Stay with Me, I Want to Be Alone: A Chaplain's Search for Meaning |

by Keith W. Wakefield

Finalist — 2026 BookLife Prize (Inspirational/Spiritual)
Finalist — 2026 Feathered Quill Book Awards (Religious/Spiritual)

Keith Wakefield became a chaplain because of Guns N’ Roses. As a child burdened by fear of failure, he was inspired by Axl Rose’s heart-on-his-sleeve honesty. That raw search for meaning carried him into chaplaincy, where every day he sits with patients and families facing overwhelming loss, end-of-life diagnoses, and the questions that come with them: How do I go on? Where do I find strength? What really matters now?

In Stay with Me, I Want to Be Alone, Wakefield invites readers into the hidden world of hospital chaplaincy - where grief support, spiritual care, and the search for meaning collide. With stories that are sometimes heartbreaking, sometimes funny, and always human, he shows what it means to be fully present at the bedside of the dying.

This deeply personal spiritual memoir blends humor, vulnerability, and insight to reveal:

What chaplains really do in hospitals and at the end of life.

Practical lessons on grief, presence, and how to support others through suffering.

Honest stories that move from boredom to hilarity, panic to peace, devastating loss to unexpected grace.

Written with candor, wit, and reverence, Wakefield offers an unforgettable look at death, dying, and what the living can learn from both. Vulnerable and curious, sometimes snarky and irreverent, his lyrical voice carries the clarity and hope of a true spiritual traveler.

For readers of memoirs on grief, end-of-life care, and spiritual growth. This book belongs alongside titles by Atul Gawande, Kate Bowler, and Paul Kalanithi.

“Made me laugh, cry, and want to become a chaplain.” —Neil Wenger, MD, MPH

“Seamlessly weaves memoir and chaplaincy into universal human truth.” —James A. Hynds, PhD

“A masterclass in healing through genuine presence.” —Robyn L. Hacker, PhD

“Brings humanity, humor, and reverence to chaplaincy.” —Rev. Gina Harvey, ACPE CE, BCC

“Rare transparency… a heartfelt perspective unlike any other.” —Mary D. Farah, Hospital Chaplain

“Brilliant storytelling that delights and instructs.” —Angela Song, BCC

“Disarmingly honest and captivating… a vindication of spiritual care.” —Vanessa Able, The Dewdrop

286 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 3, 2025

About the author

Keith Wakefield is Manager of Clinical Pastoral Education Programs at UCLA Health and an ACPE Certified Educator with years of chaplaincy experience in intensive care, oncology, psychiatry, and trauma. He is the author of Stay with Me, I Want to Be Alone, a reflective exploration of chaplaincy and the human experience of illness and loss. Also a filmmaker, his award-winning documentaries include A Certain Kind of Light and G-Ride. He lives in Los Angeles with his family.

Reviews

[Emmish · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this - the threads of memory/memoir/current day/personal/professional/anecdotes were beautiful and compelling the way they mirror the stream of conscious experience, reminded me of Yalom’s becoming myself. I admired the extent of personal disclosure and acknowledging shortcomings. My fav part was the patient anecdotes and hearing about how he’s learned diff things about humanity/ ways of being w people through these experiences…like Rachel Naomi remen’s kitchen table wisdom (a book I read while I was training at the hospital).

Peace and Strength!!!!!

[Adam Metz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Creative and informative, Wakefield reflects on the unique role of chaplaincy - an emerging field in the health care industry. The way he writes the book is in the spirit of chaplaincy as he weaves his personal story with a day's work at the hospital naming his feelings and emotions as well as exploring where they may be coming from as we sits with people who are going through tragedies and trauma. it's a wonderful resource for anyone curious about what chaplains do or for students on their CPE journey. I found it affirming and reassuring in my own experiences as chaplain.

[Dan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stay with Me, I Want to Be Alone doesn’t dress death up in clichés. It’s raw stories from the bedside told with honesty, wit, and surprising warmth.

What I love most are the moments of unexpected laughter right in the middle of heartbreak. Keith makes grief, presence, and meaning understandable without ever watering them down.

This is a book for pastors, ministry leaders and anyone who’s faced loss, or stood beside someone who has.