How to Raise a Gentle Man: A guide for parents and carers who want to raise kind, emotionally intelligent and respectful boys

by Sarah Ockwell-Smith

From birth we treat boys differently to we hold them less, talk to them less and discipline them more harshly. Society is full of stereotyped masculinity and families often pass down inherited beliefs of what 'manliness' should look like.

How to Raise a Gentle Man is a book for any parent or carer who wants to break that cycle and for those who are fed up with boys being blamed for everything. Toxic masculinity doesn't just hurt women and girls, it hurts boys too.

Sarah Ockwell-Smith, bestselling childcare expert and mother to three young men, argues that the answer to raising kind, respectful and gentle boys is not to ban social media or access to the internet, lay the blame solely at the feet of the incel movement or misogynistic influencers or to introduce reactionary Governmental education policies as a response to Netflix dramas.

The only truly effective way to help our boys is through the way we raise them.

How to Raise a Gentle Man gives step by step instructions for concerned parents and carers who want to get to the root of the problem and help boys to thrive in the manosphere. Whether you're a parent to a newborn, a teacher to an eight year old, or raising a teenager, you'll find plenty of advice here for you.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

235 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 23, 2026

About the author

Born in Bedfordshire, England in 1976, Sarah Ockwell-Smith is a mother of four school aged children, three boys and one girl.

After graduating with an honors degree in Psychology, specialising in child development, she embarked on a five year career in Pharmaceutical Research and Development, working with clinical trial data, until she became pregnant with her first child in 2001. After the birth of her firstborn Sarah retrained as an Antenatal Teacher, hypnotherapist/Psychotherapist, Infant Massage Instructor and Birth and Postnatal Doula. Over the years Sarah has updated her knowledge with various study days and courses including paediatric first aid, paediatric safeguarding, perinatal psychology and birth trauma.

Sarah now works as a parenting author, writer and coach. With a particular interest in child sleep.

Reviews

[Jordan]

Very repetitive and not particularly groundbreaking if you're already working to instill emotional intelligence in your children .

I didn't understand the authors objection to fostering resilience and there seemed to be a clear bias against rowdiness/boisterousness in boys. In fact, I walked away from this book with the clear impression that the author feels the goal should be for all boys to wear dresses (dress wearing and long hair are mentioned MANY times) and play with dolls.

Not for me and not one I will be recommending.

[Keri Bailie]

A thought provoking and informative book on the minefield on being a parent, that will be an invaluable read to parents of all children. We learn how to raise children to have emotional intelligence, empathy and respect. In an increasingly worrying world of toxic masculinity and gender inequality, which some are unconscious to, this book offers a guide for parents to lead their boys on a different path. Highly recommended.

[Gabrielle Geddes]

A must-read for all parents of boys!

4 stars because there were certain parts that felt repetitive or gratuitous, but that was more a reflection of writing style rather than content, which was overall very insightful and optimistic.

[Sarah Gardyne]

I'm still processing this book..it has a lot of good advice and some that I've been doing. But there is a lot to think about.

[Victoria]

Really interesting read with lots of practical guidance on how you can make an impact on these issues at an early age. As someone with a 3 year old boy I found this very useful.