"To rank the effort above the prize may be called love."
I never know how to describe a Jennifer Hartmann book. I could tell you the whole story of this one, and it wouldn’t be enough because her books are an experience. A feeling. And they stick with you.
I was one of those who wanted to read Gabe and Tabitha’s story. Thank you, Jennifer.
"Love at first sight isn’t a real thing—I know that. But there is certainly a something at first sight."
If you read Still Beating and Lotus (btw, you should before reading this one!), you’ll know these two characters. You’ll know there’s something going on between them, and while you know their past, you don’t exactly know where they’re going.
So… buckle up.
"What if I lose you?"
"I’m already lost. I need to go there to come back."
Tabitha’s had a harrowing experience at the hands of the Matchmaker, and she was the only person he’s ever allowed to escape. But while her body escaped, part of her is still down in that basement, and she’ll never be able to be herself again until she allows herself to go there again.
To take back what’s been stolen from her.
"My arms don’t question it. They only know how to hold her."
While she has friends, she has Gabe too, and Gabe is… well… everything. He’s there for her. He’s there for Hope, her daughter. He’s there when she’s happy, and he’s her shoulder to cry on when she crumbles. He’s her soft place to land.
He’s so in love with her that it’s both beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time.
"Why do you still want me? What are you waiting for?"
You see, Tabitha doesn’t see herself as worthy. She thinks she’s being selfish by leaning on Gabe because… what could she possibly give him? She’s not even a whole person anymore.
Me? I just see her as real. Too real. And strong. Because no one weak would be able to relive those awful times and come back.
"I’m being so damn reckless. And I think, maybe… It’s within the reckless moments that we truly live."
While she shares her story with a writer, even though it hurts, the healing process begins. She finds herself wishing for more, needing more, realizing she can have more—if only she allows herself to be happy.
To be loved. And to love back.
"The world falls away when he’s near. My demons scatter, taking to the shadows when I’m in his arms."
While Jennifer masterfully spins two love stories in one book, there’s other stuff going on. It’s not only her secrets coming to light—Gabe has a few of his own too. And like any secret out there, it has the power to destroy.
"I see you, Gabe," she murmurs on a sleep-laced breath. "I only see you."
I loved how the story progressed. Don’t get me wrong, it was heartbreaking to witness this kind of raw feeling, but it was also very honest. Two people who are in love with each other and have no idea where to go from there. He loves her more than anything. She loves him back, but she doesn’t know what to do with that love.
And they hurt each other because they love each other.
"I’ll take your leftover pieces. I’ll cherish those pieces. And I’ll spend my whole damn life doing everything in my power to make your heart whole again."
You need to know there’s an HEA. It can’t rain forever. And like any love forged in fire, theirs is one that’s meant to last. And while Gabe fights for her most of the book, she fights for him too when he needs her to—because he helped her find the strength she always had inside her.
"That’s what love is. It’s finding that perfectly imperfect person that complements your heart, that brightens your shadows, that sees your broken, mismatched parts and wants to spend the rest of their life piecing them into place. And even if those pieces never fully fit, they love you anyway. They love you more."
And fuck me, I’m crying because these specific words carry a lot of meaning for me.
Some people come into your life to ground you, while others will help you soar. Like Gabe, they will hold your hand and tell you not to be afraid. They will be there for you, whatever happens. They will fly along with you, telling you not to look down. That you got this.
Because, like Tabitha, you’re not alone anymore. Just keep flying.
Together, just like them.