memoir was about love and grief, I learnt a lot about Asia during this period. I wish Shelley well.

[Ml Lalonde]

Started and almost finished this memoir on a flight into and out of Tokyo. A 17-year-old Canadian boarder at an international school meets the white Japanese-raised son of American missionaries, embarking on a relationship of longing, first love, loss and then love found and renewed when they meet again decades later. Saywell, now an accomplished documentary filmmaker, weaves their past and present together through a collection of memories, letters and old diary entries that feels like a therapeutic exercise in emotional excavation, penance and grief, for unfortunately their relationship has an unhappy ending. Especially appreciated the details of life in Japan in the seventies and the tertiary details of lifelong friends met during a significant time in the author’s life. It goes without saying, but in the immortal words of James Taylor: “shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel.”

[Kath]

This lovely story (autobiography) was an absolute pleasure to read.
I think many readers who've often wondered about their first love...the 'what if' you took another path in life, did you miss out on what could've been etc, will find this book very relatable.
Because I didn't read the book jacket, there were subjects in the book that I had not expected...but they definitely evoked alot of different emotions, as parts of her story were parts that resonated with me. I hadn't expected to feel so many different emotions throughout the story.
Grief, sadness, happiness and a bit of melancholy.
Heartbreaking yet heartwarming.
The only issue I struggled with was the alternating time lines... normally I'm okay with that but I think because it was about 4 timelines, I had to keep going back to earlier chapters to re-read the current timeline I was in order to recall specific moments.
It truly was a beautiful love story, ❤️

[Maya Harutz]

“If Only Love” by Shelley Saywell truly moved me. It’s a story about second-chance love that resonates deeply, reminding the reader that, at its core, life is really about love, how fragile it is, how powerful it can be, and how it often finds us when we least expect it.
The novel is emotionally painful at times, yet it is equally filled with hope. It explores loss, healing, and the courage it takes to open your heart again.
Despite the heartbreak woven throughout the pages, the story ultimately left me feeling comforted and warmed, with a quiet sense of optimism.
This is a very special book, one that stays with you long after you finish reading. I would highly recommend it to anyone who believes in second chances, appreciates emotionally rich storytelling, and enjoys love stories that touch the heart while reminding us of what truly matters.

[Esther Victory]

Absolutely heartbreaking, gut wrenching, and devastating!!!! Shelley!! I wish nothing but peace and happiness for you from here on out!!

This is a beautiful memoir of a second-chance love story, one that is equally tragic. The blending of the past and present narratives is splendid (albeit confusing at times) but it’s purposefully done where I can really feel every inch of Shelley’s pain

The beginning was great, the middle felt slow moving (which is why I stopped and forgot to finish) but the ending made up for it. I breezed though that last third soo fast because I couldn’t put it down and I ended up crying at 2am. I just love an honest, raw memoir with my whole soul. Thank you Shelley for sharing your story with us <3

[Eva]

A Canadian documentary filmmaker tells her love story in 3 parallel timelines. There's the boarding school in Japan, perfectly capturing the insecurities and longing of first loves. There's the re-connection after a gap of nearly 3 decades, an intense rekindling in email conversations. And then there's dealing with the grief of losing said person again.

Alongside it all are glimpses into Saywell's fascinating life, from spending parts of the 70ies in various places in Asia alongside her family, to her becoming a bold filmmaker, driven by a personal trauma, to document social justice issues around the world.

Sometimes life throws you off paths, knocks you over, and somehow you emerge for the better, I'd say?

[Terri]

I loved the kismet of these two lovers finding one another after thirty years and a couple of failed relationships each. The memoir's structure of being in the present with Shelley for a chapter and then her past in the pivotal year when she met Pete/Daniel in the next worked for me. I found that by the time she takes us back to her school year in Japan I wanted to know how it unfolded. It seemed like a hopeless crush for the longest time (I recognized the feelings she describes so well), and then finally late in the year, connection.
The two of them weren't ready for commitment, though, and they had to forge their own ways until the time was right to be together.
Lovely but also heart wrenching story told very well by the author herself in the audiobook.