The Company We Keep: Friendship, Connection, and Redefining What It Means to Grow Together

by Alexandra Elle

From New York Times bestselling author Alexandra Elle comes a vulnerable and necessary exploration of the friendships that shape us, stretch us, and sometimes wound us—and how our healing demands that we face them all with clarity and courage

The Company We Keep is a call to reflection and action, offering readers permission to evolve—and reminding us that the people we surround ourselves with are not only mirrors, but key companions on the lifelong journey of healing, self-trust, and belonging. Elle shares her unflinching journey of learning to stop abandoning herself in the name of loyalty, to take ownership of the energy she brought into relationships, and to tell the truth—even when it cost her comfort. In choosing herself without apology, she reclaimed her peace, self-trust, and capacity for deeper love.

This book invites readers to get radically honest about the friendships they nurture and the ones they outgrow, offering hard-won wisdom when people-pleasing and self-silencing have become a pattern. Understanding that honesty—while sometimes painful—is a bridge to real intimacy or necessary endings.Taking full responsibility for how we show up in our friendships and communities.Releasing the belief that we must earn love by shrinking, tolerating, or fixing others.Creating personal vows that honor our healing, our boundaries, and the relationships that nourish us.
The Company We Keep is not just about nurturing our most meaningful friendships—it’s about becoming a better friend to ourselves first. It’s a guide for anyone ready to stop settling for half-hearted connections and start building a life rooted in honesty, wholeness, and mutual care.

Genres: Nonfiction, Friendship, Relationships, Self Help, Mental Health, Psychology, Audiobook

256 pages, Hardcover

Published May 19, 2026

About the author

Alexandra Elle is a writer and creative living in the Washington, DC metro area with her husband and daughter. In her pre-teen years, writing came into her life by way of therapy and the exploration of healing. Many years later, Alex's voice and words are being shared poetically in the form of self-love and self-care. Her passion for storytelling, poetry, and narrative writing are infused with life lessons, self-celebration, and building community through reading, writing, and language.

Reviews

[aqilahreads · Rating 4 out of 5]

"𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦, 𝘸𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘸𝘦 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘸𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘷𝘢𝘭𝘶𝘦𝘴, 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴"

i genuinely believe books find us when we need them most... and this was one of them. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

i first came across @alex_elle's words while trying to navigate the quiet, bittersweet space of a friendship that had drifted, even though the care i have for them remains.

truthfully, i don't think i've fully made sense of it even now but somehow every post i came across put words to feelings i couldn't quite explain. eventually, that journey led me to her book :'-)

#thecompanywekeep is a beautiful reflection on friendship, love, boundaries, grief & the quiet courage it takes to choose relationships that leave us feeling seen, safe & cared for.

when #alexelle wrote abt unexpectedly seeing someone's name & realising... "it still hurts," i had to pause. i could relate to that feeling more than i wanted to. it reminded me that healing isn't always abt forgetting someone. sometimes it's learning to carry the memories more gently while quietly wishing them peace from afar.

what touched me most was the reminder that not every relationship is meant to last forever. some ppl are only meant to be part of our story for a season & that will never erase the love, laughter & gratitude i have for the chapter we shared.

if i'm being completely honest, this season of life has felt really heavy. it reminded me that healing isn't abt pretending you're okay. it's abt giving yourself permission to feel what you need to feel & trusting that peace will come in its own time.

more than anything, this book reminded me that Allah knows best. there are moments i'll probably never fully understand but maybe i don't have to. maybe this journey was gently bringing me closer to Him, reminding me to place my trust in His plans. alhamdulillah, always.

and maybe, healing isn't about having all the answers. it's about learning to honour our hearts - and the people who have crossed our paths - with a little more gentleness each passing day.

💚🌱

[Bassmh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listened to the audio version.
Very gentle approach to forming secure connections.

[Laura Mohammed · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Overtime, we begin to understand that the company we keep is a reflection of how well we honor our values, our boundaries, and our hearts.”

[kiriahsbookshelf · Rating 5 out of 5]

so many experiences that I’ve experienced myself and I’ve felt seen and validated throughout the book. so many good gems. always been a fan of Alex Elle!

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this up because I follow alexandra elle on IG and have appreciated her wisdom over the years!

lovely book where she shares nuggets of wisdom on the ebbs and flows of friendship in her life. most of it orbits around her own experiences— so reads memoir-ish.

mostly on the importance of 1) clarity for yourself on what you can/can’t do as you 2) graciously try to build relationships w/ ppl around you, 3) while you are worthy of reciprocal and healthy friendships.

“being deliberate in our friendships—choosing to show up with clarity, care, and courage— is an emotional muscle that requires practice. it’s not something we master overnight, or maybe ever. but it takes honesty, repair, and a willingness to keep tending to the relationships that matter with intentionality.”

as someone in ministry, i read this through the lenses of chosen friendship, knowing that 1) some community isn’t chosen (Jesus brings people to the table and there are particular invitations there), and 2) there may be seasons of tending to relationship(s) that aren’t reciprocal by ways of partnering with God using our hands + feet...

[Emily (emsalwaysreading) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Book #54 of 2026!

This is a solid 3.5 star read for me. A very short and concise non-fiction book about navigating friendships, connections, and learning how to seek the relationships that you want. I think we need more book about friendships, especially from a therapeutic lens, and I am grateful that this author would offer her expertise and wisdom about this topic. I enjoyed reading this, however did not find it to be especially memorable or offer any newer insights. I think this would be a good read for someone who wants to feel less alone in their search for meaningful connections. However, I think if you are wanting a more guided focus with prompts, exercises, and encouragement, Modern Friendship by Anna Goldfarb should be your next read!

Thank you to @prhaudio for the #gifted audiobook!

[Cindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

So many experiences that I've had myself. I felt supported and seen. It validated every friendship I ended in various ways and reminded me to move forward with integrity and vulnerability in current and future friendships.

[Morgan Kusse · Rating 4 out of 5]

she’s a cutie. an ez read especially after getting back into the self help books. sometimes a little repetitive, but overall not bad with plenty of valuable points.

[Jonne Gerbig · Rating 4 out of 5]

i loved how this book made me reflect on my current friendships. some of the advice became repetitive and boring to read but overall i feel like i would use some of the tools and tips in the future!

[Ylenia Damiani · Rating 4 out of 5]

Secure attachments all around

[Ava Menoni · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book was so healing and it came at the perfect time!! perfect for post grad girlies trying to figure out how they fit into their new lives and community. highly highly recommend the audiobook 💜

[Nora Nora · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5
Objectively there’s nothing wrong with this book, but if you’ve read other books on healthy communication/ conflict resolution/ overcoming people pleasing tendencies, I personally don’t think this book will add anything new.

[ZY · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5/5, rounded up to 4. Generally agree with the lessons learnt - very relatable, and were the things I had to learn/experience in my 20s. I appreciated the author's reflections, short stories which illustrated her point, and the guiding questions at the end of every chapter. That said, I felt like some parts felt very ~stream of consciousness~ like I was reading someone's journal entry. Easy, comforting and pleasant read nonetheless, and worth reading especially as there are not many such books on friendships.

[Felicia A. Collins · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book, and there’s a lot here worth appreciating. Like most people, I’ve watched relationships come and go over the years — shifting with the ebb and flow of life, ending sometimes naturally, sometimes painfully. Reading this, though, I realized the author and I just land in different places on the friendship spectrum.

My own style leans quiet and knowing — the kind of friendship secure enough in its foundation that it can go quiet when life gets hectic, without that quiet meaning anything is wrong. Assuming the best of intentions in my friends. Ones where no matter how long it’s been, the conversation flows and the connection feels grounding - bringing you back to yourself. Life is busy, friendships wax and wane, and to me that’s simply part of the deal. I believe even the research shows most friendship last an average of 10 yrs. It’s totally natural to fall away from people at times. The author’s approach leans more toward active, frequent check-ins and explicit conversations about needs — which is a completely valid way to build closeness, just not the frequency I’d naturally gravitate toward, either giving or receiving. To me when life gets tough the added pressure to also check in frequently or reply to every call to action and the emotion of that would simply be too much. That’s the beauty of it: there’s a friendship style for everyone, and this book will land differently depending on where you fall on that spectrum.

Content-wise, nothing here felt groundbreaking — it’s largely about reciprocity in relationships. But I did take away a genuinely useful prompt: pay attention to who shows up when you are in need. I also related to the author’s reflections on her own strength sometimes being mistaken for not needing support, and her point about the importance of speaking up and asking for what you need rather than assuming people can read your mind.

Overall I agreed with most of the underlying points — I just experienced the many personal stories of serious, clarifying conversations about relations with friends as a style more intense than mine. Mine runs a little less serious, a little more low-key. Different wiring, neither wrong.

[Kenitra · Rating 5 out of 5]

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Listen @alex_elle is my unofficial therapist when it comes to fixing my life, she just had a way with words and putting things into perspective for me. All of her books and journals have been Major helpful in me getting my life together. This past year I have been dealing with falling out of friendships and dealing with navigating my life on if I want to try to fix things with old friends or just let things be. And after reading this book and answering the reflection questions I know some relationships are just meant to be what they are and some are worth trying to fix. She breaks down relationships fro friends,family, and relationships. She go into details about her situation and some of the ones she helped others with. This book really help me start to journal my thoughts and really put something into perspective for my life and what I wanna do. Mostly helped me get the ball rolling and showed me there are better ways to communicate my feelings and my wants and needs when it comes to others. I really enjoyed this book and for sure will be reading/ listening to it a few more times because I wanna make sure I’m using the tools that she set in this books to help me with my life. The audiobook do come with a PDF you can download that’s going to be really helpful in your journaling as well.
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I gave this book 5 stars because I really feel like this book is helpful and once people read it and take into consideration what she is teaching it can help so many people out in was you didn’t know you needed help.

[Ta-Kara · Rating 5 out of 5]

🎧I have been following Alexandra on IG for over a year. Her videos would pop up on my TL. Her message was so powerful yet delivered with such care and elegance. When I saw she was dropping this book, I knew I had to get it. Although I knew I was going to listen on audio, especially because she narrated it. I purchased a physical book as well. About a year ago, I left behind the friend group. I was apart for over 10 years. The connections weren't fulfilling me anymore. They began to fill very surface based. It was more me, because I was changing. I craved more. This book validates a lot of the thoughts and feelings I have experienced. Some connections are worth having a conversation, and some are not. There may be times when the connection is just for season or lesson. This book will certainly provide tools on how to navigate each phase or scenario. It will definitely remain in my resource bag.

[Lindsey K Payne · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 ✨️I saw myself in a lot of these stories. Some that I wish I had the better language and confidence to address concerns back then and others, trying to formulate how I will have these conversations. I will take more time to deeply go through the reflection questions at each chapter and the check in.

While some things were repetitive, I think it's the notion that sometimes we have to hear things more than 1 or 2x to really have it sink in. And if you are in the midst of this friendship journey, you need to the reminders and reassurance.

I personally have some great friendships... ones that can honestly go months without real conversations and we pick up just fine. And I'm grateful for those. Yet, I do recognize how much life can change and trying to catch up is alot. A few of those friends and I have already begun to be more intentional about checking in and staying connected.

I hope whatever journey you may be on.. this will help.

[Bailey Young · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked up the Company We Keep during a hard period in my life, where I have been feeling disconnected, isolated, and numb in many of my relationships. The title intrigued me and I knew that Alexandra Elle was a gifted storyteller. The book did not disappoint and left me walking away feeling seen, heard, and able to be more vulnerable, both with myself and with others. Through years of protective mechanisms and trauma, I struggled with how to select the "Company I Keep" but Elle's book gave me clarity and confidence to seek greater intimacy and greater depth in my relationships, welcoming and inviting people to meet me where I am, and asking for the same from them in return. This book is a phenomenal guide, a beautiful self-growth journey, and a stimulating read that kept me hooked. I can't reccommend this book enough for any stage of life and can confidently say that your perspective on your relationships will change for the better after reading this.

[Jessica Delgado · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book came into my life at the perfect time. 💙 As I’ve been navigating friendships, boundaries, and what healthy community really looks like, this felt like exactly what I needed.

The Company We Keep is an easy, practical read about building meaningful friendships through vulnerability, communication, boundaries, and mutual growth. It challenged me not only to think about the friendships I have, but also about the kind of friend I am.

One of my biggest takeaways was that healthy friendships require honesty, reciprocity, and the willingness to grow on both sides. I walked away with a lot to reflect on, and I know it’ll shape the way I approach friendships moving forward. Highly recommend if you’re in a season of evaluating your relationships.

[Kaitlin · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐️ - This was our bookclub pick of the month! I enjoyed her perspective and insightfulness. I really wish a book like this had been available to me in my early twenties where I really struggled to navigate friendships!

I liked the reflections and thought she had many valid points to offer. However, I did disagree with healing in hibernation and sometimes wonder how her communication style would fit into my friendships.

[Jorie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was good. It’s a reflection of and a reminder of the company we keep. If you have dealt with one-sided friendships, ghosting friends, or friendship grief, this covers a little bit of everything, while helping you navigate through differences, feelings, communicating, care, self worth and securing connections. It’s quick, the audiobook is only five hours. I enjoy the author as the narrator. I want to purchase a copy to highlight and go back through reflections.

[Rhonda Lomazow · Rating 4 out of 5]

Alexandra Earle has written an excellent guide about friendship about knowing when to continue a friendship and when it’s time to let go. How we owe ourselves the honesty the vulnerability to know when to protect ourselves. There are thoughts to reflect on after each chapter.Thanks #tarcherbooks for my advance copy.

[Bea · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been following Alex Elle for a decade, since I picked up her zine-looking “Words from a Wonderer” and when I found out she was writing a book about relationships (both romantic and otherwise), I had to read it.

Lots of great messages that hit the spot now, in the middle of this era of friendship turmoil (drained, sad).

I am not big on self help books but I liked this one. I recommend.

[Zakkiyya · Rating 5 out of 5]

I could read this book over & over again. Alexandra Elle just has a way with words and she just says everything you need to hear and things you don't think you need hear but you do. The older you get you value just true and loyal friendships. It took me a long time to read it because it his so close to me & made me realize so many things. There is something for everyone in this book trust me.

[Jailynne Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

I stumbled across this author on IG and immediately listened to her audiobook. This was such a good book for someone in their 20s and 30s navigating friendships. This is also good for the recovering people pleaser like myself! Good lessons on when to do more and when to let go. I enjoyed this book a lot and recommend it to anyone who cares to improve their friendships.

[Candy · Rating 4 out of 5]

We all deserve friendships built on trust and honesty. Elle offers writing prompts and other suggestions to point the way.

[Paige · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anyone who has friends and values friendship (particularly female friendship) should give this one a read ❤️ loveeeee that this includes journal prompts!

[🪷 · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wish we all had a copy of this book in our 20s! I feel like there isn’t nearly enough dialogue on female friendships as there are on romantic relationships and I’m so glad this now exists!

[Tori Carter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good reminder for my current season.

[Meg · Rating 5 out of 5]

queen Alex Elle at it again