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Sex and Self-Forgetfulness: Honoring Each Other in Marriage
Sex and Self-Forgetfulness
helps couples gain a biblical understanding of the joys of intimacy on their way to building a more mutually satisfying marriage.
Intimacy is a wonderful gift from God meant to draw married couples closer, but in a world where there is so much confusion and misuse of sexuality, how can that happen? Doug Hanna shares that the secret to the Christian life—where you find true life by laying down your life for others—is also the secret to mutually satisfying intimacy. Couples will explore Scripture together to discover that real joy comes from thinking less of yourself and more of your spouse.
By focusing on self-forgetfulness, mutual service, and Christ’s example, Sex and Self-Forgetfulness provides a roadmap for healing, growth, and lasting intimacy. Reading this book together allows couples to read Scripture, talk about the day’s narrative, and pray together before putting what they have learned into practice in their own marriage.Divided into three parts to help couples understand God’s design for sex, respond to sexual brokenness, and pursue satisfaction.Challenges common cultural misconceptions about sex and offers guidance for overcoming sexual sin.Married couples, engaged couples, pastors, and counselors will benefit from this clear, Christ-centered and practical resource.
Intimacy is a wonderful gift from God meant to draw married couples closer, but in a world where there is so much confusion and misuse of sexuality, how can that happen? Doug Hanna shares that the secret to the Christian life—where you find true life by laying down your life for others—is also the secret to mutually satisfying intimacy. Couples will explore Scripture together to discover that real joy comes from thinking less of yourself and more of your spouse.
By focusing on self-forgetfulness, mutual service, and Christ’s example, Sex and Self-Forgetfulness provides a roadmap for healing, growth, and lasting intimacy. Reading this book together allows couples to read Scripture, talk about the day’s narrative, and pray together before putting what they have learned into practice in their own marriage.Divided into three parts to help couples understand God’s design for sex, respond to sexual brokenness, and pursue satisfaction.Challenges common cultural misconceptions about sex and offers guidance for overcoming sexual sin.Married couples, engaged couples, pastors, and counselors will benefit from this clear, Christ-centered and practical resource.
192 pages, Paperback
Published March 16, 2026
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
August 5, 2026
When I requested an advance review copy of Sex and Self-Forgetfulness, I expected a challenging book. I just didn't expect it to be quite so deeply convicting. It caught me by surprise—in the best way.
My husband and I have been married for 15 years, and reading this book together proved to be one of its greatest strengths. It sparked conversations we'd never actually had before—some a little uncomfortable, but all worthwhile. Looking back, I don't think I would recommend reading this book alone. I would strongly encourage couples to read it together and discuss each chapter openly.
One thing I came to appreciate after many conversations with my husband is that this book isn't one you'll necessarily interpret in exactly the same way. There were places where we reached different conclusions or wished the author had explained his meaning more clearly. In particular, I found some of the discussion around self-forgetfulness and selfishness within sexual intimacy could have benefited from greater nuance and clearer definitions, as there were moments that felt more grey than black and white. Rather than diminishing the book's value, however, those moments became opportunities for thoughtful discussion.
This isn't a book I'd reserve for newlyweds. I think couples who have been married for years may benefit just as much, if not more. It's easy to settle into patterns without ever talking about why you do what you do. This book gently encourages those conversations.
I also appreciated that this isn't a book about techniques, positions, or finding the latest way to spice up your marriage. Instead, it lays a solid biblical foundation for healthy, God-honouring intimacy by continually pointing both husband and wife back to Christ and to serving one another in love.
The format is excellent. The examples are realistic and relatable, the discussion questions are genuinely thought-provoking, and the practical "things to do" sections make it easy to put the teaching into practice rather than simply moving on to the next chapter.
Looking back, I think the discussion questions are actually the book's greatest strength. More than the author's conclusions themselves, they created space for honest conversations that helped my husband and me better understand one another. Even where we didn't fully agree with every definition or application, the discussions they prompted proved incredibly valuable.
One thing I especially appreciated was the tone. Many Christian books on marriage and intimacy unintentionally seem to place a heavier burden on women. I never felt that here. The author calls both husband and wife to the same standard of humble, sacrificial, Christ-like love. There is conviction throughout the book, but never condemnation.
I received an advance review copy from New Growth Press. As always, these are my own honest opinions. Despite wishing for greater clarity in a few areas, I still found this to be an excellent resource. Its greatest strength isn't that every couple will agree with every conclusion, but that it creates the kind of honest, Christ-centred conversations many married couples may never have had. For that reason, I'd gladly recommend it—especially to couples willing to read it together and talk through it openly.
My husband and I have been married for 15 years, and reading this book together proved to be one of its greatest strengths. It sparked conversations we'd never actually had before—some a little uncomfortable, but all worthwhile. Looking back, I don't think I would recommend reading this book alone. I would strongly encourage couples to read it together and discuss each chapter openly.
One thing I came to appreciate after many conversations with my husband is that this book isn't one you'll necessarily interpret in exactly the same way. There were places where we reached different conclusions or wished the author had explained his meaning more clearly. In particular, I found some of the discussion around self-forgetfulness and selfishness within sexual intimacy could have benefited from greater nuance and clearer definitions, as there were moments that felt more grey than black and white. Rather than diminishing the book's value, however, those moments became opportunities for thoughtful discussion.
This isn't a book I'd reserve for newlyweds. I think couples who have been married for years may benefit just as much, if not more. It's easy to settle into patterns without ever talking about why you do what you do. This book gently encourages those conversations.
I also appreciated that this isn't a book about techniques, positions, or finding the latest way to spice up your marriage. Instead, it lays a solid biblical foundation for healthy, God-honouring intimacy by continually pointing both husband and wife back to Christ and to serving one another in love.
The format is excellent. The examples are realistic and relatable, the discussion questions are genuinely thought-provoking, and the practical "things to do" sections make it easy to put the teaching into practice rather than simply moving on to the next chapter.
Looking back, I think the discussion questions are actually the book's greatest strength. More than the author's conclusions themselves, they created space for honest conversations that helped my husband and me better understand one another. Even where we didn't fully agree with every definition or application, the discussions they prompted proved incredibly valuable.
One thing I especially appreciated was the tone. Many Christian books on marriage and intimacy unintentionally seem to place a heavier burden on women. I never felt that here. The author calls both husband and wife to the same standard of humble, sacrificial, Christ-like love. There is conviction throughout the book, but never condemnation.
I received an advance review copy from New Growth Press. As always, these are my own honest opinions. Despite wishing for greater clarity in a few areas, I still found this to be an excellent resource. Its greatest strength isn't that every couple will agree with every conclusion, but that it creates the kind of honest, Christ-centred conversations many married couples may never have had. For that reason, I'd gladly recommend it—especially to couples willing to read it together and talk through it openly.
April 29, 2026
AMAZING!
I won this book in a giveaway having not heard of it or the author but was excited to read it. I was really impressed with how much ground this book covers, the pitfalls it avoids, and its overall accessibility.
This book covers a ton of ground on building a Christian ethic about life, marriage, and sex, and also applying that ethic to the bedroom in marriage. I loved that this book was about God primarily, the Christian life second, and only about sex third. This was a great way to frame what God calls the Christian to in terms of their sexual union in marriage. I was really impressed with how many biblical principles Hanna is able to teach and apply in this book through short chapters.
This book avoids many pitfalls of the sex conversation. I thought there was gentleness, really helpful clarifying sections about what is being said and what isn’t being said, and also a boldness to be frank about things. Hanna accomplishes this without some of the shock value of other authors but also without some of the avoidance of tough topics that I’ve seen in other books. I often feel like if I give books out about sensitive topics, I need to give many caveats and I don’t feel that way at all about Hanna’s book which is a huge win!
This book is incredibly accessible. Short devotional chapters meant to be read and discussed together. A helpful story or analogy at the start of each chapter. Questions at the end and more things to consider. What is most impressive to me about this book is how Hanna does not trade accessibility for depth. They co-exist in this book!
As a pastor I anticipate that this will become one of my go-to book recommendations for sex. There is much ink spilled on this topic, but Hanna finds a way to carve out a unique voice through his depth, accessibility, and wisdom.
I won this book in a giveaway having not heard of it or the author but was excited to read it. I was really impressed with how much ground this book covers, the pitfalls it avoids, and its overall accessibility.
This book covers a ton of ground on building a Christian ethic about life, marriage, and sex, and also applying that ethic to the bedroom in marriage. I loved that this book was about God primarily, the Christian life second, and only about sex third. This was a great way to frame what God calls the Christian to in terms of their sexual union in marriage. I was really impressed with how many biblical principles Hanna is able to teach and apply in this book through short chapters.
This book avoids many pitfalls of the sex conversation. I thought there was gentleness, really helpful clarifying sections about what is being said and what isn’t being said, and also a boldness to be frank about things. Hanna accomplishes this without some of the shock value of other authors but also without some of the avoidance of tough topics that I’ve seen in other books. I often feel like if I give books out about sensitive topics, I need to give many caveats and I don’t feel that way at all about Hanna’s book which is a huge win!
This book is incredibly accessible. Short devotional chapters meant to be read and discussed together. A helpful story or analogy at the start of each chapter. Questions at the end and more things to consider. What is most impressive to me about this book is how Hanna does not trade accessibility for depth. They co-exist in this book!
As a pastor I anticipate that this will become one of my go-to book recommendations for sex. There is much ink spilled on this topic, but Hanna finds a way to carve out a unique voice through his depth, accessibility, and wisdom.
May 23, 2026
Good! Probably better for newlyweds as opposed to pre-marital counseling.
April 4, 2026
Hanna’s goal is to apply Jesus’s vision for the Christian life to sex within marriage - that is, his call of self-forgetful discipleship and serving others. He wants the reader to understand God’s design for sex and marriage to approach it in the right way. He strongly recommends couples read it together, so they can talk it through and be unified.
Three sections cover:
1. Understanding God’s Design - chapters explore how sex is for marriage, pleasure, serving and women. Key ideas like safety, consent, enjoyment, and caring for the other are all explored here.
2. Responding to Sexual Brokenness - how the fall, our sin and the sins of others have impacted our sexuality. He is open and direct about the struggles faced, whether through selfishness, pornography, adultery, or hard-heartedness. He urges openness, confession, and working towards forgiveness, and compassionately addresses those who have been sinned against. These are challenging chapters, but for those who are willing to explore them honestly, they could provide a path of hope moving forward.
3. Pursuing Sexual Satisfaction - Hanna wants to broaden the understanding of sex and intimacy, as well as to encourage each partner towards serving the other lovingly and joyously. He encourages self-awareness, willingness to learn from each other, and lots of conversation & honesty.
Each of the thirty chapters is only about 5 pages. Each has a bible verse, an example, some application, things to talk about together, and things to pray about. Appendix 2 (52 conversation starters for discussing sex with your spouse) is excellent and would be a great way in to many of these conversations. Recommended for couples who want a biblical foundation for their marriage, who want to serve one another, and who are willing to be open and honest with each other as they move towards greater intimacy.
Three sections cover:
1. Understanding God’s Design - chapters explore how sex is for marriage, pleasure, serving and women. Key ideas like safety, consent, enjoyment, and caring for the other are all explored here.
2. Responding to Sexual Brokenness - how the fall, our sin and the sins of others have impacted our sexuality. He is open and direct about the struggles faced, whether through selfishness, pornography, adultery, or hard-heartedness. He urges openness, confession, and working towards forgiveness, and compassionately addresses those who have been sinned against. These are challenging chapters, but for those who are willing to explore them honestly, they could provide a path of hope moving forward.
3. Pursuing Sexual Satisfaction - Hanna wants to broaden the understanding of sex and intimacy, as well as to encourage each partner towards serving the other lovingly and joyously. He encourages self-awareness, willingness to learn from each other, and lots of conversation & honesty.
Each of the thirty chapters is only about 5 pages. Each has a bible verse, an example, some application, things to talk about together, and things to pray about. Appendix 2 (52 conversation starters for discussing sex with your spouse) is excellent and would be a great way in to many of these conversations. Recommended for couples who want a biblical foundation for their marriage, who want to serve one another, and who are willing to be open and honest with each other as they move towards greater intimacy.
March 31, 2026
Sex and Self-forgetfulness lays the biblical foundation for joyfully and sacrificially serving your spouse in marital intimacy. Hanna compassionately and courageously guides the reader to a vision of sex in marriage that is centered on Christ and built upon self-giving love. This book is valuable, redemptive, and highly practical.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews