Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic

by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

"Through excellent examples and easy-to-read text, this book provides parents with a pathway to understanding their child's temperament and to a place where parents can balance the needs of their child's unique temperament with their own needs and those of their family."
-- James Cameron, Ph.D., executive director, The Preventive Ounce, Berkeley, CaliforniaThe essential companion workbook to the national bestseller "Raising Your Spirited Child, " In this companion workbook, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka brings readers into her world-famous workshops, where she offers parents and educators insights, emotional support and proven strategies for dealing with spirited children. The key word that distinguishes spirited children from other children is "more" -- more intense, more persistent, more sensitive and more uncomfortable with change. Through exercises, observations and dialogue from actual groups, Kurcinka helps readers learn to identify the triggers that lead to tantrums and challenging behaviors. Included are clues to help you identify the little things that can make or break a day, tips for profiling your child's temperament and your own, cues that indicate intensity is rising, successful strategies for reducing and eliminating power struggles.

By combining the intuition and compassion gained from parenting a spirited child with the wisdom of an expert who has worked with thousands of families, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka helps parents and educators view their unique challenge with perseverance, flexibility, sensitivity, and, most of all, enjoyment.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Audiobook, Education, Childrens

528 pages, Paperback

First published August 1, 1991

About the author

Mary Sheedy Kurcinka is a best-selling author and internationally recognized lecturer and parent educator. Her books Raising Your Spirited Child, Raising Your Spirited Child Workbook; Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles; and Sleepless in America: Is Your Child Misbehaving or Missing Sleep have been translated into ten languages.

As director of parentchildhelp.com, Mary provides training nationally and internationally for families and professionals, including medical personnel, educators, and social service providers who serve families. Licensed as a parent educator and early childhood teacher, she has pioneered efforts to bring topics such as temperament, neurobiology, the importance of sleep, and emotion coaching into homes, schools, medical practices, and businesses. She is as comfortable as a keynote speaker for major professional conferences as she is working one on one with families in their homes or teachers in their classrooms.

Known for her real-life examples, Mary links research-based information with typical challenging behaviors and provides practical solutions that really work. Her presentations have helped hundreds of thousands of parents and professionals to understand children better, and themselves as well.

Born on a third-generation dairy farm, Mary lives with her husband in St. Paul, Minnesota. She is the proud mother of one son and one daughter — now adults with whom she loves to spend time.

Reviews

[Rebecca Tredway · Rating 5 out of 5]

Is is too much of an exaggeration to say this book saved my life? Well, perhaps it is, but in all honesty, this book improved my quality of life and helped me understand my 3 year old's personality. My child is definitely more intense and sensitive than many other children--but now I've learned to value and appreciate her in a new way. I also know how to be an advocate for her in preschool and future school settings. Seriously, I am a better mommy due to the facts and advice found in this book.

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

warning: this review is kind of long because I want to remember certain things before I return this to the library.

I have had this book recommended to me by several people but had never read it because I didn't think my kids were "spirited". They aren't hyper, but I was totally misunderstanding the use of the word. The opening page of this books says "I ... secretly needed to talk with other parents who understood what is was like to live with a child who could scream for 45 minutes because his toast had been cut in triangles when he was expecting rectangles." That has happened several times in our house so, when I read that, I knew this book was for me.

After reading this book I would say that two of my kids fall in the spirited category and one in the spunky category. And hopefully the last one is in the mellow easy category. :)

This book helped me understand my children better and gave me a few techniques for dealing with them. I think mostly you have to learn what is best for your own child by trial and error, but this book helped me recognize that a child isn't trying to drive me crazy because she won't wear certain clothes or goes on and on about the scent at the hair place-- she is just extremely sensitive, more so than I am, and now I recognize that.

I also found the discussion about introverts and extroverts helpful.
Introverts need time on their own to refuel. They need to take a break from people when they have been overstimulated.

A lot of it focussed on changing the labels we use to be more positive. For instance one of my children is extremely perceptive. This is a positive trait when it comes to artwork, she remembers details that others do not see. But it becomes a problem when she is so distracted by all the details around her that she doesn't listen to directions. This book recommended a soft touch and eye contact to be sure a child hears you. Send your message in many different ways like writing, demonstrating, pictures, etc. Keep directions simple so they don't get distracted by a list of steps.

When lizzy was in one of her all out tantrums I skipped ahead to the chapter about tantrums. It is mostly about prevention. I know I shouldn't have taking her shopping close to her nap and lunch time but sometimes you just can't avoid it. I was hoping for a sure fire way to end the tantrum, but it wasn't there. It did help me recognize a pattern in her tantrums so hopefully I can do a little more prevention.

[Skylar Burris · Rating 3 out of 5]

This verbose tome often seemed to take awhile to get to the point, but I preferred it to Taming Your Spirited Child; it was a little less "you're child is never wrong" in its approach. The self-scoring section was helpful in giving me a general idea of where my kid fell on the scale and making me realize that she is perhaps more spunky than spirited and that normal discipline methods probably still apply. I did glean one or two helpful things from the book, the most useful of which has been her instruction not to use "Please" when issuing directives and to use as few words of possible (i.e. Not "Please get in your seat now so we can go" but "Seat. Now.") I was so used to using "please" in everything I said to teach my kids politeness that I didn't realize they were more likely to take these statements as requests than as directives. But I actually have noticed a difference now that I have become, well, more direct. It was nice to see some improvement from something so simple. Most of her advice, however, just involves adapting yourself to your kid's personality, which you do have to do up to a point with a spirited kid so you yourself can be more at peace with the whirlwind, but the thing is – I want my kid to learn to adapt herself, because the WORLD isn't going to adapt itself to her. The book didn't offer much help in that area. It gave techniques to handle your kid, but most people your child deals with aren't going to have the motivation, knowledge, or patience to go through all of that.

[Catherine (alternativelytitledbooks) - tired of sickness! · Rating 3 out of 5]

**Many thanks to NetGalley, William Morrow, and Mary Sheedy Kurcinka for an ARC of this book!**

spirited (adj.) - full of energy, enthusiasm, and determination

When you think of kids in general, the definition above seems to be pretty much a given: kids never stop moving, are curious about the world with endless questions, and determined to do pretty much anything (and EVERYTHING) they feel they can do on their own. So what exactly sets apart the 'spirited' child from well, ANY child? Why does it seem like this special group of kids (ones that the fabulous Dr. Becky Kennedy refers to as "Deeply Feeling Kids", or DFKs) takes any situation up JUST a bit...and how can we truly communicate effectively with our spirited children to help them grow and also nurture their young minds and hearts? How can we harness the power of their deeply feeling selves and channel their inherent qualities to HELP them rather than hold them back?

Mary Sheedy Kurcinka is here to tell you just that in this fourth edition of her book "Raising Your Spirited Child." She starts with an effective definition of the traits that are abundant in every spirited child: intensity, persistence, sensitivity, perceptiveness, and struggles with adaptability. On top of these characteristics, many spirited children may also have intense mood shifts, boundless energy, resistance to trying new things, and irregular sleep or eating habits. She proposes to tackle and harness these gifts and quirks through a three step approach: Calm, Connect, and Coach. With Calm, our goal is to regulate our child's nervous system so that true connection and communication can take place. This covers taking the child out of fight or flight to get them back into their thinking brain so that learning can take place. Connect means that your child sees you as a safe person and one that they can turn to in times of distress - children need not only to feel SEEN by their caregiver, but truly understood. When you affirm your child's thoughts and fears and provide understanding, this is the moment of connect. Coaching comes into play when our child is connected and calmed - we can then insert a teaching moment because our child is now receptive and open to learning.

This three C strategy provides a framework for the rest of the book - from here, Kurcinka moves through the importance of removing negative labels and replacing them with positive ones (your child is tenacious, not demanding, etc.) and focusing on emphasizing positive ones. It's very easy for spirited children's behaviors to elicit a negative response and unfortunately, children can often internalize the negativity, so it's important to nip it in the bud from there. Kurcinka moves through the rest of her strategy by focusing on the importance of structure in the spirited child's life, butting up a parent's temperament to their child's temperament, examining introversion vs. extroversion and what fills each cup based on that classification, dealing with sensitivity and distractability, working on enhancing adaptability to make transitions easier, and working through tantrums and meltdowns. The third and final section of the book deals with interactions with the outside world and other special circumstances, as Kurcinka advises how to help your child get along with others, navigate vacations, and be successful in the context of the classroom and beyond. She concludes with a reminder that the motto is "progress, not perfection" and to love our child for who they are, and celebrate even the small wins.

With all of that overview out of the way, I have to be blunt: I was a bit disappointed after finishing this book. Where I had hoped (perhaps it was a bit of a lofty hope, but still!) to find insight I had never considered and techniques I could latch onto and put in practice immediately, what I found instead was a lot of "Been there, done that." Where this becomes difficult in terms of reviewing this book, though, is I'm not sure if the author's advice is that OBVIOUS...or if I've just read too many parenting books and therefore it SEEMS obvious due to sheer repetition. I mean, advice like "Make sure your children have structure" is beneficial to EVERY kid, no matter their temperament. EVERY child needs a healthy diet, regular mealtimes, and adequate sleep to truly thrive...and every child can benefit from a calm, steady parent who can teach them emotional regulation and coping skills. Learning your child's temperament just seems...patently obvious? I don't think you need to read this book to acknowledge those facts. At the same time, as a parent reading this book, it DID sort of provide some affirmation, so in a sense it felt good...but at the same time, it left me feeling a bit like "This is ALL I can do? Are you SURE?!" (Although in fairness, most parents who care enough to read parenting books probably feel this on some level!)

The other aspect of this book that sort of threw me for a loop was the jump from giving what I consider to be 'extreme' examples of a spirited to child to giving more mundane examples. As a parent, you're always sort of comparing what is being presented as examples of the associated behaviors and traits to your OWN child's traits and how your child might behave...so if the behavior seems drastically more intense than behavior you might deal with on a regular basis, you lose a bit in terms of a frame of reference. This sort of juxtaposition of advice aimed at kids on the far end of the spectrum vs. the more generic "one-size-benefits-all" advice mentioned above gave the book a bit of a hodgepodge feel that can be frustrating in a self-help book. Kurcinka also missed the mark a bit when it came to providing advice targeted to specific ages: at times, it seemed like she probably would have been better off either a) writing books specifically aimed at certain age groups (she already did this with Raising your Spirited Baby anyway...yet SOME of the information there seems to be reiterated here) OR b) breaking each 'advice' portion of the chapter with advice for babies, toddlers, older kids, etc. Granted, she goes all the way up through teen years (technically) in this book, so that may have made the book a bit unwieldy, but it is a technique I've seen used in other parenting books to great effect and think it MAY have helped give this book the little extra 'oomph' of cohesion, especially if the author is hoping parents will revisit these pages as their children grow.

And though Kurcinka may not have necessarily brought a plethora of new techniques or advice to the table, the 'spirit' of this book can be best summed up by none other than Kurcinka herself: "Love your spirited child for who she is. Because she is more, she will make YOU more."

3.5 stars

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

MY NOTES/QUOTES/AND USEFUL BITS:

This is called the Pygmalion Effect and has been well documented by researchers. The reality is that children learn what hey are from others in their lives. Think about ht e spirited children you know. What words do you use to describe them? Do they sound like the million-dollar words created by advertising companies, words that can make you wish you could have even more children who are spirited? Are they the kind of descriptors that would make others envy you the opportunity of raising a spirited child? Tags that create, warm, tender feelings? Labels that make you puff with pride, smile in appreciation, and chuckle with enjoyment? Positive words that focus on what’s right instead of what’s wrong? To be perfectly honest, it’s unlikely.
Page 23


Research has documented it, when we are happy and feeling good about ourselves, we select higher goals, perform better, and persist longer on tasks. And although your child may initially respond with a bit of skepticism, if you keep it up, eventually he will believe your words and become more open to your guidance. Words really do make a difference.
Page 32


It’s easy for a child to build a healthy since of self-esteem when the words used to describe him are the ones like creative, curious, and zestful. Words that create positive images wrap our kids in a protective armor, giving them the strength they need to make the behavior changes that actually turn the inappropriate behavior into acceptable actions. In other words, kids who like themselves, behave themselves.
Page 32

Once children have learned to respond to the cues their bodies are sending them and understand time-out as a healthy opportunity to deal with their stress, they can call for one themselves. In fact, you may see your children slide out of the action and into their room for a quick break all by themselves. Intuitively they are bringing their bodies back into the green zone. This is especially true if you have created a sign with the words “I need a hug,” or “I need your attention” on it that they can hand to a parent when time-out alone isn’t enough to pull the game plan back together. Even three-year-olds can begin to appreciate the power of words instead of tantrums to get their needs met.
Page 126


People yell when they are angry and frustrated. Mind you, I am not advocating yelling, but it is a reality. In some cultural groups it is very acceptable. In others it may not be as widely approved, but it remains a fact of life. We are all aware of the traumas children experience when they lie in their beds listening to their parents screaming at each other, or stand there, powerless victims, as their parents rage at them. This is verbal abuse, which studies over the last three decades have shown can be even more psychologically harmful than the physical assault of punches and kicks. This kind of yelling is not acceptable.
Page 139


Spirited kids are our future politicians, lawyers, salespeople, and agents of change. If we don’t want to spend our time arguing with them every day, we have to be sure our basic ground rules are very clear.
Rules describe what behavior you expect. Your family’s rules may not be the same as mine, but what’s important is that there aren’t too many. Spirited kids test every single rule. “Are you sure it’s a rule?” they seem to question. “Is it true that it’s a rule every time? Are you really going to insist I follow it? Do you follow it too?” Rules are your battle lines. The fights you are willing to dig your feet in and be as persistent as your spirted child.

In my classes I’ve whittled the guidelines for rules
down to three basic questions:
1. Is the behavior safe?
2. Is it respectful of self and others?
3. Is it respectful of the environment?

If not, it’s the adult’s job to help the kids stop.
When you are very clear about what your rules are and why you have them, you will feel confident. When you insist that your three-year-old take a nap or at least have a rest period, you don’t have to question yourself when he starts to put up a fuss. You know it’s important for him and his safety, since preschoolers who go more than eight hours without sleep are 86 percent more likely to end up in an emergency room with injuries.
Page 165


CHECK STIMULATION LEVELS
I always tell parents in my classes that if they ever feel as if they are the only parents in the world with a sensitive spirited child, they should drop everything and head for the largest, noisiest, most congested store in their area. There they will find spirited kids dropping like little bombs: two down in aisle one; three in aisle four (the candy shelf); and six in aisle seven (the toy department). At first glance in will appear that the explosions are triggered by a refusal to buy a candy bar, a desire to push the cart, or some other insignificant issue. The real trigger, however, is hidden in the fluorescent lights, piped-in music, flashing signs, colorful packages, and crush of people that create more stimulation than a sensitive child can endure, especially if his or her energy bank is low.
Pp180-1


Remember introverts only like to share feelings after they’ve had a chance to think about them. Let them know you’re available when they’re ready to talk, but give them the time and space they need to think through their emotions before you expect them to share them. If you push them, they’ll only withdraw. Introverts need their space.
Page 188


Sensitivity combines with intensity to make spirited kids very tenderhearted. They form deep and lasting relationships. They have a tremendous sense of justice. They are easily hurt. It is critical that they understand both their sensitivity and intensity, to realize that life may have dumped a bucket of water on their head but they aren’t drowning. They will survive.
Page 188


Choosing the right words is critical to winning your child’s cooperation. If you want your child to do something and don’t wish to debate it, be sure your message is a clear direction: “It’s time for bed,” “You may play in the yard,” “It’s time to leave,” “Wash your hands before eating,” “and “The rule is you must wear shoes in school.” These are all straightforward directives. They clearly and simply tell the child exactly what he may do. Make sure you are not unintentionally blurring your direction by adding the words please or okay or even raising your voice at the end of your statement as though asking a question, when there really isn’t any choice.
Page 205


If you don’t want to be hit, bitten, whined at, hung on, or disgusted, you have to teach your children how to get your attention. Decide how you would like them to approach you and then show them. Do you want words? What words? “I want attention,” “I need a hug,” or “Please listen to me.” Do you want actions: a tap on the shoulder or the shaking of your hand? Do you need eye contact? Do you want them to stand in front of you? Do you want them to pull you down to their level and talk to you?
There isn’t one right way, but just as you have to learn how to get your child’s attention, your child has to learn how to get yours. Next time he whines, say, “Stop. I’m listening. I think you are telling me you want attention. Say it with words.” Or if she hits you, say, “Stop. Hitting hurts. If you want my attention, take my hand.” Then you have to be willing to garner your forces and give your attention to her.
Page 211


Spirited children adapt slowly to transitions – any transition – because change can easily put them into a state of alert, ready to move into the red zone of fight, flight, or freeze. When the intensity goes up, adaptability goes down. To shift gears, to pass from one activity, place, or topic to another requires a wrenching, grinding effort on their part. Transitions are the virus that can destroy the system. If you can’t even get the kids out the door, in the door, to the table, from the table, or cleaned up without a major hassle, the good parts of the day lose their sparkle. The day feels rotten. Listening to their vehement squeals of protest make you feel that a major overhaul is needed to correct the problem. Fortunately a mere tune-up will do the job.
page 216

*use words
*establish a routine
* allow time
*forewarning is critical
*allow time for closure
*limit the number of transitions
*help them deal with disappointment
pp216-229


You can help take the sting out of disappointments by playing “what if” with them. Before an event or departure occurs, talk through the things that could possibly happen. For example, if you are going to a movie, ask you child, “What if we got there and all the tickets were sold out? How would you feel? What would we do?” Or, “What if you went to a birthday part and they served fruit salad instead of birthday cake? How would you feel? What would you do?” Or, “What if you went to swimming lessons and they called everyone’s name but yours?”
“What if” teaches kids to be good problem solvers and sets them up for success. If the “what if” actually happens, they’re already prepared. They know how they feel, they have words for it, and they know what to do. Even if you haven’t quite guessed the “what if” situation correctly, you’ve probably come close enough to make comparisons.
“Doesn’t this raise anxieties?” parents ask me. Potentially it could, but the emphasis of “what if” is not on what terrible disappointment or calamity could happen. The emphasis is on our confidence in their ability to solve the problem. This is a supportive, comforting message. Kids don’t become anxious when they feel in control.
Pp 229-230


Megan Gunnar at the University of Minnesota has found that even infants show elevated levels of stress hormones when their parents are stressed. While all children will respond this way, your spirited child picks it up like a top-of-the-line vacuum. Truly this child is your family’s “emotional barometer.” His spill-over tantrums are a warning sign that can feel overwhelming when you are already at the end of your rope.
Page 270


DEVELOPMENTAL SURGES: Kids go through developmental surges. You can mark it on your calendar. Somewhere around their birthday and their half birthday, you can expect trouble. They get cranky and uncooperative. They might be incapable of doing what they were able to do just a few weeks before. Nothing seems right. They’re easily frustrated. Every time you turn around, they’re crying about something else. They won’t cooperate. They want to be held and then push you away when you hold them. They’re angry – angry at you, at the world, and at themselves. They are more easily upset by anything.
The developmental theorists tell us that this is a time of disintegration, a time when children are moving from one stage of development to another. Their inner systems are restructuring, creating a new, more complex way of understanding the world.
Page 272


Ask your kids if they know what the rules in your house are for tantrums. If they don’t know, sit down and talk about them, but choose your discussion time wisely. Select a time when everyone is well rested, cool, calm, and relaxed. Then you can actually have fun with it. Kids as young as three can develop the rules. Go ahead, ask them. It is fascinating what they have to say. If your spirited child is an infant or toddler, know what your rules are and say them out loud so your child will begin to learn them.
At our house the rules for tantrums look like this: It’s all right to cry and throw yourself on the bed. You can stomp your feet, yell like Tarzan, and ask to be held. It’s not all right to hit, kick, pinch, scream in someone’s ear, throw things around the room, blame others, spit, scratch, grab or swear.
Page 281


Now select night-sleep time. If, for example, your preschool arises at 7:00 AM every morning and takes a ninety-minute nap, sleep time will be 8:30 PM so that he will get a total of twelve hours sleep in a twenty-four hour period. If he’s school-aged and arises at seven, he’ll need to be asleep by 9:00 PM. This is not bedtime, this is sleep time – the moment you want you child to actually be sound asleep
Now think about your child. How long does it take him to prepare for bed and calm his body and his brain so that he’s ready for sleep? Most children will need approximately forty-five minutes to an hour. So if you want your child to be asleep by 8:30, that means bedtime needs to be at 7:30 or 7:45 PM at the latest.
Page 323


There are hordes of books on sleep problems that will encourage you to let you child cry it out. Fortunately, even these authors are beginning to recognize that there is a flaw in this advice. Supposedly the child stops crying after a few minutes. Spirited kids don’t. Left to their own devices, intense, spirited children become overwhelmed by their powerful reactions. They may be unable to stop, crying for hours instead of minutes, not because they are “out to get you” but because of their physiology. They get more upset as the minutes tick away. The bedtime battle is extended instead of being shortened.
Some children react so strongly that they will vomit. (***THIS WAS ELI) Some experts raise a warning that to respond sympathetically is to be controlled by your child. “If they vomit,” they advise, “clean it up and put them back to bed.” But small children don’t vomit to control their parents; they vomit because they are stressed. They also rarely vomit in a neat little pile. There is nothing worse than walking into a room with vomit sprayed on the walls, the carpet, stuffed animals, and each individual bar of the crib. If your child is prone to vomiting, to to him, help him to take deep breaths and calm down so that he won’t regurgitate. Your support at this point will save you both a great deal of frustration and discomfort when you are much to tired to deal with it. (***AND I LEARNED THIS LESSON QUICKLY!)
Page 326


UNDERSTANDING THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN INTROVERTS AND EXTROVERTS
Oftentimes when I talk with parents who are worried about their child’s social skills, I realize the real issue is understanding the differences between introverts and extroverts. It is important to remember that popularity or social skills cannot be measured by the number of friends your child does or does not have. In chapter 5 I explained how introverts and extroverts interact with others. Introverts are frequently not given full credit for their social skills because they are more selective with their friendships. If you are an extroverted parent, you may worry that your introverted child doesn’t have friends because he is not eager to invite other children over to play. Remember that introverts form deep, long-lasting relationships with a few good friends. Their social skills may be excellent they simply are more particular and take longer to form their relationships. If your child is playing successfully with at least one other child, you probably don’t need to worry. He has social skills, He is just being very selective in how he uses them. Remember, Introverts enjoy and need time alone. Being alone and being lonely are not the same thing to an introvert.
pp 416-7


Why isn’t it easy to send kids off to school? You’d think we’d be happy – appreciative of the break. And perhaps you are. It is a relief, a milestone. Still, you may find your eyes filling, your vision blurred as soon as your son or daughter mounts the school-bus steps for the first time – alone – or releases your hand and enters that preschool classroom – leaving you behind. She’s on her own to face the world. You gulp, hoping that she will be treasured by those she encounters rather than discussed as an oddity or troublemaker. But you don’t know and you stand there praying that she will be successful, that she will enjoy school, make friends, and bring a smile rather than a frown to her teacher’s face.
Spirited kids can prosper in school. You can find them serving as student council leaders, in the starring roles of the school plays, as members of the winning teams, and in the enhanced learning programs. They can be successful in a Montessori school, in a local public school, in a parochial school, or in a private school. They type or location of the school doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that individual differences are respected and that parents, teachers, and kids are working together. In a school where this occurs, you can see, feel, and hear things that let you know spirit blooms here.
Pp 440-1

[Tracey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this book and I swear its written about my oldest son! Really helped me understand him and better deal with some of the issues we were having. I completely changed my way of discipline and also changed some of the situations where I realised he would become over stimulated and therefore this would cause problems. Having read this book after a few months of me changing my patterns and the things we did he became a different child. I recommend this to any parent that has a spirited child, it described the extrovert, introvert, gives examples of personality types and issues. Great reference book.

It was a relief for me to read this book, having been accused of having an A.D.D, ADHD, full on hypo child, to being ostracised at play group, gym tots, little kickers soccer etc it made me realise that I was getting my son to par take in activities that would over stimulate him as he was unable to take control of his emotions. The other relief was that there are obviously heaps of other kids out there like this so it did help me to feel normal, rather than completely abnormal which was how I was made to feel by the uneducated bogan that gave me a piece of her mind at playgroup. Honestly I would never pass comment about how docile, inactive, dumb looking someone else's child is and ask whether they are retarded because all they do is sit in one place and play with the same toy for half and hour, so really what gives them the right to make a comment about mine!

[Dana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cried when I started this book. It was such a relief to know that there were other parents out there like me, with kids like mine! It was validating to know that some children DO require more input than others: I felt like my hard work was finally recognized.

As I continued, what stood out, even beyond the helpful advice and tips for handling the intense traits of a spirited child, was her positive perspective. I was able to shed the burden I was feeling about having a "spirited" child and look at these traits and challenges as a very special gift.

A gift yes, but one that definitely requires some fine-tuning. That's where she breaks down her definition of "spirited" into separate temperamental components and what they look like, and then how to respond in a positive way. The practical advice is the meat of the book.

Along the way not only did I learn about parenting, but I learned about myself, my childhood, my marriage, and about relationships in general. This book is a rare gem that transformed the way I think.

[Cat · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book stunningly useful and reassuring. Kurcinka emphasizes that those larger-than-life size reactions your preschooler are having come from her real reactions to things and that understanding the temperamental sources of some of those reactions (like being slow to adapt to a new situation or being high energy and needing to move) can allow you to handle them better and to facilitate them where you can and redirect them where you can't. While reading Kurcinka's book, I found myself becoming more sympathetic to my daughter's frustrations and outbursts. The best part, I think, is that Kurcinka allows you the parent to have emotional reactions (even acknowledges that you might be "spirited" too) and encourages (indeed, insists upon) monitoring your own emotional reactions and responding to them (taking a break, for example, when your persistent kid is about to make you explode). In addition, and this seems so smart to me, she encourages you to narrate your process of handling emotions to your child in order to make her process of doing the same thing feel more natural, normal, accepted. It's important to Kurcinka that we talk about children's intensity in positive terms, that we recognize that this emotional receptivity and expressivity can be a major strength in life, and that we overtly (rather than implicitly) teach the process of recognizing and managing these emotions.

The book is filled with practical advice that I've been implementing and finding successful since I first started reading it. Best of all, there's no parent-blaming, no "find your inner Zen-master," no "your kid will know if you are faking the authority that you possess." This book is all about recognizing the cues from your child that might signal a big reaction is coming and then encouraging her to be a collaborative problem solver. This idea of "finding the yes"--coming to a conclusion that satisfies all members of the family and not just the parent--is so helpful. My daughter is very intelligent and very strong-willed, and when she sees the steps of decision-making and feels heard, she becomes newly calm in a situation where she might have been gearing up to fly off the handle.

My one hesitation about the book--and this is a small one--is that the process of talking about emotions, finding the "yes," arranging routines and settings to maximize your child's potential for success, feels very time and resource-consuming, and I also worry that it communicates to your child that there is going to be a lot of time/space/negotiation dedicated to them in the future in the world. This is not exactly the same hesitation that Kurcinka reports from a number of her parents, whom she says have been raised with more traditional discipline. I see how Kurcinka's system of problem-solving and compromising is consistent with boundary-setting when it is needed, and I also think that autocratic edicts from on high teach less than explanations and expectation-setting do. But the whole idea of reading a five-hundred page book about how to patiently negotiate with your child sets up the fact that Kurcinka expects that you will treat child-rearing as one of the major centers of your life, and I worry about the child who learns that they are the center of household life and then goes out into the world to discover that no one else feels that way. I suspect that Kurcinka would say that when we narrate emotional management and highlight collaborative problem-solving, we give the child the tools to handle those threatening or difficult situations on their own. And so far, in my house, it's really been working! It's no exaggeration to say this book felt like a lifesaver to me.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I began this with a lot of cynicism, since every other parenting book I'd ever read seemed to be talking about a child quite different than mine. Fortunately, this book made a huge impact on me, my husband, and the way we understand and appreciate our daughter. I only wish I would have read it earlier - it would have prevented a lot of frustration and hurt feelings.

I love that the book's premise isn't to "fix" your child - it unapologetically says, "this is who your kid is, you can't change 'em, so this is how you learn to cope and appreciate them." What a refreshing thought!

As an added bonus, I never expected to read a book in order to help me understand my child and, along the way, gain so much understanding of myself!

Now if I can only find a book that deals with raising your spirited cat...

[Maksym Valevatyi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Це надзвичайна книга. А надзвичайні діти - це такі, які ніби звичайні, тобто без психічних розладів чи інших важких хвороб, але все ж якісь... складніші.
І батьки хапаються за голову - звичайними методами з ними не впораєшся, а "лікувальні" не для них.
Наприклад, ваша дитина щоразу ворохобиться під час вдягання - те їй не зручно, це тисне, там муляє. Ця дитина дуже чутлива. І може бути надзвичайно чутлива також до запахів, звуків, смаків, світла...
Або ж дитина б'ється на смерть, аби нікуди не їхати, не йти, ні з ким не зустрічатися. Ця дитина чутлива до змін. Не зараза мала, не прокляття роду людського, а просто чутлива і не вміє дати собі раду з цим.
Чи енергійна дитина. Буревій і жертви серед мирного населення. Але ж дитина просто має такий рівень енергії, і питання не в тому, як її приборкати, а як навчити жити з такою енергійністю.
Авторка вчить правильному ставленню: як сприймати, як переформульовувати "проблемні" риси в позитивні - не впертість, а завзятість, не вибуховість, а пристрасність. Це гарні риси. Корисні.
Маса прийомів, технік і життєвих прикладів щодо всіх ситуацій, в яких батьки просто хапаються за голову чи волають як скажені бегемоти. Як їсти, як спати, як вдягатися, як відпочивати, як розмовляти, як робити все, щоб ви з вашою надзвичайною дитиною жили радісно й мирно.
Я буду перечитувати потрібні глави. В теорії я такий розумний, але на практиці...
Раджу всім, у кого надзвичайні діти, а також всім, у кого ніби нема особливих проблем з вихованням, але бувають епізоди... Бо всі діти надзвичайні.

[Ginger · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found a LOT to really like about this book. There were moments when it actually brought me to tears, because what I was reading was, for once, EXACTLY like reading about my kid...and my reactions. In fact, I'm going to make my husband read this because I think there are some really important observations we can use to be better parents for our spunky/spirited child.

There are parts of the book that don't apply to us, which I think would be the case for many parents. But what parenting book is 100% applicable to every family? Overall, though, I found this book to be one that spoke to me about a kid like mine in ways I found positive and reassuring.

I do wish that there were more examples of how to handle discipline, tantrums, etc. The book focuses most of its energy on getting the reader/parent to accept and acknowledge how the temperaments and traits of their child may be causing the conflicts in the home, and less time on how to deal with those conflicts once you know those temperaments. I did read an older version of the book, so perhaps more recent editions have added to this area.

All in all, I think this will be a book I come back to often in the coming days/weeks/months.

[Tiffany · Rating 5 out of 5]

My sister Amy recommended this book when Ellie was a toddler, she'd had a friend who'd used it with her son and loved it. It was very interesting, and gave me a lot of insight into not only my kids, but Jerem! I loved how the author puts all of the characteristics we usually try to squash out of children into a positive light. It also tells you how to deal with the daily trials of having a spirited child--how to avoid the battles. I'm a "mellow" person, and so was Hannah, so when "spunky" Megan and "spirited" Ellie came into our family, I just didn't know how to deal with their needs (and they really are needs, not just whims.) One of the best parts was about Introverts and Extroverts, and how some people need to be around other people to "refuel" (me and the other kids) and some people need to be alone to "refuel" (Jerem and Ellie!) Very educating!

[Alyssa Soileau · Rating 4 out of 5]

It has been a year long journey with this book that has been a light and given me so much information on how to allow ZK to bloom and grow. I wish it would’ve contained even more examples than what it did because even though I have a lot more knowledge about raising a spirited child, I feel clueless with some of the things Z throws at me.

[Kris Irvin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is fantastic. If you think you have a kid who is More, I can't recommend this one highly enough.

Toby has always been an intense child - even in the womb he was a nutball. I was at the end of my rope a few weeks ago and truly did not know what to do with this kid - nothing ever works. No really, nothing I have ever tried discipline wise has ever helped. Except for screaming - we told him if he screamed a bear would eat him. This cut down on 90% of the screaming, but I'm not really wanting to threaten him with imaginary bears for the rest of his life.

I especially love Kurcinka's thoughts on labeling. I am working on changing my own labels of Toby. He's not annoying, he's persistent. ha, ha.

I like that this book has summaries of each chapter, so if you don't have time to read the entire thing you can at least read the one-page summaries. I loved that it was about real parents - real stories about real kids. There were a few things I didn't find applicable, but for the most part, this book really is a lifesaver. I would have liked more ideas on disciplinary stuff, but I think a re-read will help me catch anything I might have missed. I might also look for a more recent edition next time I'm in the bookstore (I read the 1998 edition, not sure if there are newer ones out there.)

One of the best parenting books I have ever read. (It's earning a permanent place on my shelf, which is a very difficult thing for a book to do.)

[Mike Harrell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Spoiler Alert: If you see your child in this book, your child is probably Neuro-diverse and would benefit by seeing a pediatric neurologist to nail down what's really going on. (And you may be too!)

A year after reading through this book, we finally just took our son to a psychologist who diagnosed him with ADHD almost immediately. Before you go all hippie "That's just Big Pharma wanting you to put your kid on drugs" on me, a real diagnosis is not a label or a curse, it's a blessing. You FINALLY have something with a name to work with and a huge base of support that already exists. We had a heads-up on many, many situations he would have trouble with at home, at school, with family, and with friends because we sought (and continue to seek) professional help and treatment to get informed and learn how to be the very best parents we could for such an incredible and lovable and frequently impossible child. It's been a very difficult journey with this help, it would have been impossible without it.

A few months later, I was also diagnosed with ADHD, but a different kind, that explained so, so many things about my life in good ways and very difficult ways. But again, knowing what was going on makes everything a lot easier, even if it wasn't what you wanted to hear at first.

Don't be afraid. You can ignore problems and suffer through them forever, or you can get real answers and work to find real solutions.

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Without a doubt this book has made me a better parent, more able to both understand and work with the spirit of my three year old. This book has helped teach me the different ways she is wired, changing my frustration and exasperation into understanding and empathy. I feel not only more patient and loving with her now, but also equipped with the tools I need in the more difficult moments. It has changed our relationship in so many amazing ways. I am so grateful to have had this book recommended to me and will recommend it wholeheartedly to others!

[Natalie Rembert · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the best practical book on parenting I’ve ever read. It took me a long time to get through it, as I wanted to take it slow. I 100% plan on referencing it in the future.

“Love your spirited child for who she is. Let her make you laugh. Let her share with you how she sees, hears, and experiences the things around her. Allow her to enrich your life. Because she is more, she will make you more.”

[Melody Bringe · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting and helpful book, I enjoyed it. Will probably reread as a hardcopy so I can take notes. I appreciate the emphasis of understanding your child, appreciating their strengths and helping them grow into maturity. And also understanding people better in general. But there seemed to be a bent of simply managing difficult/negative temperament traits.

[Adrian Alvarez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Often reading through parenting books is like shopping for a used car. There are a lot of books with scant ideas pretending they're worth the 300 pages they're printed on, like slimy salesmen trying to pawn off piles of junk at full price. The ratio of help to filler can be aggravating. So imagine my surprise when I found this parenting book: one that not only earned its pages in good ideas but exceeded my expectations. If you have a spirited child this is *the* book to read.

My wife and I didn't realize just how spirited our first born was until we had a second child. I mean we had a small idea but when you only have one child it's hard to distinguish between baby-in-general and this-specific-baby. Well with a little context we gathered this-specific-baby is extremely spirited and a lot of the parenting skills we had to develop were not the same ones our friends with kids were dealing with. It wasn't only a matter of his being an extrovert, but an extrovert who feels feelings more intensely and has extra energy needs, therefore extra energy management needs. How wonderful for his two introverted parents, though he gets his spirited nature from me.

This book is full of useful (actionable) ideas to help with everything from solving tantrums over getting dressed in the morning to bolstering strengths with language that won't crush your little one's spirit. For categories where we seemed to be doing okay (food) it was confidence building to see how our overarching framework was on the right track so we can stick to the main theories when something new inevitably comes up.

From small but crucial tips (having them dress themselves in front of a mirror) to large conceptual charges (transitions can't come out of nowhere, even small ones) this book delivers.

If you or anyone you know has a spirited child I highly recommend this book. It's a game changer.

[Zeynep Gunduz Seyhan · Rating 5 out of 5]

İkizlerimi büyütürken kitaplardan yardım aldım hep. Ne kadar okumuş olsam da, küçüğümü de büyütürken bu huyumdan vazgeçmedim. Bu minvalde @altinkitaplar dan çıkan #zordeğilsıradışıçocuk kitabını okudum. Sanırım okudum demek az kalır, kitabı ince ince eledim, altını çizdim, notlar aldım. Çok sevdim çok istifade ettim. Her ne kadar eğitici bir kitap olsa da, insanların tecrübeleri üzerinden giden bir anlatım olduğu için asla sıkmıyor. Başka aileler nasıl baş ediyor zorluklarla, nasıl altından kalkıyorlar okumuş oldum. Hele mizaç konusu üzerinde bu kadar durulması harikaydı. Zira bizim eğitim sistemimizde göz ardı edilen bir konu. Mizaç, çocuğun karakterinden farklı bir konu. Çocuğun karakteri zamanla otururken , mizaç doğuştan gelir ve siz çocuğunuzu bilip ona göre hareket etmezseniz, aranızdaki çatışma asla bitmez. Mizaç kadar önemli olan bir şey daha var ki çocuklar üstünde , o da kelimeler. Aslında bunu çoğumuz bilse de bazen o an için unutabiliyoruz. Oysa ki ağzımızdan çıkan kelimeler ile çocuğumuzu etiketlemiş oluyoruz. Olumlu kelimeler seçerek hem çocuğumuzu ruhen yaralamamış, hem kendimizi negatife çekmemiş oluruz. Hatta mümkünse bunu görün hayatımıza yaymalıyız.
.
🤸‍♂️Kitabı o kadar sevdim ki, sabaha kadar hakkında konuşabilirim. En iyisi siz kitabı edinin ve benim gibi doya doya okuyun.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I got my answer in the first chapter of this book when I took a quiz that surprised me. After the quiz to identify whether or not my child was spirited, I was surprised to find a quiz to discover if I was spirited. When I discovered that I am a spirited parent, that was all I needed to know. My child didn't need to change, I needed to to change. Life was completely different after that.
Today, my spirited child is a 20 year old American Soldier and a missionary who is the light and joy of my life. We have an exceptionally close relationship, in large part, because of the realization I made about myself in this book, which changed the way I parented my sweet baby boy.

[Emma · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very verbose tome when I, with my savage (excuse me, energetic) 3 year old, am at the end of my rope trying to understand him, live with him, not sell him on ebay.

I wanted the facts laid out for me like boom, boom, boom. I wanted someone to hold my hand and say, "when he does x, you do y."

I don't know that there is a book in existence that can do that. However, I'll keep chugging along, reading parenting book after parenting book hoping that someday I am so filled with parenting wisdom that I don't totally mess up at least one of my children.

[Liesl Shurtliff]

My youngest is basically five children in one. So much energy. So intense. So strong-willed. Takes flipping forever to do EVERYTHING. This book is helping me understand his temperament and know how to work with him. I'm learning to look at all his traits in a positive light and finding new ways to communicate and negotiate. It doesn't fix everything overnight, and some of the ideas/suggestions in the book seem a bit like throwing spaghetti at a wall, see what sticks, but it's giving me some hope that my child isn't a monster and I'm not the worst mother in the world.

[Carrie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good strategies for all parents.

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

The story of how I got this book is funny. My daughter had been with her preschool music teacher about three weeks before, one day, the teacher just handed me this book. She simply gave it to me. "I want you to have this." (If you know me, I'll let you guess which daughter prompted this hilarious moment of generosity.)

I'm so glad she did give it to me, because the chapter about labeling alone has helped me so much with both my older children. I actually started crying with relief as I followed the author's practical advice here and wrote out the good sides of some of my children's perceived flaws.

Based on the author's scale of spiritedness, neither of the two children in question are full-fledged spirited. They seem way more chill than some of the children described in this book and measured a mere "spunky" on the spirited scale (I have a third, but she's not even on the spirited radar). However, they have some spirited tendencies, so the strategies for the spirited child still helped with them--and, I'd imagine, with any parent. And I was surprised to learn that, although the one daughter inspired the gift of this book, it has helped even *more* with a certain other daughter who is very much a rule-follower but very emotionally intense.

The book inspired me not to be as reactive: to try to discern the root of what seems to be bothering them, and to talk to them about it before passing down my parental edict on the matter. It encouraged me to be more gracious and patient with them and opened my eyes to how I struggle with some of their same tendencies. It helped me see how a lot of what they struggle with is simply something I've expected them to be good at without ever training them to do so--my fault, not theirs, that they don't have the words to deal with disappointment or fear and so dissolve into wails and tears. It also gives me hope and a clear path forward: they don't have to be stuck this emotionally reactive; I have the responsibility as their parent to give them the right tools to handle themselves well. I do think the book's advice sometimes gives too much parental authority away, but the heart behind it is sound and worth parents' attention--especially parents like me, whose first mental response is more often "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU" than "Oh, baby, let me help." I'll be keeping it as a reference tool.

[Meagen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Here's my review from Amazon on this book.

This book has been SO WONDERFUL!!!!!!! If your child is spirited, READ IT!!!

I'm so grateful for the tools and mindset that this book gave me. I felt punished every day for over a year. "Why did I have to get this child? I don't want this one. Take him back, please!" I also had terrible postpartum depression at the time, which made everything worse than it already was, plus my son had one of the five worst cases of colic I've ever heard of, and I've heard a LOT of stories of people trying to sympathize but being unable to even imagine the hell we went through in our son's first year.

(By the way, we feel like our son's nature contributed to the colic and other first-year problems, which is part of why the book has been able to help. He was persistent and knew exactly what he wanted, but he couldn't express it. His body is irregular but needed some degree of regularity imposed so he would sleep at all. He is very sensitive to how much sleep he gets. He is energetic and intense and could scream for three hours straight without falling asleep. He didn't know how to cope with big emotions in a little body, so he screamed more. But now he is two years old and really a joy.)

Now, we have a wonderful, curious, passionate, loving, interesting, smart, adorable little two-year-old.

The most helpful things were these:
1) The book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child saved our lives first. It got our son sleeping AT ALL and then sleeping on a predictable schedule, which we all desperately needed. After he was rested, we could finally start working on other things.
2) Sign language. We started signing before he was even 8 months old, and it helped immensely. Our son is very spirited and knows EXACTLY what he wants. It was absolutely crucial that we were able to communicate with him to figure out what he wanted.
3) This book.
A) As I was pulling out of my postpartum depression, it was crucial that I reframe my thinking about my son. I loved the early chapter on using positive labels for our kids - determined instead of inflexible, curious rather than dragging his feet, spirited instead of hellish (yes, I did say that one), energetic instead of drives me crazy, and so forth.
B) The chapter on tantrums has helped immensely. He just turned two, which is when many people see tantrums. Not with a spirited child! Anyone with a spirited child knows that the "tantrums" -- the incessant screaming for three hours, the strength of a four year old when your infant hits you in anger -- start at birth. For months, several times a day, I have been using the author's suggestions for tantrums. Not only are her specific strategies helpful (hold him, talk him through it, name the emotions for him, tell him he doesn't have to deal with the emotions on his own) but also the mindset she describes. I don't know how many times I've told myself lines from the book:
--"He will be a WONDERFUL adult. This trait is difficult to parent, but it will make a wonderful adult and friend later."
--"This isn't a personal attack. He is overwhelmed with his intense emotions and needs me to teach him how to cope. He's not trying to punish me."
--"My child is in a spillover tantrum. I don't need to go there, too."
--"Stop and think, listen, talk to him. What part of his nature has just been threatened?"
C) Feeling less alone was wonderful. I hate it when the old ladies nod their heads and are like, "Yes, kids are difficult," and smile. My grandmas said that until they were around my son for more than two hours straight. Then they said, "Oh my goodness, does he EVER stop moving? No wonder you have him in daycare! You would physically break down and have no energy left if you tried to follow him everywhere." I love reading this book and being like, "No, my kid isn't a freak. He's just more spirited and energetic than most people can imagine, so when they say those trite, idiotic phrases, I can just let it go. They are talking about a different kind of child. My child is like five of their children. I can let it go."

All in all, I am SO GRATEFUL that the author wrote this book. It has really saved us.

And now, as he is turning two years old, he is better than ever. I promise, it's possible! I LOVE my passionate, intense, loving, curious little guy! He reminds me of myself and his dad (we were both spirited children). Our beginning was absolute hell, but with good tools, including this book, he has gotten better and better. On good days, I can't imagine a more perfect, wonderful child. Mary is right - we ARE the lucky ones! I can't imagine having a dull, uninterested, passive child.

Of course, on bad days, I want to drive to my parents' house and leave him there for a week. But we have tools now to work through it, and we're doing alright. Life is so much better now.

(p.s. do not feel guilty if you need to put your energetic, social child into daycare. I remind myself, "I take care of myself and do what I need while he's at daycare so that when he gets home, I can be the mom I want to be. Because he is in daycare and I am able to do my self-care, our interactions are positive mostly. If I were watching him at home all day, we would never have a single positive interaction in a day. Daycare supports his curious, energetic, social, sensitive nature.)

[Haley Harger · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some very helpful guidance in here, both in terms of practical advice and reframing ideas about spirited kids, but some of it did not seem feasible or sustainable.

[Maria Shuffit · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very kind-hearted stranger recommended this book to me when she saw me struggling to help my five-year-old twins through matching meltdowns in the middle of Bass Pro one day, and it has been such a blessing of a book! It encourages parents and caregivers to foster a better understanding of why children behave the way that they do so that, as the adults in their lives, we can help guide them through some of the struggles they face instead of just punishing them or getting frustrated with them when they don't behave the way we expect them to. As a mother who has been trying to practice gentle parenting, I found this book full of helpful tips and reminders.

I found it really helped ground me quite a bit when I was looking at parenting my kids. My twins are on the autism spectrum and communication with them is a struggle so some of the advice about talking through situations aren't applicable in our family, but I've used some of the practices with my neurotypical older son. Even though he is not a spirited child himself, it's still a good practice to try to understand where he is coming from when he does have struggles with his behavior.

For me personally, I just felt like this book was very validating. As my boys improve their communication skills, I hope to keep using some of these practices to try and help them grow into the best young men they can be!

[Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this up after a few friends suggested it. At times we struggle with focusing our son's energy in positive directions and I thought this might be helpful. While I don't think my son falls into the truly "spirited" category, many of the attributes outlined in the book did apply to him and it was good to read a bit more about facets of his personality and temperament.

Quite honestly, I didn't learn a whole heck of a lot of new techniques. If anything, the author reassured me that I am already doing the right things to encourage his positive development. In some ways, I felt victorious in reading this, thinking to myself, "Yep, I do that! Check!"
What the book really did was give me a reminder that I need to be more consistent with some of these techniques and to apply them more frequently. Since reading the book, I also find myself taking a moment to regroup when his behavior starts to get under my skin. I stop, remind myself that he is not being pokey, or being contrary just to tick me off...there is something behind it, and, as a parent, it is my job to help him process that. That has helped me to stay calmer, a lot calmer.

Kurcinka's writing style makes her tips and techniques accessible to a broad spectrum of parents. She doesn't go into great technical detail. She keeps things simple and clear, and, as such, I would feel comfortable suggesting this book to parents from very diverse backgrounds.

For me, the best part of her book/writing, is that it is peppered throughout with real-life examples from other parents. Many times I found myself reading other parents' tales and thinking, "Phew...I am not the only one!" In reality, this book reminded me that my son is a normal kid, with slightly higher energy and perceptiveness than his peers. This can present challenges, but harnessed in the right way, it can also present great opportunities.

[Iryna Khomchuk · Rating 5 out of 5]

Якщо я скажу, що знайшла, нарешті, книгу про виховання, яку радитиму й даруватиму усім знайомим батькам, ви мені повірите? Ні? А даремно! Бо я її таки знайшла, навіть враховуючи увесь мій скептицизм щодо подібної літератури. І якщо "Французьке виховання" Памели Дракермен (мамський хіт позаминулого літа) сприйнявся з багатьма правками стосовно місця, часу, традицій, звичок тощо, то поради американської лікарки-педіатра й відомого тренера з виховання дітей мені особисто як мамі вже стають у пригоді практично в повному обсязі.

Зізнаюся, спочатку я чомусь вирішила, що мова йтиме про те, як виховати зі звичайної динини надзвичайну. Почавши читати, я запідозрила, що ні – книга про те, що робити з надзвичайними, цебто особливими дітьми. А потім з’ясувалося, що це ж – про мого малюка і про мене! І про подругу та її дітей. І про сестру та її доньку. А ще з’ясувалося, що практично всіх сучасних дітей можна назвати "надзвичайними" – емоційними, чутливими, занадто інтро- чи екстравертивними тощо. І якщо знати про їх особливості й знати, що з цим робити, то життя і дітлахів, і батьків може стати набагато легшим, цікавішим, змістовнішим і, головне, щасливішим. А хіба не всі ми саме цього прагнемо?

п. с. Одна з дуууууже небагатьох книг, яку запланувала перечитати відразу після того, як пегорнула останню сторінку. А це вже щось)))