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American Men
A deeply intimate portrait of the lives of four men that examines—in profound and comprehensive ways—what it means to be a man in America. They wield outsized power across all major institutions. They are falling behind across all measures of well-being and success. They include loving husbands and absent fathers, corporate strivers and displaced workers, the objects and instruments of incredible violence. They are half the population. And yet when mentioned as a bloc, it’s often to ask the What’s wrong with them?
American Men is a book that burrows deep into the lives of four men, exploring how each of them construct their relationship to masculinity, and how they navigate that relationship over time. They include Ryan, an amateur MMA fighter from the Akwesasne Mohawk territory, struggling to come to terms with both his sexuality as a closeted gay man and his draw toward bar room violence; Gideon, an itinerant, tall and handsome West Point graduate and former baseball star who unravels when he encounters challenges to his status as the white masculine ideal; Joseph, a Seattle law student whose marriage teeters on the brink as he tries on his own to contend with the effects of childhood sexual trauma; and Nate, a young Ohio man still living at home and trying to establish security for himself in a rural pocket of a red state, where he’s under threat as someone who is Black, trans, and poor. Written with searing intimacy after five years of reporting, the book interweaves their stories into a mosaic that explores identity, heritage, and the pressures and performance of modern American masculinity.
American Men is a book that burrows deep into the lives of four men, exploring how each of them construct their relationship to masculinity, and how they navigate that relationship over time. They include Ryan, an amateur MMA fighter from the Akwesasne Mohawk territory, struggling to come to terms with both his sexuality as a closeted gay man and his draw toward bar room violence; Gideon, an itinerant, tall and handsome West Point graduate and former baseball star who unravels when he encounters challenges to his status as the white masculine ideal; Joseph, a Seattle law student whose marriage teeters on the brink as he tries on his own to contend with the effects of childhood sexual trauma; and Nate, a young Ohio man still living at home and trying to establish security for himself in a rural pocket of a red state, where he’s under threat as someone who is Black, trans, and poor. Written with searing intimacy after five years of reporting, the book interweaves their stories into a mosaic that explores identity, heritage, and the pressures and performance of modern American masculinity.
332 pages, Kindle Edition
Published April 21, 2026
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Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews
April 27, 2026
I am so sorry, dear reader. American Men by Jordan Ritter Conn has me at a Pontification Level of 10 (that's the highest!). I think that is what Conn was going for so bravo, sir! I'd like to start off with what the book is not, though.
American Men is not a diatribe on today's society and the masculinity crisis. Thank goodness! I think all too often we spend a lot of time defining and arguing about whether something is a crisis instead of, you know, doing something about it. Not to mention, these things tend to be so politically polarizing that half the audience is turned off before even opening the cover. Writing a book like this means there is something to talk about, but Conn is not about to let us all off easy by just saying precisely what we should all feel.
Instead, we get the story of four men. None of the characteristics I am about to reveal are spoilers as it's in the book summary. One is a closeted Mohawk, one is a West Point graduate (like me!), another is a trans man, and the last is an aspiring lawyer who begins to relive his childhood sexual trauma. Each of them deal with wildly different lives and challenges although under the surface, they have more in common than it seems.
Conn deftly sidesteps a lot of questions by letting these men speak for themselves as they were intimately involved in how their stories are told. The closest Conn comes to inserting his views overtly are in the introduction. However, he provides more of a framework for why this book exists as opposed to something tied to any particular philosophy.
All of this to say, this is what I like to call a "thinkie" book. The answers aren't easy, and you aren't meant to finish the narrative and say, "Well that all wrapped up nicely!" Instead, you're meant to do what I did and look for someone to discuss what it all meant to you.
This only works if the characters and Conn can hold the readers' attention. For me, I knocked all 300 pages out in two sittings. I most closely aligned in my life experiences to Gideon, the West Pointer, as we went to the same college, served in the Army, and went through divorce. However, Nate, the trans man, has a completely different life from mine, but I was still enthralled by his story. This is due to Conn's writing, but also the willingness of each character to give Conn an unfiltered view into their lives.
And, holy hell, their lives can be bleak at times. Their openness at times left me squirming in my chair like I was reading something I was not supposed to. There is real courage on many of these pages, and I often wondered if I could have given such unobstructed access to those painful thoughts we all have at times.
That said, Gideon did give me a way into the narrative that I could relate to immediately which allowed me to slowly engage with the other stories. I am not sure how the book might grab onto others who are missing that connection. (For the record, a perusal of other reviews shows many women who said this wasn't a problem at all.) Overall, I think Conn is such a gifted writer that it most likely won't matter. This is a great book, and I hope a lot of people read it.
(This book was provided as a review copy by Grand Central Publishing.)
American Men is not a diatribe on today's society and the masculinity crisis. Thank goodness! I think all too often we spend a lot of time defining and arguing about whether something is a crisis instead of, you know, doing something about it. Not to mention, these things tend to be so politically polarizing that half the audience is turned off before even opening the cover. Writing a book like this means there is something to talk about, but Conn is not about to let us all off easy by just saying precisely what we should all feel.
Instead, we get the story of four men. None of the characteristics I am about to reveal are spoilers as it's in the book summary. One is a closeted Mohawk, one is a West Point graduate (like me!), another is a trans man, and the last is an aspiring lawyer who begins to relive his childhood sexual trauma. Each of them deal with wildly different lives and challenges although under the surface, they have more in common than it seems.
Conn deftly sidesteps a lot of questions by letting these men speak for themselves as they were intimately involved in how their stories are told. The closest Conn comes to inserting his views overtly are in the introduction. However, he provides more of a framework for why this book exists as opposed to something tied to any particular philosophy.
All of this to say, this is what I like to call a "thinkie" book. The answers aren't easy, and you aren't meant to finish the narrative and say, "Well that all wrapped up nicely!" Instead, you're meant to do what I did and look for someone to discuss what it all meant to you.
This only works if the characters and Conn can hold the readers' attention. For me, I knocked all 300 pages out in two sittings. I most closely aligned in my life experiences to Gideon, the West Pointer, as we went to the same college, served in the Army, and went through divorce. However, Nate, the trans man, has a completely different life from mine, but I was still enthralled by his story. This is due to Conn's writing, but also the willingness of each character to give Conn an unfiltered view into their lives.
And, holy hell, their lives can be bleak at times. Their openness at times left me squirming in my chair like I was reading something I was not supposed to. There is real courage on many of these pages, and I often wondered if I could have given such unobstructed access to those painful thoughts we all have at times.
That said, Gideon did give me a way into the narrative that I could relate to immediately which allowed me to slowly engage with the other stories. I am not sure how the book might grab onto others who are missing that connection. (For the record, a perusal of other reviews shows many women who said this wasn't a problem at all.) Overall, I think Conn is such a gifted writer that it most likely won't matter. This is a great book, and I hope a lot of people read it.
(This book was provided as a review copy by Grand Central Publishing.)
November 29, 2025
This book is going to be with me for a long time. Reading the description I was unsure of how I, as a woman, would be able to feel any amount of connection to these men’s lives, but Ritter Conn told their journeys with such depth and humanity that I never once struggled with a connection. From page one, I was invested in each story and how their lives unfolded. Each man’s concept of and struggle with ideas of masculinity was distinct from the others, yet Ritter Conn silently pulled out these small universal threads of humanity. There isn’t some heavy handed agenda pushing a particular narrative about masculinity, just the chance to walk beside these four men and listen to their stories and sit with them in the middle of their struggles. I think this book is a great read for men and women alike, a chance to reflect on the images our society has created, highly recommend.
May 3, 2026
The premise here was fascinating: a journalist follows a group of men through years of their lives and tells their unadorned stories. We understand more about masculinity in modern America as a result.
But this was just kind of unremarkable for me, and I don’t feel I left having grappled much with masculinity as a force in people’s lives.
That said, each “character” we follow is interesting and has challenges worth exploring and understanding. I just don’t think I ever got beyond a sort of external, bird’s eye view, and I wanted to understand more internal experience.
But this was just kind of unremarkable for me, and I don’t feel I left having grappled much with masculinity as a force in people’s lives.
That said, each “character” we follow is interesting and has challenges worth exploring and understanding. I just don’t think I ever got beyond a sort of external, bird’s eye view, and I wanted to understand more internal experience.
January 25, 2026
4.5 Stars
Intimate portraits of four diverse men (a closeted MMA fighter, a West Point grad facing identity crisis, a law student with trauma, a Black trans man) navigating modern masculinity, exploring violence, sexuality, race, and class, revealing struggles with societal expectations and the gap between ideals and reality
As a cisgender woman, I’ve never really considered the experience of men except for male relatives and questioning why “they” do the things they do. But this book really allows you get to know these 4 very distinct men and grasp their experiences and I couldn’t help but be deeply invested in them and root for them.
I loved how this is written. An immersive narrative nonfiction as we relive the pivotal moments of these men’s live in real time - more in the way of a novel than a journalist reporting the news that made for a compelling reading experience.
I appreciate how similar men and women are and how it’s conveyed in this book in the societal pressures to conform, trauma, insecurities, high expectations, etc. but also how different in how we respond (or are told to respond) and what is expected. I think it gave me a new level of empathy for these men who are trying their best and men like them. It all felt incredibly human and relatable regardless of gender.
Extremely readable. Quick chapters. Earnest “characters” that are easy to know and follow alongside. And an intentional way to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and empathize. Highly recommend.
Wherever these men are now, I hope they have found peace and know how grateful I am to now know them in this way.
READ FOR
- Day In The Life
- Diverse Cast of Characters
- Multiple POVs & Changing Timelines
Thank you to the publisher for my advanced readers copy in exchange for my honest review.
Intimate portraits of four diverse men (a closeted MMA fighter, a West Point grad facing identity crisis, a law student with trauma, a Black trans man) navigating modern masculinity, exploring violence, sexuality, race, and class, revealing struggles with societal expectations and the gap between ideals and reality
As a cisgender woman, I’ve never really considered the experience of men except for male relatives and questioning why “they” do the things they do. But this book really allows you get to know these 4 very distinct men and grasp their experiences and I couldn’t help but be deeply invested in them and root for them.
I loved how this is written. An immersive narrative nonfiction as we relive the pivotal moments of these men’s live in real time - more in the way of a novel than a journalist reporting the news that made for a compelling reading experience.
I appreciate how similar men and women are and how it’s conveyed in this book in the societal pressures to conform, trauma, insecurities, high expectations, etc. but also how different in how we respond (or are told to respond) and what is expected. I think it gave me a new level of empathy for these men who are trying their best and men like them. It all felt incredibly human and relatable regardless of gender.
Extremely readable. Quick chapters. Earnest “characters” that are easy to know and follow alongside. And an intentional way to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and empathize. Highly recommend.
Wherever these men are now, I hope they have found peace and know how grateful I am to now know them in this way.
READ FOR
- Day In The Life
- Diverse Cast of Characters
- Multiple POVs & Changing Timelines
Thank you to the publisher for my advanced readers copy in exchange for my honest review.
April 24, 2026
Floored by this, really. The storytelling, narrative style and writing is so good here, and the four stories are all powerful. Ritter Conn leaves it to you as the reader to decipher how capitalism, culture and generational trauma have created the modern definition of masculinity that these men aspire to, and the lack of prescription or solution made the read even more profound. This is just an eye-opening look at what it's like on the ground for men from four very different walks of life. Highly recommended.
May 6, 2026
I will admit to some bias because I have an investment in the life of the author, but this was really really incredible. One of my favorite things about narrative nonfiction is how it shows, time and time again, that real life is often much more interesting and meaningful than what we could imagine. I was really, deeply moved by the honesty and heart of this book. I hope you read it.
May 7, 2026
We are so back
May 7, 2026
This is a really interesting book and an important read for our current society. I instantly connected with all four men’s stories and I found parts of this book to be quite emotional. Ryan is a gay Mohawk man, Gideon is a handsome white man with promise until his wife cheats on him, Joseph is a law student who is reckoning with the sexual abuse he experienced as a child and Nate who is a black transgender man. I most connected with Gideon and Joseph’s stories, Joseph in particular because of the sexual abuse aspect that I found to be very emotional. I enjoyed reading this and seeing how these men experienced the world. It was interesting to understand Ryan’s violence, Gideon’s masculinity particularly involving his heterosexuality, Joseph’s abuse and how it impacted his adult life and Nate’s experience of how to be a man when he was raised as a girl.
This would have been fantastic though if the author wrote some discussion around masculinity and linked it to the men’s stories. For example, there could have been links made to Ryan’s violence, his upbringing and sexuality to masculinity as well as how Gideon saw himself as a man especially when it came to sex to masculinity. I found it interesting that both Gideon and Joseph were in the military so it could have been interesting to have a discussion around the military and masculinity. I would have also liked more discussion on Nate and how transgender men fit into masculine ideals but also how they aren’t always recognised as men. This was touched on but not enough. This was very good though and I would recommend this.
Favourite quote - “A phrase worked its way into their shared language, a quick mantra whose surface meaning paled in comparison to what it meant in their home: Lucky little life. A Tuesday night at home, kids in bed, books in hand, fireplace burning. Lucky little life. A family hike on a Saturday morning, then everyone in the kitchen cooking together in the afternoon. Lucky little life. Maybe success meant finding more of these moments. Maybe it meant appreciating them whenever they arrived.” - From Gideon’s chapter.
This would have been fantastic though if the author wrote some discussion around masculinity and linked it to the men’s stories. For example, there could have been links made to Ryan’s violence, his upbringing and sexuality to masculinity as well as how Gideon saw himself as a man especially when it came to sex to masculinity. I found it interesting that both Gideon and Joseph were in the military so it could have been interesting to have a discussion around the military and masculinity. I would have also liked more discussion on Nate and how transgender men fit into masculine ideals but also how they aren’t always recognised as men. This was touched on but not enough. This was very good though and I would recommend this.
Favourite quote - “A phrase worked its way into their shared language, a quick mantra whose surface meaning paled in comparison to what it meant in their home: Lucky little life. A Tuesday night at home, kids in bed, books in hand, fireplace burning. Lucky little life. A family hike on a Saturday morning, then everyone in the kitchen cooking together in the afternoon. Lucky little life. Maybe success meant finding more of these moments. Maybe it meant appreciating them whenever they arrived.” - From Gideon’s chapter.
January 5, 2026
In Jordan’s Conn’s first book, The Road from Raqqa, he follows two Syrian brothers, Riyad and Bashar, as they navigate the United States, war-torn Syria, family and identity. It's told semi-chronologically, with bits interwoven in the past and present day, but the writing, the heartbreak and story of struggle made this truly one of my favorite books I've read in recent memory.
How could Conn possibly top his first book? By writing a nonfiction book about four men, not two, and reporting on their lives over extended stretches. The product of this reportage comes together in what is surely to be one of my favorite books of 2026. Conn follows these men through difficult periods in their life: Ryan, a gay man living on a Native reservation in Buffalo struggling with identity; Nate, a recently transitioned Black man learning how to be male (and understand his fluid sexuality) despite being only five-foot-one; Joseph, a law student who drove across the country and is still processing an extremely traumatic sexual incident in his youth; and Gideon, my favorite of the four stories, a former Army student and baseball pitcher who tries to piece life together as it slowly falls apart.
There are a few things that make the book work so well. First, much like Raqqa, Conn’s writing feels much more novelistic than pure non-fiction reporting. There are dazzling scenes, especially Ryan’s family encounters, Joseph’s experience in the baseball card store and Gideon racking his brain for hobbies (it sounds so simple but Conn rattles through 10 different things in a page-and-a-half that leave you floored). The other biggest takeaway for me is how effective simple writing can be. There’s a beauty in having language not overcomplicate the story and characters, and Conn is so effective at letting this play out by merely guiding it along. If you’ve ever tried writing a story and been annoyed at someone else’s command of language being so much further along than yours, Conn will make you furious.
This passage in particular: “Maybe he could just pass his nights sitting here in silence, occasionally narrating his thoughts to Charlie and sipping his gin, first from a glass, later from the bottle, until, with Charlie curled up and pressed against his chest, both of them breathing together, never alone, her weight his only comfort, he could drift finally to sleep.”
If you’re interested in exceptional narrative non-fiction that feels more like a novel than traditional non-fiction, I can’t recommend this enough. Huge thank you to Jordan and Grand Central Publishing for providing an advanced copy.
How could Conn possibly top his first book? By writing a nonfiction book about four men, not two, and reporting on their lives over extended stretches. The product of this reportage comes together in what is surely to be one of my favorite books of 2026. Conn follows these men through difficult periods in their life: Ryan, a gay man living on a Native reservation in Buffalo struggling with identity; Nate, a recently transitioned Black man learning how to be male (and understand his fluid sexuality) despite being only five-foot-one; Joseph, a law student who drove across the country and is still processing an extremely traumatic sexual incident in his youth; and Gideon, my favorite of the four stories, a former Army student and baseball pitcher who tries to piece life together as it slowly falls apart.
There are a few things that make the book work so well. First, much like Raqqa, Conn’s writing feels much more novelistic than pure non-fiction reporting. There are dazzling scenes, especially Ryan’s family encounters, Joseph’s experience in the baseball card store and Gideon racking his brain for hobbies (it sounds so simple but Conn rattles through 10 different things in a page-and-a-half that leave you floored). The other biggest takeaway for me is how effective simple writing can be. There’s a beauty in having language not overcomplicate the story and characters, and Conn is so effective at letting this play out by merely guiding it along. If you’ve ever tried writing a story and been annoyed at someone else’s command of language being so much further along than yours, Conn will make you furious.
This passage in particular: “Maybe he could just pass his nights sitting here in silence, occasionally narrating his thoughts to Charlie and sipping his gin, first from a glass, later from the bottle, until, with Charlie curled up and pressed against his chest, both of them breathing together, never alone, her weight his only comfort, he could drift finally to sleep.”
If you’re interested in exceptional narrative non-fiction that feels more like a novel than traditional non-fiction, I can’t recommend this enough. Huge thank you to Jordan and Grand Central Publishing for providing an advanced copy.
April 24, 2026
What American Men lands so well for me is that being a man in America is not as simple as power, privilege, or the usual cultural shouting match. Yes, men still hold a lot of institutional power, and we should be honest about that. But a lot of men also inherit a terrible emotional playbook. Prove yourself. Stay controlled. Do not look weak. Do not need too much. Do not feel too loudly.
Now add being gay to that mess and the whole thing gets even more complicated. We are often expected to be emotionally intelligent but not “too soft,” attractive but not vain, masculine enough to be respected, but not so armored that we disappear inside ourselves. That is the part that hit me hardest. Masculinity is sometimes power, but it is also performance. Sometimes it is trauma in a fitted blazer. Sometimes it is shame doing CrossFit.
What I appreciate about this book is that it does not flatten men into villains or victims. It shows the harder truth. Men can be wounded and still responsible. Powerful and still lonely. Privileged and still deeply unwell. That is not an excuse. It is the beginning of a better conversation.
For me, this book is worth reading because it asks what kind of men we are becoming, not just what kind of men we were taught to be. Masculinity does not need to be destroyed. It needs to be examined, rebuilt, and made honest enough for real life.
Now add being gay to that mess and the whole thing gets even more complicated. We are often expected to be emotionally intelligent but not “too soft,” attractive but not vain, masculine enough to be respected, but not so armored that we disappear inside ourselves. That is the part that hit me hardest. Masculinity is sometimes power, but it is also performance. Sometimes it is trauma in a fitted blazer. Sometimes it is shame doing CrossFit.
What I appreciate about this book is that it does not flatten men into villains or victims. It shows the harder truth. Men can be wounded and still responsible. Powerful and still lonely. Privileged and still deeply unwell. That is not an excuse. It is the beginning of a better conversation.
For me, this book is worth reading because it asks what kind of men we are becoming, not just what kind of men we were taught to be. Masculinity does not need to be destroyed. It needs to be examined, rebuilt, and made honest enough for real life.
April 30, 2026
American Men showcases thorough, compassionate journalism. The author does a commendable job of giving voice to four individuals from vastly different backgrounds, covering complex personal and professional struggles, including sexual/physical abuse and the experience of a transgender man. The focus on masculinity, trauma, identity, and societal pressure is thoughtful, well-observed, and handled with great care.
However, while the book diagnoses many problems facing men in Western society, I found myself wanting more in terms of actionable conclusions. After exploring the hardships and harmful conditioning these men face, it felt like a missed opportunity not to spend more time on how we, as a society, can address these issues. I was hoping for a broader discussion of a better path forward.
Overall, this is a thought-provoking, well-researched book, but it left me feeling somewhat despondent rather than encouraged. It sheds light on important issues but stops short of being fully satisfying by leaving the reader to do most of the work in imagining solutions.
Thanks to Jordan Ritter Conn, Grand Central Publishing, and NetGalley for an advance reader copy in exchange for a review.
However, while the book diagnoses many problems facing men in Western society, I found myself wanting more in terms of actionable conclusions. After exploring the hardships and harmful conditioning these men face, it felt like a missed opportunity not to spend more time on how we, as a society, can address these issues. I was hoping for a broader discussion of a better path forward.
Overall, this is a thought-provoking, well-researched book, but it left me feeling somewhat despondent rather than encouraged. It sheds light on important issues but stops short of being fully satisfying by leaving the reader to do most of the work in imagining solutions.
Thanks to Jordan Ritter Conn, Grand Central Publishing, and NetGalley for an advance reader copy in exchange for a review.
May 4, 2026
I think the book took on a bit too much in the intersectionality of it all. The individual of Gideon is necessary in order to cover a slightly more average experience but it doesnt really pick at what the trauma of not having trauma is. While hes stung by the betrayal of the collapse of the first marriage he never seems to interrogate it the same way the others have to, nor does it really seem to directly effect the behaviour we aee before and after.
I think the other three had such multifaceted experiences that having gideon around kept feeling sightly out of place. I wish he had kinda had another chapter or two to explore Addy's diagnosis of "oh noone has ever blamed you for anything and youve cruised through life you never developed skills." In terms of the wider pop culture conversation about american men that is the issue people are sorts looking at and because its couched in drinking the author doesnt really stare it down.
I get that theres limits to what you can and cannot put in books but i do wish there was a 5th character to serve as another example of the "average" experience and what that struggle looks like.
I think the other three had such multifaceted experiences that having gideon around kept feeling sightly out of place. I wish he had kinda had another chapter or two to explore Addy's diagnosis of "oh noone has ever blamed you for anything and youve cruised through life you never developed skills." In terms of the wider pop culture conversation about american men that is the issue people are sorts looking at and because its couched in drinking the author doesnt really stare it down.
I get that theres limits to what you can and cannot put in books but i do wish there was a 5th character to serve as another example of the "average" experience and what that struggle looks like.
Review of advance copy received from Netgalley
I appreciated the amount of time and research that clearly went into American Men. Following four men from very different backgrounds gave the book depth, and each story was handled with care and empathy. The focus on masculinity, trauma, identity, and societal pressure felt thoughtful and well observed.
That said, I found myself wanting more beyond the diagnosis of the problem. With how thoroughly the book explores the hardships each man faces, it felt like a missed opportunity not to also spend time on how we as a society might address or respond to those struggles. Even a broader discussion of possible solutions, systems of support, or paths forward would have added another meaningful layer.
Overall, this is a well-researched and compassionate book, but for me it stopped just short of feeling fully satisfying. It sheds light on important issues, yet leaves the reader to do most of the work when it comes to imagining change.
That said, I found myself wanting more beyond the diagnosis of the problem. With how thoroughly the book explores the hardships each man faces, it felt like a missed opportunity not to also spend time on how we as a society might address or respond to those struggles. Even a broader discussion of possible solutions, systems of support, or paths forward would have added another meaningful layer.
Overall, this is a well-researched and compassionate book, but for me it stopped just short of feeling fully satisfying. It sheds light on important issues, yet leaves the reader to do most of the work when it comes to imagining change.
April 24, 2026
A striking, intimate, and empathetic display of different ways of being a man in America. I don’t think there was anything to prescribe here (nor do I think that’s the author’s intent) but I found myself racing through this collection of stories trying to wholly understand the contours of each man’s life, his struggle, his success. The one thing I wished for (and perhaps this is the wrong book for this wish) was a through line seeking to connect the revelations learned from each man to a broader point about masculinity or manhood in America. I’ve got my own thoughts from this collection of stories, and I’m sure the men depicted and the man depicting do too, and that could have been a valuable contribution.
Review of advance copy received from Goodreads Giveaways
A moving, beautiful, poignant group of in-depth stories of 4 American men's lives that could have been twice as long - and I'd still have loved it. Powerful and intense, this begs the question about how many men out there have similarly painful stories to share and no one asking to hear them. Should be required reading in gender-studies classes for sure, but highly recommended to all who think about how the patriarchy shapes behavior. Won this in a Goodreads Giveaway and very thankful to have read it!
May 1, 2026
NOTE: I listened to this as an audiobook and my review is based on that experience.
I often half-jokingly say, “Why are men?” and this book is an earnest attempt at answering that question. The lives of these 4 men are at times wrenching, at times sweet, and I felt for all of them. I wish in the audiobook that there were different readers for each, that might have helped individualize their voices. I thought frequently of many men I know, and one I have convinced to also read this book and talk to me after. Perhaps I’ll learn more.
I often half-jokingly say, “Why are men?” and this book is an earnest attempt at answering that question. The lives of these 4 men are at times wrenching, at times sweet, and I felt for all of them. I wish in the audiobook that there were different readers for each, that might have helped individualize their voices. I thought frequently of many men I know, and one I have convinced to also read this book and talk to me after. Perhaps I’ll learn more.
May 6, 2026
This is a beautifully empathetic look at four men wrestling with notions of masculinity. Let me say right away, it is NOT a whiny screed about the alleged male loneliness epidemic. I would never have read that book and that book would never have delved this deeply and compassionately into the story of a trans man finding himself, or a gay man battling violent impulses. Jordan Ritter Conn is asking, without making excuses, what has been bred into us as men that causes so many of us to hurt others and sabotage ourselves.
May 5, 2026
In an age of hand-wringing about American males and masculinity, this might just be this era’s best book on the topic(s). Deft writing, beautiful stories, bravery without the bravado—a book I couldn’t put down. What a feat.
May 9, 2026
This is a thoughtful and intimate glimpse into the lives of four men, all daunted by the modern pressures of masculinity. It’s the book Scott Galloway thinks he wrote, and we need it now more than ever. Nicely done.
May 3, 2026
A unique four-pronged approach to modern American masculinity. Truly a thought-provoking read for all.
May 4, 2026
This book follows four very different men through their childhood and into early adulthood. It does a great job connecting the reader to each man and the struggles he faces.
May 8, 2026
I was expecting something a little more academic so this book missed the mark for me. It didn't help that I didn't like any of the men in the case studies, and after a while, I tuned them out.
May 3, 2026
I expected this book to be a grand exploration of masculinity, but it felt more like an absorbing page turner about 4 very different men with fascinatingly varied ways of coping with their disappointments and traumas. It was shockingly intimate, and knowing that these were real stories from real men made it all the more engrossing. I am still thinking about it and probably will for a long time to come.
May 7, 2026
i wasn’t initially sure how much i'd like reading a whole book about american men and the hardships they face... like, who is the audience here? overall though, i appreciated the storytelling and there was clearly a lot of research that went into this. this book isn’t a critique and doesn’t end with recommendations on how to move forward; it’s a journalistic piece on the lives of 4 different men in America and how their lives shaped them.
that said, it felt unsatisfying to me. this book surfaces important societal issues, and i DO wish there was real commentary on how to create change. plus, maybe i'm just not the target audience as i’m a woman of color and a child of immigrants. (clearly lots of thoughts here so maybe that’s what this book is successful at)
that said, it felt unsatisfying to me. this book surfaces important societal issues, and i DO wish there was real commentary on how to create change. plus, maybe i'm just not the target audience as i’m a woman of color and a child of immigrants. (clearly lots of thoughts here so maybe that’s what this book is successful at)
Review of advance copy received from Author
Every man has those thoughts that creep in and make you wonder “Am I any good at this? Am I doing okay? Or am I a failure?” They’re the kind of questions that you don’t really talk about and, honestly, do your best not to think about too often lest they make you spiral. You try to rationalize and reassure yourself, but they’re always there.
This book is all about looking those questions square in the face. The answer it gives isn’t an indictment, nor is it reassurance. It’s simply solidarity. It’s a sensitive but unflinching reminder that you are not alone, that you are not the only one who questions yourself, that you are not the only one stumbling through life trying to figure out who you are, what to do, and what that means for who you want to be. Sometimes you do that well. Sometimes you do it poorly. We all do.
Beyond that, it’s also a reminder to look beyond yourself, to remember that the people you find complicated, confusing, or outright infuriating are struggling with their own versions of the same questions. As you read the stories of the men in this book, you will see glimpses of your brothers, fathers, friends, and even your enemies. You will see the lives of seeming strangers with empathy, intimacy, and just enough distance to understand them. In the process, you will (hopefully) be able to better understand yourself and those close to you.
The specific is universal, and that is what this book promises you. It’s the story of four specific men, yes, but it’s also the story of every man who is trying to figure out what it means to be a man. It’s the story of them and it’s the story of you.
This book is all about looking those questions square in the face. The answer it gives isn’t an indictment, nor is it reassurance. It’s simply solidarity. It’s a sensitive but unflinching reminder that you are not alone, that you are not the only one who questions yourself, that you are not the only one stumbling through life trying to figure out who you are, what to do, and what that means for who you want to be. Sometimes you do that well. Sometimes you do it poorly. We all do.
Beyond that, it’s also a reminder to look beyond yourself, to remember that the people you find complicated, confusing, or outright infuriating are struggling with their own versions of the same questions. As you read the stories of the men in this book, you will see glimpses of your brothers, fathers, friends, and even your enemies. You will see the lives of seeming strangers with empathy, intimacy, and just enough distance to understand them. In the process, you will (hopefully) be able to better understand yourself and those close to you.
The specific is universal, and that is what this book promises you. It’s the story of four specific men, yes, but it’s also the story of every man who is trying to figure out what it means to be a man. It’s the story of them and it’s the story of you.
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