That We Might Have Joy: Desire, Divinity & Intimate Love

by Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

What if the path to deeper spirituality isn’t through resisting your sexuality—but through more fully embracing it?

For many Latter-day Saints, sexual intimacy is experienced as a pleasant pastime, a bargaining chip, a well of shame, a source of frustration—or even a necessary evil. Far less understood is its potential to be something much a source of deep joy, spiritual transcendence, and communion with another soul.

In a culture drawn to quick fixes and surface-level advice, That We Might Have Joy offers something deeper—an honest, in-depth look at how sexual intimacy acts as both diagnosis and cure for what ails modern marriage, and a meaningful invitation to create something richer and more connected.

With clarity and compassion, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife reframes sexuality not as a threat to faith, but as a vital pathway to it. She shows how sexual intimacy can reveal the truth of a relationship—and how, for those willing to confront that truth, it can become the starting point for something far more soul-sustaining.

That We Might Have Joy is a call to greater integrity—within our marriages, our faith, and ourselves. It invites us to live more honestly, love more deeply, and discover what becomes possible when we heal the division between our spiritual and sexual selves.

ABOUT THE AUTHORDr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is an LDS relationship and sexuality coach with a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. Her teaching and coaching focus on helping LDS individuals and couples achieve greater satisfaction and passion in their emotional and sexual relationships. Dr. Finlayson-Fife is a frequent guest on LDS-themed podcasts on the subjects of sexuality, relationships, mental health, and faith. She is also the creator and host of Room for Two, a popular sex and intimacy coaching podcast.

Genres: Personal Development

304 pages, Paperback

Published September 24, 2025

Reviews

[jackie norris · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been following Dr. Finlayson-Fife’s work for over a decade and can honestly say her work has impacted me more than just about anything else. Her concepts are soul-stretching and full of wisdom. She manages to balance a deep compassion for our human weakness along with calling us to a higher way of being. This is a book I will revisit again and again.

[Chakell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Legit just changed my entire outlook on life.

[Lynnae Hymas · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so helpful in better understanding sexual intimacy and in recognizing how I can or have sabotaged my marriage. It helps me see myself honestly and to see the beauty that’s possible in an honest relationship with my spouse.

[Rachel Schwantes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved it and found a lot of value in this book. Definitely one I’ll be looking back on.

[Casey · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must-read for LDS couples. The book addresses false traditions we may have inadvertently internalized growing up within our chastity culture (as women AND as men). Understanding that, the author can then help us to overcome and grow as couples, men and women. And throughout she has beautiful ideas for teaching healthy sexuality to the next generation. At the heart of the book is “sexual integration,” sexuality and spirituality hand in hand. This comes through deep soul work, only accomplished if we choose to do the work AND we are willing to not only see ourselves for who we are, but to be seen by our partner. It’s just beautiful, and it aligns with our doctrine (even pointing out how far our false traditions have strayed from our doctrine).

[Misty DeRosier · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first few chapters were not as powerful as the last few. The first few will likely resonate for many LDS people, they just didn’t fit for me or my experiences in relationships or at church. Chapters 7, 8 and 9 were profound and moving. Her ideas about embodiment, spirituality, physicality and sexuality all being linked resonated deeply with me and reflected my experience. Her mention of sexuality bringing us closer not only to our partner but also to god and the universe accurately describes my experiences as well. Her penultimate chapter, Toward and embodied, sensual faith is outstanding. Her final chapter; Ten lessons toward a child’s sexual integration was solid, actionable advice for and parent or person working closely with youth. While I appreciate what she has to say about needing more research around the impact of the proliferation of pornography, her addendum missed the mark for me as it overlooked important sociological implications for those exploited in the porn industry and chose to focus instead on the consumers. Ultimately, I don’t believe the first few chapters of the book will resonate with an audience outside the LDS church (or perhaps evangelicals and other extremely conservative faiths) or at least church adjacent, though her final few chapters are likely universally relatable. I hope those outside the faith will pick it up if only for those messages.

[Amanda Spackman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unsurprisingly one of the most powerful books for change and growth that I have ever read. I always feel so expanded when engaging with her work and while yes this book is about relationships and sexuality, it also invites you into knowing and being your best self across all relationships. It is soul-enlarging on all levels. I have engaged with basically all of Jennifer’s content over the last several years. I wouldn’t say that this book introduced much new as much as being an excellent and thorough compilation of her work. The book form allows some of her ideas to be more thought-out, clear, and organized and the concrete examples from couples helps you to take her beautiful but sometimes difficult to conceptualize or apply thoughts into the real world. I truly saw myself and my husband in every one of her example couples. Grateful this book exists and I can’t wait to read it again and again.

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Finlayson-Fife is the leading expert in LDS relationships and sexuality. This book encapsulates her work. Highly recommend.

[Lance Homer · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I am only giving this book three stars, it is still a book I would recommend to others.

I am a huge fan of Jennifer Finlayson-Fife. She is extreme skilled as a therapist in differentiation theory.

While this book is primarily intended for readers who are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, others can still benefit from it. Those raised in the church but have left can still connect to it based upon their relationship to sexuality while in the church. Those of other Christian faiths will also connect to it as she connects the body and spirit. These latter two groups may need to let a few scriptures or beliefs slide as being for LDS believers but it is not enough to ruin the book.

Why three stars? I have read a few books from her mentor Richard Schnarch. While the books I read of his weren’t trying to connect a spiritual belief system to healthier relationships and sexuality, his books hit me with more straight forward guidance whether through his hypothetical couples or his direct points. JFF has some hypothetical couples which were good and she does make some good points but there were also parts that just weren’t as impactful in my opinion.

Another issue I have with this book is that the has a doctorate in psychology, yet as I read through many of the end notes the research she cited didn’t support the claim she was making in the book. It wasn’t a one off. It was a lot. I don’t get it. This should have been checked by the editing team. I hope she will have someone who is research focused go through her end notes to help correct for a second edition.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Participated in JFF's book club for the release of her book, which was a fun little outlet for some of my questions regarding her work. I've been a big fan of JFF's work for several years and, although I am no longer a practicing LDS-member, I still find her rhetoric and teachings around adult maturation and self-authorship incredibly useful and life-changing. This book is a wonderful token and testament of the great thoughtfulness and effort she has put into helping her community around these issues. If you are a religious person, particularly LDS, you may find the application of her frameworks around Christian beliefs refreshing and intriguing as a new way of thinking, especially around relationships. Highly recommend this book to those who might be looking for a complete shift in their relationships and are ready to learn to love in its truest form (NOT an easy undertaking). I plan on coming back to this book frequently.

[Andreas Peterson · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was both comforting and distressing to see my life and marriage staring back at me from almost every page of this book. It showed that my wife and I are not alone in these struggles, but also revealed how painful it has made things and how difficult it can be to fix.

I urge people to read this book at whatever stage of marriage they are in, but especially earlier in the relationship, to hopefully avoid some of the pitfalls before they become cemented into the marriage and harder to break from.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the most insightful and impactful books I’ve read on spirituality and sexuality. Jennifer’s care and dedication are evident throughout every chapter. The writing is thoughtful, clear, and deeply engaging, with practical examples that bring her ideas to life. It’s not only an inspiring read for personal growth but also offers valuable guidance on helping children develop a healthy understanding of their own sexuality. A beautiful, enriching book—well worth the wait.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is incredible. JFF’s work is truly incredible. She’s articulated the struggle that is common for so many of us, and provided guidance for how to grow ourselves into something better within our marriages. These principles aren’t just for the married though. I believe much of what she teaches can be applied so much more broadly in the way we bring ourselves to the world individually. She writes with wisdom and grace. I’d recommend it to anyone!

[Eric · Rating 5 out of 5]

A concise delivery of the most salient points of JFF’s perspective on sexuality primarily, and relationships and marriage. Where this adds even more value to the existing JFF adherent is in the final chapter which provides a culminating message on divine eroticism and its beauty. A must read in my opinion.

The appendix on teaching these principles to children is also succinctly and eloquently put.

[Kristen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife changed my life and my marriage. Mike and I attended her “Strengthening Your Marriage” in person 3-day workshop. You can purchase her workshops online, as well. There is a great library of free podcasts if you want to start there. I promise Dr Jennifer’s teaching will elevate all of your relationships.

I’m grateful to have her fabulous work in a book. You can tell she poured her knowledge and heart into That We Might Have Joy.

[Abby · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been following JFF for many years and have learned so much from her. I had high expectations of this book and it did not disappoint. She is so articulate and intelligent, as well as faithful and wise. This book is a rare combination of research, theology, lived experience, science and faith. I will be gifting it to all my children before they marry.

[Jules · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book!! I want to gift it to every single and married person! Engaged family members will be receiving this book. So well done! I love the way Jennifer thinks, writes and explains intimacy so well! Highly recommend!!!

[John Phillips · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beyond the restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ, I have learned and benefited more from JFF’s work than anyone else. While she is a “sex therapist”, the principles she espouses run far deeper than just sex. I highly recommend this and any of her work.

[Marné Hawkes Skelton Yates · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best book of the year. This is the book our grandparents needed. Life. Changing. Highlights and notes on every page. Also, we got to sit at her feet for 2 hours and listen to pure genius. 🩷

[Vance King · Rating 4 out of 5]

HUGE fan of the author, and this book provides a nice overview of her work. 4.5/5 for a seasoned vet like me. Likely a 5/5 for interested newcomers.

[Christian Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've listened to JFF for years. This is the best thing she's done.

[Greg · Rating 2 out of 5]

Thoroughly unhelpful.

[Ben Iverson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Definitely the best book I've read on intimacy and connection in relationships. I got so much out of this book and is for sure one that I'll recommend to others.