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Healing Shame and Guilt: The Developmental Roots of Chronic Shame and Guilt and How the NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM) Can Help You Heal and Reconnect
An innovative, trauma-informed approach to resolving chronic shame and guilt
Shame and guilt are core emotions that can significantly limit our They diminish our capacity for intimacy, trust, and connection. They fuel anxiety. They contribute to relationship struggles and amplify issues at work. And yet, we may not even be aware of the self-shaming habits that cause our distress!
In this book, therapists Laurence Heller, PhD, and Stephan K. Niederwieser provide practical tools for identifying and treating chronic shame using the NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM). Part 1 of the book explains how guilt and shame are not actually emotions, but rather should be seen as experiences that take root in our brains and bodies. Heller and Niederwieser show how shame is learned in childhood and processed as we grow up, emphasizing that shame has nothing to do with who we truly are.
Part 2 of the book—designed for therapists and clinicians—provides an in-depth, practical guide for addressing chronic shame using the NARM approach. Originally designed for treating C-PTSD or developmental trauma, NARM identifies and strengthens our core drive for connection and healing. Going far beyond self-affirmations or boosting esteem, the NARM approach to overcoming chronic shame targets the roots rather than just the symptoms, helping us truly shed shame, develop self-confidence, and find inner peace.
Shame and guilt are core emotions that can significantly limit our They diminish our capacity for intimacy, trust, and connection. They fuel anxiety. They contribute to relationship struggles and amplify issues at work. And yet, we may not even be aware of the self-shaming habits that cause our distress!
In this book, therapists Laurence Heller, PhD, and Stephan K. Niederwieser provide practical tools for identifying and treating chronic shame using the NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM). Part 1 of the book explains how guilt and shame are not actually emotions, but rather should be seen as experiences that take root in our brains and bodies. Heller and Niederwieser show how shame is learned in childhood and processed as we grow up, emphasizing that shame has nothing to do with who we truly are.
Part 2 of the book—designed for therapists and clinicians—provides an in-depth, practical guide for addressing chronic shame using the NARM approach. Originally designed for treating C-PTSD or developmental trauma, NARM identifies and strengthens our core drive for connection and healing. Going far beyond self-affirmations or boosting esteem, the NARM approach to overcoming chronic shame targets the roots rather than just the symptoms, helping us truly shed shame, develop self-confidence, and find inner peace.
- GenresNonfiction
240 pages, Paperback
Published May 12, 2026
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August 20, 2026Ironically, I felt embarrassed to post this one. Really helpful book.
February 21, 2026
A well written guide to working with patients with shame and guilt issues. I do not agree with some of the concepts used in the book, probably because of the training I’ve done in DBT. Not sure that I agree with them not being emotions, I very well might have missed the point so I don’t say this as a criticism of the book.
Not the easiest book to read, definitely a complex one for therapists who have either studied NARM or who have a specific interest in this area. Since the majority of the people I work with have issues with shame I found it very interesting. I know I won’t be able to study and train in NARM and yet reading this book does give me a better understanding of shame.
Whilst I have read it once I think it is a book I will revisit and have made numerous book marks so I think it will be a helpful reference book. It is definitely a technical book that does take some time to digest. I think it will make an excellent reference book.
It includes reflection exercises which are very helpful in illustrating the concepts.
The first part looks at what is shame and guilt and how to free yourself the second then addresses how to resolve shame and guilt in a clinical setting. This could initially be seen as a confusing mix but I do think it best to ensure you have done the work before you support others.
I think the book is best suited for anyone trained in NARM and also would be helpful supplementary reading for clinicians working with people who experienced complex trauma.
Thank you to NetGalley for providing this book for my consideration, this is all my own rambling, honest and personal opinion.
Not the easiest book to read, definitely a complex one for therapists who have either studied NARM or who have a specific interest in this area. Since the majority of the people I work with have issues with shame I found it very interesting. I know I won’t be able to study and train in NARM and yet reading this book does give me a better understanding of shame.
Whilst I have read it once I think it is a book I will revisit and have made numerous book marks so I think it will be a helpful reference book. It is definitely a technical book that does take some time to digest. I think it will make an excellent reference book.
It includes reflection exercises which are very helpful in illustrating the concepts.
The first part looks at what is shame and guilt and how to free yourself the second then addresses how to resolve shame and guilt in a clinical setting. This could initially be seen as a confusing mix but I do think it best to ensure you have done the work before you support others.
I think the book is best suited for anyone trained in NARM and also would be helpful supplementary reading for clinicians working with people who experienced complex trauma.
Thank you to NetGalley for providing this book for my consideration, this is all my own rambling, honest and personal opinion.
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
This is quite a good book although a little dense at times. I don’t have a background in NARM but I found the content about shame and guilt really interesting and there are definitely some points I would use in my own counselling practice - although I didn’t agree with everything. There was a small section on grief that I found interesting as he is my specialist area. Thanks to NetGalley and North Atlantic Books for the ARC.
July 4, 2026
This book slays.
I’m not super familiar with NARM but after reading this book, I’m going to have to dig deeper.
The discussion regarding how shame and guilt function and arise in childhood and presentation in adulthood really resonated with me personally and I can see how clients would resonate.
I’m not 1000% on board with this modality or frame for trauma but overall I’m impressed as someone unfamiliar with this modality.
3.5 stars rounded up to 4!
I’m not super familiar with NARM but after reading this book, I’m going to have to dig deeper.
The discussion regarding how shame and guilt function and arise in childhood and presentation in adulthood really resonated with me personally and I can see how clients would resonate.
I’m not 1000% on board with this modality or frame for trauma but overall I’m impressed as someone unfamiliar with this modality.
3.5 stars rounded up to 4!
June 19, 2026
Some good information. As a clinician , there was some good information and general strategies but also parts I didn’t agree with for PTSD. I also wondered how this would be received by a layperson reading this. The writers wrote this from the perspective of their model, NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM), which I had never heard of until this book.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews