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Following Jesus Without Dishonoring Your Parents
Go to the right school. Become a doctor or a lawyer. Marry a nice Asian. These are some of the hopes of our Asian parents. Knowing that our parents have sacrificed for us, we want to honor their wishes. But we also want to serve Jesus, and sometimes that can seem to conflict with family expectations. Discovering our Asian identity in the midst of Western culture means learning to bridge these and other conflicting values. We need wise counsel on
our parents' ways of loving usvocations that show respect for our parents and allow us to serve Godthe "model minority" myth and performance pressuresmarriage, singleness, and being male and femaleracial reconciliationspirituality and church experiencesunique gifts Asians bring to Western cultureThis book, written by a team of Asian American student ministry workers who have been there, can serve as our guide on a difficult journey. The authors represent a variety of perspectives, including the immigrant experience of a Korean man, a third-generation Japanese-American's understanding of his parents' experience in the internment camps during World War II, and a Chinese American woman's struggle to communicate with her parents. Their accounts of humorous, frusrating and heartbreaking personal experiences (as well as stories from other Asian American students and adults) offer support and encouragement. And their ideas for living out the Christian faith between two cultures show us the way to wholeness.
our parents' ways of loving usvocations that show respect for our parents and allow us to serve Godthe "model minority" myth and performance pressuresmarriage, singleness, and being male and femaleracial reconciliationspirituality and church experiencesunique gifts Asians bring to Western cultureThis book, written by a team of Asian American student ministry workers who have been there, can serve as our guide on a difficult journey. The authors represent a variety of perspectives, including the immigrant experience of a Korean man, a third-generation Japanese-American's understanding of his parents' experience in the internment camps during World War II, and a Chinese American woman's struggle to communicate with her parents. Their accounts of humorous, frusrating and heartbreaking personal experiences (as well as stories from other Asian American students and adults) offer support and encouragement. And their ideas for living out the Christian faith between two cultures show us the way to wholeness.
168 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 19, 1998
20 people are currently reading
123 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
April 29, 2023
Ahhh! This is too scarily relevant! I never knew a book could speak so directly into my own life. This book is so relevant and helpful to any Christian Asian from a Confucius-based culture, living in any Western society. It’s so hard to understand how to navigate life and honour your parents when the greatest influences on your identity (your ethnicity, the culture you grew up in, and your faith) sometimes seem like they’re pulling in 3 different directions.
Despite this book making me cry, I feel so encouraged, challenged, and willing to grow in patience, humility, and love.
Also has some great insights into how being Asian may influence our spiritual perspectives, Asian churches, and racial reconciliation.
Despite this book making me cry, I feel so encouraged, challenged, and willing to grow in patience, humility, and love.
Also has some great insights into how being Asian may influence our spiritual perspectives, Asian churches, and racial reconciliation.
March 7, 2020
Some of the context feels a little dated, as the book was published over 20 years ago when the Asian American ministerial and cultural landscape was much different. Overall, though, I thought the chapters dealing with how the Asian American cultural lens affects how we view and relate to spirituality, the church, and ultimately God were very insightful. It was helpful to move towards not only breaking out of cultural restraints of having an intimate faith, but also embracing the parts of our cultural lens enhancing our relationship with God.
The chapter on racial reconciliation also provides a fresh look on Asian Americans’ unique role as mediators and agents of reconciliation, having simultaneously power and lack of power. I thought some of the generalizations made were inaccurate at least from my experience, such as strongly implying that Asian Americans are the only ones likely to have an ethnic diversity of friends — white, black, and Asian —, versus whites and blacks having an almost all white or all black set of friends respectively. I know Asian Americans today can be just as guilty of living in an Asian bubble, but again the culture may have been different when the book was written.
The book covers a wide range of different topics, so different ones may resonate with you more, while others may be slower to read and connect with. But overall it’s a great exploration of the unique ways Asian Americans can perceive different aspects of the gospel, complete with stories from the team of authors!
Favorite quotes:
“Because many of us find it difficult to imagine significant intimacy between us and our parents (hierarchy precludes egalitarian relationships), we have a hard time feeling intimate with God.” (p. 131)
“In prayer and other spiritual disciplines, our culture tends us to not expect a meaningful conversation with God, just as we don’t expect a meaningful conversation with our parents.” (p. 132)
“Asian Americans as an ethnic minority group are uniquely situated between the haves and the have-nots, between the powerful and the powerless of society. Asian Americans are uniquely equipped to be mediators and agents of reconciliation. We have some power in terms of SES, but can empathize with the hurts of being marginalized and powerless so as to offer genuine compassion. We can serve as ‘wounded healers’.” (p. 126)
The chapter on racial reconciliation also provides a fresh look on Asian Americans’ unique role as mediators and agents of reconciliation, having simultaneously power and lack of power. I thought some of the generalizations made were inaccurate at least from my experience, such as strongly implying that Asian Americans are the only ones likely to have an ethnic diversity of friends — white, black, and Asian —, versus whites and blacks having an almost all white or all black set of friends respectively. I know Asian Americans today can be just as guilty of living in an Asian bubble, but again the culture may have been different when the book was written.
The book covers a wide range of different topics, so different ones may resonate with you more, while others may be slower to read and connect with. But overall it’s a great exploration of the unique ways Asian Americans can perceive different aspects of the gospel, complete with stories from the team of authors!
Favorite quotes:
“Because many of us find it difficult to imagine significant intimacy between us and our parents (hierarchy precludes egalitarian relationships), we have a hard time feeling intimate with God.” (p. 131)
“In prayer and other spiritual disciplines, our culture tends us to not expect a meaningful conversation with God, just as we don’t expect a meaningful conversation with our parents.” (p. 132)
“Asian Americans as an ethnic minority group are uniquely situated between the haves and the have-nots, between the powerful and the powerless of society. Asian Americans are uniquely equipped to be mediators and agents of reconciliation. We have some power in terms of SES, but can empathize with the hurts of being marginalized and powerless so as to offer genuine compassion. We can serve as ‘wounded healers’.” (p. 126)
May 25, 2021
Although dated, the book still contains gems even for today's Asian Americans, myself included. Despite the title, the book (which is a collection of essays written by five Asian Americans) covers wider grounds like "Marriage & Singleness," "Racial Reconciliation," "Spiritual Growth," and "Gifts Asian Americans Bring." These topics remain relevant today.
The book has helped me to include honoring my parents' wishes as an exercise of faith, that God's sovereignty can work through my parents and communities, that my vocation is not merely between God and me. It has also helped me to embrace the cultural gifts I have, and being confident that I can contribute in any space.
The authors acknowledge the limited scope of the book in its introductions. Mainly, it stems from an East Asian Confucian persuasion and does not cover an exhaustive list of Asian American issues. But I can be gracious here--it was written two decades ago and more resources are available now.
If anything, the book reveals that some things have changed so quickly (e.g. paradigms on gender and sexuality), yet some things have stubbornly remained the same (e.g. model minority myth, anti-Asian discrimination, Black-Asian tension).
The book has helped me to include honoring my parents' wishes as an exercise of faith, that God's sovereignty can work through my parents and communities, that my vocation is not merely between God and me. It has also helped me to embrace the cultural gifts I have, and being confident that I can contribute in any space.
The authors acknowledge the limited scope of the book in its introductions. Mainly, it stems from an East Asian Confucian persuasion and does not cover an exhaustive list of Asian American issues. But I can be gracious here--it was written two decades ago and more resources are available now.
If anything, the book reveals that some things have changed so quickly (e.g. paradigms on gender and sexuality), yet some things have stubbornly remained the same (e.g. model minority myth, anti-Asian discrimination, Black-Asian tension).
November 24, 2022
A Good Introduction to Issues Asians Wrestle With
This book is written primarily for Asian American young adults, but is also appropriate for a much wider audience, including Asians living in Asia, Asians living in other non-Asian cultures, as well as non-Asians who either relate with Asians or who are interested in interacting with Asians. This book is written from a Christian perspective, and addresses a number of issues that Asian American young adults struggle with as they try to navigate how to live their lives as Christians who inhabit both Asian American communities and the larger, non-Asian American culture. I definitely recommend this book for anyone wishing to learn more about different cultural, social, ethical, familial, and professional issues that many Asians wrestle with.
This book is written primarily for Asian American young adults, but is also appropriate for a much wider audience, including Asians living in Asia, Asians living in other non-Asian cultures, as well as non-Asians who either relate with Asians or who are interested in interacting with Asians. This book is written from a Christian perspective, and addresses a number of issues that Asian American young adults struggle with as they try to navigate how to live their lives as Christians who inhabit both Asian American communities and the larger, non-Asian American culture. I definitely recommend this book for anyone wishing to learn more about different cultural, social, ethical, familial, and professional issues that many Asians wrestle with.
January 1, 2025
⭐️4.7⭐️
It’s a little outdated (Published in the late 90’s I believe) but still so good.
I think EVERYONE should read this book whether or not you’re Asian or Asian American. There’s so much to learn about a group of people that is sadly overlooked in our Christian circles. This book brings dignity to Asian Americans in a beautiful way. It’s interestingly not all about honoring your parents which I loved because the other chapters on Gender + Racial Reconciliation were incredible.
I also LOVE that the authors come with such a different perspective on Christ and His church. I found it refreshing as both a woman and Asian American.
Please read!
It’s a little outdated (Published in the late 90’s I believe) but still so good.
I think EVERYONE should read this book whether or not you’re Asian or Asian American. There’s so much to learn about a group of people that is sadly overlooked in our Christian circles. This book brings dignity to Asian Americans in a beautiful way. It’s interestingly not all about honoring your parents which I loved because the other chapters on Gender + Racial Reconciliation were incredible.
I also LOVE that the authors come with such a different perspective on Christ and His church. I found it refreshing as both a woman and Asian American.
Please read!
March 31, 2020
My staff team read this book together this year, as a way to learn a little bit more about other American’s experiences. (None of us are Asian American.)
Because I was not the intended audience of the book, I don’t feel that my review should hold much weight. But I will say this: I admire and am so thankful for these brothers and sisters who dared to share their personal experiences candidly, and shared their hearts. I learned from, appreciated and related so many things in this book.
Because I was not the intended audience of the book, I don’t feel that my review should hold much weight. But I will say this: I admire and am so thankful for these brothers and sisters who dared to share their personal experiences candidly, and shared their hearts. I learned from, appreciated and related so many things in this book.
August 13, 2022
Rating: 5/5
Review & How I came across the book: The ways in which my parents practice their faith is different from how I’ve come to recently want to pursue my faith. This book gave me words to name the cultural dissonances I have always felt being an Asian + American. It has really helped strengthen the foundation for the way in which I want to approach my life in honor of them, of God, of my family, and of my friends. Also another book I got from Kate’s bookshelf.
Review & How I came across the book: The ways in which my parents practice their faith is different from how I’ve come to recently want to pursue my faith. This book gave me words to name the cultural dissonances I have always felt being an Asian + American. It has really helped strengthen the foundation for the way in which I want to approach my life in honor of them, of God, of my family, and of my friends. Also another book I got from Kate’s bookshelf.
February 6, 2018
An insightful book for anyone seeking to follow Jesus. It helped me understand my intercultural relationships a little bit better. It seems that culture has changed a little since this was written, but the stories, experiences, and wisdom are applicable and were good to read. I would suggest this to people.
January 13, 2024
Newfound love for learning about other cultures sprung out of this read. Also learned so much about how to love my Asian American brothers & sisters in Christ better. It is egalitarian tho, hence the deduction
August 21, 2024
Captured my specific personal Asian American Christian experience surprisingly well. Insightful and practical advice for navigating faith / culture / family across a variety of topics.
May 21, 2010
This is a great book by an Asian American team of 5 writers, with 2 writers being in interracial marriages. This helps me learn about the Asian American Christian population better, because I didn't know that there are many other Asian Christians besides mainly Korean Christians. I especially enjoyed the chapters Spiritual Growth, Racial Reconciliation, and Marriage & Singleness. It is true that our relationships with our parents can hinder our relationships with God, because many Asian American parents are demanding and emotionally restraint. However, this chapter helps me understand deeper about where my immigrant parents' advices are coming from. It is definitely not easy being an American-born Asian (it also have stories about young Asian immigrants), but this book helps me appreciate my family background more and how it is an asset to God's kingdom.
Favorite Quote: "Confucian restraint and deference also shape our spirituality. Many Asian parents (father especially) model emotional and verbal restraint. Though we may converse with them, we may not converse deeply. The topic skitter from school to work to family, like a rock sent skipping along the shore. We often expect that our parents will disclose little of what they are thinking and feeling. And we expect as little from God. Many of us respond to silence with either polite formality or unrelieved chatter." (Page 132)
Favorite Quote: "Confucian restraint and deference also shape our spirituality. Many Asian parents (father especially) model emotional and verbal restraint. Though we may converse with them, we may not converse deeply. The topic skitter from school to work to family, like a rock sent skipping along the shore. We often expect that our parents will disclose little of what they are thinking and feeling. And we expect as little from God. Many of us respond to silence with either polite formality or unrelieved chatter." (Page 132)
January 20, 2020
Initially read to help me prep for a sermon on "obeying your parents" to a youth group comprised of Korean Americans, I was delightfully surprised to see how much I was convicted and empowered by these sincere and perceptive voices. Even though this collection is a bit outdated (1998; just examine the cover) and much has changed in the past 18 years, there are some truths that never change and are always refreshing. Reflections on my parental and sibling relations, various friendships, unique Korean American immigrant church experiences, and self ventures in light of what these authors have explicated have and continue to work wholesome healing and forging: I am wonderfully and fearfully made! "Your Parents Love You, My Parents Love Me," "Relating to Others--Understanding Yourself," "Marriage & Singleness," "The Gender Trap," "Finding a Church Home," and "Gifts Asian Americans Bring" were especially beneficial (that's over half!).
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August 31, 2016
A book written in the late 90's that exists as proof of the continuing tradition of excellence in InterVarsity's ability to raise leaders and mentors for the college-aged seekers, who otherwise would not have had it. I'm hardpressed to remember any other extracurricular that provided me with such incredible resources as InterVarsity.
July 16, 2008
Addresses the topics that need to be addressed, but I feel like it leans towards "honor your mother and father" much stronger than Jesus Himself did, at times apparently turning it into the overriding principal. I'm open to the possibility that my own cultural issues are in the way here.
January 3, 2017
Lovely book written in a communal style voice with multiple authors. Stories and wisdom from siblings in Christ from different Asian backgrounds help show the diversity and giftings that we as Asian-Americans have.
Currently reading
June 29, 2009i'm rereading this. uh. read it a long time ago.
May 9, 2012
Easy read, and great to read with someone to discuss. As a non-Asian American it shares tangible stories that helps me to relate to others.
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews