My fav quotes (not a review):
-Page 30 |
"My clients often tell me: “I just want a happy woman in my life,” and yet, what they really seem to want is a woman who acts like a man by day and plays like a woman by night."
-Page 31 |
"You feel it in how a feminine woman affects you. Her femininity permeates and intoxicates you, and it awakens your passion and desire to give to her. If you love her, you’re inspired to do good in the world, to be a better man. A woman’s feminine essence is very much like a river. A man’s masculine energy can be very much like the riverbanks for a woman, a source of solid, uncompromising support. Together the river and the riverbanks are a balanced force, equally powerful and equally necessary."
-Page 31 |
"Women are accustomed to being desired for how their bodies look and feel. It’s no surprise to a woman that the radiance of her smile or the shape of her mouth turns you on."
-Page 37 |
"So do you really want a woman who is logical, predictable, relentlessly focused, directed, and centered? Not likely. You might like a woman’s masculine qualities seventy percent of the time, but when it comes to sexual energy and attraction, would you be turned on by such a woman?"
-Page 94 |
"“Tell me what you love to do,” he said, as we sat together after breakfast."
-Page 108
"Now, imagine your guide asking you to decide the best way to get out of the forest at dusk, saying, “It doesn’t matter to me which way we go.” You’d lose confidence. Not only that, the excitement and sense of freedom you had with his lead would diminish instantaneously."
-Page 118
"Despite everything you might have learned about women, the woman with whom you want to be in relationship is seeking direction. How do you deliver direction in a way that serves you both? First you notice the direction you’d like to take. If you’re dating, what do want to get out of your first interaction? A date? A kiss? What would be a success? Then, act on it. Tell her you want to take her out. Tell her you want to kiss her. Tell her what you want! You have no idea how compelling this is to a woman."
-Page 119
"“Let’s get some lunch.” You feel hungry; you act directionally. That isn’t a question, but a lead. She might say “I’m not hungry, sweetie.” You then act on that. “How about I just pick something up for myself then?”"
-Page 120
"At the end of a date, don’t wait for her invitation. Tell her what you want. She wants to know. “I want to see you again. How about Saturday at my place for dinner?” Don’t make the mistake of waiting for her to tell you she wants to see you. It likely won’t happen."
-Page 125
"Good choice: Tell her you want to take her out for dinner. Tell her where you want to take her. Be completely present with her and pay attention to her body language. You will know in microseconds whether your offer is going to open her or create more tension. If it is making her tense, have two or three back-up restaurants ready to offer, but don’t get frustrated and just turn the choice over to her. That will only make it worse."
-Page 126
"plan is not what’s important. The goal is to move her out of her tension."
-Page 134
"The feminine is also a good gauge of integrity."
-Page 157
"What is power, if not the ability to choose one’s path in life?"
-Page 160
"Imagine this scenario. You’re waiting for an elevator on the ground floor. You’re alone with a beautiful woman. You make small talk for a moment, but she seems genuinely interested in who you are and what you do. As you step into the elevator, she looks into your eyes and says with some urgency, “Assume we will never see each other again; tell me what you love and what you do.”"
-Page 165
"I asked a partner once, “If a man raped me, what you would do?” I admit it was kind of a stupid, testing question, but sometimes women ask these kinds of questions when they are feeling a lack in the relationship they can’t quite identify. The hardest part, though, was the silence that followed. What he said, ultimately, after much trepidation was that he didn’t think it would be right to follow one aggressive act with another. It made sense, and yet it left me feeling sick to my stomach. It wasn’t that I wanted to encourage violence, but to think that his first response wasn’t a resounding, “I’d kill the man,” made me question his power and how safe I was with him. As a feminine creature, I’m a feeling creature. My analytical capacity might come to the same conclusion that it doesn’t make sense to answer violence with violence, but my feminine feeling heart wants to know that you feel my pain and would want to kill the man as much as I would."
-Page 165
"she needs to know in her heart that if something really bad goes down, you will do that unthinkable thing. I can tell you from experience that those movie scenes in which the hero steps in and protects a woman from danger or violence makes a feminine woman’s heart quiver. The difference between adopting a stance of nonaggression and one of The Warrior is that the warrior is prepared for a fight. He doesn’t want a fight. But physically, mentally, and emotionally he’s clear that if the moment presents itself to fight, he will not waver. That’s the man I want at my side when we’re looking down the tip of a blade or the barrel of a gun. That’s the man I want in bed with me at night when there is a crash downstairs."
-Page 167
"How present are you when you are escorting your woman? Let’s imagine that at one end of the spectrum you might be walking down a street in a big city with your woman, completely lost in conversation and oblivious to the world. That might feel very relaxed and relaxing, but it means that essentially both of you are in feminine mode. At the other end of the spectrum, you might be escorting your woman as though you were her Secret Service detail, completely focused on an ongoing threat assessment. This would be the opposite of relaxed and would probably make your feminine partner feel rather tense. Your challenge is to develop the capacity for what is called martial scanning. This means a kind of relaxed attention to external stimuli (what or who is coming toward you, how people are behaving, your relationship to the physical environment) with the capacity to simultaneously put your partner at ease. Martial scanning is holding your body in a relaxed state of readiness."
-Page 170
"Soften your focus to take in the full field of peripheral vision (this is actually more useful than allowing your eyes to dart back and forth)"
-Page 172
"feminine hearts imagine that they will be with a man who loves both them (Prince Charming) and the world (the Good King)."
-Page 225
"Better to lay out what you know and ask something like, “What am I not seeing here?” or, “What am I missing?”"
-Page 238
"The problem with giving a woman boundaries is that her heart doesn’t know any."
-Page 241
"Why is it that women say they want a sensitive man, with whom they feel safe and protected, but over and over again pick a dangerous man who is just as likely to hurt them or treat them badly? The answer to this question can be found in the archetype of The Dark Knight."
-Page 244
"I thought of a sales training I once had where we were told: you can’t sell anything to a stranger."
-Page 287
"The masculine desires feminine diversity in the same way the feminine desires masculine depth."
-Page 323
"The Lover archetype has discovered the sacred nature of his sexuality. He doesn’t need to bargain or deal to get his sexual needs met. He doesn’t need to prove his manliness through sex. He finds being a man and his sexuality are gifts he can give a woman."
-Page 337
"Don’t confuse the need you have to release tension with the desire to make love to your partner. It’s the difference between eating whatever you find cold in the refrigerator because you are “starving” and cooking a gourmet meal for someone you love."
-Page 359
"A film director is a great example of a man who inspires and cultivates depth. As a visionary, he holds the whole picture in his mind."
-Page 359
"The actors, on the other hand, immerse themselves deeply in the acting process itself and forget the big picture. Their job is to experience total immersion. Lovemaking is much the same way in the masculine role. A woman is an emotional, sensual being – and like an actress acting, her pleasure is found deep in the immersion. She doesn’t want to have to direct herself or tell the director how to direct her. She wants to dive into her experience and let go of where it’s all headed. That’s why if her masculine partner takes responsibility for the depth, she can relax and access her passion. Yes, she can help pull you under and match your depth, but you need to direct the scene and the movie."
-Page 391
"You know that the feminine has a deep desire to be seen and celebrated, which is met by the masculine gifts of The Artist and The Poet. The feminine wants to be guided and taken someplace she cannot reach on her own, which is met by the masculine gift of direction (The Director). She wants the man she chooses to have a passion for life and a mission in the world, which shows up as The Warrior energy in the masculine. She wants a man who is trustworthy and has integrity, but at the same time is not always predictable and who is not driven by fear and averse to risk. These are the qualities of The Sage and The Dark Knight. When these aspects of masculine potential are awakened, the feminine can fully open to the lover archetype, and she can surrender in love to a man who is deeply desirous of her without being needy or obsessed by her."
-Page 399
"You don’t want obedience in an employee; you want dedication."
-Page 406
"The Artist His gift is the ability to deeply see a woman."
-Page 407
"The Poet His gift is his capacity to give voice to what he sees."
-Page 408
"The Director His gift is the gift of direction – taking a woman somewhere she cannot take herself."
-Page 408
"The Artist and The Poet give shape to your loving, but without the forward motion and focus of the director, your relationship will lack directionality. The director takes a woman somewhere, sometimes literally, and sometimes within herself."
Girls like bad guys because bad guys can take care of themselves so the girl can be herself. Also she can show her ‘bad’ sides without the judgement on her or she can play good- Esther Perel