The Company We Keep: Friendship, Connection, and Redefining What It Means to Grow Together

by Alexandra Elle

“In a time of increasing loneliness, this book provides a steady guide, teaching us how to foster closeness, show up intentionally, and genuinely care for the people in our lives."—Nedra Glover Tawwab, author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace

From New York Times bestselling author Alexandra Elle comes a vulnerable exploration of the friendships that shape us, stretch us, and sometimes wound us. With her trademark wisdom and storytelling, Alex invites us not only to celebrate but to examine the relationships in our lives, from the ones that matter most to those we should re-evaluate.

This book offers hard-won wisdom when people-pleasing and self-silencing have become a pattern.Understanding that honesty—while sometimes painful—is a bridge to real intimacy or necessary endings.Letting go of the belief that we earn love by shrinking ourselves.Honor the sacred friendships that restore and heal us.
The Company We Keep offers readers permission to evolve in their friendships and reminds us that the people we surround ourselves with are not only mirrors, but key companions on the lifelong journey of healing, self-trust, and belonging. Alex shares her unflinching journey of learning to stop abandoning herself in the name of loyalty, to take ownership of the energy she brought into relationships, and to tell the truth—even when it cost her comfort. The Company We Keep is not just about cultivating our most meaningful friendships—it’s about becoming a better friend to ourselves first.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Friendship, Relationships, Psychology, Mental Health, Audiobook

244 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 19, 2026

About the author

Alexandra Elle is a writer and creative living in the Washington, DC metro area with her husband and daughter. In her pre-teen years, writing came into her life by way of therapy and the exploration of healing. Many years later, Alex's voice and words are being shared poetically in the form of self-love and self-care. Her passion for storytelling, poetry, and narrative writing are infused with life lessons, self-celebration, and building community through reading, writing, and language.

Reviews

[kiriahsbookshelf]

so many experiences that I’ve experienced myself and I’ve felt seen and validated throughout the book. so many good gems. always been a fan of Alex Elle!

[aqilahreads]

"𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦, 𝘸𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘸𝘦 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘸𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘷𝘢𝘭𝘶𝘦𝘴, 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴"

i genuinely believe books find us when we need them most... and this was one of them. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

i first came across @alex_elle's words while trying to navigate the quiet, bittersweet space of a friendship that had drifted, even though the care i have for them remains.

truthfully, i don't think i've fully made sense of it even now but somehow every post i came across put words to feelings i couldn't quite explain. eventually, that journey led me to her book :'-)

#thecompanywekeep is a beautiful reflection on friendship, love, boundaries, grief & the quiet courage it takes to choose relationships that leave us feeling seen, safe & cared for.

when #alexelle wrote abt unexpectedly seeing someone's name & realising... "it still hurts," i had to pause. i could relate to that feeling more than i wanted to. it reminded me that healing isn't always abt forgetting someone. sometimes it's learning to carry the memories more gently while quietly wishing them peace from afar.

what touched me most was the reminder that not every relationship is meant to last forever. some ppl are only meant to be part of our story for a season & that will never erase the love, laughter & gratitude i have for the chapter we shared.

if i'm being completely honest, this season of life has felt really heavy. it reminded me that healing isn't abt pretending you're okay. it's abt giving yourself permission to feel what you need to feel & trusting that peace will come in its own time.

more than anything, this book reminded me that Allah knows best. there are moments i'll probably never fully understand but maybe i don't have to. maybe this journey was gently bringing me closer to Him, reminding me to place my trust in His plans. alhamdulillah, always.

and maybe, healing isn't about having all the answers. it's about learning to honour our hearts - and the people who have crossed our paths - with a little more gentleness each passing day.

💚🌱

[Bassmh]

Listened to the audio version.
Very gentle approach to forming secure connections.

[Laura Mohammed]

“Overtime, we begin to understand that the company we keep is a reflection of how well we honor our values, our boundaries, and our hearts.”

[Emily (emsalwaysreading)]

Book #54 of 2026!

This is a solid 3.5 star read for me. A very short and concise non-fiction book about navigating friendships, connections, and learning how to seek the relationships that you want. I think we need more book about friendships, especially from a therapeutic lens, and I am grateful that this author would offer her expertise and wisdom about this topic. I enjoyed reading this, however did not find it to be especially memorable or offer any newer insights. I think this would be a good read for someone who wants to feel less alone in their search for meaningful connections. However, I think if you are wanting a more guided focus with prompts, exercises, and encouragement, Modern Friendship by Anna Goldfarb should be your next read!

Thank you to @prhaudio for the #gifted audiobook!

[Jalisa]

I liked that this book focused on friendship in an actionable way. How to assess the friendships in your life, how you show up as a friend, the alignment of your relationships, and how to release those friendships that are no longer in alignment. Alignment. There were good reflection questions and I left with some tools for how to think about friendship in my life.

That said, the book was repetitive in parts, but I took it as a "take the meat and leave the bones" situation. If you're not into self-help or journaling focused books, this might not be for you, but overall I think it's a solid resource.

[Jonne Gerbig]

i loved how this book made me reflect on my current friendships. some of the advice became repetitive and boring to read but overall i feel like i would use some of the tools and tips in the future!

[Kim]

I picked this up because I follow alexandra elle on IG and have appreciated her wisdom over the years!

lovely book where she shares nuggets of wisdom on the ebbs and flows of friendship in her life. most of it orbits around her own experiences— so reads memoir-ish.

mostly on the importance of 1) clarity for yourself on what you can/can’t do as you 2) graciously try to build relationships w/ ppl around you, 3) while you are worthy of reciprocal and healthy friendships.

“being deliberate in our friendships—choosing to show up with clarity, care, and courage— is an emotional muscle that requires practice. it’s not something we master overnight, or maybe ever. but it takes honesty, repair, and a willingness to keep tending to the relationships that matter with intentionality.”

as someone in ministry, i read this through the lenses of chosen friendship, knowing that 1) some community isn’t chosen (Jesus brings people to the table and there are particular invitations there), and 2) there may be seasons of tending to relationship(s) that aren’t reciprocal by ways of partnering with God using our hands + feet...

[ZY]

3.5/5, rounded up to 4. Generally agree with the lessons learnt - very relatable, and were the things I had to learn/experience in my 20s. I appreciated the author's reflections, short stories which illustrated her point, and the guiding questions at the end of every chapter. That said, I felt like some parts felt very ~stream of consciousness~ like I was reading someone's journal entry. Easy, comforting and pleasant read nonetheless, and worth reading especially as there are not many such books on friendships.

[Cindy]

So many experiences that I've had myself. I felt supported and seen. It validated every friendship I ended in various ways and reminded me to move forward with integrity and vulnerability in current and future friendships.

[Morgan Kusse]

she’s a cutie. an ez read especially after getting back into the self help books. sometimes a little repetitive, but overall not bad with plenty of valuable points.

[Ylenia Damiani]

Secure attachments all around

[Ava Menoni]

this book was so healing and it came at the perfect time!! perfect for post grad girlies trying to figure out how they fit into their new lives and community. highly highly recommend the audiobook 💜

[Felicia A. Collins]

I wanted to like this book, and there’s a lot here worth appreciating. Like most people, I’ve watched relationships come and go over the years — shifting with the ebb and flow of life, ending sometimes naturally, sometimes painfully. Reading this, though, I realized the author and I just land in different places on the friendship spectrum.

My own style leans quiet and knowing — the kind of friendship secure enough in its foundation that it can go quiet when life gets hectic, without that quiet meaning anything is wrong. Assuming the best of intentions in my friends. Ones where no matter how long it’s been, the conversation flows and the connection feels grounding - bringing you back to yourself. Life is busy, friendships wax and wane, and to me that’s simply part of the deal. I believe even the research shows most friendship last an average of 10 yrs. It’s totally natural to fall away from people at times. The author’s approach leans more toward active, frequent check-ins and explicit conversations about needs — which is a completely valid way to build closeness, just not the frequency I’d naturally gravitate toward, either giving or receiving. To me when life gets tough the added pressure to also check in frequently or reply to every call to action and the emotion of that would simply be too much. That’s the beauty of it: there’s a friendship style for everyone, and this book will land differently depending on where you fall on that spectrum.

Content-wise, nothing here felt groundbreaking — it’s largely about reciprocity in relationships. But I did take away a genuinely useful prompt: pay attention to who shows up when you are in need. I also related to the author’s reflections on her own strength sometimes being mistaken for not needing support, and her point about the importance of speaking up and asking for what you need rather than assuming people can read your mind.

Overall I agreed with most of the underlying points — I just experienced the many personal stories of serious, clarifying conversations about relations with friends as a style more intense than mine. Mine runs a little less serious, a little more low-key. Different wiring, neither wrong.

[Nora Nora]

2.5
Objectively there’s nothing wrong with this book, but if you’ve read other books on healthy communication/ conflict resolution/ overcoming people pleasing tendencies, I personally don’t think this book will add anything new.

[Kaitlin]

3.5 ⭐️ - This was our bookclub pick of the month! I enjoyed her perspective and insightfulness. I really wish a book like this had been available to me in my early twenties where I really struggled to navigate friendships!

I liked the reflections and thought she had many valid points to offer. However, I did disagree with healing in hibernation and sometimes wonder how her communication style would fit into my friendships.

[LadybugLoreNotes]

The Company We Keep by Alexander Elle gave me a lot of clarity moving forward and reminded me that we deserve to be in relationships with people who choose us, see us, and lovingly accept us.

Alexandra is absolutely right. We can't force alignment or communication as she wrote, "What we considered a meaningful or aligned connection might not resonate in the same way for someone else, and that's okay."

One thing I've learned from my personal experiences with friendships over the years is that if I even get the slightest feeling that I have to walk on eggshells or shrink myself around people, I'm done.

For a long time, I ignored my intuition, thinking, maybe it's just me. Looking back, I often wish I had listened to that feeling in the first place. I've always believed in giving people the benefit of the doubt and giving second chances. I still believe in grace and compassion but I've also learned that if there is a feeling that you can't quite explain, you shouldn't automatically dismiss it. Sometimes you just need to trust yourself.

Why force yourself to align with someone when something feels off. Energy doesn't lie. It's almost like forcing yourself to keep reading a book that simply doesn't resonate with you. Yes, Human beings are much more complex than books, of course, and relationships require patience, communication, honesty, and respect, but it doesn't mean we have to force a connection that no longer feel aligned.

At the end of the day, we have to decide what is best for ourselves. We have to know our own values, boundaries, needs, and goals and pay attention to if the friendship in our lives match them.

Alexandra offers excellent check-in questions to help us journal and reflect. There were a few that really stood out to me like asking if saying yes feel like a duty, if I am truly in a position to support someone without compromising my own well-being, and if I feel socially invited because I want to be there or because I feel obligated. These questions made me pause and look more honestly at my relationships.

I had to pause a few times while reading this book as I reflected on my own life and the friendships I have either lost, cut off or simply fade away as I evolved. I've been peeling back the layers of myself, trying to understand who I am, what I value, and what no longer aligns with my values or my goals.

One thing I know for sure is that I deeply value respect, honesty, authenticity, and accountability. I know I'm not perfect, but I work hard to prioritize myself, respect myself, and constantly remind myself that I matter. I am worthy. I deserve to be seen.

I'm sharing a few of favorite quotes and reminders from this book so I can look back on them and revisit them when I need to:

"Deciding to step away from relationships that are not healthy or in alignment isn't a failure. it's an act of self-preservation and self-respect." p. 126.

"Tiptoeing in our relationships is unhealthy and disruptive to our nervous system and peace of mind." p. 126

"Gratitude and grief can coexist...There are lessons and blessings in both." p. 129

There is one thing I'm still struggling with - certain friendships and relationships where some certain people behave or say something that shakes to my core, but later explained that they were sick, under stress, overwhelmed or because of their neurodivergence. I find myself wondering if there are enough conversations and books that explain the fine line between boundaries, grace, and compassion when we are in relationships with neurodivergent people. When someone has a different way of processing, communicating, or thinking, how do we know when to extend grace and compassion, and when is it no longer okay especially when there is a pattern?

That is a question I'm still asking myself.

I don't know if this was a coincidence or a sign from the Universe, but while I was pondering this question, I came across a post on Instagram from Dr. Caroline Leaf in an oddly timing. Sometimes, the words we need to hear find us at the exactly the right time, and it's something I want to save here so I can come back to it and remind myself when I need to:

"Someone hurting you once is a moment. Someone hurting you repeatedly is a pattern. Moments deserve grace. Patterns deserve breaking."

Thank you, Alexandra, for this beautiful work. This book clocked it in many ways that it reminded me that choosing myself means accepting that not every relationship is meant to come with me into the next chapter of my life. Some relationships teach us through heir presence. Others teach us through their absence, and the most loving thing we can do for ourselves and for someone else is to let go with gratitude, grace, and self-respect.

[Kenitra]

|| B O O K R E V I E W ||
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Listen @alex_elle is my unofficial therapist when it comes to fixing my life, she just had a way with words and putting things into perspective for me. All of her books and journals have been Major helpful in me getting my life together. This past year I have been dealing with falling out of friendships and dealing with navigating my life on if I want to try to fix things with old friends or just let things be. And after reading this book and answering the reflection questions I know some relationships are just meant to be what they are and some are worth trying to fix. She breaks down relationships fro friends,family, and relationships. She go into details about her situation and some of the ones she helped others with. This book really help me start to journal my thoughts and really put something into perspective for my life and what I wanna do. Mostly helped me get the ball rolling and showed me there are better ways to communicate my feelings and my wants and needs when it comes to others. I really enjoyed this book and for sure will be reading/ listening to it a few more times because I wanna make sure I’m using the tools that she set in this books to help me with my life. The audiobook do come with a PDF you can download that’s going to be really helpful in your journaling as well.
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I gave this book 5 stars because I really feel like this book is helpful and once people read it and take into consideration what she is teaching it can help so many people out in was you didn’t know you needed help.

[JC]

[1.25/5]

This really did not work for me and I hate having to rate it this low. I'm not familiar with the author's other work, maybe her other formats feel different than this. Overall, this book felt like a lot of airing out her own past friendship issues with minimal self-reflection. I could have maybe overlooked that if there was actionable advice or takeaways, but I don't think I really got anything in that direction. Disappointing because the packaging and the description around moving away from friendship that doesn't serve us really appealed to me, but this did not stick the landing.

Also, maybe this is too harsh, but this is the most I have seen "I" sentences in a self-improvement book. Like, it was very noticeable, as though the author was journaling through it all with us. I do know that's her background, but in a book where the information goes outward, it felt very off-putting. The best parts of this were the journal prompts, which makes sense since that is her expertise; I think maybe this could have been stronger as a more guided journaling activity piece? I'm sure she's a lovely and caring person, but the book did not land with me. I suspect people who feel very connected to her other work will enjoy it more though.

[Marcie]

Just wow 😯 This book is exactly what I needed right at this moment. The Company We Keep explores friendship connections by having us examining ourselves and taking inventory of who and what is not working in our lives. Alexandra Elle pushed me to reveal ways in which I have been shrinking myself to be “less” in the company of someone I considered a friend. I love myself! I did my work and continue to heal- I can say that with honesty! So why am I allowing someone to throw shots at my character, my interests, my way of thinking- all under the guise of jokes!?

Friendships are hard at so many stages in our lives-making the connections we have just that much more meaningful. Elle encourages us to examine how we are showing up in our own lives and in others; to be honest about our needs, and to acknowledge when we are no longer in alignment with someone. Love this book 🥰 Mine is tabbed and highlighted to death. If you are struggling in your friendships, try this book. It gave me so much clarity and confirmation.

[Ta-Kara]

🎧I have been following Alexandra on IG for over a year. Her videos would pop up on my TL. Her message was so powerful yet delivered with such care and elegance. When I saw she was dropping this book, I knew I had to get it. Although I knew I was going to listen on audio, especially because she narrated it. I purchased a physical book as well. About a year ago, I left behind the friend group. I was apart for over 10 years. The connections weren't fulfilling me anymore. They began to fill very surface based. It was more me, because I was changing. I craved more. This book validates a lot of the thoughts and feelings I have experienced. Some connections are worth having a conversation, and some are not. There may be times when the connection is just for season or lesson. This book will certainly provide tools on how to navigate each phase or scenario. It will definitely remain in my resource bag.

[Lindsey K Payne]

4.5 ✨️I saw myself in a lot of these stories. Some that I wish I had the better language and confidence to address concerns back then and others, trying to formulate how I will have these conversations. I will take more time to deeply go through the reflection questions at each chapter and the check in.

While some things were repetitive, I think it's the notion that sometimes we have to hear things more than 1 or 2x to really have it sink in. And if you are in the midst of this friendship journey, you need to the reminders and reassurance.

I personally have some great friendships... ones that can honestly go months without real conversations and we pick up just fine. And I'm grateful for those. Yet, I do recognize how much life can change and trying to catch up is alot. A few of those friends and I have already begun to be more intentional about checking in and staying connected.

I hope whatever journey you may be on.. this will help.

[Bailey Young]

I picked up the Company We Keep during a hard period in my life, where I have been feeling disconnected, isolated, and numb in many of my relationships. The title intrigued me and I knew that Alexandra Elle was a gifted storyteller. The book did not disappoint and left me walking away feeling seen, heard, and able to be more vulnerable, both with myself and with others. Through years of protective mechanisms and trauma, I struggled with how to select the "Company I Keep" but Elle's book gave me clarity and confidence to seek greater intimacy and greater depth in my relationships, welcoming and inviting people to meet me where I am, and asking for the same from them in return. This book is a phenomenal guide, a beautiful self-growth journey, and a stimulating read that kept me hooked. I can't reccommend this book enough for any stage of life and can confidently say that your perspective on your relationships will change for the better after reading this.

[Teresa S.]

The Company We Keep by Alexandra Elle offers great insight on refining communication styles and breaking generational cycles—especially in Black households where growing up often meant being "seen and not heard." It provides valuable tools for improving interactions with your children, spouse, and long-standing friends.

However, the book feels heavily idealized. Whenever the author speaks her truth, her honesty is almost always met with grace and smooth resolution. In reality, breaking those patterns with people who haven't done the same work is far harder. Expressing your feelings to someone without these tools often leads to defensiveness, resentment, or being labeled "too sensitive."

If both you and your loved ones are reading this together, it is a fantastic resource. But if the other person lacks these communication tools, navigating those conversations will not be nearly as seamless as the author makes it seem.

[Jessica Delgado]

This book came into my life at the perfect time. 💙 As I’ve been navigating friendships, boundaries, and what healthy community really looks like, this felt like exactly what I needed.

The Company We Keep is an easy, practical read about building meaningful friendships through vulnerability, communication, boundaries, and mutual growth. It challenged me not only to think about the friendships I have, but also about the kind of friend I am.

One of my biggest takeaways was that healthy friendships require honesty, reciprocity, and the willingness to grow on both sides. I walked away with a lot to reflect on, and I know it’ll shape the way I approach friendships moving forward. Highly recommend if you’re in a season of evaluating your relationships.

[Carolina]

This is such an excellent balance between the author's personal experience and helpful tips to apply communication techniques into our interpersonal relationships. I've learned a lot of this already on my own journey to being a better person/friend/partner etc., but found the chapters equally validating to have them reiterated, but was also pleasantly surprised to find I was able to learn something new even on topics and situations I felt I understood well already.

If you are a people pleaser, floater friend, or just feel like you are in a social limbo, this book is such a soft landing place. It felt like a such a comforting listen to take this one in through audio (read by the author!), but I'd love to have a hardcopy on my bookshelf for another day. Really great read!

[Dria]

4.25/5 stars-- this book was exactly what I needed during a time of moving across states and enduring personal growth. Elle gracefully laid out the importance of healthy connections and the parts we play in our current ones. Her anecdotes allowed for personal reflection and space to identify places to grow in our own personal relationships as well as what to seek in new ones for longevity. Elle's soothing voice lent to ease some of the heavy weight that some of the content of this book can reveal, which I was grateful for. I really enjoyed this one and would thoroughly recommend it to anyone seeking to strengthen the relationships in their lives or build stronger new ones.

[Kate]

I absolutely adore Alex Elle, and her Instagram page got me through some tough times that vibed with the theme of this book. I was SO excited when it was coming out, but I have to say it didn't quite hit the mark for me. Though I appreciate her viewpoints, I felt it a little repetitive and specific to people who seek exactly the kind of friendships she seeks, which isn't everyone. What each person expects from friendship is different, and I would have liked her to touch on that point as well. I also didn't find it as practical as I'd hoped. 3 stars because I respect her as a thoughtful writer and consistent voice of reason in my life.

[Nora]

as someone who mostly reads fiction or memoirs, this book truly altered my brain chemistry. i listened to the audio book and caught myself agreeing out loud to things Alex said. i learned so much about myself and how i want to show up for those i love but also learned a lot about when to stop showing up if a situation is no longer serving us. i also felt so validated in how i want and need others to show up for me. there’s so much about building genuine relationships, setting boundaries and learning when it’s time to let go. beautifully written. ❤️

[Jorie]

This book was good. It’s a reflection of and a reminder of the company we keep. If you have dealt with one-sided friendships, ghosting friends, or friendship grief, this covers a little bit of everything, while helping you navigate through differences, feelings, communicating, care, self worth and securing connections. It’s quick, the audiobook is only five hours. I enjoy the author as the narrator. I want to purchase a copy to highlight and go back through reflections.