wow. just wow. this is not just a romance. this was, it is, a deeply human experience that i feel so privileged to have read, to have lived in, to feel as though i have witnessed. this book is about love, but more than that, it is a story about relationships. lovers, friends, family, passions…even the relationships the characters have with their own selves, and the ones that they have with their own minds — it’s all here. this is a story about acceptance, ache, regrets, forgiveness, second chances, resilience. it’s an ode to black artistry and creatives, it’s a history lesson, it’s a celebration. it is art. plain and simple.
when kennedy ryan kennedy ryans in a way that is so deeply kennedy ryan-coded, something magical happens. how she manages to weave so many important topics and discourse into her books in such a cohesive and organic way, how she makes her characters feel so real, and how she manages to deliver such a poignant piece of work, all told around such a beautiful and sexy love story, will rarely leave me unmoved. score is trying to wrangle my previously favourite KR book off the top of the podium — i am in a state of panic and distress! i don’t even know how to review this book because i feel so many things right now, but i will make my best attempt 🥺.
ˋ°•*⁀➷ premise
score follows the lives and love of eventual screenwriter verity hill, and eventual critically acclaimed musical prodigy wright “monk” bellamy, who first meet and fall in love in college, all before the painful dissolution of their first chance. over a decade later, they find themselves facing each other again and having to work together on a career-defining biopic about black performers from the harlem renaissance era, who were often erased in favour of their white counterparts despite being just as, if not more talented and worthy of recognition. an important story to tell, verity and monk have to put their differences aside to give their best to this movie — having both been recruited by the director of the film to do the script and the score respectively — all while navigating past hurts. we also have a story within a story, much like in reel (as the present timeline of this book coincides with the making of the dessi blue biopic in that book). this is just the tip of the iceberg as far as what the story goes on to entail…
ˋ°•*⁀➷ our characters
— verity 🖋️💚🎬
oh, my darling verity. now THIS is what i mean when i say i want complex, multi-dimensional female main characters. verity was so very real to me. in-the-flesh, empathy-inducing, resilient, a fighter but also not infallible. she’s not just one thing, she’s everything. she makes mistakes, she stumbles and struggles, but she rises above and her triumph is true 🥺. something i love about KR books is that often there’s a big arc around the fmc coming to love and accept and to heal herself in a way that doesn’t make the romance feel like it was the antidote, but more so the cherry on top. verity’s story is raw. we get to experience her mental health battles with her, the highs and lows and inbetweens in the story, but like the line in the author’s note (read: love letter) at the top of the book says,
“i never write the hurt without the healing. you can always trust your heart with me.”
, and kennedy absolutely kept her promise. i think many people will feel seen through her character or be hard-pressed not to be able to connect with her.
“i’m bipolar. well, more accurately, bipolar is my diagnosis, not my identity. i am a writer, a friend, a niece, an activist, but i have bipolar disorder. i tell very few people, not because i’m ashamed of it. i’m ashamed of some of the things i’ve done during an episode, but i make a distinction.”
verity is more than her diagnosis, even when it feels like she’s in the undertow of it. the research that must have gone into her characterization was so evident and her portrayal was done with so much care. on top of this, the intersectionality between her being black, bisexual and bipolar was so powerful. triple “b” threat. i loved it, and i loved her.
— monk 🎹💚🎼
lawwwd have mercy. his tall, dark, handsome, brown sugar fine ass. URGH. 😩😩😩 anyways. to return to coherency…
monk was a loverboy through and through 😭. the way this man pined for verity and felt things deeply was so well-written.
”can someone be your soulmate if you’re not theirs?…she was it for me.”
oh, my poor heart and weak disposition couldn’t handle how down bad he was 😭. his quiet but confident aura (definition still-waters-run-deep kinda man), his humour, but most of all his heart, were my favourite things about him. his passion for and relationship with music, that was a huge part of his characterization, was exceptionally well-done and genuinely so captivating. the way he loved verity, even when he couldn’t help it, was consuming. pulled me right in. he also had a really compelling arc over the course of the story, and it was so rewarding to see his growth from start to end. i loved that he wasn’t unrealistically perfect either. his jealousy and possessiveness, sometimes stubbornness in his beliefs, but also his care were all just right. seeing him find love was just as rewarding as watching verity reconnect with him, and when i’m invested in both characters finding their person, it makes the love story hit that much harder.
ˋ°•*⁀➷ the writing
the prose is beautiful. just beautiful. no one can tell me miss ryan here is not a modern day poet. it’s lyrical but never pretentious. her choices always feel so intentional. she balances poignancy with levity and humour in a way that just feels so authentic — from her, but also for and from the characters. it’s an absolute pleasure to read. her work is always so well researched, seeped with history and never short on nuance. that was on full display here. i loved that this book was divided into “movements” — just another thoughtful touch, given how important music is to the story and how this all nods back to the title of the book.
ˋ°•*⁀➷ romance, relationships, representation
verity and monk’s love is one for the ages. i was a little worried in the beginning with how fast things started between them in their college years (maybe a little thrown by the events of chapter two, as hot as it was), questioning how the pace was going to work…but i trusted the process. it just worked. their soul-ties were so evident as the story went on. how completely woven into each other’s fabric they were, how they were able to connect, how they were able to still affect one another even when they didn’t want to be.
the way desire was written in this book had me about ready to combust!!! they were so sexy 😩. the spice was so good. their chemistry was so palpable and genuinely made the text feel so alive and electric. when they were at odds, the friction was tantalizing and it made for some fantastic tension that made the burn of their romance absolutely incinerate.
there’s a bit of miscommunication (or rather non-disclosure), but it’s understandable in its context, so it never bothered me. the shame and fear of judgment that comes from making certain admissions to people can feel insurmountable, and the story made the circumstances feel realistic.
a good second chance romance (as critical as i can be of this trope) will convince me that now is the right time, when back then was not. that the passage of time does not equate to character development, but that the characters have experienced actual growth and change by the time the reconciliation happens, to be able to present their best selves to the prospect of reunion. not a perfect self or one who’s done growing, but that the characters are exactly where they need to be to be able to meet each other in the middle, where previously it was just not (for good reason) possible. this was monk and verity to a tee.
”the moment is so transparent i feel like i can see every one of her fears, her dreams, her worries, and i, in turn, want to show her all mine. it’s something old that is new again, but it’s also something we’ve never had before. matured. seasoned. steady.”
when all was said and done, there’s an overwhelming sense of peace that their love carries. the trust, the forgiveness, the letting go, the acceptance?
”love doesn’t keep score.”
🥹
i adored how this book went beyond just the central romance, because there were so many examples of various relationships that shape verity and monk’s in important ways. this made the read feel so layered. the side characters in this book were not ornamental, but rather, had true purpose. there are three specific elements that really stood out to me:
— the depiction of sapphic relationships
verity’s bisexuality, the queer aunts who raised her and even the queer love story in the dessi blue 1930s biopic, really showcased love and relationship between women, black women, in different ways and in different time eras. this was such a rich, thoughtful and well-connected thread throughout the story. verity is proud and has never had to hide this aspect of her identity when so many women that came before her did not have the same privilege, and it was beautiful to see this representation.
— parental relationships
verity and monk both carry things from what they observed between their own respective sets of parents. it shapes how they, in turn, approach love and relationships. something i feel quite passionate about but don’t see addressed in nearly as many books as i could, is how generational trauma can impact our own attempts at relationships and our own ideas of love. monk is deeply affected by his father’s infidelity, and verity her parents’ passionate but tumultuous and ultimately tragic relationship given her dad’s undiagnosed mental illness — and it affects how they move in the world, their idea of family, of being eventual parents, of how to be with someone. i loved how this was explored so thoroughly.
— verity’s friendships with her adult best friends
one lives with bipolar disorder as well, and one does not. these friendships were so impactful. to see how the three interacted with one another and supported one another carried weight. verity has the unique experience of being a worrier (for her friend who’s like her) but also one who’s worried about (by the friend who’s not). it gives her much-needed perspective when she herself may be agitated by too much oversight, but also can feel similarly about her friend who struggles too. mental illness impacts the one who bears it but also those who hold them down, and we get to see both sides explored in the book. it’s always a balancing act to treat others with dignity, respect their autonomy but also care about them enough to intervene in respectful ways when you suspect that something is off. these friendships were one really great way to showcase this, outside of the romance.
god, this story had so many themes and i think i’ve touched on some key ones but it’s certainly not exhaustive. even the untangling of unconscious bias rooted in homophobia during a spicy moment between verity and monk was so thoughtful. maybe one last thing i found particularly meaningful was the little nods to spirituality, specifically for monk’s character. he’s not religious and has a complicated relationship with the idea of church because of his pastor father who caused a rift in their family with his past infidelity. seeing monk heal from that and find the will to believe in something again, navigate his relationship with his dad and even getting to see some glimpses into his mom’s moving on, was another wonderful and moving touch to the story.
ˋ°•*⁀➷ wrapping up with gratitude
one of my biggest takeaways here is how healing is not linear, how it’s ongoing. while we may stumble, feel like not enough or too much, we are all deserving of love. it seems saccharine to say, but this story truly showed it in a beautiful and delicate and deeply emotional way. it takes courage to accept help, even when it’s offered freely and without prejudice. we should do it anyway. perhaps the last thing i leave with is how amplifying black stories within a black love story (same for reel) was such a clever way to comment on the importance of that, and the craft and communion around storytelling by black folks…because who else will do it when the burden, no, the blessing lies with other black voices? it feels kinda meta, and i really liked that.
i am so deeply stirred by this book. irrecoverably so. kennedy ryan will always have a fan in me. this was a tour de force. all the stars.
💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚