When the Ache Remains: Lessons on Tending to the Unfixable and Finding Beauty Anyway

by Lisa Olivera

Psychotherapist and author of Already Enough, Lisa Olivera blends her own personal experience of living with depression with therapeutic wisdom in a moving exploration of the emotional pain each of us lives with to offer readers guidance on holding the ache alongside the beauty

Emotional pain, of all kinds and magnitudes, is part of life. We’ll never be able to find ourselves free of it; no meditation or amount of therapy will cure us of the harder parts of being alive. The practice of turning toward the ache with care – reverence, even – might be one of the most meaningful gifts we can give ourselves. It might even save us.

Lisa Olivera has confronted this reality for years as a therapist, weaving her exploration of it throughout her popular newsletter, Human Stuff. She asks questions like, how do we confront and tend to the painful parts of being human without letting that pain entirely overtake us? How do we find joy even when depression visits, even when we lose someone we love, even when the hurt of the world is ever-present? How do we cultivate aliveness in the midst?

When the Ache Remains explores these questions for readers in a tender and wise exploration of how ache shapes life, how we can alchemize our pain into medicine, and how presence is accessible even in the midst of difficulty. Blending deeply personal narrative, humanistic psychology, lessons from nature, words of nourishment, and her naturally poetic undertone, Lisa invites readers on a journey alongside her as she explores the impact of depression and the process of learning to tend to it, and all of our aches, in more open, integrative, and loving ways.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Psychology, Health, Counselling, Grief

256 pages, Hardcover

First published April 28, 2026

Reviews

[Brianna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lisa Olivera’s writing is like a balm for my weary soul in this crumbling, yet beautiful, world. She finds ways to get the reader thinking and remembering to appreciate the beauty that is all around. When the Ache Remains focuses on how to embrace grief as a super power and how to coexist with both joy and sadness. It is a permission slip to feel your grief and let it move you where it needs to, not to be swept away, but to be found.

This is not a book I would offer someone in deep grief; I think it’s better suited to people feeling lost, attempting to nurture old and new hurts, struggling with self acceptance, battling the heavy grief of the world as a whole, and for these situations I think it’s extremely fitting. I really enjoyed this book and found it moving. I know I’ll come back to my highlighted parts again in the future.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing an ARC in exchange for my honest review.

[seher · Rating 4 out of 5]

a perfect bedside book to be referenced again and again as a soothing balm or pep talk. on the audiobook, lisa’s voice was soothing and compassionate— and i could see the audio being a welcome go-to companion when you need some grounding and perspective. given the writing style that often feels like a poetic invocation, i think i prefer print so i can really sit with the words. i will likely buy a copy for this.

i think sometimes the repetitive style of the poetic sections might give people the sense that the content is repetitive. to me, those sections are densely packed with deceptively simple wisdom— hard earned wisdom. they are precisely the sections that for me, might wash over in audio (they can feel hypnotic), but that i can sit with and unpack every invitation and perspective shift when i sit with the text.

lisa’s insights and invitations are not a reinvention of the wheel; they don’t offer brand new healing wisdom, if that’s what you’re looking for. what her work is, is a deeply compassionate, accessible, thoughtful, tender distillation of the age old wisdom of “being with what is” aka acceptance aka allowing the multiplicity of experience and finding the meaning/purpose/beauty/wisdom even in the toughest stuff— or at least learning to sit in loving witness of the tender parts, instead of torturing ourselves with perpetually wishing things were different.

in a world where we are saturated in devastation and pain, learning to expand our containers to gently allow the many colors of feeling to exist alongside each other— lightness and darkness— is a profoundly needed point of view and skill for us to develop.

i received an advanced audio copy from netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Alicia Bayer · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have tried over and over again to read this book, and something about it just scrambles my brain. It seemed like such a good fit. I’m a poet and survivor, and I seek out both poetry books and books on healing from severe trauma. I just could not connect with it though, and it’s like my eyes started to cross every time I tried to read it and make progress. I finally gave up about 1/3 of the way in, because I could never retain anything in it and it felt like slogging through nothing but dreamy words.

The first chapter begins…

“I call the place of facing ourselves and our aches with honest eyes the Underground. In the Underground, we find what’s real, what’s true, what’s happening, and we gently turn toward it instead of looking away. We come face-to-face with what we’ve long run from, hidden, kept at bay. We look what’s here in the eye and feel the tenderness of our own gaze upon our own self, upon our own life. We go inward not as a method of shutting out the world but as a portal to bringing ourselves more fully back into the world. We find what’s gathered dust and dust it off lovingly, with curiosity, with a gentle kindness. There’s often tension when we’re underground. It can be hard to want to acknowledge our aches in the first place. But the more you spend time beneath, the more fully you’ll be able to exist above.“

It reminded me very much of being hungry and trying to eat colored smoke. I just couldn’t find actual helpful substance. It might be better read as a poetic memoir rather than a self help guide.

I read a digital review copy from netgalley.

[Lorena · Rating 4 out of 5]

Psychotherapist Lisa Olivera writes poetically about living with grief, depression, and lingering emotional pain. She shares some of her personal story as an adoptee, as well as sharing insights and exercises from her therapeutic expertise. Some sections are written in a parallel style that sounds repetitive, but in this case, I thought it was an effective way for her to communicate her thoughts. If you don’t mind information being conveyed as you might hear at a poetry slam, I thought many of her recommendations were helpful.

Much of my grief is because of health problems and chronic physical pain. Although this book focuses on emotional pain, I found the content still helpful for me.

I enjoyed the audiobook, which is narrated by the author. The audiobook production was good, and I enjoyed hearing Olivera share her story in her own voice.

Thanks to Hachette Audio for providing me with a free advanced review copy of the audiobook through NetGalley. I volunteered to provide an honest review.

[Dadreadsanreviews (james) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thanks net galley for the opportunity to review this book.

This volume offers a very practical set of reflections and practices to explore the experience of loss and grief. As someone who works closely with those who experiences loss, the practices are very helpful and are soulful opportunities. My one caveat is that she does more much in the way of psychological framework for understanding grief experiences, and she has a heavy focus on her experience with psilocybin. This may have worked for her, but it is not for everyone nor a panacea. The research or ongoing, but the work doesn’t offer much in the way of these caveats. Instead her positive experience appears as a gate to healing. It may have been for her, yet it may not for everyone.

Overall, it is a good work with lots of useful resources and practices. If you work with those in grief or are experiencing loss, you will find this helpful for its reflections.

[Chrystal Mahan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Comforting but a Bit Repetitive

This book has a very gentle and reflective tone, and you can tell the author writes from a place of real care and experience. There were definitely parts that felt comforting and validating, especially around the idea that not everything in life can be neatly healed or fixed.

I listened to the audiobook, and hearing Lisa Olivera read it herself added a personal touch that fit the material well.

For me, though, it started to feel a little repetitive after a while. The writing is very poetic and introspective, which some readers will probably love, but it made it harder for me to stay fully engaged all the way through.

Overall, I think this book will really connect with readers looking for gentle emotional support and reflection, even if it was not entirely my style.

[Kayleigh · Rating 3 out of 5]

Psychotherapist Lisa Olivera writes poetically about living with grief, depression, and lingering emotional pain. She shares some of her personal story as an adoptee, as well as sharing insights and exercises from her therapeutic expertise.
I do agree that some of it seems pretty repetitive and I tried to overlook it a means of her communicating her thought and processes, but it was still a little frustrating at times. I was really interested in her experience with psilocybin and how that influences her movement as a psychotherapist now.
Overall, the writing style was really gentle and comforting and I think I would consider coming back to it in the future.
When the Ache Remains was published April 28, 2026 and I received and advanced copy from Netgalley in exchange for my review.

[Holly · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 Beautiful poetry interspersed with practical exercises and guides for being with your pain and grief. A balm and something to hold on to in uncertain times.

Where Grief Lives
Grief doesn’t isolate itself.
It's in Tuesday-night dinners and a song
that comes on in the middle of traffic,
in the crest of a wave and a
saved voicemail, in empty forests and
in unexpected moments, in longing
for childhood and seeing what could be
but isn’t. It’s in saying goodbye and
never getting the chance, in reckoning
and slow dancing, in the difference
between knowing what freedom is and
feeling it.

e-arc provided NetGalley ❤️

[Kimberly · Rating 2 out of 5]

"When the Ache Remains" by Lisa Olivera, a book about learning how to live alongside your pain and grief so that you can live a more fulfilling and joyous life. Unfortunately, I found the book to be a bit...painful...itself. It seemed like such a good fit for me as I have known more grief than most, but it was a real slog to get through and honestly I would have given up if I hadn't been given a copy by the publisher to review. The writing is extremely flowery and my goodness is it repetitive! There may have been some good stuff in there somewhere, but I got bogged down in all of the repetitiveness. Not all books are for everyone, and this one was most definitely not for me.

[Singe · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thanks to NetGalley for an arc
To be honest I didn’t know this was a self help book when I requested it. They had put it in the poetry section of NetGalley, there is a little bit of poetry in it.

I read the first half and thought it was decent. Showed me a new way to look at grief and even depression.
But I’m not big on self helps
If I had to rate it, 3⭐️
Maybe I’ll come back and finish this some other time.

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This author could teach a masterclass on the use of repetition as a literary device. The whole book was a reassuring hug, pats on the back, sitting with me in the struggles.

Thank you to NetGalley and to Grand Central Publishing for an eARC of this book! This is my honest review.

[Lacy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this with intention and slowness allows for care to unfurl in old, damaging stories. As a therapist, I recognized years of work between the lines of Olivera's words. This is a wonderful recommendation to anyone still bruised by pain they judge themselves for carrying so long.

[Tamara · Rating 3 out of 5]

i appreciated the practices and poem-like prayers at the end of each chapter the most. a good study on how to recalibrate instead of living in pain and grief forever.

[Amelia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is such a treasured guide into and through our deepest, darkest parts. I love how Lisa weaves personal narrative, poetry, and suggested practices. Highly recommend!