Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults: A Guide for the Anxious, Uniquely Wired, and Easily Distracted

by Caroline Maguire

From a social emotional learning a book providing simple, science-based, practical advice including scripts, tips and strategies to help Neurodivergent adults who have ADHD, autism or anxiety find the belonging and support of lifelong friendships they seek.  
 
Friendship can be hard for many Neurodivergent adults. There is an assumption that good, worthwhile friendships “should” come easy. However, for Neurodivergent adults, there are brain-based reasons why friendship can feel less intuitive. From differences in the parts of the brain that are vital to managing the logistics of a fulfilling social life to difficulty with self-regulation, the way neurodiverse individuals experience social bonding and connection can feel unintuitive.
 
Friendship Skills For Neurodivergent Adults is a guide to navigate these differences, broken into three  
 
1. How friendship works
2. How to find your people
3. How connecting will get you in motion
 
With the guidance of Friendship Skills For Neurodivergent Adults, readers will feel less alone, and have the tools to understand the unique way neurodiverse individuals can approach friendship.
 

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Adhd, Psychology, Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Friendship, Relationships

304 pages, Hardcover

Published April 14, 2026

Reviews

[Patrick Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Friendship Skills for Neurotypical Adults

- I know the author
- The follow up to why will no one play with me
- Neuro positive, neuro acceptance
- Don’t mask, don’t be a people pleaser
- There is no secret formula to making friends. It is a skill that people learn and everyone does it slightly differently
- Take what works and drop the rest
- What do you want, what do you like, who are you
- It is a book of suggestions
- Grammar: she chose to capitalize Neurodiversity

Part 1 - how friendships work
- Bottom up processing, we take in the details first. The overload of and slower processing of all the details around us. Neurotypicals are top down processors. They can put the face to the person, their previous interactions, memories, and proper responses. While the neurodivergent is looking at what they are wearing, what they are eating, the two dozen other things in the room
- People want to belong, not fit in. Belonging is, ‘you are welcome here.’ It is authentic, purposeful, and connection. It is support groups and teams. It is acceptance
- Fitting in is masking
- It is hard to know who the authentic version of you is when you have spent a life time trying to fit in
- People need connection so much that they will settle for doing things they don’t enjoy just to be around other people. They will settle for being in unhappy friendships because it is better than being alone
- Know thy self
- Don’t cox rent
- Do not settle for abusive, unhappy, or unhealthy friendships. You deserve better, don’t think less of yourself
- Friendship goals - getting clear on what you want from new relationships in your life
- Our middle school demons and rejections - they stay with you
- Friendship, belonging, and self determination on social circles
- In the context of social burn out - We don’t have to meet social expectations and standards. It is fine to be tired, self regulate, and rest - In the context of reality, we do
- Alexathymia - the inability to name or identify emotions in yourself or others
- RSD, rumination, DEMON - default mode network
- Psychology safety

Masking
- Masking - suppressing your neurodiverse traits that causes harm to self
- It is hard to know thy self when you have spent a life time masking. I bet this comes up a ton in women and codependents
- Masking is exhausting
- There is a difference between following social norms and masking
- Communi explanation - Communicating your needs, personality, and neurology without discussing your diagnosis.
- She explains it better
- Going to a social event - can you tell me the dress code and how many people will be there, I get overwhelmed in social settings
- Code switching is different than masking

Part 2: Finding Your People
- Mindsets
- Scarcity - me
- Rushing in
- People pleasing
- Fortressing - me
- Anxious over correction - me
- All or nothing thinking
- Social GPS - a set of skills you use to navigate and solve social situations
- A key problem is mismatched expectations of friendship
- Neurodivergents have difficulty distinguishing between the levels of friendship. They don’t understand when someone is an acquaintance v when they are a close friend
- The five levels of friendship
- Friendship red flags
- How do you know someone wants to be your friend

Three P of friendship
- Practice
- Proximity - frequency of interaction, not physically close
- Participation

- Where to find friends - high interest and high interaction
- Find your social yoda
- It takes roughly 50 hours of interaction to convert an acquaintance to a casual friend - that is a lot of time

Friendships at work
- Does your work place offer ‘embedded social activities in the flow of organizational life.’ Break room, pando, Thursday lunch
- I don’t speak hint, vague, subtle, or subtext
- Be appropriate

Part 3: connecting
- Social spy
- Read facial expressions
- Context, cultural awareness, norms

5 ingredients of a conversation - like baking
- Greeting
- Gift
- Starter
- Volley
- Conclusion

Tennis
- Service
- Receive
- Return

Addressing our conversation styles
- How to stop monologuing, interrupting, and my other poor speaking habits
- Monologuing is about hearing you talk, it does not matter who or is anyone is listening
- Info dumping comes out of a desire to connect
- Verbal processing is not the same as monologuing. It is best to communicate that you need to verbal process, so it does not turn into a monologue. Do you want feedback on the processing
- We over share as a way to connect with others. We desperately want to connect, so we over share as a way to build close bonds
- Have note cards on what are appropriate and inappropriate topics - I have had them for years
- We interrupt and blurt out because we are afraid. Afraid we will not be heard or we will be forgotten. It is a fear response

- Find how you communicate best; text, in person, voice messages
- Online relationships are valid but as why you might prefer them to in person. What do in person v online relationships offer and how are they different?
- Lay the ground work for future hang outs - turning an acquaintance into a friend. This section reminded me of Sam, she is great at it
- Look for the signs that a person is open to hanging out more or if they are not interested
- Open ended questions can be overwhelming for some. You can state an opinion or observation, allowing a person to comment on that
- Give answers that have options of where to take a conversation; I am from North Carolina but my family is from New York. I was born in Indonesia, because my mom works in global health. I worked on a political campaign and spent a summer living in Cleveland.
- They can engage with the locations, global health, Rock and Roll HOF, etc
- Friendships involve reciprocity

- There are a few sections I am missing. I was in the bucket

- She offers simple action steps that you can do today
- The 1% rule, focus on little changes that can add up to bigger changes - atomic habits

How to repair relationships:
- Reaffirm
- Emphasize
- Problem solve
- Apologize
- Implement a plant
- Rebuild to take ownership of your behavior, while seeking to understand your friends perspective

- Friendship break ups
- Ghosting - they did have the skills to have the conversation
- Grief - feels like heartbreak because it I lost my best friend

Two step formula for making friends:
Participation + shared experiences + connecting regularly = building trust
Building trust + bonding + meeting out side of activities = friendship

- Amazing book, it is How To Win Friends for the neurodiverse. I highly recommend this book to anyone with neurodiversity. It is great for beginners, you don’t need a diagnoses or deep knowledge on disorders. I would suggest this to neurotypicals, anyone can learn from this. I loved this book, it is awesome

[Harley Quinn · Rating 2 out of 5]

2★: SUPER BASIC FRIEND-MAKING ADVICE, LIKELY BEST FOR YOUNG ADULTS & NOT IN THIS FORMAT. This is my 35th book on neurodivergent topics... mostly for ADHD, and mostly non-fiction. My teenage daughter listened to the beginning with me on a road trip, and we were both frustrated at the amount of repetition. The author warns that it’s repetitious on purpose, but the things that were repeated weren’t necessarily things that needed to be remembered. I considered quitting the book but pushed through, thinking — well maybe the PDF (which is referred to a lot) is meaty. It was four pages on masking (which might be the one unique topic in this ADHD book compared to others) and then a friendship skill assessment quiz. It felt like there was very little that was unique to a neurodivergent brain compared to the general population for friendship challenges. It didn’t have strategies so much in the early chapters than it did self-quiz questions to understand yourself better — which is definitely valuable BUT it also felt condescending. As if neurodivergent people are less intelligent. Yes, we can definitely miss social cues, but we’re not complete idiots. The super basic sections:
1. How friendship works
2. How to find your people
3. How connecting will get you in motion

TOOLS/STRATEGIES:
🛠️ “3 P’s of Friendship Formation:” Proximity, Participation, & Practice
🛠️ “3 P’s of Social Situations:” Purpose, People, & Place
🛠️ Caroline Maguire’s “Ice Cream Scoop Method” is a visual pacing tool for neurodivergent adults, framing friendship as the gradual, sequential stacking of small, low-stakes connections. It helps manage “all-or-nothing” social dynamics by encouraging individuals to offer one small “scoop” of vulnerability at a time and wait for reciprocity, thus preventing either oversharing or premature withdrawal.

CONTENT LIKELY BETTER IN SHORT VIDEOS:
The author does have a YouTube channel with several of her key ideas and tips, and for people who have short attention spans and likely respond better to visuals than written words or just audio, I suggest that format is likely a better use of their time. It also lets you jump around to topics rather than the linear nature of a book:
📺 Currently 174 videos ranging from 1 to 28 minutes, most 6-7min
📺 ADHD Traits That Affect Friendship: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VB8W...
📺 How Do I Stop Oversharing When I Have ADHD?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsEEM...
📺 Why People Ghost and How to Handle It: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2z-V...

I had high hopes for this book and was disappointed. 😭 Friendship-Neurodivergent-Adults is an underdiscussed, under-published trifecta.

Published 4 weeks ago on 4/14/26, this book currently has a 4.55-star average by 22 GR peeps.

[Ro U]

I was really excited to get this ARC, and I am glad it delivered - it ended up being one of those books that actually feels useful, not just well-intentioned.

What I appreciated most is that it doesn’t come in with a “just try harder” vibe. It acknowledges that friendship can feel genuinely confusing for neurodivergent adults, and then gives practical, doable tools to navigate it. The scripts and small, actionable steps made it feel approachable instead of overwhelming.

I also loved the tone. It’s not about masking or becoming someone else! Finally! It’s about understanding how you connect and building friendships that actually fit.

It goes beyond just making friends, too, and gets into maintaining them, which is honestly the harder part and something most books skip.

Overall, thoughtful, respectful, and genuinely helpful. Definitely one I’ll come back to.

Thanks Netgalley and Grand Central Publishing for the ARC!

[Hayley · Rating 4 out of 5]

A heart felt, earnest and clear book

[Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a really great book/guide for those who consider themselves neurodiverse adults! I really enjoyed reading it. As someone who is autistic (and more), I really identified with almost all of this book. The analogies were great, the examples were excellent and helped further Caroline's guidance, and the overall tone was gentle and forgiving towards oneself. I truly do recommend this for anyone who has any hesitation!

[Samantha Amberg · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book as a neurotypical (NT) person looking to better support and understand the needs of my neurodiverse (ND) friends. The book is directed at ND folks specifically, containing repetition and reframing of ideas to help give readers time to integrate the methods and suggestions. Maguire really approaches the idea of friendship from the ground up, offering advice on finding/meeting friends, deepening trust and intimacy within friendships, and how to do all of this while embracing your unique neurology (no masking needed!). Overall, I think she provides some unique tools and framing questions that all neurotypes can benefit from, and her conversational voice makes it all easy to read.

Thank you Netgalley and Grand Central Publishing for the opportunity to access this eARC.

[Silas · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this book up based on the author showing up on some YouTube channels that I follow. Like a lot of adults today, I have steadily lost friends across a number of moves and life changes, and am left with a handful of long distance friendships, and a dearth of local ones. I got this book in the hopes that it would do as it promised and help me to learn things that I might not have learned in the past. I read the audiobook, which was narrated by the author. The narration was capable, but did have some unusual pauses in places. Considering the content, as a late-discovered neurodivergent adult, having navigated life and friendship for several decades, there was a lot I already knew. Since this book is intended for a broad audience of neurodivergent adults, it needs to cover a lot of ground, since spiky profiles will mean different people will need to learn different things. I did learn some things from reading this and the author's framework for understanding phases of friendship is helpful. Often, even when individual advice was not new, it was still helpful to refresh that information, and provide another perspective. This book is presented as something of a workbook, with concrete steps to take right away. That format has never really worked for me, since I generally want to read the entire book before committing to exercises, but unlike most (or well, any other) audiobooks, I felt like there was enough here to download the accompanying PDF to try to work through them in the future.

[A.A.B · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5*s at most, unfortunately. I appreciated the intent and some of the suggestions, but I am very disappointed overall. I was hoping this would be a book I could recommend to others, and it definitely is not that.

The self-helpy style on its own is bad and insufferable enough, but this book's tone is so condescending that I had to stop a few times and calm myself down, because I kept finding myself getting mad at the author. Mad to the point of starting to think in expletives, so that level of aggravation required interventions.

There is no way I would subject anybody I like to the same experience. I especially would not recommend it to anyone neurodivergent, because society treats neurodivergence with condescension and derision too often as it is. To then experience being talked down to by an own voice author is downright triggering. Seriously. Was there no editor on this thing?

Additionally, the book's recommendations and advice seemed better fitted for late-teens and young-adult audience. Yes, the book mentioned jobs and career settings, but the core subject matter (friendship skills) handling didn't feel fitted to adult minds and life stages. This contributed to the impression of condescension, because it stank too much of infantilization.

I would have wished to give some of the advice in this book to neurodivergent teenagers in my life, but definitely not in this form.

Very disappointing.

[Lisa Gray · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book so much. I know it’s a book about the challenges of friendship for neurodivergent folks BUT I also learned so much about building friendships even though I’m neurotypical and I read a bunch of passages to my son who has social anxiety. So I think the usefulness of this book far exceeds just the neurodivergent community. Maguire addresses so many facets in this book - friendship anxiety, how & where to find friends, how to have conversations, how to deepen friendships, how to maintain friendships and so on - all the while speaking to specific challenges for neurodivergent folks. Each section has a “One Thing You Can Try Today”, which breaks things down & helps you get a start. DEFINITELY read this if you are neurodivergent, but also if you are introverted, have social anxiety or just have trouble with friendships! Such a gem!

[Doug Puchko · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book does a good job at breaking down the challenges of making and sustaining friendships as an adult. It is focused on taking about how to help neurodivergent adults specifically, bus still holds good advice for neurotypical adults as well with how isolating and separate technology and COVID have made people feel over the past several years. The book brings up interesting points about the challenges of engaging in new habits and trying to start new social patterns like “It is not that we don’t know what to do. It’s that we do what we know.” It also has a list of interesting facts and research that demonstrates the difference and perspective that can occur with neurodivergent populations as it states, “ASD populations are processing 42% more sensory input than Neurotypical population.” An interesting book overall, 7/10.

[Savvy_ · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such an outstanding book! Caroline Maguire writes from a very vulnerable perspective, and she is not afraid to share how she faced some of her own challenges as a neurodivergent adult. On top of that, her valuable professional advice and strategies will benefit both those with neurodivergent brains and for those with neurotypical brains who want to support their loved ones. The author’s tone is warm and engaging. I hope she writes another book soon!

I am grateful to NetGalley and Balance publishers for providing an ebook copy for me to review in exchange for my honest opinion of this outstanding book.

[Dadreadsanreviews (james) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thanks net galley for the chance to read and review this book. As an adult diagnosed with AuDHD, this book is wonderful! I can see myself in my own social struggles in the writing. The works focuses on specific ways to navigate friendship, identifies common struggles and blind spots for neurodivergent adults, and presents clear and actionable steps to develop friendships. The real benefit of this work is not just a how to for communication but also identifying the values and interests of neurodivergent adults in making friends. I recommend it!

[Chelsea Walsh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally, a guide that doesn't ask us to mask! Caroline Maguire provides a respectful, science-based roadmap for navigating social hurdles without losing yourself. The practical scripts for starting conversations and managing social anxiety are absolute lifesavers.

The "chunked" layout is perfect for the ADHD brain, making it easy to find exactly what you need. If you've ever felt "socially awkward" or overwhelmed by friendship, buy this book!

[Emily Swanger · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just started this book but can't put it down. I jumped right to chapter 7 which deals with the cognitive distortions that are killing your friendships. I can identify with several of these. These distortions are not new per se, but the way she identifies the specific behaviors, thought patterns and sayings that are affecting our relationships in a negative way and then providing guidance and reflection for reframing these thoughts and curbing those actions BEFORE they become a problem is novel.

[Kayla · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a very good practical guide to making friends. It combines biopsychology and social psychology to explain how neurodivergent minds often differ from neurotypical and why that can cause obstacles in forming and keeping relationships with other peoples and then uses that to share effective advice and practical methods.

Unfortunately, this didn't provide any new insight for me personally given my background in psychology, but I still think this is a great guide for others.

[Pam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love Caroline Macguire - her podcasts are great as she is so authentic and relatable and gives illuminating advice. Her 1st book was a great read, and this second one doesn't disappoint.
The advice is grounded in real neurodivergent experience, and you can feel that throughout. It’s also so readable—quick sections, clear steps, no overwhelm.

[Susie Pettit · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent resource for neurodivergent adults and those who don’t identify that way yet want to learn the friendship skills we weren’t taught in our formal education. Caroline shares so many skills and practical tips that I can’t think of who wouldn’t enjoy this book. Well done Caroline!!!

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Caroline's first book, Why Will No One Play With Me? was such a great guide for parents, I was thrilled when Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults released. This book feels like a missing manual for friendship—but one that respects who you are. The ideas are original, the tone is compassionate, and the format is incredibly accessible.

[Nina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults is the the friendship guide that EVERYONE needs. The lessons and practical how-to guides are applicable to everyone and the exact step-by-step that neurodivergent people often say is lacking in other books about making and keeping friends.

[Love · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made me feel understood while also giving me useful ways to approach friendships with more confidence and self-awareness. Highly recommended for neurodivergent adults who want meaningful connections without feeling pressured to become someone they’re not.

[Carla Crockett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent read. I'm an OT x16 years and live the neurodiversity lifestyle professionally and personally. Thanks for this work.