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Finally Secure: Practical Skills for the Anxiously Attached to Find and Keep Love Without Losing Themselves
Move from anxious patterns to secure behaviors with research-based tools and methods, compassionate insight, patience, and encouragement.
Whether dating, in a long-term relationship, or recovering from yet another painful breakup, a person with an anxious attachment style can learn the skills to find validation and meet their own emotional needs without pursuing or losing their sense of self. Written by Maria Vogel, a family and marriage therapist who once struggled with push-pull relationships, Finally Secure is a practical guide that offers a clear path for anyone who identifies with an anxious attachment style and wants to feel secure in love.
Inside, readers will find everything they need to start building the emotional security they’ve always
Tangible skills and real-life exercises to shift from reactive to intentional responses in love and conflict with the goal of building self-trustStep-by-step strategies for navigating dating, long-term relationships, and breakups to cut toxic push-pull cyclesA trauma-informed approach that helps you understand why you feel what you feel—and what to do about itA self-paced journey to becoming truly securely attached, grounded, and resilient in love
Whether dating, in a long-term relationship, or recovering from yet another painful breakup, a person with an anxious attachment style can learn the skills to find validation and meet their own emotional needs without pursuing or losing their sense of self. Written by Maria Vogel, a family and marriage therapist who once struggled with push-pull relationships, Finally Secure is a practical guide that offers a clear path for anyone who identifies with an anxious attachment style and wants to feel secure in love.
Inside, readers will find everything they need to start building the emotional security they’ve always
Tangible skills and real-life exercises to shift from reactive to intentional responses in love and conflict with the goal of building self-trustStep-by-step strategies for navigating dating, long-term relationships, and breakups to cut toxic push-pull cyclesA trauma-informed approach that helps you understand why you feel what you feel—and what to do about itA self-paced journey to becoming truly securely attached, grounded, and resilient in love
175 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 30, 2025
17 people are currently reading
25 people want to read
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December 20, 2025
FINALLY SECURE: PRACTICAL SKILLS FOR THE ANXIOUSLY ATTACHED TO FIND AND KEEP LOVE WITHOUT LOSING THEMSELVES (ATTACHMENT THEORY)
BY: MARIA VOGEL
MARIA VOGEL, who is the BRILLIANT Author who has written a fantastic new self help book, that is unlike any other that I've read that I'm so enthusiastic to share with you. I already know quite a bit about Attachment Theory and I was interested in reading hers. What started out to be indecision since I knew about how you are influenced in one source that I read, to develop your Attachment Style while you are still in your mothers womb. I don't remember if it had been cited and had a scientific source that accompanied it that has been replicated enough that is generally accepted by those who specialize in this field that it is valid. I only know that I can't even remember where I read it very recently. I only know that it was something brand new that because I am interested in how when I first started a new interest in Attachment Theory nine years ago very few people that weren't recent graduate students or worked in researching this within the Scientific backgrounds knew about it compared with how I noticed it being exponentially popular with most people having an idea of it. Still I am amazed how I noticed that within a short time there is an increasing number of books published now which nine years ago, it was not like now. I am so grateful that I read Maria's new book called, "FINALLY SECURE."
I could not have expected this to become my top favorite beginners Self help book to be so transforming to me which there was one section that I had connected the dots and had a life changing deep self discovery about myself that I will be forever grateful to both her and the Publisher, which is Zeitgiest for their generosity for granting my request much later than when it Published on September 20, 2025. I think that even though I didn't notice the Subtitle said it was written to help those with an ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT STYLE until I received it which gave me a slight concern, because after reading it I was blown away by how clever, and how much insight that this book has that it was written with since I noticed that this has a great deal of healthy behaviors that are guaranteed to help a wider audience to improve some facet in their life I'm confident that this would help since so much thought and her expertise as a therapist has made this the GOLD STANDARD MASTERPIECE I've encountered for the beginner that I'm aware of. This has been one that has a massive amount of information that is applicable to everyone which I LOVED IT for multiple reasons. Not only did this be masterfully written and formatted that this GIFTED Author reach her objective in delivering it's premise, but the way that she included so much information that I wasn't expecting that is one that has left me with this being so comprehensive in how I have been recommending this to everyone for it's actually my favorite resource that I applaud her since this is a fascinating page Turner that seems like this author has thought of everything with how she has every detail presented that for a short book it's my new Lifetime favorite since it is such a valuable resource. MARIA starts out in the very beginning explaining the characteristics of each of the four Attachment Styles. Which Secure being the one that I'd say makes up about 50%, and the other three are Insecure, which are Anxious, Avoidant, and Disorganized. This might be already stated below since I have written this review more than once, but my computer messed them up when I went to copy and paste it by rearranging it and leaving out a huge portion. I'm just going to give a few details based on my understanding, but only a couple since this is already too long. Each of us has our own Attachment Style that usually begins when we were babies and young children that determines how we connect to others, but it's not a diagnosis in the DSM-5. If our parents or caregivers met our needs, which isn't always because they abused, or neglected us.
Sometimes circumstances happen in life that occur which is beyond their control. If they were attentive and were attuned to us we are most likely going to be Securely Attached which depending on that we don't have negative experiences then we are more flexible, and have less conflict with our romantic partners or spouses. A person with an Anxious Attachment Style yearns to connect with others, but tend to fear abandonment compared to the Avoidant who tends to get easily overwhelmed with too much closeness which they can feel smothered. There's a combination between one romantic partner that feels they yearn for closeness which I refer to as the Anxious Attachment Style whose partner or spouse is an Avoidant Attachment Style is sometimes called the Anxious Avoidant trap.
I am not a Clinician but have an extensive background in psychology, so I like to read about the latest academic research on this renewed focus of Attachment Theory who it was pioneered by John Bowlby during the 1950's. His work has recently become more of the latest focus with my knowledge about how it affects romantic relationships as adults based on how our caregivers met our needs when we were babies and children. If our caregivers were attuned to our needs getting met, and if they had a Secure Attachment Style then we won the lottery. We learn how to Attach securely since our parents, or care givers modeled secure behavior, communication styles being healthy, and other tools we have less conflict, and are more likely to connect in adulthood with others coming from a secure base. Secure Attachment style is the goal that this extremely talented Author, MARIA VOGEL has written one the most accessible, engaging, comprehensive books for the widest audience that can benefit from reading her most recent book. There are four Attachment Styles with the other three being along a wide spectrum of Insecure Attachment Styles which she gave a brief summary at the beginning, but I'll provide my own brief details so you can get an . I remember most of the book, and I have to say that this is the best book that I have read that she has gone above and beyond with practical skills towards the book on ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT STYLE. This can be read by everyone how she brilliantly takes beginners with some basic knowledge of Attachment Theory such as knowing what Attachment Style you, and your partner or spouse is first. Although, this author lists the four Attachment Styles, in the beginning with details for someone brand new to Attachment Theory to be able to identify their Attachment Style. This does take some people who are brand new to this latest new modality more than her short summary, to identify what Attachment Style they are and know it for certain. Then again, it explicitly states in the subtitle that this is for those who are Anxiously Attached to Find and Keep Love Without Losing Themselves, and that she did such a superb job at delivering that objective arming the reader with more than just Practical Skills. This book is the most thoroughly detailed, easy to gain the deepest understanding of how to start your journey from being Anxiously Attached towards Secure Attachment Style that I have encountered. With her arsenal of Practical Skills, tools, and descriptions that this is the GOLD STANDARD MASTERPIECE. regarding those who already suspect that they identify how they connect with others since the first step is awareness. The book first gives samples of a person who already uses the Anxiously Attachment Style with thoroughly explaining each of the four Attachment Styles with filled with massive information with giving examples of both relatable explanations with prompts for Journals that the reader is asked to fill in a situation past or present that reminds them about what each bite sized section just taught with templates. This is a concise and short book with every word has meaning. This gem leaves no guess work since it includes suggestions that' are examples of how, and what is said by the Anxiously Attached person, that follows with the healthier Securely Attached person's of the way to re-frame the same words that incorporates that sections tools that you just read. Each section is short but builds on what was covered in the previous section which the next section adds a new concept. This author enriches the reader with suggested examples included so you know why, and how it generates more respect, kindness, and a sense of safety. This is understood by the reader when introduced to the section that explains the difference between setting a boundary, and why it differs from a request. I found this author's thorough explanation of how setting a boundary preserves relationships, and what to say since there will be some people who don't always welcome the boundary. This Author did such a great job providing exactly what to say and do when you are met with push back. This is extremely helpful for those of us that have poor boundaries because if we have an Anxious Attachment Style we have a fear of abandonment. The Author has supplied us with how to set boundaries in the kindest way with her templates of how to use her step by step examples of exactly what to say. This was huge for me since I never made the connection before reading this why I had so much discomfort with setting boundaries. Just like any new skill it starts with awareness, then with practice she taught me to start small, and I'm so grateful to this author for supplying word for word with the examples that she has included. I can't describe adequately enough my gratitude since this is extremely helpful that this author gave me such a light bulb moment of discovering why setting boundaries were so difficult with her insight I learned something that I was familiar with, but this is the only book that actually addressed such a vital skill that I struggled with. I not only gained exactly how to set a boundary with her generous and thorough method of including so much detail that shows she not only is a terrific writer, but an expert therapist, as well. I will have to memorize her templates, but I am shocked that I gained a deeper understanding of myself that I am serious when I praise Maria Vogel for her understanding of human nature as a therapist since she has written such an invaluable book. It would be helpful to anybody who values how they can gain a deeper understanding of themselves by reading this book. I say this because of how much information she included that goes beyond covering how people with an Anxious Attachment Style can move towards connecting with others by learning how to change from Anxious to a Secure Attachment Style. This author has proven to me that it's possible since I was deeply impacted by just sharing how she transformed me on just her section on boundaries. I know this is not just another self help book because I have never read anything so in depth that actually has been as powerful as this that has reached me towards lasting change already. I will have to go back and memorize her templates on how to say in a way that I will be motivated to set them with confidence that this author has taught me. Most self help books don't penetrate to jolt you to be able to lead to more than loving them since they might feel wonderful while reading, but you don't remember the content except you remember you found it helpful while reading it. I know because I've read some that I love, and are my top five that I want to reread, but I only remember how I felt while I read it. That's because they are impossible to memorize because of how they're formatted. if you're honest you might need to reread the ones that resonated in the moment which is easy to get overwhelmed since they don't normally do what this author innovative approach was to exp;ore how to ask questions that goes beneath the surface that she asks questions about what you feel that connects to the content in sections that introduced a challenging topic. She might associate by asking you how these specific feelings you felt as a child that related to what behaviors were dealt with by your parents when you had conflict about early experiences. I don't remember too many books that associate your current way of handling events that come up in your romantic relationship. This is an effective strategy to help you remember while you implement lasting enlightening changes that are healthier behaviors. This is far more effective compared to those books you plan to reread. but rarely do because of time, and life is busy so they remain as ideas. Most of those books are too general that they don't tend to be ones that lead to action. I never expected this book on how to increase a more Securely Attachment Style with my assumption that this book only just covering Anxious Attachment Style to be so filled with content that would be one that has the power to improve everybody's relationships, but it does. I never expected to read such a concise book that I would learn so much as to be as helpful in some way that it is as one that would teach me to have such a self discovery that has made this one my number one top favorite that I will reread the sections I need instead of those favorite few. This is getting to be much longer and not what I had initially wrote covering more about the book in general since I remember a lot because it's fascinating throughout that I learned how to change towards becoming a person who already is applying what I learned so fast.It takes practice, but I'm very motivated and is rewarding. These changes to improve can be helpful in all relationships by reading this since there is so many things that most likely would not be met with a defensive reply from the other person you are communicating with. included examples of speech/response as that was just one of this books attributes that by far exceeded my expectations that makes this such a valuable resource for the Anxiously Attached person looking to improve their relationships with their romantic partner. This is a MUST READ for it breaks down concepts that other books just tell us we need to create behaviors which we are all familiar with why they're needed..This is different since she goes beneath the surface to explore the underlying feelings that she provides that are exactly what I felt. What I loved about this is first it tells you the difference between a boundary, and a request with included word for word examples of dialogue. The skills are easy to grasp by leaving nothing vague, but also explains how they're different. Then later in the book there's an additional section labeled Boundaries with more of a comprehensive suggestions of exactly how to say it in the most kindest and respectful word for word how to set a boundary which I needed to do in my life, but I used that as an example since there is plenty of other important practical tips that I already knew, but the big difference is how I never had it so thorough;y addressed like it was here in this book. It explains why Anxious people tend not to have any boundaries because of fear of abandonment, and prepares the Anxious person to expect push back since they aren't met with the other person being happy about it. I could also say that I loved the section labeled Communication with the much more in depth lists of my familiar great respect for John Gottman, and the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse which are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling which are indicators of the relationship breakdown, with Contempt being the most damaging, and often a predictor of divorce. I already knew these, but what shocked me the most is that this author had a subcategory of words underneath each of the four in lists, and I was surprised at the one or two in the list of subcategories that I did, and now that I'm aware of it, since they seem so harmless, but immediately stopped.. Now I'm going to go back and copy the subcategories down in my notebook and memorize them. In fact, this is a useful book that I will return to often. I want to reread it, since there's so much useful information that talks about Vulnerability, Validation, Trust,and several easily incorporated methods at Self Regulation. I think that this review was taken from memory, and it's already longer than I anticipated. As this has so much important information, and it really is a fascinating reading experience, because I read it getting totally absorbed by all the universal coping skills in healthy relationships I highly, highly recommend it to everyone. In addition, I am very impressed that this author mentioned an excerpt with content with a lot of impact from another Amazing ARC that I read a few years ago, and is my top favorite reading experiences in this genre. I felt a warmth towards this author for taking an excerpt from it called, "Secure Love," by Julie Menanno, which I really discovered by accident. I have been meaning to reread it. I could tell that it was superior by it's content at the time I read it as how helpful it is that is more general towards being for everyone. It is enjoyable with it offering so much meaningful information that was so impressive. It is also excellent that everyone would love it. I recognized it being highly effective towards helping couples improve their relationships no matter how healthy they were it has become very popular and is Unforgettable that I am recommending as one that was written to help couples improve their relationships., but not as much emphasis on Attachment Theory, although these two were very different I loved them both. The fact that this Author used it as a resource, gives me extra reasons to know that she is even more efficient towards her expertise as a therapist, and know that this book is not as widely gained a well known recognition yet, but it will, but I can tell that it is very effective and is in my opinion one of the best for how much it is enjoyable to read with it being guaranteed to help everyone who reads it. Interesting to me was this Author, used the same three or four of my all time favorite books as resources writing this. Everything above was taken from my memory, and I didn't have the book beside me while I wrote this. I am so grateful to anyone that read such a long review, and I put my time and energy into doing both this fantastic author, and this book that I hope gives them the justice that they deserve.
Publication Date: 9/20/2025
Thank you to Net Galley, Maria Vogel, and Zeitgeist for generously providing me with my Spectacular ARC, in exchange for a fair and honest review.
BY: MARIA VOGEL
MARIA VOGEL, who is the BRILLIANT Author who has written a fantastic new self help book, that is unlike any other that I've read that I'm so enthusiastic to share with you. I already know quite a bit about Attachment Theory and I was interested in reading hers. What started out to be indecision since I knew about how you are influenced in one source that I read, to develop your Attachment Style while you are still in your mothers womb. I don't remember if it had been cited and had a scientific source that accompanied it that has been replicated enough that is generally accepted by those who specialize in this field that it is valid. I only know that I can't even remember where I read it very recently. I only know that it was something brand new that because I am interested in how when I first started a new interest in Attachment Theory nine years ago very few people that weren't recent graduate students or worked in researching this within the Scientific backgrounds knew about it compared with how I noticed it being exponentially popular with most people having an idea of it. Still I am amazed how I noticed that within a short time there is an increasing number of books published now which nine years ago, it was not like now. I am so grateful that I read Maria's new book called, "FINALLY SECURE."
I could not have expected this to become my top favorite beginners Self help book to be so transforming to me which there was one section that I had connected the dots and had a life changing deep self discovery about myself that I will be forever grateful to both her and the Publisher, which is Zeitgiest for their generosity for granting my request much later than when it Published on September 20, 2025. I think that even though I didn't notice the Subtitle said it was written to help those with an ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT STYLE until I received it which gave me a slight concern, because after reading it I was blown away by how clever, and how much insight that this book has that it was written with since I noticed that this has a great deal of healthy behaviors that are guaranteed to help a wider audience to improve some facet in their life I'm confident that this would help since so much thought and her expertise as a therapist has made this the GOLD STANDARD MASTERPIECE I've encountered for the beginner that I'm aware of. This has been one that has a massive amount of information that is applicable to everyone which I LOVED IT for multiple reasons. Not only did this be masterfully written and formatted that this GIFTED Author reach her objective in delivering it's premise, but the way that she included so much information that I wasn't expecting that is one that has left me with this being so comprehensive in how I have been recommending this to everyone for it's actually my favorite resource that I applaud her since this is a fascinating page Turner that seems like this author has thought of everything with how she has every detail presented that for a short book it's my new Lifetime favorite since it is such a valuable resource. MARIA starts out in the very beginning explaining the characteristics of each of the four Attachment Styles. Which Secure being the one that I'd say makes up about 50%, and the other three are Insecure, which are Anxious, Avoidant, and Disorganized. This might be already stated below since I have written this review more than once, but my computer messed them up when I went to copy and paste it by rearranging it and leaving out a huge portion. I'm just going to give a few details based on my understanding, but only a couple since this is already too long. Each of us has our own Attachment Style that usually begins when we were babies and young children that determines how we connect to others, but it's not a diagnosis in the DSM-5. If our parents or caregivers met our needs, which isn't always because they abused, or neglected us.
Sometimes circumstances happen in life that occur which is beyond their control. If they were attentive and were attuned to us we are most likely going to be Securely Attached which depending on that we don't have negative experiences then we are more flexible, and have less conflict with our romantic partners or spouses. A person with an Anxious Attachment Style yearns to connect with others, but tend to fear abandonment compared to the Avoidant who tends to get easily overwhelmed with too much closeness which they can feel smothered. There's a combination between one romantic partner that feels they yearn for closeness which I refer to as the Anxious Attachment Style whose partner or spouse is an Avoidant Attachment Style is sometimes called the Anxious Avoidant trap.
I am not a Clinician but have an extensive background in psychology, so I like to read about the latest academic research on this renewed focus of Attachment Theory who it was pioneered by John Bowlby during the 1950's. His work has recently become more of the latest focus with my knowledge about how it affects romantic relationships as adults based on how our caregivers met our needs when we were babies and children. If our caregivers were attuned to our needs getting met, and if they had a Secure Attachment Style then we won the lottery. We learn how to Attach securely since our parents, or care givers modeled secure behavior, communication styles being healthy, and other tools we have less conflict, and are more likely to connect in adulthood with others coming from a secure base. Secure Attachment style is the goal that this extremely talented Author, MARIA VOGEL has written one the most accessible, engaging, comprehensive books for the widest audience that can benefit from reading her most recent book. There are four Attachment Styles with the other three being along a wide spectrum of Insecure Attachment Styles which she gave a brief summary at the beginning, but I'll provide my own brief details so you can get an . I remember most of the book, and I have to say that this is the best book that I have read that she has gone above and beyond with practical skills towards the book on ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT STYLE. This can be read by everyone how she brilliantly takes beginners with some basic knowledge of Attachment Theory such as knowing what Attachment Style you, and your partner or spouse is first. Although, this author lists the four Attachment Styles, in the beginning with details for someone brand new to Attachment Theory to be able to identify their Attachment Style. This does take some people who are brand new to this latest new modality more than her short summary, to identify what Attachment Style they are and know it for certain. Then again, it explicitly states in the subtitle that this is for those who are Anxiously Attached to Find and Keep Love Without Losing Themselves, and that she did such a superb job at delivering that objective arming the reader with more than just Practical Skills. This book is the most thoroughly detailed, easy to gain the deepest understanding of how to start your journey from being Anxiously Attached towards Secure Attachment Style that I have encountered. With her arsenal of Practical Skills, tools, and descriptions that this is the GOLD STANDARD MASTERPIECE. regarding those who already suspect that they identify how they connect with others since the first step is awareness. The book first gives samples of a person who already uses the Anxiously Attachment Style with thoroughly explaining each of the four Attachment Styles with filled with massive information with giving examples of both relatable explanations with prompts for Journals that the reader is asked to fill in a situation past or present that reminds them about what each bite sized section just taught with templates. This is a concise and short book with every word has meaning. This gem leaves no guess work since it includes suggestions that' are examples of how, and what is said by the Anxiously Attached person, that follows with the healthier Securely Attached person's of the way to re-frame the same words that incorporates that sections tools that you just read. Each section is short but builds on what was covered in the previous section which the next section adds a new concept. This author enriches the reader with suggested examples included so you know why, and how it generates more respect, kindness, and a sense of safety. This is understood by the reader when introduced to the section that explains the difference between setting a boundary, and why it differs from a request. I found this author's thorough explanation of how setting a boundary preserves relationships, and what to say since there will be some people who don't always welcome the boundary. This Author did such a great job providing exactly what to say and do when you are met with push back. This is extremely helpful for those of us that have poor boundaries because if we have an Anxious Attachment Style we have a fear of abandonment. The Author has supplied us with how to set boundaries in the kindest way with her templates of how to use her step by step examples of exactly what to say. This was huge for me since I never made the connection before reading this why I had so much discomfort with setting boundaries. Just like any new skill it starts with awareness, then with practice she taught me to start small, and I'm so grateful to this author for supplying word for word with the examples that she has included. I can't describe adequately enough my gratitude since this is extremely helpful that this author gave me such a light bulb moment of discovering why setting boundaries were so difficult with her insight I learned something that I was familiar with, but this is the only book that actually addressed such a vital skill that I struggled with. I not only gained exactly how to set a boundary with her generous and thorough method of including so much detail that shows she not only is a terrific writer, but an expert therapist, as well. I will have to memorize her templates, but I am shocked that I gained a deeper understanding of myself that I am serious when I praise Maria Vogel for her understanding of human nature as a therapist since she has written such an invaluable book. It would be helpful to anybody who values how they can gain a deeper understanding of themselves by reading this book. I say this because of how much information she included that goes beyond covering how people with an Anxious Attachment Style can move towards connecting with others by learning how to change from Anxious to a Secure Attachment Style. This author has proven to me that it's possible since I was deeply impacted by just sharing how she transformed me on just her section on boundaries. I know this is not just another self help book because I have never read anything so in depth that actually has been as powerful as this that has reached me towards lasting change already. I will have to go back and memorize her templates on how to say in a way that I will be motivated to set them with confidence that this author has taught me. Most self help books don't penetrate to jolt you to be able to lead to more than loving them since they might feel wonderful while reading, but you don't remember the content except you remember you found it helpful while reading it. I know because I've read some that I love, and are my top five that I want to reread, but I only remember how I felt while I read it. That's because they are impossible to memorize because of how they're formatted. if you're honest you might need to reread the ones that resonated in the moment which is easy to get overwhelmed since they don't normally do what this author innovative approach was to exp;ore how to ask questions that goes beneath the surface that she asks questions about what you feel that connects to the content in sections that introduced a challenging topic. She might associate by asking you how these specific feelings you felt as a child that related to what behaviors were dealt with by your parents when you had conflict about early experiences. I don't remember too many books that associate your current way of handling events that come up in your romantic relationship. This is an effective strategy to help you remember while you implement lasting enlightening changes that are healthier behaviors. This is far more effective compared to those books you plan to reread. but rarely do because of time, and life is busy so they remain as ideas. Most of those books are too general that they don't tend to be ones that lead to action. I never expected this book on how to increase a more Securely Attachment Style with my assumption that this book only just covering Anxious Attachment Style to be so filled with content that would be one that has the power to improve everybody's relationships, but it does. I never expected to read such a concise book that I would learn so much as to be as helpful in some way that it is as one that would teach me to have such a self discovery that has made this one my number one top favorite that I will reread the sections I need instead of those favorite few. This is getting to be much longer and not what I had initially wrote covering more about the book in general since I remember a lot because it's fascinating throughout that I learned how to change towards becoming a person who already is applying what I learned so fast.It takes practice, but I'm very motivated and is rewarding. These changes to improve can be helpful in all relationships by reading this since there is so many things that most likely would not be met with a defensive reply from the other person you are communicating with. included examples of speech/response as that was just one of this books attributes that by far exceeded my expectations that makes this such a valuable resource for the Anxiously Attached person looking to improve their relationships with their romantic partner. This is a MUST READ for it breaks down concepts that other books just tell us we need to create behaviors which we are all familiar with why they're needed..This is different since she goes beneath the surface to explore the underlying feelings that she provides that are exactly what I felt. What I loved about this is first it tells you the difference between a boundary, and a request with included word for word examples of dialogue. The skills are easy to grasp by leaving nothing vague, but also explains how they're different. Then later in the book there's an additional section labeled Boundaries with more of a comprehensive suggestions of exactly how to say it in the most kindest and respectful word for word how to set a boundary which I needed to do in my life, but I used that as an example since there is plenty of other important practical tips that I already knew, but the big difference is how I never had it so thorough;y addressed like it was here in this book. It explains why Anxious people tend not to have any boundaries because of fear of abandonment, and prepares the Anxious person to expect push back since they aren't met with the other person being happy about it. I could also say that I loved the section labeled Communication with the much more in depth lists of my familiar great respect for John Gottman, and the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse which are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling which are indicators of the relationship breakdown, with Contempt being the most damaging, and often a predictor of divorce. I already knew these, but what shocked me the most is that this author had a subcategory of words underneath each of the four in lists, and I was surprised at the one or two in the list of subcategories that I did, and now that I'm aware of it, since they seem so harmless, but immediately stopped.. Now I'm going to go back and copy the subcategories down in my notebook and memorize them. In fact, this is a useful book that I will return to often. I want to reread it, since there's so much useful information that talks about Vulnerability, Validation, Trust,and several easily incorporated methods at Self Regulation. I think that this review was taken from memory, and it's already longer than I anticipated. As this has so much important information, and it really is a fascinating reading experience, because I read it getting totally absorbed by all the universal coping skills in healthy relationships I highly, highly recommend it to everyone. In addition, I am very impressed that this author mentioned an excerpt with content with a lot of impact from another Amazing ARC that I read a few years ago, and is my top favorite reading experiences in this genre. I felt a warmth towards this author for taking an excerpt from it called, "Secure Love," by Julie Menanno, which I really discovered by accident. I have been meaning to reread it. I could tell that it was superior by it's content at the time I read it as how helpful it is that is more general towards being for everyone. It is enjoyable with it offering so much meaningful information that was so impressive. It is also excellent that everyone would love it. I recognized it being highly effective towards helping couples improve their relationships no matter how healthy they were it has become very popular and is Unforgettable that I am recommending as one that was written to help couples improve their relationships., but not as much emphasis on Attachment Theory, although these two were very different I loved them both. The fact that this Author used it as a resource, gives me extra reasons to know that she is even more efficient towards her expertise as a therapist, and know that this book is not as widely gained a well known recognition yet, but it will, but I can tell that it is very effective and is in my opinion one of the best for how much it is enjoyable to read with it being guaranteed to help everyone who reads it. Interesting to me was this Author, used the same three or four of my all time favorite books as resources writing this. Everything above was taken from my memory, and I didn't have the book beside me while I wrote this. I am so grateful to anyone that read such a long review, and I put my time and energy into doing both this fantastic author, and this book that I hope gives them the justice that they deserve.
Publication Date: 9/20/2025
Thank you to Net Galley, Maria Vogel, and Zeitgeist for generously providing me with my Spectacular ARC, in exchange for a fair and honest review.
August 24, 2025
I just finished Finally Secure, and as someone who discovered my anxious attachment style last year, the title immediately caught my attention. I really appreciated the practical tools, reflections, and functional exercises throughout the book. The scenarios and step-by-step guide in the second half were especially helpful—I kept a notebook nearby and worked through many of the reflections as I read. I’d actually recommend getting a hard copy so you can easily jot down notes and engage with the material. Overall, it’s a thoughtful, practical, and worthwhile read that I definitely recommend.
Thank you NetGalley and Zeitgeist for the ARC.
Thank you NetGalley and Zeitgeist for the ARC.
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