The Wilderness of Grief: Finding Your Way

by Alan D. Wolfelt

Based on the author's previous guides to a 10-touchstone method of grief therapy, this book takes an inspirational approach to the material, presenting the idea of wilderness as a sustained metaphor for grief—and likening the death of a loved one to the experience of being wrenched from normal life and dropped down in the middle of nowhere. Feeling lost and afraid in this uncharted territory, people are initially overwhelmed, the book explains, but they begin to make their way through the new landscape by searching for trail markers—or touchstones—until they emerge as intrepid travelers climbing up out of despair. The touchstones for each step are described in short chapters such as "Embrace the Uniqueness of Your Loss," "Recognize You Are Not Crazy," and "Appreciate Your Transformation."

Genres: Grief, Nonfiction, Adult

114 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 1, 2004

Reviews

[Gillian Murr · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a simple read for my mind at a time when I could focus on very little. The author uses simple terms and metaphors and it really helped me get a better understanding that grief is personal.

[Meredith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Even though this book was written for people grieving the death of a loved one, my therapist had me read it for processing my grief over the loss of my marriage and the future I imagined. I want to remember the ten touchstones:

1. Open to the presence of your loss.
2. Dispel misconceptions about grief.
3. Embrace the uniqueness of your grief.
4. Explore your feelings of loss.
5. Recognize you are not crazy.
6. Understand the six needs of mourning.
7. Nurture yourself.
8. Reach out for help.
9. Seek reconciliation, not resolution.
10. Appreciate your transformation.

Grief doesn’t go away, you just learn to live with it. Loss is transformative, and it is impossible to remain unchanged.

[Anna Shelley Johnson]

Not a comprehensive review of the topic of grief but rather a brief, helpful guidebook of sorts for those grieving specifically the death of a loved one. Accessible language, manageable length, compassionate tone. Will be a helpful resource to keep on the shelf.

[Nancy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Someone at hospice told me that Wolfelt is the authority on grief when I asked her what the best books on the subject are. This is the first book of his I read (actually, listened to) and I really liked it and learned a lot from it. A major bonus was that he actually narrates the audiobook and his voice is very soothing and comforting.
He's known for his ten "touchstones" of grief. In this book he compares grief to a wilderness, and it's an excellent metaphor. You don't really know what's coming next, it's a big, scary unknown, but there are certain markers (touchstones) along the way to look for, to let you know you are on the right path.
In my experience, even if you feel like you are managing your grief, learning more about it by reading about it, etc. is helpful, because you realize that we all more or less grieve the same way, and that in itself is comforting for me.
Highly recommended.

[Robert Bogue]

When you’re grieving, it feels like you’re lost in a wilderness. The things that used to make sense and the path you thought you were on have suddenly disappeared, leaving you lost. The Wilderness of Grief: Finding Your Way is about how to find your way again when loss surrounds you. It’s the second book of Alan Wolfelt’s that I’ve read. The first was Companioning the Bereaved. In this book, he continues the perspective of being a companion to the griever. A much briefer book than Companioning the Bereaved, this one is designed with ten touchstones. (It is 112 pages compared to 198.) The other difference is this is a book for the person who is grieving – not a caregiver.

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[Cat Doench · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a very quick read and very helpful to those grieving the loss of a loved one. This book showed me that some things going on are because of the grief and mourning and they are normal. It was helpful having imagery to imagine going through helpful tips he lays out. Being able to see myself in the wilderness seeing the touchstones helped it feel more real and tangible. He tells us to think of our grief as a journey through the wilderness, and that you are the first one to explore this unknown wilderness. Though all grief journeys are different, for the most part we all go through similar things in our journeys. I found this book helpful and comforting.

[Mike Forbes · Rating 3 out of 5]

Eh. I did like that the author didn't claim to be an expert and drew from numerous years of grief therapy and had some interesting advice (I guess that's what you would call it).

[Linda Bouder · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very easy and not so lengthy read of the way to help with grief. Helped a lot.

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was short and succinct. It expresses how normal things are to feel and to give yourself patience during this journey.

[Sammy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short and to the point for times when you can’t focus on much. Was a nice read.

[Mimi Milton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good information for a very difficult time. Compassionate language, encouraging support and explanations that empower the reader.

[Jonathan · Rating 5 out of 5]

The use of the metaphor of the wilderness represents a meaningful method of conveying the truth of what one who grieves goes through.
I found the book to be very helpful in my own journey.
The author is not a great writer but is able to convey the truths of this necessary message to the reader.

[Dianne Guhl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Foraging through the wilderness

This book is very helpful in finding ways to cope with grief by allowing oneself to mourn in his or her own way.