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A Stranger's Supper: An Oral History of Centenarian Women in Montenegro
Offers a rare look inside the traditional tribal culture of Montenegro. Interviewed by Zorka Milich, herself a descendant of Montenegrins and a fluent speaker of their Serbian language, these articulate centenarians explain what life was like for the women behind Montenegros warriors. They talk about their relationship with their husbands, their experience of childbirth (which women often underwent outdoors or in a barn, sometimes alone), the pain of losing a son to war and not being able to grieve openly (pride that he gave his life for Montenegro was the correct response). And they give eyewitness accounts of historic events---the Balkan Wars, World War I, and World War II---as they played themselves out in this remote and barren country the Montenegrins call Crna Gora, or Black Mountain. 01
- GenresHistory
161 pages, Hardcover
First published November 1, 1995
67 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
January 23, 2012
Montenegro is a fascinating country in many ways, from its turbulent past, to its majestic scenery – and the fact that it is one of the newest countries; having only achieved independence from Serbia in 2006.
Most fascinating of all are the people we meet within this book: “A Stranger’s Supper: An Oral History of Centenarian Women in Montenegro” by Zorka Milich (a US citizen of Montenegrin origins who speaks fluent Montenegrin). In this book, written in the 1990s, Milich recounts conversations that she had with a number of Montenegrin women who were over 100 years old in 1990, and so remembered over a century of their countries history – mostly consisting of war and conflict. It is tragic to consider that more was to come in 1991-1995 in the Bosnian and Croatian Wars, and NATO bombing of the country in 1999…
Milich conducts the dialogues here in the form of a series of interviews which, with each individual, cover key themes such as arranged marriages, war, blood feuds, death of loved ones, the rigours of domestic and farm work (both of which fell to the women – the men were almost always at war or preparing for war), and child birth. It is impossible not to be affected by the stories told here, with their hardship, tragedy and – in some cases – almost unimaginable cruelty. What is especially affecting is the stoicism of the women here, they get on with the hardships of their lives because that is how life was and is, on the ‘black mountain’.
Whilst it is obvious that these women lived in a heavily patriarchal society, Milich is even-handed in her approach to these tales – she avoids using these accounts to pursue wider feminist arguments, and puts the society into the context of the country’s history – she also demonstrates, through the interviews themselves, how the women were themselves a part of maintaining the status quo of this society: women who had children out of wedlock – or who could not bear sons (a cardinal sin in this male-dominated society) – were equally ostracised by their female counterparts as by the men.
If there is one weakness to this approach that Milich takes, it is certain inflexibility in the format of her interviews. She asks the same questions of all of the women, and to varying degrees the responses are the same – early marriage to a stranger, difficult childbirth of many children (not all of whom survived), a life of hard toil and war and a regret in later life that they remain as a burden to their family. Whilst not to undermine the fascinating content of these tales, this does lead to a sense of repetition by the end of this book – although perhaps Milich was attempting to show here that a Montenegrin woman’s lot was universal in the 20th Century – be she Orthodox Serb, Muslim or Catholic.
Above all what comes across here is a revelation that conditions of living – especially for women – which one might assume died out in Europe in the Middle Ages, persisted well into the last century and beyond. That is not to say that this book is not without its flashes of humour however – there is universal horror expressed at the suggestion that these women may have kissed their husbands and bemusement at the freedoms of the younger generation… indeed perhaps our later generations have something to learn here from the humility and lack of materialism of the lives depicted here: whilst living harsh lives, the women here are able to take pleasure in the essentials of life, in answer to the question, “What was the happiest day of your life?”, one woman answers:
“ The happiest day of my life is today. I have grandchildren and great-grandchildren. I have sons. One came to visit me today, and he bought me a gift… People live better today than we ever lived. I would not want to go back. I cannot do better than I am now. Nothing is missing.”
Words of hope for the future from a 102-year-old woman (although words that were followed by a further decade of war in this tiny country). One can only hope that this nation-state will find peace in the wake of independence.
Most fascinating of all are the people we meet within this book: “A Stranger’s Supper: An Oral History of Centenarian Women in Montenegro” by Zorka Milich (a US citizen of Montenegrin origins who speaks fluent Montenegrin). In this book, written in the 1990s, Milich recounts conversations that she had with a number of Montenegrin women who were over 100 years old in 1990, and so remembered over a century of their countries history – mostly consisting of war and conflict. It is tragic to consider that more was to come in 1991-1995 in the Bosnian and Croatian Wars, and NATO bombing of the country in 1999…
Milich conducts the dialogues here in the form of a series of interviews which, with each individual, cover key themes such as arranged marriages, war, blood feuds, death of loved ones, the rigours of domestic and farm work (both of which fell to the women – the men were almost always at war or preparing for war), and child birth. It is impossible not to be affected by the stories told here, with their hardship, tragedy and – in some cases – almost unimaginable cruelty. What is especially affecting is the stoicism of the women here, they get on with the hardships of their lives because that is how life was and is, on the ‘black mountain’.
Whilst it is obvious that these women lived in a heavily patriarchal society, Milich is even-handed in her approach to these tales – she avoids using these accounts to pursue wider feminist arguments, and puts the society into the context of the country’s history – she also demonstrates, through the interviews themselves, how the women were themselves a part of maintaining the status quo of this society: women who had children out of wedlock – or who could not bear sons (a cardinal sin in this male-dominated society) – were equally ostracised by their female counterparts as by the men.
If there is one weakness to this approach that Milich takes, it is certain inflexibility in the format of her interviews. She asks the same questions of all of the women, and to varying degrees the responses are the same – early marriage to a stranger, difficult childbirth of many children (not all of whom survived), a life of hard toil and war and a regret in later life that they remain as a burden to their family. Whilst not to undermine the fascinating content of these tales, this does lead to a sense of repetition by the end of this book – although perhaps Milich was attempting to show here that a Montenegrin woman’s lot was universal in the 20th Century – be she Orthodox Serb, Muslim or Catholic.
Above all what comes across here is a revelation that conditions of living – especially for women – which one might assume died out in Europe in the Middle Ages, persisted well into the last century and beyond. That is not to say that this book is not without its flashes of humour however – there is universal horror expressed at the suggestion that these women may have kissed their husbands and bemusement at the freedoms of the younger generation… indeed perhaps our later generations have something to learn here from the humility and lack of materialism of the lives depicted here: whilst living harsh lives, the women here are able to take pleasure in the essentials of life, in answer to the question, “What was the happiest day of your life?”, one woman answers:
“ The happiest day of my life is today. I have grandchildren and great-grandchildren. I have sons. One came to visit me today, and he bought me a gift… People live better today than we ever lived. I would not want to go back. I cannot do better than I am now. Nothing is missing.”
Words of hope for the future from a 102-year-old woman (although words that were followed by a further decade of war in this tiny country). One can only hope that this nation-state will find peace in the wake of independence.
August 28, 2025
Montenegro
Near Greece - across from Italy on the other side of the Adriatic Sea.
In 1990, Dr. Zorka Milich's seven month field research project among rural Montenegro's isolated clans yielded the intimate oral histories of 30 tribal, illiterate mountain women, between the ages of 101 and 115. These are their stories.
These women have been through so much.
Their strength and resilience is inspiring!
“The house does not rest on the ground: it rests on a woman.”
And the men?
“We can be proud that we have never attacked anyone. People have always been attacking us. Muslims have been climbing our mountain and attacking us for hundreds of years, but our men are warriors.”
Fun facts!
1. Montenegro gained independence from Serbia in 2006.
2. It is a GORGEOUS country that protects its environment. They are known for their relaxed lifestyles, love of coffee, forests, lakes, 117 beaches, archeology, and World Heritage Sites!
3. It has hundreds of thousands of olive trees, including one over 2,000 years old!
Near Greece - across from Italy on the other side of the Adriatic Sea.
In 1990, Dr. Zorka Milich's seven month field research project among rural Montenegro's isolated clans yielded the intimate oral histories of 30 tribal, illiterate mountain women, between the ages of 101 and 115. These are their stories.
These women have been through so much.
Their strength and resilience is inspiring!
“The house does not rest on the ground: it rests on a woman.”
And the men?
“We can be proud that we have never attacked anyone. People have always been attacking us. Muslims have been climbing our mountain and attacking us for hundreds of years, but our men are warriors.”
Fun facts!
1. Montenegro gained independence from Serbia in 2006.
2. It is a GORGEOUS country that protects its environment. They are known for their relaxed lifestyles, love of coffee, forests, lakes, 117 beaches, archeology, and World Heritage Sites!
3. It has hundreds of thousands of olive trees, including one over 2,000 years old!
May 19, 2024
Fantastično djelo da se dodatno upoznate sa dugom crnogorskom tradicijom, ali i samim položajem žena. Zorka Milić na slikovit način dočarava sociološko stanje i prilike davnih vremena, a priče stogodišnjakinja koje je intervjuisala su u mnogim slučajevima, nažalost, slične. Preporuke svima, ovo nije nešto što inače čitam, ali nijesam zažalio.
November 25, 2023
Fantastic collection of stories and testimonies about long struggle Montenegrin women have been enduring for decades.
This book is a manual on understanding the roots of patriarchal society in Montenegro.
This book is a manual on understanding the roots of patriarchal society in Montenegro.
March 27, 2024
This book was very interesting and informative on the history of albanian women in Montengro.
December 31, 2024
the foreword was a little self exoticizing and annoying and some different interview questions may have been more effective but wow!! i am so glad this book exists. what an amazing piece of history.
3.5
3.5
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews