هنر تنها بودن: خلوت، خانه‌ی من است، تنهایی قفسم بود

by Renuka Gavrani, مریم رضایی (Translator)

امید واهی به اینکه یک روز یک نفر همچون معجزه از راه می‌رسد و ترس از اینکه مبادا عجیب‌و‌غریب به نظر برسید، شما را وامی‌دارد دست به کارهایی بزنید که هیچ‌وقت واقعاً قصد انجامش را نداشته‌اید. از دوران بچگی یاد گرفته‌ایم بچه‌ای که تنهاست، عجیب‌و‌غریب است. آن‌ها تنها هستند، چون هیچ‌کس انتخابشان نکرده است. ما نمی‌خواهیم عجیب‌و‌غریب به نظر برسیم، نمی‌خواهیم دیگران فکر کنند کسی انتخابمان نکرده، پس چه‌کار می‌کنیم؟ کم‌کم سعی می‌کنیم تبدیل به یک ورژن ایده‌‌آل از شخصی بشویم که همه دوستش دارند. شروع می‌کنیم به بله گفتن، آن هم در مقابل چیزهایی که از آن‌ متنفریم. لباس‌هایی می‌پوشیم که در آن احساس راحتی نمی‌کنیم یا گران‌تر از میزان درآمدمان هستند، اما هرچه باشد کمکمان می‌کنند تا توجه‌ها را به خود جلب کنیم، در جمع پذیرفته شویم و مورد تأیید قرار بگیریم. هنگام حرف زدن با دیگران چاپلوسی می‌کنیم.

حرف‌هایی می‌زنیم که بیشتر از همه مورد تأیید باشد و محبوب‌تر. کارهایی می‌کنیم که باعث شود شبیه دیگران به نظر برسیم تا مبادا بقیه خیال کنند ما عجیب‌وغریب هستیم. راستش کم‌کم به ورژن ایده‌آلی از یک انسان شاد و دوست‌داشتنی تبدیل می‌شویم که همه تحسینش می‌کنند یا لااقل کسی مسخره‌اش نمی‌کند؛ اما قدم‌به‌قدم، هرچه بیشتر شبیه بقیه می‌شویم، از آن کسی که واقعاً هستیم دورتر می‌شویم. هرچه بیشتر به نظرات دیگران راجع‌به خودتان فکر کنید، توجه‌تان نسبت به خواسته‌ها، علایق و افکار خودتان و اینکه چطور دوست دارید از زندگی‌تان لذت ببرید و مهم‌تر از همه اینکه چه‌چیزی باعث می‌شود شما، شما باشید، کمتر می‌شود. بدون اینکه حواستان باشد تبدیل به کسی می‌شوید که فقط برای خوشایند دیگران زندگی می‌کند. خلاء میان آن کسی که بودید و آن شخصی که به آن تبدیل شدید به امید آنکه با دیگران جور در بیایید آن‌چنان عمیق می‌شود که حتی برای خودتان نیز سخت است خودتان را به جا بیاورید.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Art, Personal Development, Philosophy, Love

109 pages, Paperback

First published May 18, 2023

Reviews

[Chamaeleon · Rating 1 out of 5]

Okaish content but badly written, uninformed and inconsistent, feels like a rambling blogpost but a lot longer. Overhyped on social media.
Feels like the author is bitter. Be careful, solitude is good, compulsive isolation can harm your mental health.

[Gianni · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is my first time reading a self-help that didn't feel like I helped myself one bit afterwards. It's proof that nowadays as long as you have money, you can self-publish (the Bröntes are fuming!)

10 reasons why it's problematic:
1. The title
2. The acknowledgment
3. "Really? Is that how helpless and powerless you are?"
4. Being edgy isn't getting her point across any faster
5. She contradicts her points and
6. She told me to "read that again" one too many times
7. "If you are expecting that I can give you some hacks or techniques to help you find your happiness or success then I am sorry, you are free to burn this book."
8. 50% of words are just there to meet the editor's quota and call it a book
9. A huge chunk of the *actual* content is in "" but she cited just one or two, some even sounded like Brianna Wiest
10. I... answer is loading

It's like reading a pre-teen's diary. I've been idle in copyreading for a loooong time, but go ahead Renuka, throw all the typos, grammatical errors, extra punctuation marks, and random bolded, italicized, capitalized text you want. Do you know what I call that? Practice.

Lastly, let me just leave this one poorly written passage transformed into a gold nugget of wisdom because the editor wasn't doing his job:

"I am not one of those people who will tell you that there is something

wrong with dreaming about making money. No. Darling, I love money.

But!"

[Rebecca · Rating 1 out of 5]

Edit:
Nope, after finishing bell hooks' Communion, this one is most definitely a one-star. (More details on my review for Communion, but save your time and money and read hooks' book instead.)

Original:
2.5 stars rounded up

This book was kind of hard to rate since there were some parts that were relatable, inspiring, and exactly what I needed to hear, and others where the author came across to me as overly judgmental and/or pretty much contradicted stuff she said a few chapters back without any attempt to elaborate and parse out any nuances. For example, a few chapters after writing about how we should think for ourselves rather than listen to what everyone around us (whether from real life, books, podcasts, or YouTube) is saying, she goes on about how we should constantly strive to learn from books, podcasts, and YouTube??? I somewhat get the sentiment of learning from a broad range of sources but taking the time to decide what makes sense to ourselves (or not) and recognizing none of what we come up with is entirely original, but it would've been so much simpler to just say that.

There were also an AWFUL amount of grammatical errors throughout the book, to the point of it being distracting.

[Catherine · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was nothing like I thought it would be. IF YOU ARE OVER 35, THIS BOOK IS NOT FOR YOU. You've experienced too much to be preached at by a 20-something.

The good bits?
-It was short (142 pages). To be fair, I did mark a lot of things in it that make sense or little half-blurbs that resonated with me in the moment.

The not-so-good bits?
-A tad preachy (a lot, actually).
-Price-point isn't budget-friendly (I wasn't going to mention this because an independent publishing writer has to eat, too. However, 17.95 for this book was aggressive pricing).
-Similar to any other self-help/introspection book, with an overtone of judgment that the author tries to hide behind with things like "I'm not saying that" and a version of "well, it worked for me but maybe not for you".

The WTF? bit: on page 23, the author says "But one harsh truth about that is after a certain age, you don't make SOUL friends. You just meet people..." and goes on to say that you don't actually make new friends after college, just the aforementioned people you network with. I should have DNFed then.
My "soul" friends are all people I met after age 40. So. You aren't ever too old to meet new people and make new friends who are more than just people who may be advantageous to you at some point later. What an ick.

You know what I *am* too old for? Books like this. If you want to find out for yourself-fair enough. But get it through your local library instead of buying it.

[mer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love this book because I can relate.

[Niku · Rating 3 out of 5]

کتاب «هنر تنها بودن: خلوت خانه‌ی من است، تنهایی قفسم بود» نوشته رنوکا گاورانی؛  از اون کتاب‌هایی بود که حس می‌کنم واقعاً لازم بود توی این مقطع از زندگیم بخونمش. کتابی که سعی می‌کنه به آدم یاد بده تنهایی همیشه مترادف با غم، شکست یا انزوا نیست و گاهی اتفاقاً می‌تونه فرصتی برای شناخت بهتر خودمون باشه.

چیزی که خیلی دوست داشتم این بود که نویسنده روی مفاهیمی مثل استقلال عاطفی، خودشناسی، مرزبندی با آدم‌ها و رهایی از نیاز دائمی به تأیید دیگران تأکید می‌کرد. خیلی از این حرف‌ها شاید بدیهی به نظر برسن، ولی بعضی وقت‌ها آدم واقعاً نیاز داره دوباره اون‌ها رو بشنوه و بهشون فکر کنه.

اما در کنار نکات مثبتش، چیزی که گاهی اذیتم می‌کرد لحن نویسنده بود. بعضی بخش‌ها احساس می‌کردم از حالت راهنمایی و انتقال تجربه خارج می‌شه و به سمت نصیحت کردن یا حتی قضاوت آدم‌ها می‌ره. گاهی هم این حس به من دست می‌داد که انگار نویسنده خودش رو یک پله بالاتر از بقیه می‌بینه و از اون بالا داره به مخاطب درس زندگی می‌ده! همین موضوع باعث شد نتونم کاملاً با همه حرف‌هاش ارتباط برقرار کنم.

با این حال، ارزش اصلی کتاب برای من این بود که باعث شد درباره رابطه‌ام با تنهایی، وابستگی‌های عاطفی و نگاه خودم به زندگی بیشتر فکر کنم. شاید همه حرف‌هاش رو قبول نداشته باشم، اما قطعاً نکات مفیدی داشت که ارزش تأمل کردن رو دارند.

در مجموع، کتاب «هنر تنها بودن» برای من کتاب خوبی بود؛ البته نه قطعا اینکه بخوام بهش بگم یک شاهکار فراموش‌نشدنی بود، یا حتی کتابی که بخواهم به همه توصیه کنم، اما اثری هست که خوشحالم خوندمش و حس می‌کنم چیزهای زیادی ازش یاد گرفتم.

💫امتیاز من به کتاب: ⭐⭐⭐
💙اتمام در سی خرداد ۱۴۰۵ به وقتِ ۱۳:۱۶

[Fern Banner · Rating 1 out of 5]

The only saving grace was that it took 2 hours to finish. Reading this felt like a blog post or instagram caption that was bloated up to book length (and a first draft at that.)

I really did not enjoy any of this. It felt like the chapters went nowhere and each sentence was just the previous thought rephrased over and over. In the later chapters there were some nuggets of good advice but nothing was explored in an interesting way and they were mostly soured by the very poor writing and structure.

The core idea of this book says that you shouldn't rely on other people to be fulfilled, which is a good if not very basic tenet of adult life. The author relies heavily on her own experience with failing friendships that give the overall impression of a post-therapy-journalling exercise. It reads as a very jaded take that had more to do with her bad experiences than with the inherent value of spending time with yourself. She goes so far as to say that real friendship doesn't exist after college, that spending time with friends is a waste, that all friendships from your 20s on is nothing more than surface level networking. All of this in the first few chapters... yikes

And I just really, truly can't get over how bad the writing is. Save your money with this one.

[Hannah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Self help book sucks but this was so good!!
I felt the book was written exactly For me and It covered all the points I needed to learn.. I am so much in love with the writing style and everything..It forced me to peek inside my soul and I am overwhelmed that I read the book before new year.. I will try to use the points and see whether they work for me or not but this was a very good piece of writing and I loved loved reading it..
Will Try to implement it or everything will be trash..
Soo yaa a five star !!

[SHOMPA · Rating 1 out of 5]

The whole “solitude vs. loneliness” idea just kept going in circles without really saying anything new or digging any deeper, and the writing came off as pretty immature. I genuinely can’t figure out why this book was even written in the first place. Total waste of time.

[Lesr · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is as an excellent read with straight-forward thoughts that I will need to remind myself of from time to time.

Two Fave thoughts:
“Learn to belong to yourself without feeling the need to be with others. Where there is a need, there is a settlement.
You will settle down for less. But when you are satisfied with yourself, being with others wouldn't come out of your desperation but rather a real and genuine connection based on love and care for one another. You will be able to select who you want to be with rather than living at the mercy of others to be selected.”
—-

“It's been a long time since you are waiting for others to understand your desires and then turn them into reality. It's time you do everything that you desire with yourself.” (this one got me emotional)

[Jay C. · Rating 1 out of 5]

The target audience for this book seems to be people with no social lives or hobbies and really hate themselves. I have the first two and don't hate myself That Much. Four typos in under 150 pages and some contradictory points sprinkled with a tinge of whiny-ness made this book somewhat of a chore towards the end. I wanted to like it because I bought it while (allegedly) inebriated and didn't want to waste $11 but I cannot say I enjoyed it. There were five or so paragraphs/passages that I liked but I did not take much away from this book. It almost seemed like this book was trying to make me self isolate which was not what I wanted to get out of this. This was my first book I've ever started and completed in one sitting which is a plus? I guess?

[Derrick · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is a bitter piece of garbage plagued by grammatical errors to an absurd degree. The entire middle portion of the book doesn’t even talk about being alone, instead going on tangents about how to be successful. There are also some ABSURD takes from this author. The most egregious of these claims include things such as: you will never have friends because EVERYONE will leave you at some point, embrace your dark side (her example was about how she embraced being selfish), and how the media industry promotes a society that wants to party in their 20s as a way to control the population and limit learning. Gavrani also constantly contradicts herself, sometimes within the same page. She talks about how romanticizing your life is bad, but then ends the book with how to romanticize your life. She also seems really bitter about her friends abandoning her despite telling her college roommate (after this roommate made some additional friends) that they have to choose between their new friends or herself. Nearly every chapter talks about how your friends will abandon you. I sure do wonder why her friends abandoned her, could it be the way she treats them? Or perhaps because she embraced selfishness? Or maybe how she refuses to hang out with any of her childhood friends because they “abandoned her”? Solitude is important, but isolation from the rest of the world is NOT a healthy thing to pursue or romanticize like this author suggests. This is not a book by someone who is knowledgeable on being alone. This is a book by someone who needs therapy.

[elle · Rating 1 out of 5]

a waste of time

[Reading_ Tamishly · Rating 1 out of 5]

I know the concept is supposed to be good but the tone of the writing as if scolding the reader assuming their lives are lazy and pathetic in most parts of the book got me to give this book this rating.

[Shivi · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting yet controversial read (so I've gathered from the comments). As an introvert and someone who has been trying to depend less on others and more on myself for happiness, parts of this book resonated with me.

Other parts annoyed me like why did the author keep saying things like "Darling" and "Honey" it seems sassy to refer to readers you don't know that way. But okay, sure. I agree with some of the comments that this read more like a blog than a book, really. At least it was short and not overly lengthy.

I say read it if it seems interesting to you, take what you need from it, and filter the rest.

[⋆˚°✩*˖ Gohnar23 (•˕ •マ.ᐟ ˚⟡˖ ࣪ · Rating 1 out of 5]

Really simple text with noticabel grammatical errors and a lil bit of mispellings.

Why tf is this so overhyped on social media
And its EVEN SO EXPENSIVE BEING 11$ on AMAZON LIKE WAT,. THIS SHOULD BE LIKE 3$ or smth, this aint even doing anything tbh, its kinda things that ive already heard ppl in real life say to meeeeeeee

[Kimia]

DNF 15%
I am definitely not the target audience for this book since i was disagreeing with the author right from the introduction.

[julia van dijk · Rating 2 out of 5]

Het begin was sterk, vanaf het midden ging het downhill

[Marwa Darai · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not sure this even qualifies as a book. Educational level might be comparable to your average alpha-male podcast.

[Mena · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm not a native English speaker, and whenever I stumble into a book that makes me think: "I could've written this". Then I stop, come to Goodreads and check some reviews before continuing. My thoughts after reaching chapter 3, after skimming all the way through were:
1. what's up with the random capitalization and bold? let the highlighting to the reader. I don't need to be yelled at.
2. after a few paragraphs I knew, this is not a writer, this is a influencer.
3. so many typos
4. maybe I'm too old for this book? It could work maybe for a teenager? having troubles at schools and having no friends? just to know and learn that it's all ok?
5. felt like random inspirational quotes you could find on fridge magnets
6. felt like a really really long blog post. if it was a blog post, could work, but a book?? nah girl. find some other alternative book to read that actually brings knowledge.
7. after all this I came to good reads, and I was not surprised by the reviews.

I will stop reading this book, it will probably be a short 2 hour read, but I'm done reading books just to finish them.

[Ashok Krishna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well, the book starts off with a lot of promise but loses steam soon. Being an introvert and someone who knows what loneliness feels like, I could connect with a lot of the author's examples, but somewhere the book lost direction and ended up sounding like one of those usual self-help books and social media posts that she keeps bashing all through the book. Grammatical errors and coarse language also give you a feeling of reading a blog post rather than a book. A good editor could have helped avoid such mistakes and made the narrative flow better. The author shows a lot of promise though. Hope she keeps writing and continues improving. 3 stars for now.

[Shraddha Paithankar · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an absolute must-read. I wish I had come across it in my teenage years, it would have been incredibly helpful. Living alone isn’t just a concept to understand; it’s a skill everyone should develop. While I now truly enjoy my own company, getting here required a lot of challenges, adjustments, and self-acceptance. If only I had this book earlier, it would have made it so much easier to navigate my emotional needs as an omnivert, sparing me the rollercoaster ride. The way it distinguishes between loneliness and being alone is beautifully articulated. Its concise and straightforward approach is the perfect finishing touch to an already exceptional read <3

[Karolina Dutkute · Rating 1 out of 5]

One of the worst books I ever read in my life. As someone already said, reading this book felt like reading someone's extremely long blog post about nothing. Extremely dissapointed, Amazon reviews were lies, I recommend you do not trust those before buying a book.

[Derrick Smith · Rating 1 out of 5]

What a terribly written book. I forced myself to read it because someone wanted to read it together.

Don’t waste your time.

[Manu · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ein typisches Selbsthilfe Buch; brauchte ich gerade

Die Schreibweise war super und easy zu folgen und jedes Kapitel baute aufeinander auf, was mir gut gefiel. Zwischendurch gab es 2-3 Übungen die man machen konnte (auch diese waren nicht zuviel) und immer passend zum jeweiligen Kapitel gewählt.

Werde sicher mal bei Bedarf wieder zum Buch greifen.

[Kerolos Talaat · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book gently explores the power of solitude and how being alone can be a source of strength rather than something to fear. It helped me reflect on my own relationship with loneliness, and offered practical and emotional insights on how to embrace solitude mindfully.

The writing is simple yet thoughtful, and while some parts felt repetitive, the overall message was valuable. I’d recommend it to anyone who wants to reconnect with themselves or is going through a phase of emotional transition.

[§iriuslymë · Rating 5 out of 5]

being alone and being lonely are two different things.

This was a distinction I actually needed in my life.

It’s quite ironic, but your biggest enemy and critic is no one else but YOU.

This line is so anti-hero coded.

The book was so relatable. With how it's presented that being alone, with yourself isn't as bad as you think and at the end of the day it is you who is going to be with yourself.

[Barbara Godin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very Good Book

I enjoyed this book, it has lots of helpful advice that I can apply to my own life. Good job!!

[Thanusha Ravindran · Rating 1 out of 5]

It’s a poorly written book. It almost feels like a teenage rant.

There were several instances when I thought the author would share content worth reading (and there were, just poorly written) without the antagonism towards socialising, which could be masking some deep-seated insecurities.

I must admit that there are some good takeaways if you filter out the angsty rants; however, they aren’t anything you haven’t read in other self-help books.

Nevertheless, I still appreciate this young author’s efforts in producing this work. I think it’s bold and I believe she will continue to grow and evolve. There’s still so much more life ahead, that the author might alter the opinions she shared in this book when the time comes.

I remember feeling the way she described almost a decade ago. I no longer resonate with it because life keeps happening, life keeps teaching, and life keeps changing. We just humble ourselves to know there are different times ahead, for better or for worse.

Read this book with caution if you’re easily susceptible. Discuss it and form your opinions without completely absorbing that of the author’s or even mine in this comment.

[AYUSH KUMAR · Rating 4 out of 5]

" 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒊𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒈𝒏𝒊𝒛𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖."

Book: The Art Of Being Alone
Author: Renuka Gavrani
Genre: Non-Fiction
Publisher: Notion Press
Pages: 146

The Art of Being Alone is a non-fiction, self-help book that plunges into the journey of loneliness and solitude and how to change your cage into your home i.e. changing from loneliness to solitude.
The book is mainly divided into two sections, The First section talks about changing from loneliness to solitude and the second section of the book talks about changing solitude into growth. This book has the power to change you from within and make you fall in love with yourself.
This Book will make you realize how living in solitude helps you in the betterment of your career and your life.