Neckbeard: The Awesome Pirate

by Dennes Sims

Rob Morgan, a network engineer from that sprawling metropolis called Omaha, Nebraska, is going about his jaded, everyday life until a group of men in black suits yanks him from his best friend’s wedding and drops him into a totally-not-government-wink-wink black-site defense project. One accidental misstep later into a wormhole, he ends up in the year 1700 during the Golden Age of Piracy, finding himself thrust into a world of cannon fire, sword fights, treasure maps, and men in serious need of better hygiene. Mistaken for the notorious pirate Bloody Bob Morgan, Rob is forced to become the legend that everyone thinks he is while trying to find a way back home. Combining real historical figures from the Golden Age of Piracy with a tale of time travel, changing history, and expert-level sarcasm, it promises the reader a wild, entertaining journey.

Dive into a time-warped pirate epic where futuristic tech collides with 18th-century high-seas adventure. Unravel secret maps, mysterious wormhole devices, and a treacherous crew that will leave you questioning every twist. Set sail now and uncover a destiny woven with history and sci‑fi—buy today and start your adventure!

466 pages, Kindle Edition

Published July 28, 2025

About the author

Dennes Sims writes stories where sarcasm skirts the razor's edge of decorum, where pirates have worse impulse control than you do, and history is a plaything to change as we see fit.

Before terrorizing the high seas of fiction with Neckbeard the Awesome Pirate, Dennes spent years writing supernatural and horror screenplays—because apparently “fun” used to mean demons, vampires, and all the haunted things that wanted you dead. Somewhere along the line, he decided the world needed less brooding and more swashbuckling smart-mouths... something he was more proficient at.

When he’s not plotting literary mutiny, he’s composing music, wrangling technology, and drinking coffee like it became a grudge match with Juan Valdez. He firmly believes every day can be improved with a good joke, a ridiculous adventure, or at least one scene involving a swordfight.

Reviews

[Maria Michlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great read! It is well-written, witty, sarcastic and a bit risqué. It will hold your attention and capture your imagination, as this first person account weaves a story that will make you a time-travel believer. All Rob Morgan knew about pirates he learned from video games. Yet, thanks to falling through a wormhole, he now must make these real 18th century pirates believe he is the ruthless Captain Robert Morgan, or die trying. I laughed, a lot, both appropriately and inappropriately. I enjoyed it so much, I didn't want it to end. Bring on the sequel! Or maybe a movie?

[Amanda Harris · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m going to preface this by saying that fantasy is not my genre. And I’m not science-smart enough for most science fiction. That said, the tone in which this book is written is so absolutely hilarious that I could not stop reading it. The storyline, the characters, and the twists made this an AWESOME read!

[Ted Striker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Neckbeard: The Awesome Book

Dennis Sims promised and delivered an awesome trapped-in-time pirate story. Out of the several books that promise humor, this one actually delivers belly laughs, together with solid alternative history and a nod to hard science. I especially enjoyed the S. L. Jackson voice in the MC's head.

[Beth Dawson · Rating 5 out of 5]

unbelievable fun story

It was so strange it was believable . It was packed with humor ,suspense and odd history but all in all a great book . It kept you wondering WHAT. NEXT!!!