What do you think?
Better Than Normal: Virtues for an Off-Script Life
Normal is a myth—and recognizing that truth can free us all.
In a world obsessed with fitting in, Better Than Normal dares to ask a revolutionary What if the problem isn't people who don't conform, but the idea of "normal" itself?
Author and pastor MaryAnn McKibben Dana delivers a powerful critique of society's restrictive expectations while offering a transformative vision for human flourishing. Drawing from her experience as a mother navigating mental health challenges with her children, she reveals how forcing people into ill-fitting boxes creates cycles of shame, stigma, and othering that diminish us all.
This isn't just another self-help book—it's an exploration of how culture shapes our understanding of worthiness and belonging. And it's a study that extends far beyond mental health to encompass anyone living outside society's narrow bounds—neurodivergent individuals, LGBTQ+ people, racial minorities, those with disabilities—populations that collectively represent the majority of us. McKibben Dana demonstrates that liberation comes not from adjusting to dominant culture, but from creating spaces where all people can thrive authentically.
At the heart of this book lies six transformational shifts that move people and communities from scarcity to
embracing curiosity over certainty,
courage over comfort,
presence over productivity,
authenticity over artifice,
beauty over blandness,
and community over competition.
McKibben Dana's vision extends far beyond individual transformation to encompass congregational renewal and cultural change. And her pastoral wisdom, honed through years of preaching and parenting, reveals how letting go of rigid normalcy doesn't just liberate those who struggle; it empowers everyone to live more creatively, empathetically, and abundantly.
Better Than Normal serves as both mirror and map, reflecting the ways current systems fall short while charting a course toward genuine flourishing. For those ready to put down the script of normalcy and move into the radical possibilities of human dignity, this book is a catalyst for the collective work of transformation. Normal is a myth—and recognizing that truth might just free us all.
In a world obsessed with fitting in, Better Than Normal dares to ask a revolutionary What if the problem isn't people who don't conform, but the idea of "normal" itself?
Author and pastor MaryAnn McKibben Dana delivers a powerful critique of society's restrictive expectations while offering a transformative vision for human flourishing. Drawing from her experience as a mother navigating mental health challenges with her children, she reveals how forcing people into ill-fitting boxes creates cycles of shame, stigma, and othering that diminish us all.
This isn't just another self-help book—it's an exploration of how culture shapes our understanding of worthiness and belonging. And it's a study that extends far beyond mental health to encompass anyone living outside society's narrow bounds—neurodivergent individuals, LGBTQ+ people, racial minorities, those with disabilities—populations that collectively represent the majority of us. McKibben Dana demonstrates that liberation comes not from adjusting to dominant culture, but from creating spaces where all people can thrive authentically.
At the heart of this book lies six transformational shifts that move people and communities from scarcity to
embracing curiosity over certainty,
courage over comfort,
presence over productivity,
authenticity over artifice,
beauty over blandness,
and community over competition.
McKibben Dana's vision extends far beyond individual transformation to encompass congregational renewal and cultural change. And her pastoral wisdom, honed through years of preaching and parenting, reveals how letting go of rigid normalcy doesn't just liberate those who struggle; it empowers everyone to live more creatively, empathetically, and abundantly.
Better Than Normal serves as both mirror and map, reflecting the ways current systems fall short while charting a course toward genuine flourishing. For those ready to put down the script of normalcy and move into the radical possibilities of human dignity, this book is a catalyst for the collective work of transformation. Normal is a myth—and recognizing that truth might just free us all.
- GenresNonfiction
160 pages, Paperback
Published April 14, 2026
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
May 31, 2026
One of the discussions swirling around AI is the difference between information and connection. It is one thing to know a fact. Another to understand how that fact connects to other facts. What we might lose if we rely on AI is the ability to place information in context, and without that context we might have knowledge but not understanding. The way we nurture understanding is by wrestling with our own and other people's ideas. As much as I rely on wiki for a broad (and shallow) understanding of a new-to-me topic, reading a ten minute summary cannot replace the work of making material our own, putting concepts into our own words, making connections with other material. Many of our best insights come from making completely unexpected connections, seeing how two seemingly unrelated things might be in conversation with each other. Is there anything more frustrating than someone using an AI prompt and then assuming the resulting summary makes them an expert on the topic?
All of this to say, I appreciate and enjoy how MaryAnn McKibben Dana makes connections, the sort of connections that come from wrestling with content and ideas and reading widely and listening to others and probably processing for years through conversations, sermons, and other writings. (I awarded one gold shiny star simply for referencing Dungy's Soil, a book I wish everyone would read.) A book is part of an ongoing conversation in a way an AI summary can't be.
Better Than Normal is a book written by and for Christians, but I believe anyone could benefit from reading it. It is about what to do when the wheels fall off the bus. How to show up in the world authentically - not hiding behind shiny, happy platitudes. And also with hope. How to acknowledge the pain while cultivating joy. It is well-organized and would be a great option for a book study. It is a practical guide to living, gathering insights from various sources and connecting them for the reader into a coherent framework.
While I did receive an eARC from Eerdmans and NetGalley, I have already purchased the book for myself. If anyone chooses to read it, I would be happy to reread the book with you!
All of this to say, I appreciate and enjoy how MaryAnn McKibben Dana makes connections, the sort of connections that come from wrestling with content and ideas and reading widely and listening to others and probably processing for years through conversations, sermons, and other writings. (I awarded one gold shiny star simply for referencing Dungy's Soil, a book I wish everyone would read.) A book is part of an ongoing conversation in a way an AI summary can't be.
Better Than Normal is a book written by and for Christians, but I believe anyone could benefit from reading it. It is about what to do when the wheels fall off the bus. How to show up in the world authentically - not hiding behind shiny, happy platitudes. And also with hope. How to acknowledge the pain while cultivating joy. It is well-organized and would be a great option for a book study. It is a practical guide to living, gathering insights from various sources and connecting them for the reader into a coherent framework.
While I did receive an eARC from Eerdmans and NetGalley, I have already purchased the book for myself. If anyone chooses to read it, I would be happy to reread the book with you!
April 21, 2026
What is "normal"? Normal seems to be the median against which we judge everything else. But, is it possible to live "better than normal?" After all, there are a lot of people who do not fit within what society deems normal. Race, gender, social class, sexual orientation, chronic illness, disabilities, mental health issues, and neurodiversity are all factors that can complicate what it means to be "normal." With that complexity in view, might there be a better way of living? Might there be virtues we can build upon for what is an "off-script life"?
MaryAnn McKibben Dana offers us a helpful response to this complex reality that defines human existence in her book "Better Than Normal: Virtues for an Off-Script Life." She approaches the topic from the perspective of one who is a pastor, serving as associate pastor of Trinity Presbyterian Church of Herndon, Virginia. She also approaches the topic quite pastorally, from the perspective of being a parent of a child who experienced a mental-health crash during adolescence. This is something that many parents have dealt with. At the heart of this book, we have a response to a very individualistic society, where we're supposed to fix what ails us. Too often, this is not an easy task, especially if people are going to thrive in life. With all these questions in mind, Dana asks a pertinent question: "What if, in fact, there's no such thing as normal? How might such an idea be liberating for all of us?" (p. 4). That question drives what we find in this book, along with a call to pursue a world that does not yet exist, where we can find "greater empathy, creativity, and an ability to live freely and more abundantly no matter what life throws at us" (p. 5). If only!
Dana divides her book into two parts, each with three chapters. Part 1 focuses on "Individual Values" and Part 2 addresses "Communal Values." Each of the chapters takes us from one value set to another. Thus, Chapter 1 takes us "From Certainty to Curiosity." Chapter 2 moves "From Comfort to Courage," while Chapter 3 moves "From Productivity to Presence." When we move to Part 2, focusing on "Communal Values," the chapters move "From Artifice to Authenticity" (Chapter 4); From Blandness to Beauty" (Chapter 5), and "From Competition to Community" (Chapter 6). As you can see from each of the chapter titles, this movement requires us to drop the pretense of "normality."
One thing a reader will notice is that Dana focuses on shifting from highly individualistic, competitive values to more communal ones. This is difficult to accomplish in a highly capitalistic environment that prizes competition and productivity. This requires certainty, comfort, as well as productivity, if one is to "succeed" in this society. The problem is that people don't always fit perfectly into these categories. Even though we prize individualism in our society, our cultural values work against what we prize. In essence, what we prize is uniformity. We see this in the presence of artifice, where we pretend to be something other than we are to fit in. We embrace blandness rather than beauty, because again, we want to fit in. The virtues that Dana lifts up, however, redefine "normality" such that people are free to bring their life experiences and realities into the community, not as competitors but as participants in a larger conversation called life.
This is a really beautiful book that can easily be used in local congregations and other settings as the foundation for important conversations about what it means to flourish. Though that will take courage on our part, so that we can break out from what society has deemed "normal." To that end, there is a discussion guide to help with this effort. We may seek what society defines as "normal," but maybe there is something "Better than Normal" that should be pursued!
MaryAnn McKibben Dana offers us a helpful response to this complex reality that defines human existence in her book "Better Than Normal: Virtues for an Off-Script Life." She approaches the topic from the perspective of one who is a pastor, serving as associate pastor of Trinity Presbyterian Church of Herndon, Virginia. She also approaches the topic quite pastorally, from the perspective of being a parent of a child who experienced a mental-health crash during adolescence. This is something that many parents have dealt with. At the heart of this book, we have a response to a very individualistic society, where we're supposed to fix what ails us. Too often, this is not an easy task, especially if people are going to thrive in life. With all these questions in mind, Dana asks a pertinent question: "What if, in fact, there's no such thing as normal? How might such an idea be liberating for all of us?" (p. 4). That question drives what we find in this book, along with a call to pursue a world that does not yet exist, where we can find "greater empathy, creativity, and an ability to live freely and more abundantly no matter what life throws at us" (p. 5). If only!
Dana divides her book into two parts, each with three chapters. Part 1 focuses on "Individual Values" and Part 2 addresses "Communal Values." Each of the chapters takes us from one value set to another. Thus, Chapter 1 takes us "From Certainty to Curiosity." Chapter 2 moves "From Comfort to Courage," while Chapter 3 moves "From Productivity to Presence." When we move to Part 2, focusing on "Communal Values," the chapters move "From Artifice to Authenticity" (Chapter 4); From Blandness to Beauty" (Chapter 5), and "From Competition to Community" (Chapter 6). As you can see from each of the chapter titles, this movement requires us to drop the pretense of "normality."
One thing a reader will notice is that Dana focuses on shifting from highly individualistic, competitive values to more communal ones. This is difficult to accomplish in a highly capitalistic environment that prizes competition and productivity. This requires certainty, comfort, as well as productivity, if one is to "succeed" in this society. The problem is that people don't always fit perfectly into these categories. Even though we prize individualism in our society, our cultural values work against what we prize. In essence, what we prize is uniformity. We see this in the presence of artifice, where we pretend to be something other than we are to fit in. We embrace blandness rather than beauty, because again, we want to fit in. The virtues that Dana lifts up, however, redefine "normality" such that people are free to bring their life experiences and realities into the community, not as competitors but as participants in a larger conversation called life.
This is a really beautiful book that can easily be used in local congregations and other settings as the foundation for important conversations about what it means to flourish. Though that will take courage on our part, so that we can break out from what society has deemed "normal." To that end, there is a discussion guide to help with this effort. We may seek what society defines as "normal," but maybe there is something "Better than Normal" that should be pursued!
April 14, 2026
MaryAnn is a truth teller with courage, thoughtfulness and wisdom in Better Than Normal. She carefully shares personal stories that are both a mirror and a window for readers. I have read the advance copy twice and each time I think of family members, friends and classmates through the years that had we used the term at the time would likely have been identified as neurodivergent rather than non conforming, disabled, non cooperative etc. With all we have learned medically, intellectually and culturally the fact that the President routinely uses terms including dumb, stupid, retarded, and ignorant to describe individuals is a vivid reminder that we have a long way to go to as Mary Ann says "create spaces where all people can thrive authentically." This book is an important resource for families, religious leaders, educators and anyone looking for clarity and guidance about "the myth of normal."
Read
March 27, 2026I've long believed that no one is "normal"- what exactly are we measuring against? My normal and your normal are different- and that's perfectly ok! Mary Ann affirms this reality and provides guidance for acceptance and maneuvering this crazy life!
February 5, 2026
I received an advance reading copy of this book. I have read all of MaryAnn McKibben Dana’s books and really appreciate her honest, straightforward voice that challenges me and other readers to live with intentionality and authenticity. This book, in particular, came out of a time of struggles she and her family had around mental health with her teenage children. It caused her to wonder more about the values our American society encourages that attempt to define quite narrowly what is a normal way of living.
She discusses three individual values and three communal values and offers an alternative value to each, values that are more open, more communal, and more relational. The values she holds up provide for more diversity, many paths to success, and a more authentic way of life that celebrates that each of us was created as a unique child of God with gifts to offer the world. When our communities recognize and celebrate these unique gifts, we are able to work together rather than against each other to live in communities that are healthier and more supportive to all.
While she writes from a white, Christian perspective, her use of narrative story and literary and cultural examples make this an accessible book for those who are not connected to a faith community as well. For small groups who would like to read and discuss this book, questions for reflection for each chapter are included at the back of the book.
She discusses three individual values and three communal values and offers an alternative value to each, values that are more open, more communal, and more relational. The values she holds up provide for more diversity, many paths to success, and a more authentic way of life that celebrates that each of us was created as a unique child of God with gifts to offer the world. When our communities recognize and celebrate these unique gifts, we are able to work together rather than against each other to live in communities that are healthier and more supportive to all.
While she writes from a white, Christian perspective, her use of narrative story and literary and cultural examples make this an accessible book for those who are not connected to a faith community as well. For small groups who would like to read and discuss this book, questions for reflection for each chapter are included at the back of the book.
January 18, 2026
I really enjoyed this book!
As some with anxiety who is parenting someone that seems to have anxiety this book had so many useful suggestions and tools.
I will definitely be buying a copy once released!
As some with anxiety who is parenting someone that seems to have anxiety this book had so many useful suggestions and tools.
I will definitely be buying a copy once released!
Review of advance copy received from Author
Better Than Normal is one of those rare books that feels like a conversation instead of a lecture.
MaryAnn McKibben Dana writes openly about her experiences, lived, not just studied. She insists that people who live with mental illness are not broken goods. The book quietly dismantles the lie that “normal” is the goal. Instead, it argues that the parts of us we’ve been taught to hide—our sadness, our queerness, our questions about God, our anger at injustice—might actually be where our truest strength lives.
Dana reminds us that worth isn’t earned by fitting in and makes a case that healing doesn’t happen in isolation but rather It happens when people resist the pressure to perform and instead practice being honest with themselves and others. That honesty becomes an act of resistance—against perfectionism, against systems that rank human value, against the idea that suffering disqualifies you from meaning.
The author emphasises self worth … the slow, stubborn belief that your life matters even when you’re tired, even when you’re different, even when you don’t know what you believe. The book doesn’t promise happiness. It promises dignity. And in a world that constantly measures people by productivity, purity, or palatability, that’s radical.
Better Than Normal doesn’t fix you. It reminds you that you were never the problem. It’s a book for anyone who has felt too sad, too queer, too spiritual, too angry, or too much—and wondered if there was room for them anyway. According to this book, there is. And that room might be exactly where change starts.
MaryAnn McKibben Dana writes openly about her experiences, lived, not just studied. She insists that people who live with mental illness are not broken goods. The book quietly dismantles the lie that “normal” is the goal. Instead, it argues that the parts of us we’ve been taught to hide—our sadness, our queerness, our questions about God, our anger at injustice—might actually be where our truest strength lives.
Dana reminds us that worth isn’t earned by fitting in and makes a case that healing doesn’t happen in isolation but rather It happens when people resist the pressure to perform and instead practice being honest with themselves and others. That honesty becomes an act of resistance—against perfectionism, against systems that rank human value, against the idea that suffering disqualifies you from meaning.
The author emphasises self worth … the slow, stubborn belief that your life matters even when you’re tired, even when you’re different, even when you don’t know what you believe. The book doesn’t promise happiness. It promises dignity. And in a world that constantly measures people by productivity, purity, or palatability, that’s radical.
Better Than Normal doesn’t fix you. It reminds you that you were never the problem. It’s a book for anyone who has felt too sad, too queer, too spiritual, too angry, or too much—and wondered if there was room for them anyway. According to this book, there is. And that room might be exactly where change starts.
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
I'm grateful to have read this book, and will be recommending it to others. She proposes a new paradigm for living well (with health, generosity, integrity and compassion) in these days. Woven throughout this book is a story of her own three children, all of whom experienced severe incidents of anxiety and depression. Why is "normal" such a virtue? Why do put such a premium on fitting in? Why not health? Why not helping each individual discover who they are and encourage their unique gifts? If we looked at people differently, perhaps there would be less anxiety and depression. What we if we learned to value curiosity over certainty, courage over comfort, presence over productivity, authenticity over artifice,
beauty over blandness, and community over competition? How would that shift affect, especially, neurodivergent individuals, LGBTQ+ people, racial minorities, those with disabilities?
McKibben Dana, an ordained minister, includes biblical interpretation, theological language, and suggestions for the church -- all of which I found insightful.
I am grateful for the ARC from NetGalley.
beauty over blandness, and community over competition? How would that shift affect, especially, neurodivergent individuals, LGBTQ+ people, racial minorities, those with disabilities?
McKibben Dana, an ordained minister, includes biblical interpretation, theological language, and suggestions for the church -- all of which I found insightful.
I am grateful for the ARC from NetGalley.
Review of advance copy received from Publisher
I was able to receive an advance reading copy of Better than Normal and have already read through the book twice, I found it that engaging. MaryAnn McKibben Dana speaks from her lived experience in a way that invites the reader to come along on the journey of questioning what is normal and beginning to discover how all people might thrive as their authentic selves.
While each chapter is excellent as it addresses a value of the world we currently live, a value that lifts up "normal" in unhealthy ways, and then offers an antidote, a virtue we can cultivate in order to transform the world for the better, I was most struck by the chapter on moving from certainty to curiosity. Dana reminds us how certainty can divide communities, while curiosity is an act of love, rooted in compassion, that leads us to wonder what could be, which in turn can help build relationships.
I highly recommend this book.
While each chapter is excellent as it addresses a value of the world we currently live, a value that lifts up "normal" in unhealthy ways, and then offers an antidote, a virtue we can cultivate in order to transform the world for the better, I was most struck by the chapter on moving from certainty to curiosity. Dana reminds us how certainty can divide communities, while curiosity is an act of love, rooted in compassion, that leads us to wonder what could be, which in turn can help build relationships.
I highly recommend this book.
Review of advance copy received from Publishers Weekly
When she experienced crisis in the lives of her children, MaryAnn McKibben Dana learned a lot about the characteristics and traits that are generally considered desirable in society and about how unhelpful those characteristics can be. Drawing from hard won experience McKibben Dana examines 6 characteristics that are valued in this world, and contrasts them with 6 opposite characteristics that should mark the Christian. I didn't find any of the proposed changes in attitude to be controversial or groundbreaking in and of themselves, but some readers will differ with the author about how these attitudes are played out. I received an arc of this book from Publishers' Weekly. and I have appreciated the opportunity to think about the call to think differently than the world does.
Review of advance copy received from Publisher
I had the privilege of receiving an advance reading copy of Better Than Normal. My heart and mind were most touched by MaryAnn's chapter on community. Themes of resilience and elimination of competition were inspiring.
Though I plan to ask my women's book club to read and discuss the book, it would be relevant outside of a religious setting. The discussion questions included are excellent.
I highly recommend this book.
Though I plan to ask my women's book club to read and discuss the book, it would be relevant outside of a religious setting. The discussion questions included are excellent.
I highly recommend this book.
Review of advance copy
Immensely valuable to any reader's spiritual life. This book is a must read for anyone who is trying to find God while working through the mess of being human. Poignant, heartfelt, and wise, MaryAnn McKibben Dana has her finger on the pulse of the Divine in the off-script and unpredictable thing we call life. I'm so glad I read this book and I know I'll be reading it again. Highly recommend!
April 21, 2026
I am so grateful for this book filled with thoughtful insights, beautiful storytelling, and ideas that can transform. Truly there is liberation in recognizing all the beauty that exists beyond the tired idea of "normal." McKibben Dana helps us imagine what is possible. Take time to read these words and share with others.
May 12, 2026
This is a powerful book. For anyone who traverses the caverns and mountaintops of loving ones with severe mental illness, while trying to remain the calm in between, I assure you will hear your story in these words.
July 10, 2026
We read this for a discussion group and a sermon series by our pastor, who is a colleague of the author. There were excellent points made in the book and our discussions were thoughtful and insightful.
July 20, 2026
Insightful and very helpful! MaryAnn McKibben Dana gives us an invitation to rethink what has traditionally been called normal and instead invites us to build a better, more inclusive society! Great read!
June 20, 2026
MaryAnn writes from the heart, head, and experience. Highly recommend for anyone who is navigating this thing called life.
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews