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213 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 20, 2023
‘How do I know this? The dead fly in the window-sill told me, the grass-pollen as it puffed into the air told me, a brass candlestick told me, a speck of grit. Everything remembers and speaks to those who will listen.’
‘Were I not a wax child, I think I could have been a wound. But preferably I would be a root vegetable in warm soil, a wild carrot or an onion without eyes. Why should a wax child be kept alive—By strength of Aalborg's colours and smells. I might almost become a daisy of blood—dissolved into a fabric of woven moiré—hen soaked with blood, headless. Someone's saying the same prayer over and over. I am a dull knife.’
‘It is in the depths of her vessels, in that which we call horn and hair. In the smallest sequences it resides there still. I don't need to tell so much, I am merely a reminder, a down that settles upon your brow, and I am with you.’
‘The reason is behind us. All reasons are behind us. The fire has its own reason. The future is already visible. It is over there by the exits. I want you to look directly into the fire—You will hear me in the night under the breath—You will hear me when spring turns to summer, and there in the light an opening occurs, Elisabeth, will you come with us to the Lucia fest, Elisabeth? Magic is possible. Laughter is possible. There is a way out, Elisabeth, there is a way out…’
No one listens to a thing I say. Although I speak all the time. I am a lump of beeswax shaped in the image of a newborn child. I am no more than what may melt and stiffen again in the night. No one comes to me here. I lie and speak with my eyes. My family no longer exists, or rather: my kind of family, a very large one, no longer exists. And still I speak. A steady stream of words that slip from me without cessation, and I too am inclined to think it is often an embarrassment. But I cannot stop it, my mouth will not desist, though I don't know how the words get out - I have no larynx, no vocal band, no tongue. But who does it interest? Children should be seen and not heard, as they say. But then I've already told you, I am not a child, only something that looks like one. Something that longs to be one. I'm an internal event. By nature unfinished, or condemned to anticipation, awaiting my mistress, who since she is dead comes no more. Now I speak again to the soil that covers my face. Now I speak again to the semi-carbonised, the soon composted apple someone tossed, in the place where I lay.
Now and then, I turned my back on progress. Everything throws, when entering the path of the sun, a shadow. Time too has its shadow, the ages of man and what the poets call the spirit of the age have shadows, and I saw them hurry across Aalborg, in the great perspective of things a large and a small town all at once, a pearlescent kitchen midden. The passage of the spirit of the age is long and laborious, some four hundred years I have seen, and now it turns onto its opposite side, the great serpent in its corridor-shaped nest, the times are changing. The wheel revolves, old ideas are swept away and trampled underfoot, soon you shall all be crushed.
I am a wax child, secreted from the scaly glands of the honeybee's abdomen, of rose hip, propolis, pollen, dread, quince, longing, yeast dough, age, and ever young, with infinity's secret in my folds.