Once you get past the absurdity of two total strangers agreeing to share a honeymoon suite due to a storm and overbooking, this starts off as a fun, fast read. In fact, I genuinely enjoyed the first few chapters — the premise is ridiculous, but in that campy, novella way where you just go with it. Unfortunately, after that initial spark, the story became increasingly bogged down by its own writing style.
This is, without exaggeration, the most overly descriptive book I’ve ever read. It wasn’t just that the author painted vivid pictures — it’s that they painted them over and over again. Drinkware wasn’t just a glass of water, it was “sweating” or “condensing” in nearly every scene. The house wasn’t just haunted, it had sentience and smells that were described in minute, repetitive detail: wax, honey, a hint of something else… every hallway and room seemingly had its own olfactory paragraph. At first this was interesting, but by 60% in, I wanted to beg for mercy. Seriously, every 3 paragraphs described the smell of whatever over and over and over again.
The characters were another sticking point. Despite having just met, the two leads describe each other as though they’ve known each other intimately for years. Their dialogue and internal thoughts sometimes read like fever dreams, and the transitions between scenes were so abrupt I frequently had to scroll back up to understand what just happened. Page breaks, please.
That said, I did like the concept. The two strangers participate in a challenge — prompt cards like “kissing” and “holding hands” to show off the honeymoon suite — while the house itself watches and influences them. It’s voyeuristic, weird, and definitely unique. Once they cross the line from kissing to sleeping together (because why not), the house starts leaving them clues for a haunted adventure. That part? Cool.
Unfortunately, the prose kept pulling me out of the story. Lines like “The rug bites my knees”, “It sounded like a promise with its teeth still sheathed”, “The hallway is a throat”, and “a polite suggestion of orange peel” had me rolling my eyes instead of feeling immersed. The word “polite/politely” appears so often I started noticing it. The constant, oddly poetic metaphors made me feel more confused than spooked.
I appreciate that novellas jump right into the story without filler, but this one just didn’t land for me. The haunted vibes were fun and the premise creative, but the execution was frustratingly overdone. I went from thinking this was a solid 3-star Halloween read to ultimately giving it 2 stars out of sheer exasperation.
If you can ignore the florid prose and endless smell descriptions, you might still enjoy the atmosphere. But for me, this was one of the most overwritten books I’ve read in a long time.