Attuned and Attached: Heal Your Relationship with Yourself and Others to Create Lasting Connections

by Yolanda Renteria LPC NCC

An empathetic, accessible, research-backed guide to creating healthy, secure, attuned relationships by exploring the roots of your own emotional disconnection.

Not only is deep, meaningful connection with others something we yearn for, research shows that connection has profound effects on our overall health. Yet so many of us have feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction with our personal relationships, feeling misattuned, misunderstood, or emotionally distant--and confused about why that may be. In Attuned and Attached licensed professional counselor Yolanda Renteria  shares practical strategies to help us take a deeper look at our current relationships and identify our emotional disconnections, which tend to present Hyper-independence, never asking for help Highly functional, high achieving, perfectionistic Expressions of love by doing a lot for others or gift giving Difficulty listening during conflict, difficulty apologizing Deep desire for connection mixed with strong instinct to self-protect  
Once we know our patterns, we can Identify safe people and healthy relationships Feel safer in current relationships Set realistic and healthy relationship expectations Enhance emotional connections Repair relationships after a rupture or misattunement Develop resources to feel connected more often  
By blending clinical research with her own experience of emotional disconnection, Yolanda invites the reader on a healing journey through understanding and validation. Emotional disconnection isn't wrong; it's caused by myriad factors throughout one's life. But there is a way forward. Yolanda’s work especially speaks to those who feel that they had a fine or “good enough” childhood, but still feel emotionally disconnected, lost, and unfilled in their relationships. Whether you identify disconnection in yourself or in someone close to you, you will learn how to bring more safety and vulnerability into your relationships for nourishing, peaceful, and fulfilling connections.
 

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help

288 pages, Hardcover

Published May 26, 2026

Reviews

[Donna]

Human beings are wired to connect. Based on our interactions with primary caregivers in our first years, we tend to develop a main/typical attachment style. These styles can shift depending on whether caregivers' behaviors change, other attachment figures in our lives, work we do to connect with ourselves and others, etc. Attachment styles aren't "fixed" in other words.

Renteria provides psychoeducation about attachments, examples, and exercises to complete. If you take your time and do the exercises however many times is beneficial for you, you will likely see an expansion in your ability to connect with yourself and others. Regardless, reading this book will help you understand some behaviors others may engage in due to the quality of their attachments.

While I knew some of the information in the book, the perspective of this author helped make me see some things in a new way. This is one of the best attachment books I have read.

I would recommend it to parents/caregivers and teachers, but also to anyone who wants to improve the quality of their bonds with others.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for an eARC!

[Lisa Gray]

First let me say this: there is nothing wrong with this book, it has a lot of great information and I made a lot of highlights and notes. That said, I didn’t super enjoy it. I think it feels too broad and general, like here is every single piece of information in the world about being a healthy person and having healthy relationships in 288 pages. It felt kind of like being at the end of a fire hose and because of that it started to feel trite. I feel like the book needed to be a lot more focused; each chapter could be its own book. Because of that, I’m not sure what clients I’d recommend this to. Maybe someone who knows absolutely nothing about mental health? Even so, I’d want them to read it very slowly. Each chapter could be followed by 6 months of therapy or practice. As it stands, there’s so much information it starts to feel like “here’s what you do”, presented like it’s simple or easy fix. Again, wonderful information, but just way too general and diffuse to be super useful, in my opinion.

[Helen Wu ✨ (Loves audiobooks)]

This book works because it blends science with compassion and then turns both into action. Attuned and Attached explains, in clear and practical ways, why so many high functioning people struggle in relationships despite good intentions. It connects attachment research with everyday behaviors like people pleasing, overgiving, and avoiding our own needs, without blame or shame. The message is hopeful. Awareness creates choice. Choice creates change. I read this via Kindle, and it is absolutely worth reading for everyone because we all live and work in relationships. When the physical copy is out, I will be getting one. This is a book meant to be highlighted, reflected on, and revisited as the insights sink in.

Thank you NetGalley and Grand Central Publishing for the ARC!

[C S]

One of the best self help books on attachment styles and healing for better connections/becoming secure that I have read. It's also brand new and only just came out.

Whilst I was familiar with many concepts and research findings before reading Attuned & Attached, I found it to be an easy read and to follow allong. The writing style is compassionate and logic, not too academic and just like a best friend is talking to you. Many findings are on point and coherently outline how to attain secure attachment. In the end it's not just changing your behaviours it is to internalise a new mentality and rewire your nervous system. Because just "acting" won't do the trick. One needs to fully stand in the belief that they deserve better and overcome anxieties and childhood wounds.

[Megan]

I've read a number of the books out there regarding relationships and attachment. Probably not all of them, but definitely most of them. I have to say this one is the best I've seen. Renteria combines examples, exercises, information, and data. This is accessible to anyone whether you have a detailed knowledge of attachment theory or no knowledge. The exercises are incredibly insightful. I appreciated that she does mention intersectionality. I would've loved more discussion of neurodivergency and how that interacts with attachment but the book can only be so long. I would highly recommend this.

[Nick Salenga]

This is a great book that helps us take deeper look at our current relationships to identify our disconnections in which tend to present as hyper-independence (never asking for help), high achieving (perfectionistic), excessive gift giving & difficult listening during conflict (difficulty apologizing) & deep desire for connection mixed with strong instinct to self-protect.

[Kasaundra]

I’m trying to add more non-fiction back in and decided to try audiobooks for my non-fiction. I think that alone made it way easier to actually finish the book. This book was also really well written. I found myself nodding along a lot as well as pausing and relistening to write some notes down.

[Katie Murphy]

Thank you to netgalley and the publisher for the ARC!

Wow! This was informative and in depth. I really liked the journal prompts, in depth examples, and step by step process of how to challenge certain thought loops and attachment based fears.

[Paige Swager]

This is the best self help book I have ever read. I recommend this book to everyone ❤️‍🩹