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Pendulum

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For fans of Ann Liang and Zoulfa Katouh comes a heart-wrenching YA about finding yourself after losing everything that once defined you.

Valedictorian and Ivy League-bound, eighteen-year-old Hayat Amanullah seemed to have it all—until her oldest brother died in a car crash. Since then, the tight-knit Amanullah family has crumbled; now her mom never leaves her room, her dad buries himself in work, and her middle brother Ihsaan—once the carefree jokester—is withdrawn as he battles his own demons.

Seeking comfort in her new role of caretaker, Hayat grows closer to her best friend’s brother, Rameez Khan, whose attention offers her a temporary but troubling escape from the weight of loneliness and responsibilities. Further complicating her emotional turmoil is the inexplicable connection she feels towards her late brother’s best friend, Mikaal Zaman, whose kindness and shared grief draw her in deeper.

As Hayat struggles with loss and identity, her strained bond with Ihsaan begins to shift—gradually but meaningfully. And when picking up the pieces of her family is no longer enough to outrun her own grief, she’s forced to confront the one question she’s been avoiding all along: who is Hayat Amanullah after losing the version of herself that died with her brother?

321 pages, ebook

First published September 15, 2025

3 people are currently reading
53 people want to read

About the author

Kainat Azhar

2 books53 followers
Kainat Azhar is a Pakistani-American Muslim author who cherishes stories. She writes about brown Muslim women with messy feelings and big hearts chasing happy endings, charming heroes with dynamic personalities, and the experiences of faith, culture, and identity from a Pakistani-American Muslim perspective. She tends to avoid reading books that will make her cry, but has no problem writing them. When not immersed in a book or frantically typing on her laptop, Kainat can probably be found slurping noodles or watching Turkish dramas (often simultaneously).

You can find her at kainatazharchughtai.com, on Instagram @bykainatazhar, and by email at kainatcazhar@gmail.com.

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Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
Profile Image for Kainat Azhar.
Author 2 books53 followers
November 27, 2025
Hi!! I’m the author :)

This story came to me when, just like the protagonist, I was drowning. I often joke with family and friends that I went through hell and back to finish this book—writer’s block, imposter syndrome, every battle a creative could possibly deal with. To know that it's now out in the world and in people’s hands fills me with immense gratitude and hope. Alhamdulillah.

I hope you'll cherish this story just as much as I do <3
Profile Image for Maryam ♡.
140 reviews14 followers
October 2, 2025
4.5 stars.

"You're exactly where you're supposed to be, doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing."

Pendulum is a beautiful YA contemporary novel with a story of healing after loss and finding one's path. We follow Hayat, a once "academic weapon" turned grieving 18-year-old after the death of her eldest brother, as she tries to hold herself together while supporting her family.

I know I love a book when it has me screaming at the characters for their choices at some moments, and crying or smiling with them in others, and this had me doing just that. Azhar's writing is so heartfelt, and it made me feel like I wasn't even reading. I ended up finishing most of the book in one sitting because of how invested I was.

There are themes of overcoming grief, rediscovering yourself, connecting with and relying on your loved ones, navigating romantic feelings, and maintaining your values/faith.

All of the characters are so genuine and relatable. I love Hayat and Abeer's friendship, and seeing Ihsaan and Hayat reconnect and be there for each other is so heartwarming.

And Mikaal Zaman, the man you are. "His presence brings me comfort." ahhhhh <3

It goes without saying, but I highly recommend this for anyone who enjoys YA novels, and it's perfect for fans of Ann Liang.

P.S. Hayat isn't a perfect character, and I honestly loved it that way. In some books with muslim MCs, haram actions end up getting excused or even romanticized. I really appreciated how here, Azhar subtly allows Hayat to figure out what was right and wrong for her, as a person and a muslim. Mistakes are what make us human, and it's how we learn and adjust ourselves that matters.
Profile Image for Teesta Chattopadhyay.
80 reviews2 followers
September 14, 2025
"Because our pendulum had stopped swinging. And it had no intention of ever starting up again".

Kainat Azhar’s storytelling pulled me in right from the first page and kept me completely absorbed until the end. This is one of those rare books that lingers in your heart even after you finish it. The way she portrayed love, loss, and family felt incredibly authentic.

"Pendulum" explores the weight of grief and the long road to healing in such an honest way that you will find yourself relating to it at every corner. It's a deeply moving and beautiful book that talks about family bonding, self discovery, overcoming grief and rebirth, strong friendships and sibling bonds and obviously love in a beautiful way. It's a powerful book that speaks volumes and will touch your heart and break it at the same time in the best way possible.

Hayat, our FMC inspired me so much, I absolutely adored how thoughtful and resilient she was - an absolute strong willed protagonist 🫶. Hayat's journey and her bonds with her family felt so personal at times that the story transformed me in ways that I couldn't imagine. Kainat talked about human emotions in such a beautiful way and it felt so realistic that I couldn't help but admit it's one of my favourite reads.

Another thing that stood out for me is that - each chapters begin with a flower's significance and beautiful floral illustrations. It's so aesthetically soothing and beautiful. I loved it.

Pendulum resonated with not only my heart but also my soul. It's a book that I would recommend to everybody. And I am glad that I could get the opportunity to read the ARC copy of this beautiful book 🫶.
Profile Image for Ikram Akin.
39 reviews1 follower
August 29, 2025
I read and enjoyed the author's debut, but ✨this book✨ is my favourite. 🤍.

Pendulum is well written, the pacing is on point, and the content is accessible. Still, the words on the page, how they’ve been arranged, and how feelings are conveyed are so beautiful and result in the lessons (gorgeously embedded btw) and the feelings subtly hitting you and staying with you even after reading it. 🧚🏾💫.

The main character's voice, Hayat, is strong and consistent, even when she is torn and her decisions aren’t ones she would usually choose. 

Not a single character is one-dimensional. Their actions and words are realistic. Their roles and impact on the story are well thought out and meaningful, leading to every character adding something, even if they’re only on one page. 😩.

Honestly, Allahuma Barik, I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It's like a beautifully wrapped present, what you have after unwrapping it is even more gorgeous.
Profile Image for Rah.
58 reviews
September 17, 2025
ive been looking forward to kainat's second book ever since it was announced cuz obviously her debut book kept me on edge and i was up till 3 am, and the same thing happened with this book as well.

at first, i was taking it very slow, but then i reached 9% and the plot kicked in. i just couldn't stop reading it, and I was really sad because the book was only 280+ pages :(

kainat's writing is just so, so, so amazing, and it just gets you from the very first moment. she puts her words in such a way that it just makes you think a lil or a lot.

i was ten chapters in and was lowkey confused because i initially thought it was a halal romance since it was marketed with the 'love triangle' trope. there is a love triangle in this book, but it's just a minor plot.

the whole book is about grief, growth, challenges, and faith.
i literally loved the whole book—the way hayat grows and the relationship between everyone just gets better with time.

one more thing i liked was how kainat showed all the povs of every family member through hayat's eyes, and we got to know how each of them was tackling the grief in their own way.

Ihsan is one of the most important characters of the book. his POV (through hayat's eyes) was literally the most painful, and we also got to see the more healed version of him. there's a lot to talk about him, but that'll mean me spoiling the book :(

now, the love triangle part was ahhh literally so good (i lovedddd the endingghh).
both the guys were literally green forest, and they both were so respectful—i had a hard time choosing between them, but I chose ramez :))
the religion part of the book was so well handled, and it was just how it was supposed to be. even the smallest interactions were within limits, and the guilt of not following the religion and missing prayers was raw, and it made me think about myself and how i could do better.
i loved everything about the book and again how beautifully it ended.
i want to talk about this more, but I don’t wanna spoil :)
Profile Image for Jennah.
53 reviews4 followers
August 21, 2025
Opened my world of books into a completely new genre ✨
This is not a cute halal romance.
I know, that was maybe in the blurb but I don't read the blurb 🙂 I was excited to read this after I saw the character intro reels of the author and expected a romance. Yes, that was stupid of me.
BUT never have I ever been SOO glad to be wrong 😮‍💨🤚🏻

Pendulum is a story about grief, heartbreak, trauma and revival ( a kind of rebirth after grief )

This is the story of Hayat Amanullah, the youngest daughter who is forced to act as the eldest and Ihsaan Amanullah, the carefree, comedic relief, all so playful middle child, forced to take up the role of the eldest son of a Desi family after losing their oldest brother 💔

Usually, when I read, I become the FMC herself, I mean, who doesn't 🌝 but with this, I was able to put myself in the shoes of every character, I could relate with every one of them in one way or other. The writing style was so refined that everything felt so real.
I actually cried in the 2nd chapter. and that's the second page 😑 no complaints though 🤭 love a book which shatters my heart 💘
I actually cried thrice in the first 10 chapters 🥺 I don't think I've ever cried so hard reading another book.

It may be subjective but then again, my review is mine alone, but if you didn't cry at least once reading this, I'm judging you. HARD 😑

The story progresses with a love triangle which got me really confused. I was screaming at my ebook, at Hayat, urging her to pick one but I couldn't blame her either 🙂 it was a tough choice 😮‍💨
I held on for so long to know who she'll actually end up with until I broke and checked the author's IG but there too, I didn't get anything 🤧 the wait was killing me more than TSITP. And that's saying a lot 😶

I would recommend anyone and everyone to read this book and suffer with me 😭🤌🏻 because I Picked it up thinking it was halal romance but noooo. It's about finding yourself, being a better person, a better muslim and much much more ❤️‍🩹

As a Muslim, you make mistakes, but it's how you resolve them and be true to your faith that defines who you are. It was amazing to see hayat's journey but if I keep typing I may spoil it for you so go pick it up with no second guesses ASAP 🥹💗
Profile Image for Jen.
183 reviews4 followers
December 31, 2025
"Because our pendulum had stopped swinging. And it had no intention of ever starting up again"

Pendulum is that rare YA contemporary that grabs your heart and doesn’t let go. Hayat Amanullah’s world shatters after the death of her older brother, and watching her navigate grief, family tension, and self-discovery feels painfully real. Kainat Azhar writes grief with honesty, weaving it seamlessly into the story without ever feeling heavy-handed.

What I loved most is how the book balances heartbreak with hope. Hayat’s relationships with her family, her friends, and her soft, slowly blooming romance, are layered, tender, and complicated in the most realistic way. The tension between her academic ambitions, her faith, and her emotional healing is written with such nuance, it feels like peeking into someone’s life and thoughts.

Kainat Azhar offered me an arc herself, and I'm very grateful to her for that. Reading Pendulum felt like being handed a little mirror at times, a little nudge at others, and a lot of comfort all at once. Honestly, this review has been long overdue, but some books leave such a mark that you want to give them the words they deserve.

This is a story about finding yourself when your world flips upside down, about learning that being strong doesn’t mean carrying everything alone, and about understanding that love, family, friends, and romantic, is what keeps you steady when life feels difficult and unbearable.

✨ Emotional, heartfelt, and utterly absorbing. Perfect for fans of soft YA contemporary with depth and heart.
Profile Image for Lily .
9 reviews
October 3, 2025
Pendulum by Kainat Azhar is one of those rare books that sweeps you in and doesn’t let go until the very last page. From the very beginning, the emotions feel so raw and real that you almost forget you’re reading—you’re simply living alongside the characters.

What I loved most was how immersive the writing is. The relationships, especially the family dynamics, are portrayed so beautifully and with such authenticity that they tug at your heart in unexpected ways. The story makes you laugh at little moments, ache with heartbreak, and reflect on your own bonds and choices.

Kainat has also captured the nuances of love and attraction in such a thoughtful way—it’s not just about chemistry, but about the kind of love that feels safe, calm, and deeply grounding. That contrast adds so much depth to the journey of the characters.

Beyond the emotions, the book is also wonderfully detailed. The chapter titles, the symbolism in names, and the flow of the story all show the author’s careful thought and growth as a writer. Compared to her earlier work, this feels sharper, smoother, and incredibly engaging—I flew through the chapters without even realizing the time.

If you’re looking for a story that will make you laugh, cry, and stay up way past midnight turning the pages, Pendulum is that book. It’s heartfelt, beautifully written, and absolutely worth picking up.
Profile Image for Ruhma A.
1 review
September 21, 2025
Kainat AzharPendulum
Where do I start with this book? I absolutely loved Pendulum! I finished it in just three days because I simply couldn’t put it down. The way Kainat writes is so beautiful—every word felt intentional and poetic, drawing me deeper into the story.
What stood out the most was how relatable the book was for me. Each character was written with so much depth, and watching their stories unfold felt both powerful and moving. It’s rare to find a book where you connect with not just the story, but the emotions behind every character, and Pendulum did exactly that for me.
The writing was captivating, the characters unforgettable, and the entire reading experience left me wanting more. It’s one of those books that stays with you long after you finish it.

SPOILER
"and our pendulum has finally begun to swing again" BAWLING
Profile Image for Rizwa ᥫ᭡.
89 reviews11 followers
November 26, 2025
📖Pendulum by Kainat Azhar
302 pages | 3.5⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
~YA, Contemporary fiction

Kainat Azhar's Pendulum talks about an eighteen year old girl named Hayat Amanullah, who had to all - good grades, her pick of colleges etc. until her brother died in a car crash. After the incident, her otherwise close-knit family starts to fall apart. The book talks about the challenges of losing someone you love and how the teenager and her family deals with the grief and loss.
The family dynamics feel painfully real and Azhar's writing truly captures the process of healing. Since the book centers around a Muslim family, I tried to keep an open mind, but often the way religion is portrayed in books is always a touchy subject for me. Although the romantic subplot was added so that the character learns that short, meaningless relationship really isn't worth your time in the big picture, it still irked me a little bit.🫣
But overall, the book was a good read.
Profile Image for FindingFiction.
391 reviews2 followers
November 23, 2025
3.5

My opinions are my own and I want none of the “this is own voices” comments coming my way.

*insert that’s my opinion meme here*

Pendulum was a book that was never really on my radar until it was picked for a book club so I went in know absolutely nothing about it other than it was a Muslim centred book.

This is a book written by a Muslim, for Muslims. It is a young adult coming of age story, full of grief, hope, love and loss.

While addictive to read, some issues I had with the book were that some major themes were often emphasized, while other minor themes that fell under the major themes were disregarded with a shrug.

Religion is always something that will be difficult for me to read in books. It just always will be. It’s something I’ve accepted, and no matter how open minded I go into them, I still come out with a whole lot of venting to do.
Profile Image for BookishBiologist.
29 reviews1 follower
September 9, 2025
Pendulum is by far my favorite read of the year so far. From cover to cover, I was absolutely destroyed in the best way possible. This book has everything you can want: coming of age, unbreakable family bonds, grief, strong female friendships, and romance. Not only is the story powerful, but the writing is flawless. Azhar has a way with words that sweeps you up and takes you for the most intense and life-altering journey. I did so well not spoiling anything in this review, but given the opportunity, I could wax poetic about this book for days. Stop reading reviews and just go buy it already <3 I promise you will love it.
1 review
September 10, 2025
Pendulum is such an emotional and beautifully written book. It really captures the pain of loss and the struggle of finding yourself again. I connected with Hayat’s journey so much, and the relationships felt very real. Kainat Azhar’s writing kept me hooked from start to finish — definitely a book that stays with you. Really loved this book! The way author wrote about grief and family felt so real. I couldn’t put it down and would definitely recommend it.
Profile Image for Mahek.
37 reviews25 followers
September 21, 2025
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to read and review your book.
When you loose someone that meant so much to you and suddenly life stopped revolving.
That’s what hayat went through. A journey through grieving, heartbreak and healing.

Reading this book made me realize how life can be so precious and cruel at times. She went through a tough period of time. And had made many sacrifices. But there were people who didn’t leave her alone, helped her and got her life back together. It was a happy ending.

It also meant that we’re not alone and there are people who will always support us, we might have hurt feelings or kept emotional attachment or being selfish. But life doesn’t always stay the same, it changes just as times changes .
1 review
Read
September 8, 2025
Pendulum is a thought Provoking and emotionally rich debut by Kainat Azhar. With poetic language And deep introspection, the book explores the delicate swings between love and loss Hope and despair clarity and confusion. Azhar’s writing Is honest and raw pulling readers into ebb and flow of human emotion. A powerful read for anyone who appreciates literature that resonates with the soul.

4 reviews
November 27, 2025
Picked this book up for a book club reading and it WRECKED me. Stared into space for a solid ten minutes after the last page. I love books that devastate you but I also walked away from this one learning a lot. The romantic subplot carried so much tension, an unexpectedly pleasant surprise imo. As someone currently in high school, felt all the feels.
6 reviews
December 11, 2025
Tender and much needed addition to Muslim literature. poignant exploration of a family returning to life after the death of their oldest son. I’m so glad there are people like @bykainatazhar writing these stories, putting in the work, investing in top notch editors and other professionals to give us quality Muslim stories that our young girls can relate to.
Profile Image for Zeba Ali.
Author 7 books9 followers
September 18, 2025
Pendulum is a book that holds your hand and takes on a journey through grief, healing and finding yourselves. It's an emotional read that teaches you simple things that we often forget in the hustle of life. It's an amazing and a must read 💖
Profile Image for R Reads.
1 review
September 21, 2025
the best book I've ever read!!!!literally my favourite book now. this book carries emotions on each and every word of it. it's just toooooooooooooo gooooood.....worth reading and the time as well. I'd happily lose my memory to read this book for the first time!!!!!!
7 reviews
November 24, 2025
YA is my cup of tea so even though I enjoyed this author’s first work, Pendulum is for sure my favorite. ✨ Hayat was so real and fresh, and I felt so connected to her, having lost someone dear to me as well. Overall a spectacular read 💎
1 review1 follower
August 27, 2025
A gifted author whose voice shines brighter in every book she writes! This story is worth experiencing, it is imaginative, emotional, and intensely captivating.
Profile Image for Afreen.
27 reviews
November 20, 2025
These emerging Gen-Z Muslim voices are getting it right. I enjoyed the balance in this book a realistic elements, and a fitting ending to this novel.
1 review
October 3, 2025
Such a wonderful read! This halal romance is lighthearted yet meaningful, following a young woman as she navigates a major life event. The story beautifully portrays her journey with faith, struggles, and growth, making it both relatable and inspiring. It’s the perfect balance of heartfelt and uplifting. A book that leaves you smiling but also reflecting.
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