Measure of the Heart: A Father's Alzheimer's, A Daughter's Return

by Mary Ellen Geist

Mary Ellen Geist decided to leave her job as a CBS Radio anchor to return home to Michigan when her father's Alzheimer's got to be too much for her mother to shoulder alone. She chose to live her life by a different set of priorities: to be guided by her heart, not by outside accomplishment and recognition.

The New York Times wrote a front page story on Mary Ellen on Thanksgiving 2005. It was one of the most e-mailed stories for the month. Through her own story and through interviews with doctors and other women who've followed the "Daughter Track"--leaving a job to care for an aging parent--Geist offers emotional insights on how to encourage interaction with the loved one you're caring for; how to determine daily tasks that are achievable and rewarding; how the personality of the patient affects the caregiving and the progression of the diseases; as well as invaluable advice about how caregivers can take care of themselves while accomplishing the Herculean task of constantly caring for others.

Geist's years in journalism allow her to report on Boomers' caretaking dilemmas with professional objectivity, and her warm voice brings compassion and insight to one of the most difficult stituations a son or daughter may face during his or her life.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Relationships

240 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2008

Reviews

[Maryann · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an amazingly personal memoir of Geist's walk w/Alzheimers. Not only was it detailed and insightful, it provided a good deal of information for someone going through this dementia with a loved one. Written more in narrative, with some thoughts and feelings described as well as felt, it gives a realistic perspective from both the patient and the caregivers' perspective.

[Carole · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't have much knowledge of Alzheimer's. My mother had dementia but broke her hip so she wasn't too ambulatory. Thankfully it was only a few years my dad had to cope. This books really gives you an idea of the scope of the disease. Her father seems to be an exception to the rule because he was at times aware that he was not the same. She does research on facilities and programs that work and don't work. Getting a glimpse into what life is like for the family and the Alzheimer's person is eye-opening. It is sad that so many people are taking care of a spouse/parent on their own. She does list resources for them; if nothing else pick up the book for those.

[Janet · Rating 2 out of 5]

A little bit memoir, a little bit advice column. Her tone did not convey how difficult caring for her father must have been, but it's heartbreaking nonetheless. What I really want to know is where in northern Michigan she lives! Obviously gave up on the NY, San Fran big league living even after the caregiving was over. Or is it?

[John Thorndike · Rating 5 out of 5]

Two days after my father died, I found an interview with Mary Ellen Geist on the front page of The New York Times. How familiar her story sounded—she had left her job in New York and returned to her parents’ home in Michigan to help look after her father—and what a comfort it was to read about their last adventures together.

That’s a lighthearted word, adventures, but insofar as it’s possible, Geist has written a cheerful and adventurous book. It’s helpful, not because she has set out to train anyone on caretaking tips for dementia patients, but because she has a sharp eye and a piercing story to tell. By the time her book came out, my father’s Alzheimer’s lay safely in the past—but like a soldier who’s been through a war, I wanted to see how others have dealt with the conflict.

Geist is especially deft on the question of coercion: of persuading the Alzheimer’s patient to do what we think is good for them. “Getting an Alzheimer’s patient to do things the way people who are not impaired do them is, in many cases, stressful for both the patient and the caregiver and could actually do more harm than good for both. Is it so important that he act like a ‘normal’ person? To me, it’s not.”

That simple conviction is inevitably tested, because, as it is for a very young child, a great deal is decided for Alzheimer’s patients against their will. So it was with Geist’s father. She and her mother don’t let him stop eating when he pushes away his plate, but find ways to make him swallow more food. Because they know it will help him walk better, they decide on double knee replacement surgery for him. Coercion is a daily response, even if it’s something as simple as trying to improve his mood. I think such manipulation is an eternal debate when caring for Alzheimer’s patients—who sometimes, as my brother once said to me, “need to give up for a while and stop rising to the occasion.” In this balanced and graceful book, Mary Ellen Geist goes to the heart of such questions.

[Jeff · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author of this memoir was a radio journalist in some of the biggest markets in the US. Single and earning a good living, she decides to give it up and move back to Michigan to help her mother look after her father who has Alzheimer's disease. The book covers her 2-1/2 year journey, which judging how the book ends may have continued longer than that. The reader needs to recognize that this is a highly personal account, and that people's experiences with dementia and Alzheimer's are all very unique. There are parts of her story that do not connect at all with what all families go through. Yet there were many parts that do relate that even at times inspire. Some helpful insights ... The feeling most caregivers feel at some point in the journey of feeling trapped ... the challenge of asking for help ... the helpful role music can play ... the fact that immersing oneself into caregiving can teach you something about yourself and challenge you to be a better person ... the challenge of knowing when it's time for a nursing home. There are also interesting chapters on other caregivers' experiences and on some organizations who offer help in some unique ways. In these the author moves more into journalist mode than family member mode. Again, with the caveat that you may not relate to all of the author's experiences, this being a personal memoir, it is still an inspiring story that leaves the reader feeling that they are not alone in their emotions and experiences.

[Ginny · Rating 4 out of 5]

A daughter gives up her career to move home with her parents to help care for her father who has Alzheimer's. A beautifully written book about the terrible illness that robs the memories from the ones we love, and how much of a struggle it is to take care of them. Even with all the love and knowledge we have, caring for an Alzheimer's patient is exhausting mentally and physically. With warmth and humor, the author tells the story of how she and her mom and dad traveled this journey together and found where they belonged.

[Gail Sands · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must read if you have a parent or loved one with Alzheimer's or other related delated dementias.

[Krisi Kranz · Rating 3 out of 5]

Liked the parts of the book where she told her story. There is a huge amount of information and reference materials for people dealing with this in their family.

[Carla]

The author quit her job to return home in Michigan to help her mother take care of her father. Wish I had read this before my parents needed help.

[Holly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Best thing about this book is the lovely and loving portrait Geist provides ff her father. Beyond that, the book tries to do too many things and does too few of them well.

[Audrey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Review by Terri Marks

The real life account of the author, a big city reporter and journalist, who makes the decision to leave her career and go "home" and help her mother care for her father, who has Alzheimer's disease. The story is unique as every Alzheimer's story is and yet the same as every Alzheimer's story is. The book is a wonderful reflective accounting of real life as a daughter and caregiver.

Mary's father was unique in that although he couldn't remember his own daughter's name he was able to remember the lyrics to the many songs he had sung over the years, including the baritone parts to songs he sang in a men's group. Her father was delightful in life and delightful through the disease, which made the stories easier to read.

Each chapter held important information to glean within the experience that was shared. I especially appreciated the chapters: Alzheimer's Chicken, which talked about the different "chores" or activities that kept her father feeling like he had meaning and purpose; Hospital Hell and Healing, was enlightening in dealing with the healthcare system and sometimes the public in general; The Caregivers, was honest about the emotions and the toll care-giving takes on a person. I came away from this book with practical ideas and comfort written by someone who has been there. It is obvious that the author deeply loves her parents, who they were and who they are now. The book contains valuable research and lists many resources. Anyone, regardless if Alzheimer's is a part of their world, would profit from and enjoy reading the book.

Article Source: Measure of the Heart - A Father's Alzheimer's, A Daughter's Return

[David · Rating 2 out of 5]

There is some general information, based on interviews with experts or other caregivers, about Alzheimer's and caregiver stress, but for the most part it's a very very detailed account of the author's couple of years of moving back in with her parents to help her mother take care of her father during an advanced stage of the disease.

Some interesting material on her father's earlier life, his interests (mainly music -- sang in a cappella group etc.), and their interaction.

I think it would be a better read for someone who went into it not knowing much about the topic. From seeing my Dad take care of my Mom before her death I unfortunately know a lot about it already.

Reading this one reminded me of being at conferences and going to talks on subjects close to the topic of my own research -- title catches my eye, and I go, and then I think "I already knew that; should have gone to something else".

I feel bad picking on someone who's been through such a difficult experience, but one other quibble is that it's very front-and-center that before her caregiving experience she had a high-powered radio news job. There's a decent amount of "I used to be frantically rushing around covering the major stories of the day, and now all I have to talk about is whether Dad drank his Ensure today". It's a tough situation for anyone, not just those who previously held prestigious jobs.

[Karen & Gerard · Rating 5 out of 5]

This nonfiction book is about a daughter who quits her job to move back home to help her mother care for her father who has Alzheimers. Reading this is an enjoyable way to learn about Alzheimers, what to expect and how to deal with it. It gives many resources for support for those who have Alzheimers and their caregivers. I found it very interesting that the dad responded to music and could remember all the words to songs but couldn’t remember the right name of objects or people. He couldn’t read a book or newspaper, but he could read words written on a music staff such as song lyrics. I would recommend this book to anyone who has a relationship with someone with Alzheimers or who just wants to learn more about this disease.

This daughter's role as caregiver to her father was similar to my experience in caring for my dad, although fortunately mine did not have Alzheimers. The book I wrote My Funny Dad, Harry, shares my experience of being my aging dad's primary caregiver. He had diabetes and was practically deaf. I could certainly relate to what she was going through.

[Donna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this is a wonderful book and I recommend it to highly for anyone who is caring for someone with signs of dementia of any type. Unfortunately, I will not be finishing it. My mother died recently and I just feel that I no longer need or want to finish the book. I will pass it along to a friend who I've recently discovered has a mother with Alzheimer's. I wish Mary Ellen and her father, and her whole family well. The book spoke to me and helped me through my short journey with dementia in a parent. It's not just for people with a parent or other loved one with Alzhemer's. There are many forms of dementia, caused by many things, including body organs shutting down and not getting enough oxygen.

[Donna Frasor · Rating 4 out of 5]

An honest and moving account of an accomplished woman who moves home to help her Mom care for her Dad who has Alzheimer's. Not only do we see her personal journey with her Dad, she researches the topic and provides the reader with ample sources to help understand and better cope with this disease. The author gives many worthwhile suggestions for caretakers and also focuses on the health of the caretaker. A must read for any person who is dealing with someone who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's.

[Mel · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone dealing with a father with Alzheimers, this story about a woman who leaves her fortune 100 job on radio and television to move to her childhood home and help take care of her parents is so touching...even deeper is the relationship she gained along the way, and her personal willingness to share (and even become email buddies) with those going through the same decisions and processes. LOVE IT

[JJ · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a mix of tender story about a daughter returning to help care for her father who has Alzheimer's and information about caregiving. The story was rather sweet and having seen Alzheimer's with my grandmother I found it very interesting. Parts of the book seemed to circle back on themselves with a lack of order and cohesion. Overall, a good book, but I suspect here are better ones out there.

[Joni · Rating 4 out of 5]

I totally related to this book, since I am going through a similar situation. The main difference is that I'm dealing with this as a lone wolf. But, I also left my job, stopped my unwed/childless life & moved in with my father to assist him. I felt comforted as I read this, cause it helped shed lite on things, there was alot of informational stats. Being a caregiver isn't an easy task, I commend all who are going through their own story. Take a deep breath & enjoy the time with your love ones.

[Jess · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was absolutely excellent. The author speaks to her own story of returning home to care for her father who suffers from Alzheimer's while also giving the reader a valuable look into the experience of caregivers. She offers information about many facets of Alzheimer's and touches on a truly personal topic that rarely gets the attention it deserves.

[Amber · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this was a good book written from a caregiver's perspective. I would recommend it to anyone who is a caregiver for a sick or disabled person, or even if you know someone who is a caregiver. It shows how much work it really is to care for someone, emotionally and physically. Thought this was great to read for my "professional life" that I will someday return to!

[Pam M · Rating 5 out of 5]

Engaging. At the time I read this book, my own father was experiencing Altzheimer's. What a beautiful thing she did by taking the time to be with him in his last months. Also heartbreaking.

She reminds us of where our priorities need to be. In those things that are eternal and in our relationships.

[Renee]

Well-loved WCBS radio anchor Mary Ellen Geist shares her amazing story that will inspire thousands of people taking care of aging parents as she shares her experience on leaving a high-powered job to take care of her father suffering from Alzheimer’s. What an amazing story.

[Doneen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really honest and touching true story about a daughter returning home to help her mother care for her father who was living with Alzheimer's. I'd certainly recommend this book to anyone dealing with being a caretaker for a loved one with dementia.

[Linda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting to read about the author's decision to move back with her parents, to help take care of her father. He lived with Alzheimer's for more than 10 years....hard to imagine that length of time, to live with the disease.

[Linda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this book, as we are also facing this disease with a loved one. This true story was very insightful on seeing the feelings and needs of the care giver as well as the needs of the ailing one.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a poignant memoir that gave me great insight about what adult children go through as caregivers to parents with Alzheimer's. after reading this, I feel like I know, love, and care for Woody and his family. I wish I could meet them.

[Jeanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

an excellent book for anyone who is a caretaker, who is helping , who sees the signs of dementia coming on. its easy now to look back and say if only i had been more observant but with parents we want to think they will be forever strong and forever there.

[Judy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Trying in vain to stay on top of our situation

[Lu]

Radio anchor left igh powerede NYC job to go home to care for faterh with Alzheimers

[Penny · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this book bnecause I know the family. It was good to learn some of what the caregiving was like. But, there was much that was repeated and lots of statistics etc.