here is a non-conclusive list of every experience i found relatable about this book, as an adult woman also struggling with ADHD:
- having asthma (wdym there's a link to adhd???)
- dealing with bullying
- issues in relationship w/ parents
- struggles of the immigrant family (x mental health especially)
- feeling bad because other people feel bad
- self sacrifice to please others, even when you don't benefit or are disproportionately harmed
- MATH
- friends (??? how are ya'll managing this ?? as ADULTS too???)
- "everyone else knows how to be a person"
- RSD
- being a highly sensitive person
- substance abuse/self-medicating
- crashing out the first time you're on your own
- navigating abusive relationships
- poor memory leading you to be easily manipulated in relationships
- EXECUTIVE DYSFUNCTION
- super niche (and brief) interests
- hyperfocus (and having no ability to control what it's focused on)
- feeling like you're being chased by a lion but you're sitting trying to will yourself to get up and do literally anything (EXECUTIVE DYSFUNCTION YOU MF)
- higher pain prevalence and perception to said pain
- emdr and ifs
- adhd tax
- struggling to keep in touch with friends as an adult
- struggling to express how deeply you do in fact care about people (your ability to text back not being indicative of how much you care)
- having to learn how to stop looking outside of yourself for reassurances
there are also many other juicy topics (motherhood and parenting x adhd is a big one, for all of you who were diagnosed after having kids and thinking, hey wait a sec, after your kid gets diagnosed first), this is just a list of things that had me going hey, that's my life too.
now i can only really rate a memoir on what it is, and not what it isn't, or what it lacks. after all, it is someone's life story first and foremost, despite the inclusion of some pretty extensive research in this one (much appreciated). the book touches briefly on facts pertaining to bipoc and trans experiences with ADHD, but doesn't deep dive into further discussions of sexuality x adhd or race x adhd. this lack leaves something to be desired, especially in regards to more information about the intersection of racism x adhd, but seeing as this is in fact the memoir of a white woman, i am quite happy to see any breadcrumb of information being included at all, and even more so appreciate the author not speaking as if her experience is universal. She uses the label "nowhere girls" to describe women with adhd navigating a system that wasn't made for us, and this label seems to leave room for other intersectional, lived experiences, (in which i do sincerely hope there are women out there working on bipoc adhd memoirs, and more research being done on how women - from various backgrounds - experience adhd).
this book is simultaneously a v welcome step in the right direction for women with adhd, while also feeling like something long overdue. it truly should be the bare minimum regarding information on adhd in women (how is this all we've been given ??? in the year 2025 ??? we deserve this and so much more).
p.s. i find it v interesting while reading other reviews that generally women with adhd tend to be the 'YES, THIS IS MY LIFE. 5 STARS' reviews, and those reading as spectators to adhd are like 'enjoyed it thx, 3.5 stars :)'. idk, i think there's something to be said by the reviews alone about how silently women with adhd suffer, and how our struggles are largely unseen or under-understood.