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My Bad: A Personal History of the Queer Nineties and Beyond
A powerful and hilarious personal history that tells the true story of the queer ’90s and how it transformed queer life in the decades that followed
The 1990s were a decade of transformation. Globalization reshaped geopolitics, and the rise of the World Wide Web revolutionized technology forever. As society shifted from the analog to the digital at the turn of the century, LGBTQ life profoundly changed too. Increased visibility arrived, but at a heavy cost.
In his most personal book yet, historian Hugh Ryan guides us through a pivotal decade for queer people and its aftershocks—from new breakthroughs in activism, to the early days of AOL chat rooms, and the eventual backlash to progress. Through the prism of his own experiences, Ryan maps how queer life transitioned from private to public in the late ’90s and early aughts, reshaping the challenges and possibilities LGBTQ people navigated in the new millennium. On a Greyhound bus headed to Burning Man and the glittery dance floors of clubs in Manhattan and Berlin, a timeless and all-too-common story how a young queer person chooses silence to protect himself—only to spend another beautiful, complicated decade undoing his shame.
Funny, stylish, and deliciously nostalgic, My Bad reckons with the gains and setbacks of a decade that reshaped queer life forever.
The 1990s were a decade of transformation. Globalization reshaped geopolitics, and the rise of the World Wide Web revolutionized technology forever. As society shifted from the analog to the digital at the turn of the century, LGBTQ life profoundly changed too. Increased visibility arrived, but at a heavy cost.
In his most personal book yet, historian Hugh Ryan guides us through a pivotal decade for queer people and its aftershocks—from new breakthroughs in activism, to the early days of AOL chat rooms, and the eventual backlash to progress. Through the prism of his own experiences, Ryan maps how queer life transitioned from private to public in the late ’90s and early aughts, reshaping the challenges and possibilities LGBTQ people navigated in the new millennium. On a Greyhound bus headed to Burning Man and the glittery dance floors of clubs in Manhattan and Berlin, a timeless and all-too-common story how a young queer person chooses silence to protect himself—only to spend another beautiful, complicated decade undoing his shame.
Funny, stylish, and deliciously nostalgic, My Bad reckons with the gains and setbacks of a decade that reshaped queer life forever.
272 pages, Hardcover
First published May 26, 2026
About the author
Hugh Ryan
12 books147 followersHugh Ryan is a writer and curator. His new book, THE WOMEN'S HOUSE OF DETENTION, is a queer history of the prison that was once in Greenwich Village. His first book, WHEN BROOKLYN WAS QUEER, won a 2020 New York City Book Award, was a New York Times Editors' Choice in 2019, and was a finalist for the Randy Shilts and Lambda Literary Awards. He was honored with the 2020 Allan Berube Prize from the American Historical Association, and residencies or fellowships from Yaddo, The Watermill Center, the NYPL, and the New York Foundation for the Arts. In 2019-2021, he worked on the Hidden Voices: LGBTQ+ Stories in U.S. History curricular materials for the NYC Department of Education.
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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
June 25, 2026
Disappointing
Felt like an indulgence in victimhood over an actual history of a time period where acceptance was experienced at an almost rapid pace. Certainly can’t critique someone for their view of their own experience, but there will always be those who see the world as the glass half empty. The most discouraging part is imagining a young gay man picking up this book and thinking this is what his future is going to look like and this is the only way to view the world. It doesn’t have to be this way. You don’t have to be the man in his thirties choosing to live on a boat and hating marriage equality because it’s selling out to the straight world and it doesn’t benefit you personally.
Felt like an indulgence in victimhood over an actual history of a time period where acceptance was experienced at an almost rapid pace. Certainly can’t critique someone for their view of their own experience, but there will always be those who see the world as the glass half empty. The most discouraging part is imagining a young gay man picking up this book and thinking this is what his future is going to look like and this is the only way to view the world. It doesn’t have to be this way. You don’t have to be the man in his thirties choosing to live on a boat and hating marriage equality because it’s selling out to the straight world and it doesn’t benefit you personally.
January 19, 2026
I read the entire not-short book in 24 hours. I couldn’t stop. I posted this on my fb wall about 80% through, and it’s a more thorough review than most I do here, so have at it. Review too long? Just know that it’s incredible and I even told my ex wife about it because she lived it too. Read it!!
What I posted earlier today:
Am currently reading a pre-release e-copy of My Bad: A Personal History of the Queer Nineties and Beyond. (I get access to a lot of these for review). It’s incredible and I keep copying out passages and phrases that remind me of my life. Looking for representation in the library and finding only ancient art. AOL chat rooms in ‘96-‘97. The sanitized queer youth message boards in ‘98-‘99 that seemed so tame after the wildness of the chat rooms. The rigidity of the gender binary of the 90s and how it failed to fit my queer self. Even the memories of queer professors who were themselves scarred.
Eventually the narrative progresses to NYC in the early 2000s and I started to realize that although the author is 6 years older than I am (6 important years in the development of the internet, in the loss of queer community spaces and the shift to a push for same sex marriage above all), I had these memories of the Rude Mechaical Orchestra and drinks at Cattyshack too. Then finally I realized that I knew the author (Hugh Ryan) slightly; we had been in community and according to fb have 13 shared friends. Maybe we were at Shavuot or attempted an ACT UP restart action together? Or at a party with Bryn Kelly? Did he phone bank for Obama at the Task Force headquarters, too? It’s all fuzzy but this really is my history, too. I created an email address in 2006, [removed for goodreads site]. I feel so interpellated here. So seen.
The book comes out in May and is available for pre-order now. Highly recommend!
Some lines I pulled:
“In a very queer fashion, I wanted to be him as much as I wanted to be with him. (Queer people don’t carry the baggage of constantly being told that our ideal partner is also our absolute opposite; that in order to find love we’ll need to traverse distances measured in the light-years between Mars and Venus. Instead, we get to worry about rampant narcissism causing us to look no further than the mirror when falling in love—a way of doubling your wardrobe and ego at the same time.)”
“For a long time, I thought that I was really smart and that that mattered and would magically get me past the hurdles of life and structural oppression. Now I realized that not only did it not matter, I was dumb as shit for thinking that it did.”
“They said, “Write what you know,” but I didn’t seem to know anything, or I knew lots of little things that didn’t add up to any big thing in particular. Glitter and wit could get me only so far (about seventy pages, it seemed).”
“I was worried that our Obama-gay-marriage-hopey-kumbaya moment was like a hit of poppers—heady but brief—and that in the aftermath we’d find ourselves spun out: harangued in the public square yet again, but without our private worlds to fall back into. I was becoming history, I realized, and I could either disappear or write myself into the record.”
What I posted earlier today:
Am currently reading a pre-release e-copy of My Bad: A Personal History of the Queer Nineties and Beyond. (I get access to a lot of these for review). It’s incredible and I keep copying out passages and phrases that remind me of my life. Looking for representation in the library and finding only ancient art. AOL chat rooms in ‘96-‘97. The sanitized queer youth message boards in ‘98-‘99 that seemed so tame after the wildness of the chat rooms. The rigidity of the gender binary of the 90s and how it failed to fit my queer self. Even the memories of queer professors who were themselves scarred.
Eventually the narrative progresses to NYC in the early 2000s and I started to realize that although the author is 6 years older than I am (6 important years in the development of the internet, in the loss of queer community spaces and the shift to a push for same sex marriage above all), I had these memories of the Rude Mechaical Orchestra and drinks at Cattyshack too. Then finally I realized that I knew the author (Hugh Ryan) slightly; we had been in community and according to fb have 13 shared friends. Maybe we were at Shavuot or attempted an ACT UP restart action together? Or at a party with Bryn Kelly? Did he phone bank for Obama at the Task Force headquarters, too? It’s all fuzzy but this really is my history, too. I created an email address in 2006, [removed for goodreads site]. I feel so interpellated here. So seen.
The book comes out in May and is available for pre-order now. Highly recommend!
Some lines I pulled:
“In a very queer fashion, I wanted to be him as much as I wanted to be with him. (Queer people don’t carry the baggage of constantly being told that our ideal partner is also our absolute opposite; that in order to find love we’ll need to traverse distances measured in the light-years between Mars and Venus. Instead, we get to worry about rampant narcissism causing us to look no further than the mirror when falling in love—a way of doubling your wardrobe and ego at the same time.)”
“For a long time, I thought that I was really smart and that that mattered and would magically get me past the hurdles of life and structural oppression. Now I realized that not only did it not matter, I was dumb as shit for thinking that it did.”
“They said, “Write what you know,” but I didn’t seem to know anything, or I knew lots of little things that didn’t add up to any big thing in particular. Glitter and wit could get me only so far (about seventy pages, it seemed).”
“I was worried that our Obama-gay-marriage-hopey-kumbaya moment was like a hit of poppers—heady but brief—and that in the aftermath we’d find ourselves spun out: harangued in the public square yet again, but without our private worlds to fall back into. I was becoming history, I realized, and I could either disappear or write myself into the record.”
June 19, 2026
4.5⭐️
Everything that was lost while gains were made; heteronormativity as the continued forced ideal and the need to assimilate in order to be accepted; the importance of both visibility and private spaces.
A memoir with a dash of history and pinch of analog nostalgia, this wasn't exactly what I was expecting, and I'm so glad for it.
And I'm happy to know I wasn't the only one screaming shut the fuck up when all she wanted to do was have some fun.
Everything that was lost while gains were made; heteronormativity as the continued forced ideal and the need to assimilate in order to be accepted; the importance of both visibility and private spaces.
A memoir with a dash of history and pinch of analog nostalgia, this wasn't exactly what I was expecting, and I'm so glad for it.
And I'm happy to know I wasn't the only one screaming shut the fuck up when all she wanted to do was have some fun.
July 2, 2026
As a semi-lost queer thirtysomething living in NYC, Hugh Ryan's "My Bad" felt like a saving grace and a light at the end of the tunnel.
Ryan's memoir does a brilliant job at weaving his personal narrative among broader queer histories at the onset of the internet. It also validated and affirmed so much of my queer childhood and the drastic things some of us did to build community, to feel love, and find a sense of belonging. It was a product of the times, of the environment, and the circumstances we found ourselves in.
Ryan's story is a journey of liberation and freedom, and finding a queer life that works for him within the societal constraints of heteronormativity. So many queer folks (perhaps specifically queer New Yorkers) find themselves in their thirties without wanting to step on the traditional path to marriage, a house, kids, etc. But it leads to the question, well then what else? What's next for us? Ryan so beautifully tells his story about how he paved his own path forward to find a queer life that works for him. Related, I also really enjoyed his political commentary on marriage equality. It brought a new perspective to the topic that I hadn't considered before.
I also really appreciated how he brought all of his experiences together in the last few chapters to share more about the current moment, and how he got where he is today. It felt like a relevant reminder that most of the time, we don't have it figured out, but the journey is still worth taking.
Ryan's memoir does a brilliant job at weaving his personal narrative among broader queer histories at the onset of the internet. It also validated and affirmed so much of my queer childhood and the drastic things some of us did to build community, to feel love, and find a sense of belonging. It was a product of the times, of the environment, and the circumstances we found ourselves in.
Ryan's story is a journey of liberation and freedom, and finding a queer life that works for him within the societal constraints of heteronormativity. So many queer folks (perhaps specifically queer New Yorkers) find themselves in their thirties without wanting to step on the traditional path to marriage, a house, kids, etc. But it leads to the question, well then what else? What's next for us? Ryan so beautifully tells his story about how he paved his own path forward to find a queer life that works for him. Related, I also really enjoyed his political commentary on marriage equality. It brought a new perspective to the topic that I hadn't considered before.
I also really appreciated how he brought all of his experiences together in the last few chapters to share more about the current moment, and how he got where he is today. It felt like a relevant reminder that most of the time, we don't have it figured out, but the journey is still worth taking.
July 2, 2026
I'm not sure how to exactly articulate my feelings on this intermittently interesting narrative of someone coming of age in the 1990s (with a lot more aughts and 2010s action than I was expecting or wanting, but my bad on underestimating the "beyond" part of the subtitle). So here's my attempt to suss it out here.
I can say as a fellow queer Gen X'er that "My Bad" captured the spirit of the (queer) 1990s here and there, but on a somewhat surface level. I wanted something deeper, something like explores LGBTQ (and pop) culture that I both recognized and should know more about, that also still explained and informed the evolution of a queer life. I got... some of that. Maybe he had more of that in his first draft and some ruthless editor made him cut and streamline it.
There were parts I was glued to, and parts I just wasn't very interested in. I did like how his love for artist David Wojnarowicz led him into a career in curation and queer history. For that alone, I'm interested in investigating more of Ryan's work, maybe first subscribing to his podcast and then reading an older title of his. Maybe that's the best thing I can say about "My Bad": It could be like starting at "Hard Candy" and realizing I really need to get to "Ray of Light" and "Erotica."
I can say as a fellow queer Gen X'er that "My Bad" captured the spirit of the (queer) 1990s here and there, but on a somewhat surface level. I wanted something deeper, something like explores LGBTQ (and pop) culture that I both recognized and should know more about, that also still explained and informed the evolution of a queer life. I got... some of that. Maybe he had more of that in his first draft and some ruthless editor made him cut and streamline it.
There were parts I was glued to, and parts I just wasn't very interested in. I did like how his love for artist David Wojnarowicz led him into a career in curation and queer history. For that alone, I'm interested in investigating more of Ryan's work, maybe first subscribing to his podcast and then reading an older title of his. Maybe that's the best thing I can say about "My Bad": It could be like starting at "Hard Candy" and realizing I really need to get to "Ray of Light" and "Erotica."
Review of advance copy received from NetGalley
I’ve been a Hugh Ryan superfan ever since reading When Brooklyn Was Queer and The Women’s House of Detention. Stories from LGBTQIA+ people’s lives from the 19th and 20th centuries are inherently precious because of their scarcity, but in these collections, Hugh’s vast historical knowledge and thoughtful scholarship further enrich them with meaning and a bright, fierce humanity.
So I hoped Hugh's new coming-of-age memoir, My Bad, would deepen my understanding of queer life during the volatile, transformative 1990s and early 2000s. It did. I expected to be moved by Hugh's personal stories about living through the AIDS crisis, the emergence of the internet, and the post-9/11 era. I was, deeply. I was also captivated by the memoir's magnetic voice and unguarded intimacy. Reading My Bad felt like the cool, queer, older kid at school threw his arm around me, told me a joke, and then trusted me with a secret.
A triumph of a book.
So I hoped Hugh's new coming-of-age memoir, My Bad, would deepen my understanding of queer life during the volatile, transformative 1990s and early 2000s. It did. I expected to be moved by Hugh's personal stories about living through the AIDS crisis, the emergence of the internet, and the post-9/11 era. I was, deeply. I was also captivated by the memoir's magnetic voice and unguarded intimacy. Reading My Bad felt like the cool, queer, older kid at school threw his arm around me, told me a joke, and then trusted me with a secret.
A triumph of a book.
May 28, 2026
I read it in one sitting. Hugh Ryan really submits to the mortifying ordeal of being known, and the most beautiful and horrible part is that he’s going to find there’s a lot of people out there just like him.
I read fully half of it out loud to my wife before she put her foot down and made me stop, because she wants to read it next. I am going to tenderly lend it to every queer person I know and when it inevitably goes missing I will happily buy a second copy, and a third.
It’s a beautiful memoir but it’s also a history of the 80s and 90s, and it’s about what we’ve sacrificed in the gaining the visibility we have, and it’s about the messiness of trying to sort queer identity into a series of boxes, and how to live in a world the isn’t built for you. At points hysterically funny, heartbreakingly sad, but above all hopeful about a world we can build together.
I read fully half of it out loud to my wife before she put her foot down and made me stop, because she wants to read it next. I am going to tenderly lend it to every queer person I know and when it inevitably goes missing I will happily buy a second copy, and a third.
It’s a beautiful memoir but it’s also a history of the 80s and 90s, and it’s about what we’ve sacrificed in the gaining the visibility we have, and it’s about the messiness of trying to sort queer identity into a series of boxes, and how to live in a world the isn’t built for you. At points hysterically funny, heartbreakingly sad, but above all hopeful about a world we can build together.
June 19, 2026
In Hugh Ryan's personal memoir about growing up queer in the nineties and how vastly different the environment was for LGBT people back then. From the AOL chat rooms without any sort of moderation to the expansive growth of queer spaces. From the extremely binary view of queerness, to the slow growth of what it means to be queer, Ryan tells his story through his own personal perspective.
Ryan tells his story with honesty and humor, and offers a perspective that's at times nostalgic, and other times melancholic. True to the time period, some things were simple, but even painful memories from the past deserved to be observed and analyzed.
Ryan tells his story with honesty and humor, and offers a perspective that's at times nostalgic, and other times melancholic. True to the time period, some things were simple, but even painful memories from the past deserved to be observed and analyzed.
Review of advance copy received from Author
This book is brilliantly insightful and hilariously profane. It lives in the register of a natural storyteller: funny, heartfelt, dynamic, and effortlessly deep. In these personal essays, Ryan makes you feel the transformative technologies and politics of the 90s on queer life: the ache of loneliness in the context of the new internet, the possibilities of radicalism in an new age of possible queer assimilation. It's a joyful book about those ambivalent transformations as well as the gifts—both terrible and incredible—we are given on the path to queer adulthood. Highly recommend!
June 23, 2026
A genre I generally do not like is that of I Was Really A Screw-Up But I Got Better So Now Treat Me Like A Role Model. There is a little bit of that here, but mostly I was able to forgive it. Ryan’s book is engaging, frequently funny, sometimes tragic, and to all appearances deeply honest. Anyone questioning their gender, sexuality, career, or place in the universe will find something to relate to here. This memoir doesn’t follow a straight line, so the chronology is sometimes hard to keep straight, but the overall scheme makes sense.
July 11, 2026
Hugh's book is such a nostalgic and powerful read! I really enjoy how Hugh explores what life was like during the 1990s, especially for the queer community. It works so well that he brings in his personal narrative to explore the in-person LGBTQ+ spaces that existed in NYC, and what it means for so many of these spaces to not exist anymore. I like that his book made me think about the importance of liminal spaces and how important the 90s were for American culture, while also recognizing the progress we have made as a community. Highly recommend Hugh's book!
June 5, 2026
Delightfully honest look at one of the most nostalgic periods in our cultural consciousness. A deeply moving personal history filled with humor, introspection, and the fascinating history of a generation of queers and teens.
July 13, 2026
Very enjoyable, though the subtitle led me to believe that the book would linger in the nineties a bit longer than it actually did. After finishing it I texted a recommendation to my cousin who is queer and a sophomore at Cornell. He has yet to text back.
Review of advance copy received from Publisher
Check out my interview with the author on the LARB Radio Hour… a great nostalgic trip back to the queer nineties.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
June 1, 2026
Telling big picture queer history through small personal stories that are entertaining and engaging. Fantastic read—could not put down.
June 6, 2026
What a gift to have such a dogged historian tell his own story with so much heart and humor.
One million rainbow stars. Highly recommend.
One million rainbow stars. Highly recommend.
July 7, 2026
seems like a nice dude. good hang. seems like a cool guy.
June 12, 2026
A strange book, not at all what I expected. I was intrigued by the title, expecting more than the book delivered I suppose. I thought I would read more about events of the 1990s, but what I got was a recounting of one gay man's life in that period.
The book did bring back numerous memories, some good, others not so much. Some I remembered fondly, others I wished had remained forgotten.
The book did bring back numerous memories, some good, others not so much. Some I remembered fondly, others I wished had remained forgotten.
Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews