The Women Who Raised Me: A Memoir

by Victoria Rowell

Born as a ward of the state of Maine, the child of an unmarried Yankee blueblood mother and an unknown black father, Victoria Rowell beat the odds. The Women Who Raised Me is the remarkable story of her rise out of the foster care system to attain the American Dream—and of the unlikely series of women who lifted, motivated, and inspired her along the way. From Agatha Armstead—a black Bostonian who was Victoria's longest-term foster mother and first noticed her spark of creativity and talent—to Esther Brooks, a Paris-trained prima ballerina who would become her first mentor at the Cambridge School of Ballet— The Women Who Raised Me is a loving, vivid portrait of all the women who would help Victoria transition out of foster care and into New York City's wild worlds of ballet, acting, and adulthood. Though Victoria would go on to become an accomplished television and film star, she still carried the burden of loneliness and anxiety, particularly common to those "orphans of the living" who are never adopted. Vividly recalled and candidly told, her story is transfixing, redemptive, heartbreaking, and, ultimately, inspiring.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Adoption, Biography Memoir, Biography, Fostering, Audiobook

352 pages, Paperback

First published April 10, 2007

About the author

Vicki "Victoria" Lynn Rowell is an American actress and dancer. She is known for two high profile television roles: Drucilla Winters on the daytime drama The Young and the Restless, and her primetime role as Dick Van Dyke's medical examiner, assistant and pathologist, Dr. Amanda Bentley, on Diagnosis: Murder.

Reviews

[Valerie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I admire Victoria Rowell for her courage and her heart for helping others. She had to come a long way to be a successful person. That being said, I didn't especially care for this book. It was bogged down with a little information about a whole lot of people, mostly women. So many that it was impossible to keep track of who they all were. Hearing more about Victoria herself would have been an improvement I think.

[Barbikat60 · Rating 5 out of 5]

I grew up in the foster care system. I'm glad she had a better experience than I.

[Debbie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this was going to be a memoir, but it turned out to be "thank you" to foster mothers, mentors, friends and the many, many people who helped Ms. Rowell survive and perhaps thrive. I think the book could have benefited from a good editor.

As always my book discussion folks tempered my opinion a bit. We all felt some upheaval in the book and that seemed to reflect Ms. Rowell's early life. We talked about what an author chooses to include in a memoir is not necessarily what we want to know about her/his life.

[e.h.d · Rating 1 out of 5]

Her story itself is amazing, I don't deny that. The telling of the story, on the other hand... Horrible. Dull, generic voice and a failed attempt at eliciting any sort of pathos; ordinary diction, bland tone, overuse of the phrase "years to come," not to mention there were a handful of typos throughout. The way she took a life lesson out of everything felt unnatural, like I was reading a forced fable, and it just fell completely flat with me. It was painful to read. Which is a shame, because there was a wonderful story to be told here.

[Osa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I must say that I am very grateful to have come across this memoir. Yes, I generally read the memoirs and biographies of celebrities, but this one offered a very different story in that Victoria Rowell concentrates on giving due to the women who, as she aptly puts it throughout the book, raised her to succeed, despite the odds stacked against children raised within the foster care system. Ms. Rowell writes about her mother, Dorothy's insistence, that she and her sisters be raised together, and preferably, by Black foster parents, resulting in Victoria being torn from her first, loving family. In those days, the laws had not yet been amended so that White families could adopt Black children. Ms. Rowell writes about learning to work hard from women who broke the rules every day, by beating the odds, raising families with and without spousal support, and having successful careers during times when women had little to no outside help.

Ms. Rowell's story is particularly inspiring as she points to the threads of support woven by each mother or sister who took her in, so that she could train as a ballet dancer, and pursue her dream of first becoming a dancer, then, an actress. I was only aware of Victoria Rowell as an actress on the American soap opera, The Young & The Restless, but I am now inspired by and in awe of her intellect, her command and precision of language (she so perfectly paints a picture), her humility in recognizing the angels throughout her life, and her ability to learn from life's lessons at each stage of her life - something that many people are either incapable of doing, or only manage after middle age.

I urge you to read this captivating true story, and share in the triumphs of the people within it. By the way, this book is rated four and a half stars on Amazon.com.

[Sherese · Rating 4 out of 5]

An inspiring story of famed actress/activist and foster care success, Victoria Rowell. I didn't know much about Ms. Rowell except that she was a daytime actress on one of my mother's favorite Soap Operas from the 1980's " Young and the Restless" and that she also appeared on "Diagnosis Murder". Her story is unlike many stories that I've heard about children growing up in the foster care system. Ms. Rowell was very lucky and blessed to be placed with and srrounded by the many women that raised, loved and cared for her throughout her life. The most prevailing theme throughout this book, is the idea of "Sisterhood and Motherhood". Family has nothing to do with being of the same blood. Your friends and anyone who loves, cares and support you unconditionally are part of family. No one chooses to be born, and when you get here you have to make the best of the circumstances you were given, which Ms. Rowell did with the help of some very important women in her life including her long term loving foster mother, Agatha Armstead and various mentors and friends she met along the way. If only all children were given the opportunity to have at least one or two individuals in the lives with the caliber of Mrs. Armstead we'd certainly have less problems in the world. This autobiograhy only reinforces the old African proverb that it "Takes a village to raise a child" as well as my personal belief in the need of further promotion of adoption especially in the Black/Latino community.

[Laurel-Rain · Rating 5 out of 5]

In a splendid and glorious memorializing of a company of women who contributed to her growth, opportunities and eventual success, Victoria Rowell has created a grand gesture of epic proportions.

Her story, told with grace and honesty, reveals the multi-layered character she became as a result of the fostering and mentoring she received…as she describes it, like the piecing together of a quilt.

In successive foster homes in the state of Maine, from infancy, Victoria Rowell sets an example of triumph over adversity. Despite the early deprivation of a “biological mother”, she grew in a positive direction through experiences that many would find challenging, at the
very least. And yet, with the help of her foster mothers and mentors, social workers and others along the way, she faced every challenge, excelling as a ballet dancer and later as an actress, a mother and then as a creator of her own network of support for foster youth by founding the Rowell Foster Children’s Positive Plan and serving as a spokesperson for the Annie E. Casey Foundation/Casey Family Services.

While in LA recently, attending Book Expo America, I had the pleasure of meeting Ms. Rowell while signing copies of her book. I felt very honored to be in her presence for a brief time and want to congratulate her on her many accomplishments, including this wonderful book.

[Aberjhani · Rating 5 out of 5]

A DANCER'S STRENGTH AND GRACE

In the brilliant pages of
"The Women Who Raised Me"
a daughter born to destiny
is what one clearly sees.

Challenged from the start
by the blood of history flooding her path--
crashing waves of denial and shame,
racism screaming its scornful wrath.

Consider her skin the color
of America's dream of democracy;
a ward of the state of Maine, yes,
but a child as well of aristocracy.

Through the schizophrenic shadows
of her mother's pleading tears,
caring hearts sang strong angelic prayers
to guide her through the years.

With a philosopher's taste for wisdom,
and a dancer's strength and grace,
over pits of hell and sorrow she leaps
to run a blessed and noble race.

If Love is a kind of country
where royalty is determined by beauty of soul,
then somewhere waiting for Victoria Rowell
is a glittering crown of diamonds and gold.


by Poet-I-Am Aberjhani
author of "I Made My Boy Out of Poetry"
and "Encyclopedia of the Harlem Renaissance" (Facts on File Library of American History)

[Suzy · Rating 3 out of 5]

My favorite chapter by far was the early, long chapter on Victoria's foster mother, Agatha Armstead. She writes such a touching, inspiring, nostalgic biographical piece on this great lady, I don't think I'll ever forget it. That being said, if I had known who Victoria Rowell was before reading the book (soap opera, TV series and movie actress, mother of Wynton Marsalis's son) I might have been more interested. The book is weak in some places and after about the third chapter begins to suffer from poor editing--just plain old typos, dangling participles, misspellings, etc. Too bad; I found it distracting and detracting. Vicki is not a great writer, but she does a good enough job. I was interested enough, and, as I said, propelled by the Agatha chapter to read through to the end. I can think of many women who would absolutely love this book. Though it is specifically about Vicki's life as a foster child, it has some good "lessons" for all women, on women, sisterhood, inclusion, forgiveness. I'm glad I read it.

[Mary · Rating 2 out of 5]

This woman's life is remarkable. Maybe I'm a grinch, but after a while it all started to feel TOO positive. It somehow lacked something, some depth. I guess since she's a movie star (though I had not heard of her until reading the Sunday NY Times wedding section, which I always do,) she was trying to give kind of an overview, glossing over difficult relationships and times.
I would have liked to learn more about her biological siblings, especially her sisters, with whom she was raised in the same loving home.
Born to a white mother in Maine, and a father of African heritage whom she never met, this book is about all she was given and how she took strength and wisdom and love from all who gave to her. After going the rigors of classical ballet, she went into acting. She then went on to start an organization that offers the arts to children who are in foster care.

[Wynne · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a memoir of a woman who was the 5th child (all different fathers)of a mentally ill woman. Right after Vikie's birth the children are taken by family services for their safety. The older two boys go to live with the mother's ex-husband and the girls are put into foster care. Somehow the girls luck out, with loving, generous foster mothers.This is the journey of her life in foster care and how she came out as a whole and thriving adult. It would be interesting to compare her sisters' experiences because although they were in the same homes, they did not appear to enjoy the same level of care and love.

[Mary · Rating 1 out of 5]

I expected The Women Who Raised Me to delve deeper into issues of parental rights, the foster care system, and child protection services in general. Instead, this is a memoir that includes hagiographic vignettes of the women who took in Victoria Rowell throughout her turbulent, disjointed childhood. I didn't finish the book so maybe I missed the analysis I was hoping for. Perhaps it would have helped me through this story if I had been more familiar with Rowell's adult success in dance, TV, and as an advocate for foster children.

[Sylvia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book! This is an autobiographical book written by the co-star of Diagnosis Murder. Prior to that show, she also had a supporting actress role in the Young and The Restless. During her run on her soap, Victoria's early storyline was loosely based on her real life. She was a foster child from birth who with the help of many people, including the State of Maine, became a ballerina. Her story is riveting! I am so impressed with her autobiography!

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

I give this book five stars for Rowell's ability to combine the personal and the political. Her well written history of her foster family, combined with her soul baring details about how she has successfully found her way in the world, make for a book you just can't put down. Her thoughts on foster parenting and adoption should inform policy and policy makers.

[Darlene]

Victoria Rowell (acclaimed actress and ballet dancer) was raised as a foster child in Maine. Many, many women helped influence her developing years. She remains an advocate for foster children. I would recommend this book to everyone.

[Tara · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is awesome. Victoria Rowell overcame adversity and learned how to deal with life's curveballs. This book could be an inspiration to anyone who chooses to read it.

[JaNae · Rating 2 out of 5]

I tried for a whole month to get through this book, just couldn't do it. The author was just too positive for me. Crap happens to her but she only sees the good in a way that just work for me.

[Krystle Garrison · Rating 3 out of 5]

this book had some good parts and then some really boring parts. i kept getting confused with all the differnt characters.

[Katandra Shanel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Autographed edition.

[Jill Stevenson · Rating 2 out of 5]

This could've used a good editor.

[Helene · Rating 4 out of 5]

Victoria Rowell spoke in Milford, NH for the 2008 celebration of Black Heritage. Milford was home to Harriet Wilson who was the first African-American woman to publish a book (1859 - Our Nig). So of course I had to buy her (Rowell's) recently published memoir. And Ms. Rowell, an actress and celebrity, was well received at the event.

The book gives credit to the many women who touched her life. It is a loving tribute to them. Memoirs are not my favorite genre but this was well organized and gave a comprehensive picture of Rowell's difficult yet loving upbringing as foster child. Fortunately her talent, drive, determination, and the many people who helped her brought her to her current success. It is an impressive story.

There are two quotes that I want to keep in my memory.

The first describes winter here in the Northeast: "Snow, ice, cold. Frozen pipes. Frozen toilet water. Clean laundry hung out to dry in winter, freezing in shapes like Christmas ornaments hanging on the line. Icicles kissing snowdrifts outside our windows. The wooden fences in the filed bent sideways by wrathful winds and storms. Winter nights so black they wee blue, pierced by a blanket of stars, then punctuated by the Big and Little Dippers." (p. 62) Growing up I remember bringing in the frozen clothes from the outside line. My sister and I would make the long-johns "walk" in, laughing hysterically as we did. Though we lived in a city where there was light pollution we could still see and make out the stars.

The second speaks a bit about discrimination. Unfortunately, the North is not exempt! "I knew what pressure felt like. It had been the blueprint of my life: I knew what black or white meant in more ways than one; all or nothing, no middle ground, no excuses and no tears." (p.126) Ms. Rowell is very diplomatic. She does not cast blame or complain but the total of her story is unmistakably one where there is no doubt that because she is of mixed-race, that she has been discriminated against. She is very gracious however. She is a survivor.

Well done, Victoria! I wish you well!

[Rachel Brettler · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very inspiring and hopeful read for the first 2/3 of the book, chronicling Victoria’s childhood influences, challenges, and successes. I thoroughly enjoyed the stories of her childhood and the women in her life.

The final third, however, about her adulthood, was so disjointed in a way that took me out of the story too much. The timeline kept going back and forth that made it so hard to keep track of phase of life; there were numerous typos and errors; names of women who were briefly mentioned chapters before were dropped with the expectation that the reader remember all of them; and lessons learned from each story became increasingly cheesy and manufactured.

The time spent enjoying this book outweighed the time spent not, which is why it gets 3 stars, but no more because of how frustrating the end was to read.

[Susan Alston · Rating 3 out of 5]

The description above is very accurate. I’ll just add that I Found this book in the dollar section at a used book sale, I like memoirs and biographies, and the title, so it came home with me. Though not always in chronological order, which kept confusing me, I enjoyed the book. I looked forward to reading it each night, it is a compelling story on many levels. Victoria's writing varied from very good, to ordinary. She omitted or downplayed certain aspects of her life, especially her romance with Wynton Marsalis, probably at his insistence.

Anyway, I thought it was worth my time, the best accolade I can give any book.

[Cynthia Bemis Abrams · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deserving of all. 5. stars. I started off reading this for its potential as a Mother's Day sort of episode for my podcast, Advanced TV Herstory. Shortly into it, I grew to thoroughly enjoyed Victoria Rowell's well-turned phrases and attention to detail. She skillfully schools the reader in public policy, Maine state history and the influences of ballet - - again, not what I expected but came to fully appreciate. It would make a good gift, suitable recipient age 17 and older.

[Linda · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is barely a three. Victoria Rowell writes well and she has an interesting story to tell, but this overly long tale needs a good edit. There is way too much that is just plain boring. Yet, for a person to accomplish what she has, given the backdrop of being a product of the foster care system, her life story is worth noting and reading about.

[Merilee · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting, but after Vicki becomes an adult we know very little of her life. And I was curious that she never became a foster mother. We know very little of her relationship with her children. So much info at the beginning, and so little later. I confess I had trouble keeping all of the women apart. I probably liked it more because I’m a New Englander.

[In · Rating 3 out of 5]

Victoria Rowell survived and flourished. She was a foster child with talent and the ability to gather people. Although some of this memoir was repetitive and sometimes contradictory, I was intrigued enough by her ability to endear herself to virtually everyone she ever met to keep reading until I finished. I admire her strength and her acceptance that life is what you make it.

[Penny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such an interesting book and an interesting woman. This was handed to me by a friend or I would have missed it. I was grateful for the many pictures and referred to them many times. The author gives so much credit to the women in her life and shows herself to be a supreme member of the Keep On Keepin' On club.

[Carol Rengers · Rating 5 out of 5]

A deep journey

A transparent revelation of the inner workings of a life well lived. Society saw no value in a foster child born under deplorable circumstances. From the beginning “Mothers” arose to impart value. Inspiration from all the characters.

[Marianne · Rating 1 out of 5]

Can a book say too much and yet not enough? That's how I felt reading this book besides the fact that it was written poorly. I found it boring and a bit pretentious.