Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More

by Leah Ruppanner

A renowned sociologist and researcher reveals how women can build the life they really want

The term mental load has become more familiar in recent years, but the popular understanding of the concept often reduces it down to managing a list of household chores and logistics. Sociologist Leah Ruppanner reveals that for women, mental load actually goes much deeper: It’s a complex form of emotional thinking that is invisible, boundaryless, and enduring. In Drained, Ruppanner outlines the eight distinct types of mental load and highlights what makes them so uniquely heavy for women:

•  Life organization: Staying on top of planning and tasks
•  Emotional support: Checking in on family, friends, and coworkers
•  Relationship hygiene: Maintaining strong social connections
•  Magic making: Carrying on traditions and creating special life moments
•  Dream building: Helping others fulfill their passions and ambitions
•  Individual upkeep: Keeping fit and healthy
•  Safety: Protecting family and loved ones from danger
•  Meta-care: Raising children who will thrive in the future

The heart of the book is the Mental Load Audit, a powerful, practical tool to help readers assess where they are spending their time and attention, and how they can take steps to recalibrate their energy effectively. Urgent and provocative, Drained will help women stop blaming themselves for never feeling like they are enough and help them create richer, less overwhelming lives filled with more meaning and joy.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Audiobook, Mental Health, Personal Development, Parenting

304 pages, Hardcover

First published April 21, 2026

Reviews

[Randi]

I started this under the apparently mistaken idea that it was for all women, not just parents and married couples. I need one of these for neurodivergent or mentally ill folks.

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

A sociological exploration into the mental load that comes from parenting and is often unbalanced leaving women struggling to keep everything together while pursuing their own dreams and taking care of their families and themselves. Perfect for fans of books like Fair play or Honest motherhood, this book provides useful tools to audit the mental load couples are experiencing and find ways to parent more equitably. Great on audio, this wasn't always that eye-opening but it was comforting to see how other couples are struggling and hear some ways to improve my own mental load. Highly recommended!

[Gorana B · Rating 3 out of 5]

It’s an interesting concept and makes a lot of sense when you go deeper in the subject. I was a little put off by the author’s constant mention of her research. It’s limited to married women with children, even though the author mentions caregivers and single people, there are not enough examples of them and for them.

[Kathy]

(DNF 39%) If you’re not a married woman to a man and have kids, it’s hard to get much out of this book. She said you can do one activity or delegate tasks to others, but what if I live alone and have a bunch of chronic illnesses, bruh? What if everyone I know is also overwhelmed and fatigued due to the blight of capitalism? How do I fix my mental load then? I work a full-time job and have leadership positions in a work organization, an activist organization, and a political campaign. Ughhhhhh.

Maybe I’ll try to come back to this later, but I’m borrowing it on Libby and want to let other people have a go. Reading this just stresses me out more, and usually self-help books have a calming effect on me, because sexism makes me upset. (Although I love learning about sexism’s effect on society and mental health, when I go to grab a self-help book, I’m already burned out and it just adds to it. lol)

[Aldora Iruana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sadly I'm not the target audience for this book. But I might come back in the future if I enter into matrimony or parenthood.

[Brendan Churchill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Professor Leah Ruppanner’s Drained is not just another book about “having it all” — it’s a razor-sharp takedown of the invisible labour quietly exhausting women every single day. Smart, urgent and deeply validating, Drained cuts through the tired clichés and finally names the relentless mental load for what it is: real work with real consequences.

What makes this book so powerful is that Ruppanner doesn’t wallow in grievance or recycle buzzwords. She brings research, clarity and practical tools to a conversation too many people still dismiss. If some readers feel “challenged” by this book, that probably says more about their discomfort with the truth than the book itself.

Drained is witty without being fluffy, academic without being dry, and compassionate without pulling punches. You don’t read this book and walk away unchanged. You read it and suddenly see the architecture of modern burnout everywhere.

Every exhausted woman will feel seen. Every partner should read it. Every workplace leader needs to read it.

Drained is timely, confronting and brilliantly written. It’s the kind of book that sparks conversations long after the final page.

[Veronica Flowers · Rating 3 out of 5]

Written by a sociologist, she discusses how her research helped her see why the gender divide is so wide when it comes to housework and why women feel pressured to do everything and do it perfectly. She goes through different areas and gives tips- I thought that part was weird because she is a sociologist, not a psychologist, and some of the terms are different from what we use (like emotional thinking) which could make it confusing. I was most interested in her research findings. This would be really helpful, though, for a lot of moms that I know.

[Holly · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a perfectly solid book that I decided to abandon because I've already several books on the topic. If, after you finish this book, you want to read something more scholarly, I recommend For Her Own Good: Two Centuries of the Experts' Advice to Women.

[Janelle King]

As someone who’s married but is the solo primary parent due to the nature of my husband’s work, I didn’t find this book as helpful as I was hoping it would be. Much of the book shares more about the author’s research subjects,and the solutions shared are limited to women who are married and are in a traditional family dynamic.

[Alicia]

This isn't a book I need urgently right now, but had potential value for others with different lives, responsibilities, and needs. If I'm going to listen to a sociological/life management/self help book, I'd rather go with one more directly applicable to me.

[Greta · Rating 1 out of 5]

Maybe audio is not the way to read this book. The litany of catastrophic thoughts for simple problems is more triggering than living those thoughts in real time. Book or ebook form may be a more pleasant to read when one can easily skim or skip over the protracted examples.

[Dave G · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sometimes we want to get to the same place but we take different routes. That is how I feel about this book.

[Tara · Rating 3 out of 5]

More for people that have large support systems, not for single moms that have only their sanity.

[Elizabeth Johnson]

Helpful first few chapters!