The Official We Do Not Care Club Handbook

by Melani Sanders

We. Do. Not. Care.
Do you wake up with night sweats at 3:26 am, overstimulated, mad at anything breathing, and ready to put the world on notice?
Do you forget the words you are saying as you are saying them?
If you have a she-shed and no longer care about clothes that fit, half-painted big toenails, or cellulite on your legs (legs is legs!), then welcome to the club -- the We Do Not Care (WDNC) Club. You're now a card-carrying member with an exclusive invite to the biggest hormonal party in town.
This Club is for all of our Sisters in perimenopause, menopause, and postmenopause who are over it. Here is a list* of things We Do Not Care about today:


Shaving our legs.
Plucking our chin hair.
Wearing PJs all day. Clothes is clothes.
Being on time. Be happy that I showed up -- I don't even want to be here.
People who think we have a sh*tty attitude. That's on them.
Cancelled plans. We didn't want to go anywhere anyway.
If you’re hungry. The kitchen isn’t locked.
If you're cold. Don't even think about touching that thermostat.

Melani Sanders, Founding Member of the WDNC, is here to tell you that it's okay not to care. You're not alone. We’re all in the same boat, just out here trying to survive. This book is your life raft. Let's hold on for dear life -- and get through this together.

*partial and incomplete

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Humor, Mental Health, Audiobook, Health, Womens

256 pages, Hardcover

Published January 13, 2026

Reviews

[Natasha · Rating 4 out of 5]

As many others who will be moved to read this book, I joined the We Do Not Care Club after seeing Melani's tiktoks... and they have brought me so many laughs. Even more than that, they have brought me comfort and understanding - it is so nice to know that other women out there are experiencing the same thing and they GET IT. Perimenopause is not for the weak.

This handbook was light-hearted and fun to read. I never tire of hearing different examples of the things we just do not care about anymore. More than that, there were other nuggets of wisdom and examples of amazing women who accomplished so much while experiencing the same things we are today. I will echo other reviews and say that ebook is not the best format for this - definitely recommend a physical book or even audio.

A sincere thank you to NetGalley and William Morrow/Harvest for the opportunity to read an early copy.

[Elise · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't love this one, but I didn't hate it either.

If you're picking this one up expecting it to be as hilarious as her Instagram reels, you'll be disappointed. This book is about 25% funny stuff, 75% informative/encouragement.

If you're a middle-aged woman experiencing perimenopause or menopause, you'll likely find this book very relatable. Just know, she goes there. She talks about reproductive organs, body parts, intimacy, and everything in between. Nothing was necessarily inappropriate, but a teenager would probably find it horrifying. One day, when they are middle aged, they'll understand though. lol

There is blunt talk and quite a bit more foul language than I was hoping for, but it was a short and easy read. Melani writes in a way very similar to her social media posts. You will feel seen, heard, understood, and not alone anymore.

[Gigi Ropp · Rating 1 out of 5]

Turns out I do care and I hated this book.

[Nancy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I discovered author Melani Sanders when she went viral last year after inadvertently founding the We Do Not Care club. As a fellow mid-lifer who is in her peri-era, I connected with her humor and honesty. I admire her saying out loud what many women are going through, so we don't feel so alone. This book follows suit, with chapters that are a mix of funny and informative. It's a light book, and a quick read, with Sanders sharing many moments that women will say, "me too!". She has capitalized on her sudden fame, with this book and advertising sponsors in her videos. I applaud her for grabbing this moment, for it is well deserved! (Actual review 3.5/5)

[Darnelle Kellison · Rating 4 out of 5]

I took my time reading this book. I read it in spells on evenings when I needed to be reminded that I’m not alone in this perimenopause phase of life.

Thank you Melani for affirming so much of what I feel & helping women be more comfortable with talking about perimenopause, menopause & post menopause. Your humor makes us laugh at ourselves as your thoughts are often our thoughts. We Do Not Care club members…we will survive & we will be ok. 💪 After all…we simply do not care anymore! 😂

[S LaSha Dates · Rating 5 out of 5]

We Do Not Care! Melani Sanders is on point with this book. I am a new fan. I will definitely watch the TikTok videos. I felt seen and heard while reading. Finally, some people understand what I have been going through since I was 26. We have similar stories. My journey to menopause also began surgically. The announcements at the beginning of each chapter were so relatable. Plus, I loved the advice from WDNC members around the world. I was pleased to find that there is a chapter of WDNC members in my state. Just the mention of perimenopause, menopause, and postmenopause is taboo to some. Melani did her research when she wrote this. I learned a lot of things I didn't know humorously. I love this book. I hope she writes more.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an entertaining and informative book that really helps you realize you are not alone in all that you may be experiencing. My favorite parts, of course, were the announcements!

[Monica Zydel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Now and forevermore referring to my lady hood as the bush burger.

[Michelle Wilson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Melani Sanders is so funny! She writes and shares about her perimenopause journey with humor and wit. Although I read this ARC digitally, I think this book would be best in print and/or audio. If you are interested in midlife, pick this one up — it is both informative and entertaining.

Thanks to Harvest and Netgalley for this ARC.

[Kaya W. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Worth quite a few chuckles.

[Teri · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a member of the We Do Not Care Club I obviously had to pick this up! 100% relatable & full of laughs to boot.

[Heidi · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 stars, because there about half this book was 5 stars for me, and about half was 1 star.
I loved the audiobook - because the author narrates it! Also, I didn’t like the audiobook because I couldn’t easily skip or skim the parts I didn’t want to read. Also, I think the book pages would have visual appeal which obviously is missing in the audiobook. Still, her voice is so fantastic and funny!

What I really like about Melani Sanders,this book, and the WDNC club -
She speaks her mind, often in a very funny and relatable way
She legitimizes the physical, mental and emotional changes in this season - all of which can leave you feeling different than what you think of as yourself. This is not necessarily a bad thing! It’s just a big change.
She educates about menopause, hormonal changes throughout women’s lives, in ways that I’ve not heard before. She is an advocate for women in this season of life.
She seems to have a strong marriage, and I appreciate the way she talks about her husband, and, especially, the way he talks about her.
I liked her phrase “I’m at capacity” - a recognition and respect of limits in our lives as we age. I’ve learned this and am still learning it - that my limits, my capacity, may be much smaller than what I think or what I want - but that is okay. I have to respect whatever capacity I have. It is good enough.

Things I didn’t really like about the book:
The amount of more graphic material and profanity. For some, the more sexual parts of the book might be helpful; for me they were just very uncomfortable.
The underlying message (for the most part) that you have to choose between taking care of yourself and taking care of others.
The repeated mantra “you are enough.” I’m not interested in whether I’m, by myself, enough or not - because I live with the Spirit of Christ in me. That’s who makes me whole, makes me enough. Jesus is more than enough! It’s not what my husband thinks of me, or what anybody else thinks of me - just that Jesus died for me and I belong to Him. THAT is enough for me!

My own perspective, as a post menopausal woman who walks with Jesus - what I don’t care about anymore is:
trying to impress other people.
Thinking I have to be the smartest, funniest, best woman in the room. Good enough is good enough. God is enough.
Proving my worth by my productivity. I’ve already made a difference in the world, with ministry and friendships and bringing two sons into the world who are now amazing young men who chose amazing wives.

My own way of understanding why it matters to not care about the small stuff or other people opinions: because I have limited capacity. Those are extra, vain, self-interested concerns. And my concerns in this season of life are not about how I look, or my reputation, or how much I can accomplish. Instead, I want to care for myself in such a way that I am full of the love of God and freed to share that love with others. To share the wisdom and life lessons God’s given me with others. To love my sons with all of me. Caring for myself better is not an end in itself. “Self-care” is not self-indulgence, but making sure I’m at my best in my body and mind and spirit, so that I can serve God and others with true joy and freedom - not because others are watching or I have something to prove. But just because God’s love is so full and so worth sharing with those around me.
So what I DO care about is leaning on God and receiving all He has for me so that I am my best self. And then pouring that love on others so they are their best selves. Letting go of all the externals and self-consciousness and drivenness that plagued me in my earlier adulthood, I have so much MORE capacity to love and serve with joy and freedom and inner peace.
So that’s my message. All the things that I do not care about any more I can release. And then, even with a more limited capacity physically, emotionally and mentally, I still have plenty of reserves to share with others. Plenty of reserves with which to see and deeply appreciate the beauty of the world and others and even myself.
This season of post menopause can be hard and yet it also is so so very good and rich and liberating. There is much to look forward to!

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I absolutely love Melani and I appreciate the WDNC community she started with her relatable honesty and deadpan humor. She is enabling open discussion and awareness of the condition, struggle, and evolution of those of us in peri/menopause. This book is also relatable and funny, but I rated it only three stars because even though I love the idea of all the things I’m free not to care about anymore, I found it the content repetitive. The book could have been much shorter. I personally don’t care much for some of the contributors’ male-bashing quotes throughout the book. (Although I do find the historical oversight and lack of attention to women’s healthcare needs - which maddeningly continues even today - to be very disturbing.) I stand in solidarity with my fellow WDNC members as I snuggle on the couch with my blanket and coffee wearing yesterday’s clothes, my readers perched atop my bed-head, and eating chocolate and cheese for breakfast. I simply do not care that it’s not a proper breakfast. At this point I will eat whatever takes the least amount of effort to scrounge up.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

THANK YOU Melanie for writing this book. Thank you for starting this movement. Thank you for making me laugh so many times this week while listening to this on audio! Thank you so much for reassuring me I’m not alone. This book was so amazing, I will be purchasing a copy to reflect on often. I can’t even narrow down my favorite parts because I enjoyed every minute! But my biggest realization is that I worry too much about what others think. I never wear sleeveless shirts either! As soon as it gets warm enough, I will be doing just that!! And wearing all the other clothes I’ve felt too self conscious in. God bless you for this inspiring story and thank you for sharing it with the rest of us!! And the next time someone tells me I’m too young for perimenopause, I’ll be ready 😂❤️

[Maria Little · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you love Melanie Sanders and the "we do not care" club on Instagram, you will love the audio version of her book. She's real, authentic, out there, and doesn't hold back. It's just a damn shame that women's health issues are under researched and not learned about until one reaches "that" age. Melanie's book advocates for change. I learned a lot. Too late for me but, I will be sharing what's happening to my body (again) with my daughters.

[Brooke Benda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Seriously, I laughed, I cried. I completely related with this handbook. I’m in perimenopause and I’m so thankful for Melanie. Her vulnerability, her compassion and her courage to write about something so deeply personal. Although, this time of life happens for all women, I felt like Melanie was speaking directly to me. I will absolutely be recommending this read for both informal discussions and personal ones.

[Jennine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Your rating will depend on where you are on your journey. I’m at the “look back and laugh about” phase. I thought it would just be a book with funny lines like she posts on Instagram.

In reality- this would probably be a good book for ladies just entering peri. Gives them a glimpse of what’s to come.

Have to agree fully with the “We do not care” attitude that comes at this time in life.

Live it up Ladies!

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Menopause has been a taboo subject for far too long! Thank goodness for Melani being brave enough to put herself out there and share how she was feeling...because we are all feeling the same! There need to be more doctors trained for menopause care, more options available for managing symptoms, and more knowledge about what it is before you get there. I truly thought I was losing my mind ~ and my husband surely thought his wife had turned into an ogre of epic proportions. Knowing WHAT is happening goes a long way figuring out how to manage your symptoms so you thrive instead of just survive.

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

When Melani Sanders hastily posted a frazzled tik tok of herself sitting in a grocery parking lot, I know she had no idea that she'd be uniting a global network of women going through perimenopause and menopause. Her humor struck a nerve- also one hundred percent relatable. This, her first book, is a fun, fast, fluffy read full of menopause humor sprinkled lightly with some medical support. I'm proud to say GenX women were the first to start talking, complaining, laughing, crying , researching and demanding better from their doctors regarding this transition in life because it is hard. I almost gave this 3 stars because is this really a "book"? But then I thought we do not care what you think-be happy we're here and at least picking up a damn book 😜🤣

[Brandi Kirk]

I've been following Melanie for a while and love her humor and brutal honesty. The book wasn't what I expected but I take full credit for that. I didn't read the description but am happy I am supporting her efforts to make a difference for women!

[Jeannette Silhavy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recommend this book to all people dealing with menopause, whatever stage you are in!!! It’s honest, it’s funny and informative. She talks about things no one tells you about but in an entertaining way that makes you laugh and makes you say wow so that’s why I feel like this and it’s ok!

[Julia Hobbs · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very informative and funny.

[Lauren]

Full of Melani’s humor. A little repetitive but fun.

[Darci · Rating 4 out of 5]

Took my time reading this as typically I'm not a non-fiction reader, but I enjoy the author's tik-toks and can relate to the peri-menopause journey. Humorous and informational.

[Heather Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 Stars ⭐️. Highly entertaining and Informative.

[Marla Burke · Rating 2 out of 5]

Love Melani, but I didn’t like this book much. Love her Instagram posts and will stick to those, instead.

[Bookstaglam Kira · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Official We Do Not Care Club Handbook
By Melani Sanders
Release Date: 1.13.26

Thank you, @harvestbooks, for a finished copy of Melani Sanders debut, The Official We Do Not Care Club Handbook.

I typically start my year with a self help book to kick things off, and this was a great choice. Melani, a woman just like the rest of us, was fed up last May and took to social media stating that she no longer cared to do it all. In the midst of menopause, she was giving herself permission to not have it all together all the time and through that sharing she found that she was alone. Fast forward to today where she has a mass following shouting yes girl to all of her revelations and making up the WDNC Club.

Full transparency, I had never heard of Melani Sanders until the publisher approached me with the chance to read her book. I tabbed this book up real good, felt seen/heard, and laughed throughout.

Note, that if looking for medical advice, this is not the book, but this instead is a space created by women for women as we all navigate an area that is lacking in information, support and guidance. This is an interactive handbook that encourages tabbing, highlighting and fill in the blank. It also references how to set up your own club or join in online. I enjoyed the sections on what women no longer care about and women in history (their contributions and what they didn't care to adhere to in society).

Finding out that i'm not the only one waiting up in the middle of the night, is reassuring. (P.s. it's 3:15 am while I write this review 😉). Although, the focus of the book is on perimenopause, menopause, and post menopause, all women can relate to the pressures placed on us by society to perform at an unrealistic level in work, family, relationships, society, etc. This book shows that we can give ourselves permission to say we no longer care to adhere to those expectations.

[Karrie]

I thoroughly enjoy the author online, but I couldn’t get past the constant repetition - the start of the club, the different phases of menopause and the liability statements.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perfect. Loved listening to Melanie’s voice narrating the audiobook but I think I also need a physical copy for regular reference <3 <3 <3

[Danielle Palmer · Rating 3 out of 5]

This lady is funny. I laughed out loud a couple times reading this. The format of it being a handbook for starting a chapter of your own club didn’t really work for me. I am returning this book to the library a couple days late because I wanted to finish it and needed a bit more time. #WDNC