When I first found Goodreads about 3 years ago, this was one of the first books I ever added to my 'Want to Read'. Finally I sourced a copy and read it.... and I am so disappointed.
None of my Goodreads friends have read this book, but the community reviews are overwhelmingly positive. I don't understand this. I honestly didn't like this book at all.
The characters were all awful. The writing was not good. The whole tone of the book felt judgey and bitchey. And the plot was nothing special or unique.
So the main character is Olivia, a 32 year old woman who has a serial stalker - Mark - and was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer. She decides to take her life back in order to enjoy what’s left of it, and realises that to do this she must kill Mark.
I HATED Olivia. She’s made out to be this selfless woman with a heart of gold but she acts like a complete bitch. She calls her ex boyfriend from yeeears ago, Sean, who’s a cop, and asks him where she can find a gun. Sean is now married with 2 kids and one on the way. They broke up many years ago, she left him, and she reflects several times that she never really loved him anyway. Still, upon hanging up on Sean these are her thoughts on Sean’s completely innocent wife:
”The woman was Olivia’s total opposite: blond, busty and a little cheap. Olivia smirked. No matter how much money Sean showered her with, Tammy’s taste would always run hot pink, overly revealing, and gaudy. She didn’t leave the house without her hair teased within an inch of its life, fresh nails, and pastel makeup applied like spackle with a putty knife.
Olivia laughed out loud when she thought of their wedding. Had she known how it would turn out, she never would have gone. She had chosen to sit on the wrong side and too close to the front. Sean looked to Olivia each time he said his vows.”
She literally smirks at the mere thought of her and laughs out loud at the memory of their wedding that she ruined! What a horrible person (and why the hell was she even invited to the wedding? She is the grooms ex who broke up with him by publicly humiliating him and they did not remain friends or keep in touch).
Also, every male in this book falls in love with her the very second they look at her. It is completely ridiculous and unrealistic. You wouldn't believe how many times men audibly groan when they think of her.
Sean is the other main character in this story, and he is even worse than Olivia. Olivia is his ex-girlfriend who broke up with him years ago (it’s not specified exactly how long, but it’s at least 5 years) and he is still obsessed with her. He is married, has two kids and his wife Tammy is about 7 months pregnant with their third. Number one reason I hate this guy: he honestly seems to really, really dislike his wife. He’s not only still in love with a woman he hasn’t seen or spoken to in years (NOT his wife), but he doesn’t even seem to like Tammy. Who has done absolutely nothing wrong. Here's a couple of direct quotes from Sean's head regarding his wife (and there's plenty more where these came from):
” “No TV. He only gets 30 minutes a day and I need those 30 minutes to be while I’m trying to fold laundry and get Scott to take a nap.” Tammy’s squawk projected from the kitchen like some kind of missile. A loud, droning missile. Sean focused on how much she doted on his boys and everything she did for them all day. He calmed even more when she said, “Your black suit is at the dry cleaners. I dropped it off yesterday, so it should be ready tomorrow.”
Even when each word drove like a nail into his head, he couldn’t be mad.”
UM, why the F would be he mad??!! For doing his laundry and taking care of his kids?? What a horrible way to think about his wife. He is such an ass.
”Tammy crossed over to him, sat next to him on the couch, and rested her hand on his knee. A sudden twist of desperate hope gripped her features, warring with the horror in her voice. “Oh my God, that’s awful. Is that why you’ve been working so hard?” To Sean’s credit, he didn’t flinch at the contact or her high-pitched whine.”
Apparently it is to his CREDIT that he didn’t ‘flinch’ at the sound of his wife’s voice or her putting her hand on his knee. SUCH an ass.
“Tammy had woken up feeling just as lousy. If she had been able to leave the house, Sean and the boys might have had a better chance at peace, if not contentment. He resented being trapped while a maniac plotted against Olivia, and his anger tangled around his wife."
At this point, Sean himself took the day off, entirely on his own volition, and is now angry at Tammy because he's not at work. Tammy is also sick, and Sean is annoyed because he cannot enjoy himself whilst she is at home and would be having a much better day if she were not there. Dick.
He's also a murder detective; Upon finding the horrifically murdered bodies of two young women, these are his initial reactions:
"The figure and hair had been spot on, but the eyes were all wrong. Dark brown and drab.” And,
”The victim’s features were close to Olivia’s, but wrinkles were beginning to form, and her eyes were a dull brown.”
Their eyes are boring!! Seriously. I mean, they are DEAD.
There is also exactly one sex scene in this book and it may be the most awkward thing I've ever read. It's pretty long, but here are some highlights:
”He paused while she ran her hand down his neck and groaned when her mouth yielded to his. After a few leisurely moments of exploration, they parted. “Wow.” The kindest compliment she could have paid him."
”She inched the bra down her arms and after holding it over the swells (!!!) of her breasts, flung it with the rest of her clothes on the floor. Lucian sucked in a breath as the little pink buds tightened in the cold air. (little pink buds!!?!) Her breasts were of perfect proportion to her body, and the weight felt right in his hands when he cupped them. He couldn’t stop himself and sat up to suckle one of her nipples.”
“The predatory smile that broke out on her face made his cock jump.”
“As he made his way down to her lovely core, the sweet smell he had caught earlier grew stronger. The scent had been her arousal.” (ew)
”He growled and penetrated her with his tongue. She cried out as though she understood his drive. She belonged to him. He had to claim her. Something came back online in his brain, and he forced himself to slow down, lapping at her most sensitive spot.”
“Reaching up, he took a nipple between his thumb and forefinger, twisting until she rose up with the sweet pain.” (what?! Don’t do that!!)
”As he drove into her, she began to come and milk him.” (huh?!?!)
”He groaned against the wave shooting up his cock, the heavy weights of his balls contracting as his seed travelled up his shaft.”
Here's another selection of passages from the book, just to give you an idea of why I disliked it so much:
"He shifted the erection tenting his sweats under the band of his boxers and walked up to her."
Sean had literally just looked at Olivia for the very first time and already has an erection. This is a grown policeman we’re talking about here, not a teenage boy.
"This case already had a grip on him that made his balls crawl."
I am pretty sure this is not an expression.
"He conjured her form without effort. The long, graceful neck; the delicate curve of her eyebrows; and the prominent cheekbones. A soft groan rumbled in his chest. He allowed his mind to drift down her slender body over the firm swell of her breasts and down to those long legs."
Even her ‘delicate eyebrows’ were irresistible. Also, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: The “swell” of breasts is my least favourite expression in the world. It is so incredibly off-putting. It makes my skin crawl (note: ‘skin’ not ‘balls’). And it comes up several more times throughout the book!!
"Josette’s intelligence spanned the width of a strand of silk. The Victorian age of flowery prose and caustic wit had died long ago, leading to this wonderful era of OMG and WTF. Where she had once struggled, now she bloomed like some sort of noxious weed."
Really? Just, really?
"Olivia’s mouth throbbed, something pushing against her eye teeth."
Her eye teeth?!
"He couldn’t escape. And now a headache behind his cheekbones tweaked up a few notches."
Behind his cheekbones?!
" “Not even a skirt?” “Nothing shorter than an inch above the knee. I wanted to be taken seriously at work. Dressing like a tart would not further my career.” "
Right. Because obviously, anyone who wears a skirt that’s shorter than an inch above the knee is a tart.
”Olivia’s tongue brushed his lips. She showed him what she craved.”
”She brushed her lips with the tips of her fingers, remembering the mastery of his kiss.”
”Olivia squirmed as the silky cloth dragged up her thighs. The sensation bordered on painful against her sensitive skin, but she kept up the languid pace until the fabric lapped at her belly. Gentle fingers trailed over her hip, up her stomach, then down the opposite hip. Her mouth ached and her throat burned when her fingers ran up her thigh, but she didn’t stop.”
She is literally just lying in bed alone at this point.
”Sean flexed a fedora in his hands.”
Oh, of course he wears a fedora.
” “This room... it’s how I always thought a father would smell,” Olivia muttered.”
WHAT.
"Sean took in the red rips in the victims pink top and the cheap, white jacket.”
“ “At least Tammy won’t think you’re getting freaky with someone, like the time we found that hooker stuffed into the truck with that horrid bottle of cheap perfume dumped all over her.” "
"The shampoo smelled cheap and fruity."
"The sound of cheap shoes slapping against tile halted Sean in his tracks."
What's with this author and her judgemental attitude towards 'cheap' things? There's nothing wrong with saving money! And as if you would be able to tell that shoes were cheap just by hearing the sound of someone walking.
"She had bolted to the nightstand to grab her gun and had run from room to room shouting “Clear!” in case something lurked in her apartment so it wouldn’t think she was alone."
This part is too long to put into context, but basically if there was anyone else in her apartment at this point there is absolutely no way they wouldn’t know she was alone. Numnut.
"A woman rapped her knuckles on the passenger side window. Her grey complexion and thinning hair made her a poster girl for the war on drugs. After a stare down, the woman walked on."
Alright, judgey. Also, the woman asked her a question ('spare any change?') and she just stares at her in silence. Rude. This also, like many things that happen in this book, had absolutely nothing to do with anything.
"Doc got a little testy with Sean’s tone. “Cool your heels, detective.” "
I don’t think that expression means what you think it means.
“She strapped on some gold stilettos she had accidentally purchased online and never returned”
Let's make it clear here that Olivia did not buy stilettos on purpose! She is a good girl and not a whore.
“In fact, the swells of her breasts were clearly visible through the fabric.”
AGAIN!
“She ignored the goosebumps in her arms and the heavy feeling in her breasts.”
Have you ever been so anxious that your boobs felt heavy? Note that it says breasts plural. Definitely boobs, not chest.
Anyway, to summarise: I will not be reading the next book.