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Mattering: The Secret to Building a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose: The Secret to Building a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose
Win a free print copy of this book!
6 days and 16:07:34
20 copies available
U.S. only
'The perfect antidote to our modern mental health epidemic' PROFESSOR TIM SPECTOR
'Wallace has a deep understanding of what matters most to us – and her book shows us how to find it' ADAM GRANT
‘Beautifully written and deeply felt’ SUSAN CAIN
––––––––––––––––––
From award-winning writer Jennifer Breheny Wallace, a deeply consequential look at restoring closeness in our relationships and how feeling connected – mattering – can bring purpose and happiness to our lives.
In a world where loneliness, burnout, and disconnection have reached crisis levels, Jennifer Breheny Wallace offers a transformative mattering. Through vivid storytelling and groundbreaking research, The Secret to Building a Life of Deep Purpose and Connection reveals how feeling seen, needed, and valued isn't just a nice-to-have—it's essential for our wellbeing and society's future.
Filled with stories of individuals who have discovered the power of mattering, from the story of a fire chief who re-energized his emotionally exhausted team by helping them see their long-term impact, to a woman who transformed her grief into a movement helping thousands rebuild their lives, Wallace shows how mattering can be cultivated in every sphere of life. She demonstrates that when people feel they truly matter—that their presence and contributions are noticed, needed, and missed when they aren’t there—everything changes. Productivity soars, relationships deepen, and communities strengthen.
Drawing on compelling research and intimate portraits of people who've discovered the power of mattering, Wallace provides a practical blueprint for creating lives of deeper meaning and connection. She
How small acts of recognition can transform workplace culture and prevent burnoutWhy helping others often energizes us rather than depletes usHow to build "mattering spaces" that foster genuine connection in our communitiesPractical strategies for navigating life transitions while maintaining our sense of purpose Perfect for readers of Brené Brown and Adam Grant, this timely book offers both hope and concrete solutions for our modern crisis of disconnection. Mattering isn't just another self-help guide—it's a revolutionary framework for rebuilding the connections that make life meaningful and creating positive change that ripples outward from ourselves to our relationships, workplaces, and communities. With clarity and compassion, Wallace shows us that the antidote to our cultural crisis of isolation isn't to turn inward, but to recognize how much we matter to each other. This book will forever change how you think about your role in the lives of others and offer a path to a more connected, purposeful life.
'Wallace has a deep understanding of what matters most to us – and her book shows us how to find it' ADAM GRANT
‘Beautifully written and deeply felt’ SUSAN CAIN
––––––––––––––––––
From award-winning writer Jennifer Breheny Wallace, a deeply consequential look at restoring closeness in our relationships and how feeling connected – mattering – can bring purpose and happiness to our lives.
In a world where loneliness, burnout, and disconnection have reached crisis levels, Jennifer Breheny Wallace offers a transformative mattering. Through vivid storytelling and groundbreaking research, The Secret to Building a Life of Deep Purpose and Connection reveals how feeling seen, needed, and valued isn't just a nice-to-have—it's essential for our wellbeing and society's future.
Filled with stories of individuals who have discovered the power of mattering, from the story of a fire chief who re-energized his emotionally exhausted team by helping them see their long-term impact, to a woman who transformed her grief into a movement helping thousands rebuild their lives, Wallace shows how mattering can be cultivated in every sphere of life. She demonstrates that when people feel they truly matter—that their presence and contributions are noticed, needed, and missed when they aren’t there—everything changes. Productivity soars, relationships deepen, and communities strengthen.
Drawing on compelling research and intimate portraits of people who've discovered the power of mattering, Wallace provides a practical blueprint for creating lives of deeper meaning and connection. She
How small acts of recognition can transform workplace culture and prevent burnoutWhy helping others often energizes us rather than depletes usHow to build "mattering spaces" that foster genuine connection in our communitiesPractical strategies for navigating life transitions while maintaining our sense of purpose Perfect for readers of Brené Brown and Adam Grant, this timely book offers both hope and concrete solutions for our modern crisis of disconnection. Mattering isn't just another self-help guide—it's a revolutionary framework for rebuilding the connections that make life meaningful and creating positive change that ripples outward from ourselves to our relationships, workplaces, and communities. With clarity and compassion, Wallace shows us that the antidote to our cultural crisis of isolation isn't to turn inward, but to recognize how much we matter to each other. This book will forever change how you think about your role in the lives of others and offer a path to a more connected, purposeful life.
Audible Audio
Published January 13, 2026
173 people are currently reading
4679 people want to read
About the author
Jennifer Breheny Wallace
3 books88 followersJennifer Wallace is an award-winning journalist and author of the book Never Enough: When Achievement Pressure Becomes Toxic – and What We Can Do About It. She is a frequent contributor to The Wall Street Journal and The Washington Post and appears on national television to discuss her articles and relevant topics in the news.
After graduating from Harvard College, Wallace began her journalism career at CBS “60 Minutes,” where she was part of a team that won The Robert F. Kennedy Awards for Excellence in Journalism. She is a Journalism Fellow at the The Center for Parent and Teen Communication at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.
Jennifer serves on the board of the Coalition for the Homeless in New York City, where she lives with her husband and their three children.
After graduating from Harvard College, Wallace began her journalism career at CBS “60 Minutes,” where she was part of a team that won The Robert F. Kennedy Awards for Excellence in Journalism. She is a Journalism Fellow at the The Center for Parent and Teen Communication at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.
Jennifer serves on the board of the Coalition for the Homeless in New York City, where she lives with her husband and their three children.
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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
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January 31, 2026Started skimming at 50%. Not the book's fault - I was looking for something more existential and less self-help. But it reminded me to let all of my fellow reviewers know that their reviews are important to me, and that I value their insights!
January 29, 2026
A ‘transformative new framework’ is a grossly hyperbolized description of this book. I thought it was profoundly…mediocre.
November 4, 2025
4.5 stars
Thanks to NetGalley and William Collins for the advanced copy of this title in return for an honest review.
I couldn't move for reviews of this book so I was definitely intrigued.
Before reading it, I did question as to whether it was needed. There are a lot of self-help books out there and I have read a lot. But some of them I feel weren't really necessary, that it was all common sense. And to a point, I did think this might be the same. But I was completely wrong.
I've never given much thought to the idea of 'mattering'. But Jennifer references in her introduction about people with chronic illness, that they might feel they don't matter because they're not relied on or they can't keep up with the pace of the world. And as someone with a chronic illness, I had never thought of it like that but I completely agree with it. That's when I knew this book might be something a bit special.
I'm not necessarily going to say this book will change your life because that sounds a bit corny. But it's true. I think it is a very important conversation to have, and it could, in truth, transform the way people see themselves.
She provides little tips and to-dos, nothing strenuous and nothing compulsory. But things like making a gratitude journal, or writing down when you achieve something, what effect you've had on a situation or another person.
It's powerful but not preachy; interesting and engaging; informative but not too heavy. Some self-help books can be heavy and dry and a bit of a slog to go through, and some, whilst informative, are just not enjoyable. But this one was a delight to read.
I read it cover to cover like I do a novel. It's not necessarily the way to read it. You may choose to read one chapter and put it down, dip in and out, and that's fine. However you choose to read it, just make sure you do. And you'll probably find yourself passing it on to others.
She has also provided a collection of further reading if you wish to pursue the topic any more.
It is quite short which means it's quick to read, so I read it in less than a day. But it never feels flat or slow or trivial. It's got some heavy stuff, but it's written in an accessible and user-friendly way.
Thanks to NetGalley and William Collins for the advanced copy of this title in return for an honest review.
I couldn't move for reviews of this book so I was definitely intrigued.
Before reading it, I did question as to whether it was needed. There are a lot of self-help books out there and I have read a lot. But some of them I feel weren't really necessary, that it was all common sense. And to a point, I did think this might be the same. But I was completely wrong.
I've never given much thought to the idea of 'mattering'. But Jennifer references in her introduction about people with chronic illness, that they might feel they don't matter because they're not relied on or they can't keep up with the pace of the world. And as someone with a chronic illness, I had never thought of it like that but I completely agree with it. That's when I knew this book might be something a bit special.
I'm not necessarily going to say this book will change your life because that sounds a bit corny. But it's true. I think it is a very important conversation to have, and it could, in truth, transform the way people see themselves.
She provides little tips and to-dos, nothing strenuous and nothing compulsory. But things like making a gratitude journal, or writing down when you achieve something, what effect you've had on a situation or another person.
It's powerful but not preachy; interesting and engaging; informative but not too heavy. Some self-help books can be heavy and dry and a bit of a slog to go through, and some, whilst informative, are just not enjoyable. But this one was a delight to read.
I read it cover to cover like I do a novel. It's not necessarily the way to read it. You may choose to read one chapter and put it down, dip in and out, and that's fine. However you choose to read it, just make sure you do. And you'll probably find yourself passing it on to others.
She has also provided a collection of further reading if you wish to pursue the topic any more.
It is quite short which means it's quick to read, so I read it in less than a day. But it never feels flat or slow or trivial. It's got some heavy stuff, but it's written in an accessible and user-friendly way.
January 30, 2026
"Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose" is a timely and deeply meaningful exploration of one of the most overlooked human needs: the need to feel that we matter. Jennifer Breheny Wallace offers readers a compelling blend of research, storytelling, and practical insight that speaks directly to the quiet ache many people carry—the desire to know they are seen, valued, and needed.
The idea of mattering is especially relevant to the work I do in communities. Whether I am engaging partners, strengthening neighborhoods, supporting leaders, or serving residents, helping people feel that they matter is at the core of building resilient communities. Wallace’s research also highlights insights I can integrate into my programs, communications, and relationships.
At its core, the book argues that mattering is not the same as achievement, popularity, or even success. Instead, mattering is rooted in relationships, contribution, and mutual recognition. Wallace carefully distinguishes between "feeling important" and "feeling valued for who you are," and that distinction is powerful. In a culture often driven by performance metrics, social media validation, and comparison, this book feels like a corrective lens—refocusing us on what truly builds lasting wellbeing and purpose.
One of the book’s greatest strengths is its accessibility. Readers can credit Wallace's experience as a journalist for this readability. She has served as a journalist for 60 Minutes and written for major newspapers including The Wall Street Journal and The Washington Post.
So back on accessibility: Wallace translates complex psychological and sociological research into language and examples that feel real and applicable. The stories—from families to schools to workplaces—illustrate how environments can either cultivate mattering or quietly erode it. Readers will likely recognize themselves, their workplaces, their churches, and their neighborhoods in these examples.
Another standout feature is the hopeful tone. While Wallace does not ignore the rising rates of loneliness, anxiety, and disconnection, she refuses to frame these as unsolvable problems. Instead, she points to small, relational, daily actions that can rebuild a sense of significance and belonging. The message is both challenging and empowering: we do not have to wait for systems to change before we can help others feel that they matter.
For readers interested in community life, civic engagement, education, faith communities, or simply healthier relationships, this book offers a framework that is both philosophical and practical. It encourages readers to ask not just “How do I succeed?” but “Who feels seen because I exist?”
Ultimately, "Mattering" is more than a book about psychology—it is a book about how we rebuild human connection in a disconnected age. It reminds us that purpose is rarely found in isolation. It is found in being known, needed, and valued by others—and in offering that same gift in return.
Further Questions Worth Exploring (Especially in Community Context)
Personal & Relational Questions
* What are the earliest experiences in a person’s life that shape whether they feel they matter?
* How does digital culture change how people measure their own worth?
* Can mattering be “self-generated,” or is it always relational?
Community & Neighborhood Questions
* What are the visible signs that people feel they matter in a neighborhood?
* How does mattering show up in simple behaviors like waving, helping, or checking on neighbors?
* Can a community intentionally design systems (events, spaces, rituals) that increase mattering?
Civic & Institutional Questions
* How would local government decision-making change if “Do residents feel they matter?” was a core metric?
* Could schools measure mattering the same way they measure attendance or achievement?
* What role do libraries, parks, and community centers play in helping people feel visible and valued?
Research & Measurement Questions
* Is it possible to build a reliable “Mattering Index” for communities?
* What is the relationship between mattering and civic participation?
* Does increasing mattering reduce polarization, loneliness, or community conflict?
The idea of mattering is especially relevant to the work I do in communities. Whether I am engaging partners, strengthening neighborhoods, supporting leaders, or serving residents, helping people feel that they matter is at the core of building resilient communities. Wallace’s research also highlights insights I can integrate into my programs, communications, and relationships.
At its core, the book argues that mattering is not the same as achievement, popularity, or even success. Instead, mattering is rooted in relationships, contribution, and mutual recognition. Wallace carefully distinguishes between "feeling important" and "feeling valued for who you are," and that distinction is powerful. In a culture often driven by performance metrics, social media validation, and comparison, this book feels like a corrective lens—refocusing us on what truly builds lasting wellbeing and purpose.
One of the book’s greatest strengths is its accessibility. Readers can credit Wallace's experience as a journalist for this readability. She has served as a journalist for 60 Minutes and written for major newspapers including The Wall Street Journal and The Washington Post.
So back on accessibility: Wallace translates complex psychological and sociological research into language and examples that feel real and applicable. The stories—from families to schools to workplaces—illustrate how environments can either cultivate mattering or quietly erode it. Readers will likely recognize themselves, their workplaces, their churches, and their neighborhoods in these examples.
Another standout feature is the hopeful tone. While Wallace does not ignore the rising rates of loneliness, anxiety, and disconnection, she refuses to frame these as unsolvable problems. Instead, she points to small, relational, daily actions that can rebuild a sense of significance and belonging. The message is both challenging and empowering: we do not have to wait for systems to change before we can help others feel that they matter.
For readers interested in community life, civic engagement, education, faith communities, or simply healthier relationships, this book offers a framework that is both philosophical and practical. It encourages readers to ask not just “How do I succeed?” but “Who feels seen because I exist?”
Ultimately, "Mattering" is more than a book about psychology—it is a book about how we rebuild human connection in a disconnected age. It reminds us that purpose is rarely found in isolation. It is found in being known, needed, and valued by others—and in offering that same gift in return.
Further Questions Worth Exploring (Especially in Community Context)
Personal & Relational Questions
* What are the earliest experiences in a person’s life that shape whether they feel they matter?
* How does digital culture change how people measure their own worth?
* Can mattering be “self-generated,” or is it always relational?
Community & Neighborhood Questions
* What are the visible signs that people feel they matter in a neighborhood?
* How does mattering show up in simple behaviors like waving, helping, or checking on neighbors?
* Can a community intentionally design systems (events, spaces, rituals) that increase mattering?
Civic & Institutional Questions
* How would local government decision-making change if “Do residents feel they matter?” was a core metric?
* Could schools measure mattering the same way they measure attendance or achievement?
* What role do libraries, parks, and community centers play in helping people feel visible and valued?
Research & Measurement Questions
* Is it possible to build a reliable “Mattering Index” for communities?
* What is the relationship between mattering and civic participation?
* Does increasing mattering reduce polarization, loneliness, or community conflict?
December 9, 2025
I was instantly drawn to this book because of the title, and I could tell straight away that it was going to be a meaningful read and a book for me. The author explores so many important themes around mattering, purpose, and connection. It’s extremely readable, and in fact, I read it almost in one sitting.
I like the structure of the book; it weaves together case studies, anecdotes, suggestions, and research, all of which support the central themes. I learned new ideas that I’ll genuinely try to bring into my own life. I found myself nodding along and smiling often. I also really enjoyed the quotes sprinkled throughout.
This is a book I definitely recommend.
I received an advance review copy from NetGalley, and this is my honest review.
I like the structure of the book; it weaves together case studies, anecdotes, suggestions, and research, all of which support the central themes. I learned new ideas that I’ll genuinely try to bring into my own life. I found myself nodding along and smiling often. I also really enjoyed the quotes sprinkled throughout.
This is a book I definitely recommend.
I received an advance review copy from NetGalley, and this is my honest review.
February 2, 2026
Call it mattering, call it connection -- whatever you call it, humans all need it.
This is going to sound random -- because it is -- but for some reason, the story of Chris McCandless, as portrayed in Into the Wild (the movie version; I actually never read the book) has stuck with me all these years. That is... even if you have an epic appetite for alone time, you will still get lonely. You still need people.
As I read this book, I kept oscillating between thinking this book was not for introverts and thinking this book was especially for introverts. As one of said introverts, this book honestly caught me bristling at times, thinking to myself, ugh, who wants to be with people MORE often? But I think one of the main things I took away was that we need to be around people even when we don't necessarily want to be. Maybe especially when we don't necessarily want to be. Obviously there are limitations to this, and there are times when being alone is the most amazing thing in the whole wide world. But we are also most certainly in an era of deep disconnection from each other in America. We are separated by walls, by single-family homes, by cars, by sprawl, by remote work, and by the lame substitute of the internet, which is the worst of all because it aims to simulate connection but in many cases has driven us to spaces far away from each other, physically and ideologically. It is why I love a big city; you have no choice but to simply BE around each other. To be tolerant because you remember what it's like to be part of a species, to be one of a whole, to see differences and still know you are, regardless, all generally capable of the same joys and fears. (And in the same vein, to be more attuned to those of your species that you should perhaps stay farther away from, for health and safety reasons...)
Mattering is easier when we are together and harder when we are apart. I am certain we are collectively experiencing a loneliness crisis behind all our screens. I am certain we are, on the whole, not sharing lived experiences with each other the way we used to. I am certain it is a modern harm we need to work harder to address. This book is a good start.
Also. What a SAD thing to learn about the mental struggles of firefighters! I've never felt like I should bother them before because I figured they get bombarded as hero-type figures. Now I will make a point to say hello and thank you when I see them. (Don't laud me for the vast sacrifices I'm willing to make to engage with strong handsome men.)
This is going to sound random -- because it is -- but for some reason, the story of Chris McCandless, as portrayed in Into the Wild (the movie version; I actually never read the book) has stuck with me all these years. That is... even if you have an epic appetite for alone time, you will still get lonely. You still need people.
As I read this book, I kept oscillating between thinking this book was not for introverts and thinking this book was especially for introverts. As one of said introverts, this book honestly caught me bristling at times, thinking to myself, ugh, who wants to be with people MORE often? But I think one of the main things I took away was that we need to be around people even when we don't necessarily want to be. Maybe especially when we don't necessarily want to be. Obviously there are limitations to this, and there are times when being alone is the most amazing thing in the whole wide world. But we are also most certainly in an era of deep disconnection from each other in America. We are separated by walls, by single-family homes, by cars, by sprawl, by remote work, and by the lame substitute of the internet, which is the worst of all because it aims to simulate connection but in many cases has driven us to spaces far away from each other, physically and ideologically. It is why I love a big city; you have no choice but to simply BE around each other. To be tolerant because you remember what it's like to be part of a species, to be one of a whole, to see differences and still know you are, regardless, all generally capable of the same joys and fears. (And in the same vein, to be more attuned to those of your species that you should perhaps stay farther away from, for health and safety reasons...)
Mattering is easier when we are together and harder when we are apart. I am certain we are collectively experiencing a loneliness crisis behind all our screens. I am certain we are, on the whole, not sharing lived experiences with each other the way we used to. I am certain it is a modern harm we need to work harder to address. This book is a good start.
Also. What a SAD thing to learn about the mental struggles of firefighters! I've never felt like I should bother them before because I figured they get bombarded as hero-type figures. Now I will make a point to say hello and thank you when I see them. (Don't laud me for the vast sacrifices I'm willing to make to engage with strong handsome men.)
Want to read
December 30, 2025I'm guessing this will build on the content in "Never Enough". I'm a little nervous about yet another self-help book with a new framework hitting shelves, it feels a little exhausting, but I can't fault this book because at least it's talking about increasing empathy, mattering, and connection, all things this world is in shorter supply of.
I wonder if this book will popularize the concept of mattering in general. I noticed the books on mattering referenced in the author's last work didn't seem very popular with the general public (probably because they're psychology books meant for other professionals in the field). Either way, I'm looking forward to reading Mattering.
I wonder if this book will popularize the concept of mattering in general. I noticed the books on mattering referenced in the author's last work didn't seem very popular with the general public (probably because they're psychology books meant for other professionals in the field). Either way, I'm looking forward to reading Mattering.
February 3, 2026
Many parts of this book were quite good, especially the discussion of transitions, and yet there seemed to be a glaring hole in that the author didn’t seem to acknowledge the vital role faith communities play in mattering. A good portion of the book was dedicated to communities of mattering and the research on the role of faith communities is clear, and yet it was not addressed in any meaningful way—if at all.
The voice of the author felt a bit too spit-polished and I had a hard time connecting to the author in a genuine way. This is too bad as genuine connection is key to mattering.
The voice of the author felt a bit too spit-polished and I had a hard time connecting to the author in a genuine way. This is too bad as genuine connection is key to mattering.
January 30, 2026
This is such an important book, about such an important subject: how to make our lives better, and the lives of the people around us--our friends and family and neighbors and colleagues, even people we don't know. We are at a horrible moment in the United States, and this book is one of the antidotes to what ails us.
January 30, 2026
A book worthy of discussion and great introspection. Might be my book of the year. The epilogue shook me.
"Deep down, under all the loneliness, anxiety, and polarization--under all the things pulling us apart--we are all searching for the same thing."
"We want to know that who we are and what we do make a difference in this world."
"Deep down, under all the loneliness, anxiety, and polarization--under all the things pulling us apart--we are all searching for the same thing."
"We want to know that who we are and what we do make a difference in this world."
February 1, 2026
This book put words to something I’ve felt for a long time but couldn’t explain. Mattering isn’t just about connection it’s about being seen, valued, and needed in a healthy way. Jennifer Wallace writes with so much empathy that you feel like she truly understands what people are going through. I walked away feeling calmer, more hopeful, and more intentional about how I show up for others.
February 4, 2026
I was made redundant last year and since there I've lost a lot of my purpose, so reading this book really helped me understand how this big change in my life has impacted me in so many ways. It is a fascinating read and talks you through how you manage these transitions in life, to ensure you still maintain connection and have purpose. A wonderful book.
February 4, 2026
I enjoyed Wallace’s last book, Never Enough, a lot. So I picked up this book with a lot of curiosity and a little bit expectation of insightful book. This book feels like a continuation to Wallace’s earlier work, shifting the focus from achievement pressure to the need to feel valued.
Many of the ideas felt familiar to me, and I didn’t find it as sharp or eye-opening as Never Enough.
Many of the ideas felt familiar to me, and I didn’t find it as sharp or eye-opening as Never Enough.
Review of advance copy received from Author
Super interesting topic that I’ve not heard of other people talk about!!
February 1, 2026
Appreciate the people who bring meaning to my life. Align our work with what matters. It’s ok to thank people “what they are paid to do”
February 2, 2026
Full of practical and accessible ideas, this is a gentle way to connect with people on a more meaningful level.
Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews