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שחררו – זה שלהם
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Readers' Favorite Audiobook (2025), Nominee for Readers' Favorite Nonfiction (2025)שתי מילים פשוטות ישנו את הדרך שבה אתם חושבים על החיים שלכם
אם אתם מתקשים להשיג את המטרות שלכם או פשוט להרגיש קצת יותר שמחים – הבעיה היא לא אתם. הבעיה היא הכוח שאתם נותנים לאחרים.
בספר הזה תלמדו איך שתי מילים – זה שלהם – יכולות לשחרר אתכם. לשחרר אתכם מדעות, דרמות, ושיפוטיות של אחרים. לשחרר אתכם מהמעגל המתיש של לנסות לנהל הכול ואת כולם סביבכם.
יש דרך טובה יותר לחיות.
תיאוריית שחררו, זה שלהם היא שיטה מוכחת שתלמד אתכם איך להגן על הזמן והאנרגיה שלכם, ולהתמקד במה שחשוב לכם.
ביליתם יותר מדי זמן ברדיפה אחר אישור, בניסיון לנהל את האושר של אחרים ולאפשר לדעותיהם לעכב אתכם. הגיע הזמן להפסיק לוותר על הכוח שלכם – ולהתחיל לבנות חיים שבהם אתם במרכז: החלומות שלכם, המטרות שלכם, האושר שלכם.
שחררו, זה שלהם הוא כלי פשוט שמיליוני אנשים ברחבי העולם לא מפסיקים לדבר עליו – כי הוא באמת עובד. הדרך המהירה ביותר לקחת שליטה על החיים שלכם היא להפסיק לנסות לשלוט באחרים – ולהתחיל להתמקד במה שבשליטתכם: אתם עצמכם.
כשתיתנו לאחרים לחיות את חייהם – סוף־סוף תזכו לחיות את שלכם
אם אתם מתקשים להשיג את המטרות שלכם או פשוט להרגיש קצת יותר שמחים – הבעיה היא לא אתם. הבעיה היא הכוח שאתם נותנים לאחרים.
בספר הזה תלמדו איך שתי מילים – זה שלהם – יכולות לשחרר אתכם. לשחרר אתכם מדעות, דרמות, ושיפוטיות של אחרים. לשחרר אתכם מהמעגל המתיש של לנסות לנהל הכול ואת כולם סביבכם.
יש דרך טובה יותר לחיות.
תיאוריית שחררו, זה שלהם היא שיטה מוכחת שתלמד אתכם איך להגן על הזמן והאנרגיה שלכם, ולהתמקד במה שחשוב לכם.
ביליתם יותר מדי זמן ברדיפה אחר אישור, בניסיון לנהל את האושר של אחרים ולאפשר לדעותיהם לעכב אתכם. הגיע הזמן להפסיק לוותר על הכוח שלכם – ולהתחיל לבנות חיים שבהם אתם במרכז: החלומות שלכם, המטרות שלכם, האושר שלכם.
שחררו, זה שלהם הוא כלי פשוט שמיליוני אנשים ברחבי העולם לא מפסיקים לדבר עליו – כי הוא באמת עובד. הדרך המהירה ביותר לקחת שליטה על החיים שלכם היא להפסיק לנסות לשלוט באחרים – ולהתחיל להתמקד במה שבשליטתכם: אתם עצמכם.
כשתיתנו לאחרים לחיות את חייהם – סוף־סוף תזכו לחיות את שלכם
368 pages, Paperback
First published December 24, 2024
125020 people are currently reading
428971 people want to read
About the author
Mel Robbins
24 books6,813 followersMel Robbins is an Ivy League educated criminal defense attorney and entrepreneur whose quick wit and fresh take on current affairs has helped her become a sought-after commentator, internationally recognized speaker, Contributing Editor to SUCCESS Magazine, best-selling author, relationship expert and Common Sense Activist.
Her advice and fiery opinion have been seen by tens of millions of viewers nationwide on shows ranging from Dr. Phil, Anderson Cooper, The Today Show, The Talk, Oprah, CNBC, and FOX Business.
Mel’s first book, STOP SAYING YOU’RE FINE – The No B.S. Guide To Getting What You Want – is now available in paperback and is published by Crown. It’s the best-seller that teaches readers how to stop procrastinating by using the latest neuroscience research and ingenious strategies to achieve goals.
Mel loves speaking to large audiences and delivers action-inspiring keynote speeches and workshops at large business conventions and leadership conferences worldwide. She also hosts leadership and training programs for companies ranging from Johnson & Johnson, Fidelity, Partners Healthcare, Wells Fargo; to leading law firms, family businesses, and privately held companies across America.
Mel is a graduate of Dartmouth College and Boston College Law School. She’s a working mom with three school-aged kids and is married to fellow entrepreneur Christopher Robbins, the co-founder of Stone Hearth Pizza.
Her advice and fiery opinion have been seen by tens of millions of viewers nationwide on shows ranging from Dr. Phil, Anderson Cooper, The Today Show, The Talk, Oprah, CNBC, and FOX Business.
Mel’s first book, STOP SAYING YOU’RE FINE – The No B.S. Guide To Getting What You Want – is now available in paperback and is published by Crown. It’s the best-seller that teaches readers how to stop procrastinating by using the latest neuroscience research and ingenious strategies to achieve goals.
Mel loves speaking to large audiences and delivers action-inspiring keynote speeches and workshops at large business conventions and leadership conferences worldwide. She also hosts leadership and training programs for companies ranging from Johnson & Johnson, Fidelity, Partners Healthcare, Wells Fargo; to leading law firms, family businesses, and privately held companies across America.
Mel is a graduate of Dartmouth College and Boston College Law School. She’s a working mom with three school-aged kids and is married to fellow entrepreneur Christopher Robbins, the co-founder of Stone Hearth Pizza.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 25,268 reviews
January 11, 2025
This is the worst book that I will read in 2025. I can write this with confidence - in January - because it is one of the worst books I have read in my life, and I have just turned 56.
If you want to understand how Donald Trump became President... If you want to understand why there is a focus on influencers rather than intelligent people who know what they are doing... If you want to understand the decontexualization of poverty or homelessness... Then this is your book.
What is happening? Let's do this...
We have an under-performing, under-educated woman summoning under-refereed research to offer a commentary about life. Her own life has been punctuated by a series of failures. Yet she then uses these failures from her husband and children to create a 'theory.'
Please note: the word 'theory' is used in the title. This is not a 'theory'. What is offered is a vibe. An opinion. A data set of one. The idea that readers know so little that this vibe is accepted as a theory - shows why we are in the mess we are in...
Let's present some evidence about this book... Which is what this book does not do.
Here are the edited highlights of this book:
“How I changed my life”
“I knew I wanted to teach the 5 second rule full time and somehow make this my career, but I didn’t know how. l Looking back, I can see how paralysed I was with imposter syndrome. What right did I have to call myself an expert in anything?”
“When people would ask if I had a Ph.D or if I was a therapist, I would say, “No, I learned everything the hard way – by screwing up my own life and then having to fix it”
“I’ve been told over and over again that I have this amazing ability to distill complex ideas and scientific research into simple, actionable advice that anyone can use to improve their life”
“I have made it my mission to find and share many simple tools to help anyone create a better life”
“The truth is, other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them”
“No matter what is happening … you still hold the power”
“People do what they feel like doing”
“Let Them struggle”
"Chris [her husband] had developed a major problem with alcohol. He was drinking away the stress and engaging in other self-destructive behaviors. He was depressed, anxious, and knew he could no longer live like this”
“I was speaking to my therapist, Anne, about this.”
“You have the power."
“You can have the life you’ve always wanted. You can be a millionaire.”
“No one else can stop you. It’s all on you.”
My new t-shirt slogan in life is - things could be worse. You could be Chris. You could be married to Mel Robbins and have your life, and your weaknesses and fears presented in a truly rubbish self help book.
On behalf of all the people who have lost their lives through homelessness, grief, tragedy and death, you know what, Mel? Sometimes, we don't have the power. Sometimes, we don't want to be a millionaire. Sometimes, we have been treated like rubbish by late capitalism and lost our lives, our love, our hopes, our future.
Let them in not a theory. It is nonsense. It is a vibe. She has thrown her own family under a bus to offer an opinion.
This book is a warning for academics. Actual scholars. Not #randoms doing Ted talks. If we do not disseminate our research widely and appropriately, a mediocre woman whose career highlight is a Ted talk and an Oprah interview will end up offering advice to the next generation.
Let's not - Let Them. Let's commit to research. Let's commit to theory. Let's commit to interpretation. Let's commit to ideas beyond an individual. Let's understand history and geography and meaning.
Let us be defiant scholars. Who believe in the world. Not rehashing the stories of one woman and her family.
Chris - we're with you.
If you want to understand how Donald Trump became President... If you want to understand why there is a focus on influencers rather than intelligent people who know what they are doing... If you want to understand the decontexualization of poverty or homelessness... Then this is your book.
What is happening? Let's do this...
We have an under-performing, under-educated woman summoning under-refereed research to offer a commentary about life. Her own life has been punctuated by a series of failures. Yet she then uses these failures from her husband and children to create a 'theory.'
Please note: the word 'theory' is used in the title. This is not a 'theory'. What is offered is a vibe. An opinion. A data set of one. The idea that readers know so little that this vibe is accepted as a theory - shows why we are in the mess we are in...
Let's present some evidence about this book... Which is what this book does not do.
Here are the edited highlights of this book:
“How I changed my life”
“I knew I wanted to teach the 5 second rule full time and somehow make this my career, but I didn’t know how. l Looking back, I can see how paralysed I was with imposter syndrome. What right did I have to call myself an expert in anything?”
“When people would ask if I had a Ph.D or if I was a therapist, I would say, “No, I learned everything the hard way – by screwing up my own life and then having to fix it”
“I’ve been told over and over again that I have this amazing ability to distill complex ideas and scientific research into simple, actionable advice that anyone can use to improve their life”
“I have made it my mission to find and share many simple tools to help anyone create a better life”
“The truth is, other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them”
“No matter what is happening … you still hold the power”
“People do what they feel like doing”
“Let Them struggle”
"Chris [her husband] had developed a major problem with alcohol. He was drinking away the stress and engaging in other self-destructive behaviors. He was depressed, anxious, and knew he could no longer live like this”
“I was speaking to my therapist, Anne, about this.”
“You have the power."
“You can have the life you’ve always wanted. You can be a millionaire.”
“No one else can stop you. It’s all on you.”
My new t-shirt slogan in life is - things could be worse. You could be Chris. You could be married to Mel Robbins and have your life, and your weaknesses and fears presented in a truly rubbish self help book.
On behalf of all the people who have lost their lives through homelessness, grief, tragedy and death, you know what, Mel? Sometimes, we don't have the power. Sometimes, we don't want to be a millionaire. Sometimes, we have been treated like rubbish by late capitalism and lost our lives, our love, our hopes, our future.
Let them in not a theory. It is nonsense. It is a vibe. She has thrown her own family under a bus to offer an opinion.
This book is a warning for academics. Actual scholars. Not #randoms doing Ted talks. If we do not disseminate our research widely and appropriately, a mediocre woman whose career highlight is a Ted talk and an Oprah interview will end up offering advice to the next generation.
Let's not - Let Them. Let's commit to research. Let's commit to theory. Let's commit to interpretation. Let's commit to ideas beyond an individual. Let's understand history and geography and meaning.
Let us be defiant scholars. Who believe in the world. Not rehashing the stories of one woman and her family.
Chris - we're with you.
February 4, 2025
I rarely write reviews, but this book feels like a personal insult to readers’ intelligence and ethics.
I first heard about Let Them on Oprah’s show, where it was praised as one of the best books she'd ever read. Intrigued by the endorsement, I gave it a try—and quickly regretted my decision.
Let’s address the elephant in the room: this idea is far from revolutionary. Philosophers like the Stoics—and countless others—have articulated this concept for centuries: accept what you must, control what you can, and make empowered choices rooted in reality. Packaging this timeless wisdom as a “theory” feels not only gimmicky but borderline disrespectful to the rich history of these teachings.
But the real problem is deeper. Let Them borrows heavily—if not entirely—from a poem by Cassie Phillips, shared online long before Mel's viral video. In that video, Mel casually mentions she "heard something" before launching into what is essentially Let Them, the poem. Instead of properly crediting the original author, Mel parlayed the phrase into a book deal and, shockingly, fabricated a story on Oprah, claiming the concept was inspired by her daughter's reaction—a cascade of "Let Them(s)". This blatant erasure of Cassie Phillips is unacceptable. Where is the acknowledgement of her work?
To the Mel Robbins cult, I encourage you to read all the provided links before defending the former lawyer. You seek facts—well, they’re all right here. I am not responsible for how they make you feel, just as you cannot twist the truth to suit your comfort.
EDIT: Cassie is rightly suing Mel: https://www.facebook.com/cassie.sturg...?
UPDATE (it’s worse than I originally thought):
(1) https://open.substack.com/pub/sagejus...?
(2) https://open.substack.com/pub/sagejus...?
Mel’s approach feels calculated. This isn’t the first time she’s used a dramatic backstory to sell a book, but this time, the cracks are glaring. The result is a shallow, ego-driven cash grab, devoid of nuance and authenticity. It’s another reminder that hype often overshadows substance, and popularity doesn’t equate to originality.
I’m astonished this book was published. It’s a stark example of how far opportunism can go when the spotlight blinds accountability.
I first heard about Let Them on Oprah’s show, where it was praised as one of the best books she'd ever read. Intrigued by the endorsement, I gave it a try—and quickly regretted my decision.
Let’s address the elephant in the room: this idea is far from revolutionary. Philosophers like the Stoics—and countless others—have articulated this concept for centuries: accept what you must, control what you can, and make empowered choices rooted in reality. Packaging this timeless wisdom as a “theory” feels not only gimmicky but borderline disrespectful to the rich history of these teachings.
But the real problem is deeper. Let Them borrows heavily—if not entirely—from a poem by Cassie Phillips, shared online long before Mel's viral video. In that video, Mel casually mentions she "heard something" before launching into what is essentially Let Them, the poem. Instead of properly crediting the original author, Mel parlayed the phrase into a book deal and, shockingly, fabricated a story on Oprah, claiming the concept was inspired by her daughter's reaction—a cascade of "Let Them(s)". This blatant erasure of Cassie Phillips is unacceptable. Where is the acknowledgement of her work?
To the Mel Robbins cult, I encourage you to read all the provided links before defending the former lawyer. You seek facts—well, they’re all right here. I am not responsible for how they make you feel, just as you cannot twist the truth to suit your comfort.
EDIT: Cassie is rightly suing Mel: https://www.facebook.com/cassie.sturg...?
UPDATE (it’s worse than I originally thought):
(1) https://open.substack.com/pub/sagejus...?
(2) https://open.substack.com/pub/sagejus...?
Mel’s approach feels calculated. This isn’t the first time she’s used a dramatic backstory to sell a book, but this time, the cracks are glaring. The result is a shallow, ego-driven cash grab, devoid of nuance and authenticity. It’s another reminder that hype often overshadows substance, and popularity doesn’t equate to originality.
I’m astonished this book was published. It’s a stark example of how far opportunism can go when the spotlight blinds accountability.
January 6, 2025
Just let them.
If they want to choose something or someone over you, LET THEM.
If they want to go weeks without talking to you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with never seeing you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with always putting themselves first, LET THEM.
If they are showing you who they are and not what you perceived them to be, LET THEM.
If they want to follow the crowd, LET THEM.
If they want to judge or misunderstand you, LET THEM.
If they act like they can live without you, LET THEM.
If they want to walk out of your life and leave, hold the door open, AND LET THEM.
Let them lose you.
You were never theirs because you were always your own.
So let them.
Let them show you who they truly are, not tell you.
Let them prove how worthy they are of your time.
Let them make the necessary steps to be a part of your life.
Let them earn your forgiveness.
Let them call you to talk about ordinary things.
Let them take you out on a Thursday.
Let them talk about anything and everything just because it’s you they are talking to.
Let them have a safe place in you.
Let them see the heart in you that didn’t harden.
Let them love you.
A Poem by Cassie Phillips, not a theory by Mel Robbings.
If they want to choose something or someone over you, LET THEM.
If they want to go weeks without talking to you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with never seeing you, LET THEM.
If they are okay with always putting themselves first, LET THEM.
If they are showing you who they are and not what you perceived them to be, LET THEM.
If they want to follow the crowd, LET THEM.
If they want to judge or misunderstand you, LET THEM.
If they act like they can live without you, LET THEM.
If they want to walk out of your life and leave, hold the door open, AND LET THEM.
Let them lose you.
You were never theirs because you were always your own.
So let them.
Let them show you who they truly are, not tell you.
Let them prove how worthy they are of your time.
Let them make the necessary steps to be a part of your life.
Let them earn your forgiveness.
Let them call you to talk about ordinary things.
Let them take you out on a Thursday.
Let them talk about anything and everything just because it’s you they are talking to.
Let them have a safe place in you.
Let them see the heart in you that didn’t harden.
Let them love you.
A Poem by Cassie Phillips, not a theory by Mel Robbings.
Read
April 15, 2025Nothing groundbreaking, but a few great lessons + reminders to focus on yourself and what you can control, which will help your relationship with yourself and others flourish
I highly recommend the audiobook if you do pick this up!
I highly recommend the audiobook if you do pick this up!
January 9, 2025
I’ve never been a self-help girl, but this was EXACTLY what I needed to read before going into this year.
January 30, 2025
This could’ve been an email
December 26, 2024
The introduction is sufficient to grasp the concept. It's not that compelling. Useful, yes. Worth a book? No.
July 16, 2025
this is one of the worst things i've ever read.
which is saying a lot because i read a lot of bad books & i'm not usually so harsh on nonfiction.
which is saying a lot because i read a lot of bad books & i'm not usually so harsh on nonfiction.
January 13, 2025
Is this the whitest woman with the fewest problems? You would be forgiven for thinking so for most of the book until she tackles actual issues, at which point her advice is (thankfully) to consult a professional. Otherwise, this is a repetitive, over-long book with absolutely zero new contributions to humanity that is an echo of ideas in every religion, philosophy, therapy, etc. known to humans, but transformed into one mantra that is supposed to cover every situation. And by every situation, I mean suburban American shit like whether to yell at someone who doesn't pick up their dog's poop or how to handle you son's prom date's not wanting a corsage. The fact that there is an audience for this book scares me a little, but still, I will "let them"...
January 3, 2025
Go to ChatGPT. Ask “can you explain the “let them” theory in bullet points with action steps to take to implement it into my life? Right now I struggle with (whatever you struggle with. Ex: caring about people’s opinions, setting boundaries, etc)” There you go. Saved you 15 hours. So much fluff in this book just like most self dev books!!! 😡😤😥
June 20, 2025
Homegirl really just learned to mind her own business and acted like she reinvented the wheel.
February 15, 2025
Plenty of flaws, but everyone who reads it will likely gain significant wisdom. For that, you gotta give it five stars.
The core bit of advice involves the mantra "let them" whenever you encounter a situation you want to control but can't. Let cashiers be slow at the check-out counter. Let your family have crazy political beliefs. Rather than dwell and fester, move on. Queen Elsa sang about this back in 2013 and if you want to save yourself $20 bucks, maybe give that song a listen and take it to heart.
The book adds a major second layer of self-help guidance, however. After you "let them" do whatever annoying thing it is that they do, Mel encourages you to think "let me."
The "let me" part of the "let them" theory is where things get interesting. It's what differentiates going completely numb to the world to being an empowered player in life.
Tired of people with stupid political beliefs? Let them have them. But then Let Me decide what to do. This could mean ignore them, disassociate from them, join a protest movement, or even run for office. When you free yourself of the need to control other people, you empower yourself to control your own destiny.
We'll never stop encountering situations we don't like. Let Them happen. Life isn't fair. But "Let Me" decide how to adapt to the situation.
The book steers itself into unexpected and sometimes seemingly less relevant side topics, including a lengthy discussion on marriage and relationships, but generally it all comes back to this premise. The theory is easy to understand, easy to apply to life, and will almost certainly result in a net positive if utilized.
Where the book gets tedious is in its habit to beat a dead horse. Mel repeats herself six different ways when getting a point across. Is it annoying? Yes. But Let Her do her thing. And Let Me decide if I'm going to keep reading or skip ahead a few pages.
For me, the repetition wasn't so bad that I didn't keep chugging along. This was helped, I think, by her tour de force audiobook performance. I don't listen to Mel's podcast, but she has a unique gift for sounding genuine and coming across as your personal best friend, even if her audience is in the millions.
Flaws aside, this felt like a book of cultural significance that can and should make waves. Highly recommended, especially on audio.
The core bit of advice involves the mantra "let them" whenever you encounter a situation you want to control but can't. Let cashiers be slow at the check-out counter. Let your family have crazy political beliefs. Rather than dwell and fester, move on. Queen Elsa sang about this back in 2013 and if you want to save yourself $20 bucks, maybe give that song a listen and take it to heart.
The book adds a major second layer of self-help guidance, however. After you "let them" do whatever annoying thing it is that they do, Mel encourages you to think "let me."
The "let me" part of the "let them" theory is where things get interesting. It's what differentiates going completely numb to the world to being an empowered player in life.
Tired of people with stupid political beliefs? Let them have them. But then Let Me decide what to do. This could mean ignore them, disassociate from them, join a protest movement, or even run for office. When you free yourself of the need to control other people, you empower yourself to control your own destiny.
We'll never stop encountering situations we don't like. Let Them happen. Life isn't fair. But "Let Me" decide how to adapt to the situation.
The book steers itself into unexpected and sometimes seemingly less relevant side topics, including a lengthy discussion on marriage and relationships, but generally it all comes back to this premise. The theory is easy to understand, easy to apply to life, and will almost certainly result in a net positive if utilized.
Where the book gets tedious is in its habit to beat a dead horse. Mel repeats herself six different ways when getting a point across. Is it annoying? Yes. But Let Her do her thing. And Let Me decide if I'm going to keep reading or skip ahead a few pages.
For me, the repetition wasn't so bad that I didn't keep chugging along. This was helped, I think, by her tour de force audiobook performance. I don't listen to Mel's podcast, but she has a unique gift for sounding genuine and coming across as your personal best friend, even if her audience is in the millions.
Flaws aside, this felt like a book of cultural significance that can and should make waves. Highly recommended, especially on audio.
January 25, 2025
DNF when I found out the idea was plagiarized. She could have easily cited the original source and reworked the “let them” phrase into her own work. But then she couldn’t have stolen the viral “let them” story which the original person started with her own tattoo. You can read more here: https://sagejustice.substack.com/p/me...
The premise of the book didn’t warrant a 300 page book. Very disappointed.
Let them…stop reading and move on.
The premise of the book didn’t warrant a 300 page book. Very disappointed.
Let them…stop reading and move on.
January 8, 2025
I willingly picked up a self help book, shocking I know.
I definitely can see why so many people love this book. It’s got a catchy tag line and it’s giving “the subtle art if not giving a f*ck” vibes. If you’re struggling with your relationships, whether that be friends, family, coworkers, or romantic, then this book may be helpful to you.
For me, I found this book pretty repetitive. I also think in theory “let them” sounds nice but I found a lot of flaws in it. Aside from that I must say I am biased here because I personally hate self help books. To me they give the same energy as 35-45 year old woman sharing “inspiring” quotes on Facebook. I don’t know how else to explain it, but if you get it, you get it. Also on top of that, I don’t find them enlightening. Does anyone really learn something ground breaking from a self help book or is it information you kinda already knew?
I definitely can see why so many people love this book. It’s got a catchy tag line and it’s giving “the subtle art if not giving a f*ck” vibes. If you’re struggling with your relationships, whether that be friends, family, coworkers, or romantic, then this book may be helpful to you.
For me, I found this book pretty repetitive. I also think in theory “let them” sounds nice but I found a lot of flaws in it. Aside from that I must say I am biased here because I personally hate self help books. To me they give the same energy as 35-45 year old woman sharing “inspiring” quotes on Facebook. I don’t know how else to explain it, but if you get it, you get it. Also on top of that, I don’t find them enlightening. Does anyone really learn something ground breaking from a self help book or is it information you kinda already knew?
January 3, 2025
Love the principle - could have been a blog.
February 17, 2025
I went into this book expecting A LOT! I adore Mel Robbins, I love what she talks about, I always feel that she is right on, and she is no nonsense. I also loved her previous book, “The High 5 Habit”, which I gave five stars to. This book, just didn’t resonate with me as much. I feel that the “Let Them” theory could have been easily read in one article, or listened to in one podcast (which is how this book came to be). This 300 page book was unnecessary and a bit redundant. I’m also in my early 50’s, so I’m at the age where I pretty much don’t care about people’s opinions of me as much as I did in my earlier years- so there’s that. With that being said, I think I would have loved this book even more had I been in my 20’s or 30’s…
Basically the “Let Them” theory is to stop letting other people hold power over you. Let them, or him/her think, do, and feel what they want- and you can continue being you. We can never control another person, only ourselves. Which brings us to Let Them = Let Me, in which Robbins goes into great detail on how to act with that theory.
In this book (Chapter 8, specifically), Robbins goes on to explain how most people have the emotional capacity of an eight year old, and I couldn’t agree more. In which she explains that we have to let people go off and have their tantrums, and sulk in the corners if they want to.
One thing that stood out the most to me in this book was the ABC LOOP:
A- Apologize: then ask open-ended questions
B- Back Off: and observe their behavior
C: Celebrate progress while you continue to model the change
I feel that this is a great method for dealing with people that you want to continue having a relationship with.
All in all, the Conclusion of the book was probably the best chapter for me, and the whole book was pretty much summed up in the conclusion… With that I will leave you with a quote that I really liked and resonated with.
“You’ve wasted so many years being so consumed with other people, their feelings, their thoughts, and what they’re doing. So let this book be your wake-up call; you are in charge.”
Basically the “Let Them” theory is to stop letting other people hold power over you. Let them, or him/her think, do, and feel what they want- and you can continue being you. We can never control another person, only ourselves. Which brings us to Let Them = Let Me, in which Robbins goes into great detail on how to act with that theory.
In this book (Chapter 8, specifically), Robbins goes on to explain how most people have the emotional capacity of an eight year old, and I couldn’t agree more. In which she explains that we have to let people go off and have their tantrums, and sulk in the corners if they want to.
One thing that stood out the most to me in this book was the ABC LOOP:
A- Apologize: then ask open-ended questions
B- Back Off: and observe their behavior
C: Celebrate progress while you continue to model the change
I feel that this is a great method for dealing with people that you want to continue having a relationship with.
All in all, the Conclusion of the book was probably the best chapter for me, and the whole book was pretty much summed up in the conclusion… With that I will leave you with a quote that I really liked and resonated with.
“You’ve wasted so many years being so consumed with other people, their feelings, their thoughts, and what they’re doing. So let this book be your wake-up call; you are in charge.”
December 27, 2024
Reading this book is a waste of time (and listening to it is even worse). It's not really any worse than most self-help books, but it's just as useless. I occasionally read one if I think the concept makes sense, and nearly every time I come away thinking that it was a waste of time because everything in it was overwhelmingly obvious to anyone who's thought about life for more than five minutes. For this one, just reflect on the title and concept for about 30 seconds, and that's all you need. Reading the book won't give you any further insight. Also, you won't have to endure the parts where she explains this gross method where you infantilize your loved one to transparently manipulate them into losing weight.
February 10, 2025
CHANGED MY REVIEW TO ONE STAR:
I read in another review that Mel Robbins ripped this idea off of a Cassie Phillips poem. The audacity! I hope she donates her proceeds to that poet. Here's an idea: "When people rip off your ideas and pass them off as their own, DON'T let them"
ORIGINAL REVIEW WAS THREE STARS:
My friend recommended this book so I read it with her. My expectations were very low because I'm not a psychobabble fan and that's the best way to describe this.
Mel had some good stuff to say but ultimately the book is extremely repetitive and mostly common sense. Her examples are limited and the advice is basic. There were a few stand out sections, but overall I am glad to be done.
I read in another review that Mel Robbins ripped this idea off of a Cassie Phillips poem. The audacity! I hope she donates her proceeds to that poet. Here's an idea: "When people rip off your ideas and pass them off as their own, DON'T let them"
ORIGINAL REVIEW WAS THREE STARS:
My friend recommended this book so I read it with her. My expectations were very low because I'm not a psychobabble fan and that's the best way to describe this.
Mel had some good stuff to say but ultimately the book is extremely repetitive and mostly common sense. Her examples are limited and the advice is basic. There were a few stand out sections, but overall I am glad to be done.
February 4, 2025
“let me” stop reading this book
February 19, 2025
This book was already angering me before I learned about how it is a blatantly plagiarized phrase & then I continued to finish it in a rage-induced frenzy. This book is all of the worst parts of White Lady Feminism. It reeks of privilege. There was no acknowledgement of the systems that keep injustice in place. While I see that she was trying to empower individuals to do what they can within broken systems, it feels brazen to not ever even mention it. Also please keep in mind that this entire theory is straight out of Buddhist teachings that are thousands of years old (hello, detachment and mindfulness??) which is once again NEVER mentioned. Also this author sounds like an absolute drag to hang out with
This is a tangent but I also listened to her podcast episode about autoimmune disease & was once again enraged by the blame placed on individuals without acknowledging the broken systems that disproportionately promote autoimmunity in marginalized populations. In the year of our Lord 2025??? “Reduce stress” is not groundbreaking advice & I’m pretty sure most marginalized people would if they could but they CAN’T in the way you’re telling them to which is the whole point. Once again I’m all for empowering individual people but definitely not without looking at the bigger picture & certainly not when it’s co-opted for white mass consumerism.
Rant over xoxo
This is a tangent but I also listened to her podcast episode about autoimmune disease & was once again enraged by the blame placed on individuals without acknowledging the broken systems that disproportionately promote autoimmunity in marginalized populations. In the year of our Lord 2025??? “Reduce stress” is not groundbreaking advice & I’m pretty sure most marginalized people would if they could but they CAN’T in the way you’re telling them to which is the whole point. Once again I’m all for empowering individual people but definitely not without looking at the bigger picture & certainly not when it’s co-opted for white mass consumerism.
Rant over xoxo
January 1, 2025
When I was starting this book, I saw that Oprah said this is the best self help book (in idk how long) - and I thought - wow, that’s probably a bit of a stretch…
But, nope ! This really is one of the best in general, and definitely the best personal development book I have read in years!!
It has so many lessons and takeaways that I actually can not really even digest them all right now. I’ll have to come back to the book, highlight and re-read and take it all in.
Apart from being full of excellent and freeing advice, it felt like this huge therapy session! I felt comforted, understood, seen, like I was given tools and directions! Like, this wasn’t some theories and empty talk book that you read and have no idea how to actually apply anything from it.. It was practical, actionable, doable!
Mel is also so incredibly vulnerable and honest, and her ability to show up as this flawed person and still show love and kindness for herself, and the fact that *I* see her faults and still like her - it really gives you proof and permission to be just as you are. To accept and forgive that previous version, to know and express you have issues and have made mistakes - but does not make you any less lovable or less of a person.
This whole book serves as a reminder that the best is yet to come, that we really do - live and learn -
and that every new day, no matter our age or situation; is the opportunity to choose better for ourselves and those around us.
A perfect book to start the new year with & one I’ll be recommending over and over again!
Thank you, Mel, this was incredible and so full of value !!! 🩷
But, nope ! This really is one of the best in general, and definitely the best personal development book I have read in years!!
It has so many lessons and takeaways that I actually can not really even digest them all right now. I’ll have to come back to the book, highlight and re-read and take it all in.
Apart from being full of excellent and freeing advice, it felt like this huge therapy session! I felt comforted, understood, seen, like I was given tools and directions! Like, this wasn’t some theories and empty talk book that you read and have no idea how to actually apply anything from it.. It was practical, actionable, doable!
Mel is also so incredibly vulnerable and honest, and her ability to show up as this flawed person and still show love and kindness for herself, and the fact that *I* see her faults and still like her - it really gives you proof and permission to be just as you are. To accept and forgive that previous version, to know and express you have issues and have made mistakes - but does not make you any less lovable or less of a person.
This whole book serves as a reminder that the best is yet to come, that we really do - live and learn -
and that every new day, no matter our age or situation; is the opportunity to choose better for ourselves and those around us.
A perfect book to start the new year with & one I’ll be recommending over and over again!
Thank you, Mel, this was incredible and so full of value !!! 🩷
January 5, 2025
As a fan of the Mel Robbins Podcast, I was very excited to read this book. However, I quickly found myself frustrated with how incredibly repetitive it was from start to finish. The text could easily be 30-40 pages and get the points across effectively. In all honesty, I began to get the sense that the author needed to reach a specific word count in order for the book to be published. That’s how redundant it was chapter after chapter and even every few pages.
I do believe that the concept of the “Let Them” theory can be powerful though. It will help many people navigate adult relationships with coworkers, friends, and family. The way that it was described in the book was simple and easy enough to understand. I would recommend Mel’s podcast over the text though.
I do believe that the concept of the “Let Them” theory can be powerful though. It will help many people navigate adult relationships with coworkers, friends, and family. The way that it was described in the book was simple and easy enough to understand. I would recommend Mel’s podcast over the text though.
January 19, 2025
this book could have been an email
January 1, 2025
I never write reviews, but this book almost made me mad at it it’s statements of profound insight that are pure common sense. These “theories” are not revolutionary and have been asserted in various forms by many people in more nuanced ways. It made me feel like I should write a book if people actually find this helpful. Doesn’t everyone already operate this way?
July 5, 2025
⭐ 3/5 stars
🎧 Audiobook | 🎙️ Narrated by the author
I might be an outlier on this one but this was a 3 star (honestly almost 2.5 stars for me at some points)
Mel Robbins’ The Let Them Theory centers around a the idea to let people do what they do.. judge you, misunderstand you, leave you out, or disagree.. and instead of trying to control or change them, just let them. The goal is to not manage others’ emotions or expectations.
💚Things I enjoyed💚
I listened to the audiobook and really enjoyed Mel’s warm and funny narration. She brings a conversational vibe that makes the experience feel personal, like she’s a friend guiding you through the ups and downs of life. She even made me lol a few times, which was nice during heavier topics.
There are parts of the book that really resonated with me. Chapter 5 focuses on letting go of the fear of what others think. Mel reminds readers that people will always have opinions, and their thoughts about you aren’t your responsibility.. a message that landed strongly. I also appreciated the reminder that you are not responsible for managing other people’s emotions and think it’s a good chapter for those (like myself) who are people pleasers.
The chapter on adult friendships stood out too. Some friendships are for a season of life, and that doesn’t mean they weren’t meaningful. Many people, especially those who are more introverted or emotionally overwhelmed, just don’t have the energy to reach out regularly or are fighting invisible battles. I also appreciated the emphasis that it’s okay to let go of friendships when you need to focus on yourself, while still wishing your former friends the best. That felt freeing and mature.
☹️ Things I really didn’t like… ☹️
This theory isn’t really something new or groundbreaking. It’s something I’ve already been following in my life for quite a while, but just with the thought of “you can’t control others” and is basically that same concept. I didn’t love parts of it especially when viewing it from a trauma informed lens, probably due to my line of work, personal experiences, and education.
That said, I had some critiques. Parts of the book felt oversimplified and out of touch, especially for readers with trauma or systemic barriers. The suggestion that you can “just stop caring” about what others think or “just leave a toxic job” misses how complicated real life is when you face mental health challenges, financial constraints, or discrimination.
Mel’s idea that you’re “not limited in what you can do” and that it’s a waste of time to think life is unfair felt deeply unrealistic. Many people are limited by systemic inequality, trauma, disability, and other real barriers. This really minimizes those experiences and places too much emphasis on mindset alone.
Another thing I didn’t enjoy was the advice to always “allow people to face the natural consequences of their actions” as part of healing. From a trauma informed lens, this can be invalidating. Trauma survivors require compassion, safety, and support… not abandonment under the idea of “natural consequences.” This advice could unintentionally reinforce shame or isolation, even just for people going through difficult times in their lives and need more support than others. I get it to an extent but it could be taken the wrong way.
Overall, The Let Them Theory offers some thoughtful insights for those early in their journey of self-awareness. But for readers with complex trauma histories or systemic challenges, it can unfortunately feel simplistic and occasionally insensitive.
I’m giving it 3/5 stars because while the audiobook narration and some chapters were helpful, the book sometimes overlooks the realities many face. If you take what resonates and leave the rest, there is definitely value here.
🎧 Audiobook | 🎙️ Narrated by the author
I might be an outlier on this one but this was a 3 star (honestly almost 2.5 stars for me at some points)
Mel Robbins’ The Let Them Theory centers around a the idea to let people do what they do.. judge you, misunderstand you, leave you out, or disagree.. and instead of trying to control or change them, just let them. The goal is to not manage others’ emotions or expectations.
💚Things I enjoyed💚
I listened to the audiobook and really enjoyed Mel’s warm and funny narration. She brings a conversational vibe that makes the experience feel personal, like she’s a friend guiding you through the ups and downs of life. She even made me lol a few times, which was nice during heavier topics.
There are parts of the book that really resonated with me. Chapter 5 focuses on letting go of the fear of what others think. Mel reminds readers that people will always have opinions, and their thoughts about you aren’t your responsibility.. a message that landed strongly. I also appreciated the reminder that you are not responsible for managing other people’s emotions and think it’s a good chapter for those (like myself) who are people pleasers.
The chapter on adult friendships stood out too. Some friendships are for a season of life, and that doesn’t mean they weren’t meaningful. Many people, especially those who are more introverted or emotionally overwhelmed, just don’t have the energy to reach out regularly or are fighting invisible battles. I also appreciated the emphasis that it’s okay to let go of friendships when you need to focus on yourself, while still wishing your former friends the best. That felt freeing and mature.
☹️ Things I really didn’t like… ☹️
This theory isn’t really something new or groundbreaking. It’s something I’ve already been following in my life for quite a while, but just with the thought of “you can’t control others” and is basically that same concept. I didn’t love parts of it especially when viewing it from a trauma informed lens, probably due to my line of work, personal experiences, and education.
That said, I had some critiques. Parts of the book felt oversimplified and out of touch, especially for readers with trauma or systemic barriers. The suggestion that you can “just stop caring” about what others think or “just leave a toxic job” misses how complicated real life is when you face mental health challenges, financial constraints, or discrimination.
Mel’s idea that you’re “not limited in what you can do” and that it’s a waste of time to think life is unfair felt deeply unrealistic. Many people are limited by systemic inequality, trauma, disability, and other real barriers. This really minimizes those experiences and places too much emphasis on mindset alone.
Another thing I didn’t enjoy was the advice to always “allow people to face the natural consequences of their actions” as part of healing. From a trauma informed lens, this can be invalidating. Trauma survivors require compassion, safety, and support… not abandonment under the idea of “natural consequences.” This advice could unintentionally reinforce shame or isolation, even just for people going through difficult times in their lives and need more support than others. I get it to an extent but it could be taken the wrong way.
Overall, The Let Them Theory offers some thoughtful insights for those early in their journey of self-awareness. But for readers with complex trauma histories or systemic challenges, it can unfortunately feel simplistic and occasionally insensitive.
I’m giving it 3/5 stars because while the audiobook narration and some chapters were helpful, the book sometimes overlooks the realities many face. If you take what resonates and leave the rest, there is definitely value here.
February 18, 2025
Overwritten, plagiarized trash.
Mel Robbins takes simplistic concepts that have been around for decades, stretches them to 300 pages in an attempt at 'self-help' when its clear she doesn't know what she's talking about.
Please save your money (and your time) everyone, I can assure you there is nothing within this book that is valuable enough for you to justify purchasing it.
my video going over what's in the book & why its problematic: https://youtu.be/mgMHkM0sNN8
Read about the original creator of "Let Them"
https://sagejustice.substack.com/p/me...
https://sagejustice.substack.com/p/ca...
Mel Robbins takes simplistic concepts that have been around for decades, stretches them to 300 pages in an attempt at 'self-help' when its clear she doesn't know what she's talking about.
Please save your money (and your time) everyone, I can assure you there is nothing within this book that is valuable enough for you to justify purchasing it.
my video going over what's in the book & why its problematic: https://youtu.be/mgMHkM0sNN8
Read about the original creator of "Let Them"
https://sagejustice.substack.com/p/me...
https://sagejustice.substack.com/p/ca...
January 21, 2025
DNF the moment she said she did not know stress was a physiologic response not just vibes
im too educated for this, not the target audience
also if u have enough brain power the get the 5th grade gist of stoicism, you can skip this book. sounds like a limp ass motivational lecture ur high school gym teacher would give when u didn’t get picked to be on a dodgeball team
im too educated for this, not the target audience
also if u have enough brain power the get the 5th grade gist of stoicism, you can skip this book. sounds like a limp ass motivational lecture ur high school gym teacher would give when u didn’t get picked to be on a dodgeball team
January 7, 2025
This entire book could have been summarized in a single sentence: Control the things you can control and don’t get bothered by things outside your control.
The book’s title itself provides a clear explanation. Allow others to act and think as they please, because their actions and thoughts are not your responsibility. It’s the same basic common sense that everyone already knows, but presented in a different way.
This concept could have been explained in a five-minute video or a simple one-page document. The repetitive language in this book is excessive, and the “science” presented is so weak that ironically, the book shines in its personal anecdotes, as the author openly admits that she is not an expert in the field.
The concept is clear, but the book is a huge waste of time.
The book’s title itself provides a clear explanation. Allow others to act and think as they please, because their actions and thoughts are not your responsibility. It’s the same basic common sense that everyone already knows, but presented in a different way.
This concept could have been explained in a five-minute video or a simple one-page document. The repetitive language in this book is excessive, and the “science” presented is so weak that ironically, the book shines in its personal anecdotes, as the author openly admits that she is not an expert in the field.
The concept is clear, but the book is a huge waste of time.
Read
January 31, 2025Phenomenal
January 18, 2025
Not sure there’s been a day that’s gone by that I started this book that I haven’t thought about it. All the stars. Loved the audio. Read this book.
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