Unsingle: How to Date Smarter and Create Love That Lasts

by Amy Chan

Stop waiting for luck and start building a skill. From the "scientific Carrie Bradshaw" and founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp comes a revolutionary, psychology-based roadmap to ending dating frustration and finding a partnership that actually sticks.

If you feel like you’re stuck in a loop of "Groundhog Day" dates, stalled situationships, or "spark" that leads nowhere, you don’t need more apps―you need a better system.

Relationship expert Amy Chan has helped thousands of singles transform their love lives by identifying one hard truth: Most people aren't failing at love because of their personality; they're failing because they're stuck in outdated patterns.

In Unsingle, Chan introduces the Dating Funnel framework―a step-by-step strategy that pinpoints exactly where you are getting stuck and how to fix it. Blending neuroscience, behavioral psychology, and her signature "Chief Heart Hacker" wit, Chan provides the tools to move from casual chemistry to committed compatibility.

Inside, you’ll discover:

* The Dating Funnel: A practical system to filter for quality matches and go from "situationship" to serious partnership.
* Chemistry vs. Compatibility: Why "instant sparks" are often red flags and how to look for the traits that actually predict a healthy, lasting future.
* Pattern Interruption: How to identify the subconscious attachment styles and emotional blocks that keep you dating the same (wrong) person.
* The "Character Game": Why dating is a personality game, but maintaining a relationship is a character game―and how to master both.

Whether you are healing from a past breakup or ready to navigate the modern dating world with fresh eyes, Unsingle is your wake-up call. It’s time to stop settling for romantic chaos and start building the love you truly deserve.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help

336 pages, Hardcover

Published April 28, 2026

About the author

Amy Chan is a leading expert in social and relational skills and the author of the bestselling Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart.

She founded Renew Breakup Bootcamp, the world’s first science-based heartbreak retreat, and has been dubbed “a scientific Carrie Bradshaw” by The Observer.

Amy has taught at Google, YouTube, has guest lectured at Columbia University, and is faculty at Esalen and The Omega Institute. Her work has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The New Yorker, The Guardian, USA Today, on Good Morning America, The Today Show and more.

USINGLE: How to Date Smarter and Create Love That Lasts is Amy’s latest book, publishing in April 2026.

Reviews

[Meg.RecsBooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

audio / netgalley

I would like to start this off by saying I learned a lot about myself while listening to this book. Amy did an excellent job of narrating and the amount of research and thought that went into this book was incredible. I really enjoyed the different testimonies and comparisons of how different relationships can look, and how to figure out what it is that is missing for you and from you. I will definitely be referring this book to others, and referencing it in years to come. I appreciated in the final chapters, different advice of how to keep a relationship going how it evolves overtime, and different things that you can do make a difference.

Thank you to NetGalley and dreamscape publishing for the opportunity to listen to and review this book. It is always an honor.

[Jen Glantz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Most dating books give you vague advice. Unsingle actually gives you a system.

Amy Chan cuts through the noise and shows you why you’re stuck in the same dating patterns and how to break them.

The biggest takeaway? Those “sparks” you keep chasing might be the very thing leading you wrong.

It’s honest, smart, and a little confronting in the best way. If you’re tired of situationships and mixed signals, this book doesn’t just explain why, it shows you how to finally do things differently.

[Michelle S.]

I really enjoyed this audiobook and found it genuinely helpful. I loved that Amy Chan includes actual exercises and reflective prompts that felt practical and therapeutic instead of preachy. It honestly felt like an accessible therapy session that both single people and those in relationships could take something from.

The author also narrates the audiobook herself and does a great job. I’m really glad I picked this one up. This felt like therapy so it was hard to rate so I didn’t rate it

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I give this 5 stars in the dating/relationship category, especially for experienced daters.

[Kuu · Rating 2 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for this ALC.

Someone on Goodreads mentioned the techbro self optimisation vibe of this book, and I definitely agree. Sadly. Because I am not a fan of techbro self optimisation kind of books. I really don't know what I expected, but the author treats dating like a mathematical problem, something you can solve by just having the correct method, following step 1, 2, 3 and boom, it works. This book, in my opinion, very much ignores the fact that people are... well, people, and they have unique personalities and make irrational decisions, and you can't "construct" or "deliberately build" your way into finding a person you want to date and who wants to date you, too. The most useful advice of this book is something you'd learn in any basic therapy lesson or also a bazillion different TikToks, namely that you need to figure out yourself and the background for potential patterns in your dating life. That's not revolutionary at all. I feel like everyone knows this by now.

This book doesn't have any unique, useful advice, and the author views people like technological problems with straightforward solutions, which doesn't sit right with me. I can't speak to the potential usefulness of her funnel system, because I just couldn't concentrate on it enough because I kept thinking that this is like. Interpersonal relationships she is talking about. Not a computer. You can self-optimise yourself as much as you want, it still might not work out, because the other person in the equation is also a real living person with their own personality. Idk. I just don't think we should view dating as an optimisation problem, like an algorithm to be fixed. I might be taking this way too seriously though, and someone else might enjoy this book a lot more.

[Kollin Holzwart · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amy Chan’s Unsingled came into my life at the right time. What I appreciated most was how it encourages you to step out of old patterns, be honest with yourself, and have the courage to pursue the life and love you truly deserve.

This isn’t a surface-level dating book. It’s a thoughtful and empowering guide for anyone wanting to heal, grow, and approach relationships with more intention and self-respect. Amy challenges you to be bold enough to choose a better future instead of repeating the past.

[Jess VIDAL · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great fresh take on dating in this new era and the relationship lifecycle, not just romantic but of all kinds. I flew through this book. Great insights backed with scientific proof, we love to see this and I think this book will help a lot of people.

[Truly Nicx · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been single for 3 years now, and honestly Amy's books helped me understand myself, my dating patterns, and my relationships in a more realistic way. After reading Breakup Bootcamp and UNSINGLE, I started noticing the unhealthy patterns and beliefs I kept repeating without realizing it.

I like that the books are easy to understand and don’t feel overly complicated or preachy. It talks about dating, heartbreak, attachment styles, healing, self-worth, and healthy relationships in a way that actually makes sense in real life. Some parts honestly felt too relatable. 😅

It really helped me reflect on myself and see things more clearly instead of only focusing on the other person. I learned a lot, and I’m hoping I can apply the things I learned when I start dating again someday.

If you’re healing from heartbreak, trying to move on, or wanting healthier relationships, I definitely recommend these books.

[Lydia Paulina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unsingle is such a refreshing, no-BS take on dating and relationships. It goes way deeper than surface-level advice and really helps you understand your patterns, your past, and how to actually create healthier love moving forward. It feels grounded, insightful, and empowering without being preachy. Highly recommend for anyone who’s ready to do the inner work and approach dating in a more intentional, self-aware way.


I love the way Amy also weaves personal stories and experiences. It makes you feel like she gets you!

[Alex Memus · Rating 3 out of 5]

A female counterpart to Day Bang: one third awfully written Amy Chan lore, one third the author’s unhealthy delusions, and one third actually helpful dating advice — namely, the funnel/stage framework.

[Anita Chan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm married, so when this popped up in my recommendations I almost scrolled right past it. But I heard Amy on a podcast and she seemed to have a lot of insights for all types of relationship stages.

This book peeled back patterns I've been running on autopilot for years, even inside my marriage. The way the author breaks down why we're drawn to certain dynamics and how we confuse intensity with intimacy made me realize I'd been recreating old wounds in small, invisible ways with the person I love most.

The frameworks aren't just about meeting people. They gave me language for things I couldn't find words for to say to my husband. We actually went through parts of it together one night and had the most honest conversation we've had in a long time.  one of the most useful books I've read in years, and I wasn't even the target audience.

[Rebecca Pino · Rating 5 out of 5]

She is awesome! Amazing content super helpful!

[Andrew Namanny · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a single man in NYC, this was incredibly insightful.

[Alice · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read a LOT of self-help books. Most sound the same: love yourself first, manifest your soulmate, the right person will come when you least expect it. Unsingle is NOT that book. It might be the one that finally breaks the self-help genre open and forces it to grow up and become interesting again.

Amy Chan has written something rare: a dating book that respects your intelligence. Instead of drowning you in dry statistics or trotting out the tired "love yourself first" platitude (thank god), she roots every insight in real stories: her own, her clients', and the messy, recognizable patterns most of us have lived through. The science is there (so it's not just mumbo jumbo) but it's woven through stories in a way that makes it land.

Her core framework (Dating Funnel) pinpoints exactly where you're getting stuck. Once you can see your pattern, you can't unsee it. And once you can't unsee it, you can actually do something about it.

Amy isn't selling a fantasy: She's saying: you have a pattern, here's the research behind why, and here's how to interrupt it. Tough love, real warmth, zero fluff, RESULTS!

The book I'll be recommending for years.

[suradha]

It's a pretty good self help book and doesn't try to get you to buy into the author's courses and retreats which is immediately promising. I think it's suited to people who are tired of dating but feel the need to pursue it doggedly- someone very much unlike me. However, the system the author proposes is compelling enough that I'd recommend it to anyone looking for a way out of dating app purgatory. I personally think the book gets a little weaker and repetitive in the last 25%, much a failure of the genre as a whole for trying to compress half baked ideas into a book to call it an end-to-end solution. The book will not sit right with people who don't want a data driven experience with dating, and the smell of techbro self optimization lingers all through the book. I think it was very compelling for the most part and for a distinctly self-help book to be able to do this is testament to the not insignificant skill of the author.

Thanks NetGalley for an advanced listener's copy.

[Selena Soo · Rating 5 out of 5]

A refreshing, systematic way to approach dating without the overwhelm

Dating can feel overwhelming, especially when it’s treated as something that should “just happen.” What I appreciated most about Unsingle is how Amy Chan breaks dating down into five clear phases, giving structure to a process that often feels confusing and emotionally draining.

By walking readers through discovery, evaluation, commitment, and retention, the book helps you see exactly where you might be getting stuck—and what to do differently. The Dating Funnel framework is practical, easy to understand, and empowering. It shifts you from reacting to dating to making intentional choices with your time and energy.

This book is refreshing, actionable, and grounded. If you want a smarter, more thoughtful approach to dating, Unsingle delivers!

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been in a relationship for over a decade, so I didn't think a dating book had anything to offer me. I was wrong.
What caught me off guard is how much of this book reads like a memoir. Amy's own story pulls you in, and you start seeing yourself in it before you even realize what's happening. By the time I got to the section on attachment styles, I had to put the book down for a minute. I recognized habits I've been carrying since long before my partner and I even met. Things I thought were just "how I am" turned out to be patterns I picked up way earlier and never questioned.
Nobody tells you that being in a long relationship doesn't mean you've done the work. Sometimes it just means you found someone patient enough to tolerate what you haven't looked at yet. This book made me want to actually look at it.

[Kairi · Rating 4 out of 5]

very unique, realistic, yet empathetic approach to relationships. book follows the author’s own experiences, stories of her clients, and skills necessary as a date progresses to a new relationship to a long term relationship. includes footnotes of research citations. nonfiction but not a dry read. many prompts and activities for readers to follow and practice hands-on.

book is a nice break from unrealistic and unproductive dating advice given online. author talks about how “if he wanted to he would” isn’t always applicable as this assumes all men know what to do, how to do it, and when to do it.

her stories of her previous relationship fails and anxiety/anger triggers made author feel relatable.

clear writing. doesnt try to write in a way that is overly colloquial like a lot of nonfiction books now, a style that i find infantilizing and annoying.

[Shaire · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have followed Amy’s writing since Just My Type, and I was never disappointed then, and I’m still not now as I make my way through Unsingle. It’s an easy-to-follow read just as much as a MUST read, whether single or not. Amy’s honesty is always much needed in today’s world of relationships and dating.

[Stephanie Thoma · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simply excellent. Stories from Amy’s past and her clients illustrated scientific research of creating and maintaining love relationships and what gets in the way. For anyone on a path to finding their person, who has read all of the classics and the latest in pop psych, Amy Chan’s Unsingle lends a fresh perspective with added depth. A must-read.

[Catherine A · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very relateable, inspiring and honest

[Evelyn Baeza]

Amazing book! Amy thank you for a book that doesn’t make me feel like I’m alone in the dating world. But instead provides approaches and questions to myself about the dating world. So thank you Amy!

[yumi · Rating 4 out of 5]

insightful, actionable, and real - like going to dating therapy

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had the privilege of reading an advanced copy and loved it so much! "Unsingle" provides guidance for the person who is seeking more (healthy) love in their life, including a suggested 'process' to experiment with for dating.

This systematic guide is so helpful for a brain like mine, that loves a way to break down a large goal into bitesize actions. I saw myself in so much of what Amy shared about her own story, had many 'AHA' moments, and have told all my single girlfriends to run and read ASAP! An actually helpful book on creating & keeping love in your life.