Upton Arms: A Retirement Home for Supernaturals

by Scott Craven

What if eternal life wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be? Achy joints, cranky moods, and failing powers prove immortality is just late-onset death.

Such is the life of a six-hundred-something whose best years are in the rearview mirror—and Vlad can't even see himself in a mirror. Now living in Upton Arms, a retirement community for once-powerful supernatural beings, Vlad and his eccentric neighbors are learning a painful life, even for immortals, is terminal.

Rising at dusk is a struggle, and turning into a bat? Forget it! Vlad’s stiff wings are more likely to cause a crash landing than a graceful flight. And when it comes to his hypnotic powers, he can’t even convince someone to grab him the remote control in the community room than control their will.

Just when Vlad thinks it can’t get worse, Upton Arms faces something more dangerous than his existential crisis—foreclosure. Vlad sees it as the final nail in his coffin, even as the other tenants rally behind Luis, a werewolf and unofficial pack leader. Together, they’ll fight for survival, and Vlad will discover a shocking it’s not too late to start living again.

What We Do in the Shadows meets The Golden Girls—a laugh-out-loud paranormal comedy with heart. Full of dark humor, supernatural drama, and unforgettable characters, Upton Arms is a must-read for fans of quirky paranormal fiction.

Genres: Fantasy, Urban Fantasy

381 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 7, 2025

About the author

I've been a writer most of my life, with my earliest verifiable work coming in third grade when I established a link between the Pilgrims and the invention of Thanksgiving (since repudiated).

More recently, I'm pleased to announce my new novel, "Upton Arms: An Active Lifestyle Home for the Supernaturally Enhanced," will be published later this year by City Owl Press. As with Dead Jed, it turns the horror genre on its head. The vampires, werewolves, witches and similar characters discover they don't live forever, but do suffer from late-onset mortality. Powers dwindle, bones creak, and creatures both mythical and legendary get pretty cranky when they don't get enough sleep. Upton Arms provides a safe space when world domination is no longer an ambition.

Dead Jed has its roots in my own horror that was seventh grade. I just wanted to fit in, but at 4 feet, 6 inches tall, all I fit into were lockers and trash bins. I eventually reached average height and was able to turn those misadventures into a book starring a zombie who, yes, just wants to fit in. Only Jed's story is way funnier than mine, and he gets even. I never did. Until now.

I'm a retired journalist with more than 40 years in the newspaper business, most spent as a feature writer for The Arizona Republic in Phoenix. I live in a small town in Oregon with my wife Melissa, a few dogs and, so I'm told, a cat or two. While the gray skies are tiresome, the craft beer is not.





Well, until now.

Reviews

[Tiffany aka Chai Tea And Books · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved the idea of this book, but honestly the beginning was a bit slow and seemed to drag on a bit. It did pick up and was an entertaining read. I was intrigued by the concept of later in life paranormals living together in a paranormal retirement home. This was a mix of a bit of dark humor along with the bittersweet moments of a long life lived and a brutally honest way of bodies aging. Overall, stick with it after the beginning, it picks up!

Vlad’s hunting instincts have declined as he aged and he has been living on a wildlife diet. But he is ready for a treat, and has put on his camouflage: the dad bro outfit. In cargo pants, he strolls into Chili’s looking for an easy meal: the drunk and out of shape man watching sports. As he follows him into the alley, he only realizes his mistake as the man pins him. Luis is a werewolf. And he offers him a place to live for an aging paranormal such as himself. A retirement home for paranormals: Upton Arms.

Thank you to Love Books Tours for the copy, all thoughts are my own.

[Penny · Rating 4 out of 5]

As I person of a certain *ahem* age, I love reading books about main characters who are closer to retirement than high school. This book is one such book I decided to give a go. While this book was maybe a little slow at the beginning, I did enjoy getting to know this universe. Vlad and Luis are a couple of residents of Upton Arms who are worried about the arrival of Todd and what he’s trying to do with the retirement community. This is definitely a quirky and fun book, but the author likes to jump ahead in time a little bit, then go back and explain what just happened. I don’t really like that, but that’s just personal preference. Give this a try. Recommend. I was provided a complimentary copy which I voluntarily reviewed.

[Léa Lombard · Rating 3 out of 5]

The premise of this book is original and quirky, with supernatural creatures like Vlad the vampire, Luis the werewolf, and Patrick the leprechaun living together in a retirement home. The tone mixes humor with a bittersweet look at what happens when powers fade, and the setting makes for some fun situations.

That said, I found the beginning quite slow and had trouble staying engaged for the first part. The pacing picks up later on, and the ending delivers a satisfying and imaginative twist that made me smile.

Overall, it’s a fun and unusual take on supernatural fiction, with clever worldbuilding and a lighthearted tone, but I would have enjoyed it even more with a tighter start.

[Mike]

I decided against this one relatively quickly. It's not (to me) as funny as it thinks it is, and the humour it does have is darker than I prefer.

[Horror Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a horror/comedy and the emphasis is on comedy. It's often hilarious and has an easy to read narrative style. But there's also a really good plot behind the Supernatural Grumpy Old Men vibes.

This novel throws every conceivable supernatural creature you can think of. Vampires, werewolves, witches, fairys, bridge trolls, zombies, golems, invisible man, shapeshifters, and leprechauns! They're all old now and have lost their vigor and abilities somewhat. Upton Arms is a retirement home of sorts for these senior creatures. That's where the story takes place and it's hilarious and kinda sad at times as they reminisce about their glory days.

A leprechaun runs the place and he's a nasty foul mouthed thing. He's also one of my favorite characters in here because of that. But when the OG supernatural being (G-O-D himself) wants to take up residence there, this will lead them on an adventure that often goes hilariously sideways as they attempt to stop their home from being shuttered.

Several character story arcs are sometimes even poignant. Like the vampire who is suffering from guilt about the bodies he's left throughout centuries. He just wants to end it all yet nothing he tries works (being undead and all). These arcs provide side stories which round out the comedic antics nicely.

There's not a lot of blood or gore to speak of as this is clearly about these fantastical supernatural beings and their quest for some dignity, but it's still a fantastic read and I highly recommend it.

I received an ARC of this book through Netgalley. This review is voluntary and is my own personal opinion.

[ScarlettAnomalyReads · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was absolutely so fun in the best way possible, I was lucky enough tot get to read this as a gift copy from the publisher, thank you Owl City!!

Also if this is the kind of thing you are publishing, count me in for more!

It starts a bit as a slow burn type read, but do not let that a put you off, because it takes off, Scott lays the foundation well and I enjoyed the scenery.

A werewolf, vampire and leprechaun walk into a retirement home…

Vlad had me absolutely dying, hunting at a Chili’s??
But I loved that the Upton Arms exists and the whole idea of it, this year I have year a few books dealing with older MC’s and I have loved them as someone who feels like I am getting older myself and reading about kids while fine isn’t the same as it used to be, this felt like a fun twist on that idea, a retirement home for the supernatural ?
Genius.

This is not your typical blood and gore horror, this is funny, spooky feel something horror that hit in a perfect way and had me entertained the whole time, whether I was laughing or worried for one of our MC’s ( almost said a name and my wouldn’t that have been a spoiler lol )


I hope the author makes this into a little series, I would love for more adventures from these characters, this reminded me of Tales from the Nightside from Simon R Green in such a fun way, not the same idea, but the same characters just trying to live in some odd circumstances, but make it spooky.

Thank you !

[Naturalbri (Bri Wignall) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a unique tale of immortals and those of power, in a fantasy realm. We always hear about them in their spicy prime, but never seeuch more than them at their highest points, whether they been good or evil. However, is his cheeky wee book has decided to take on the telling of the age of the aged immortal beings.
I had read a few reviews on this and was going in not knowing if I would be torn one way or another, but I did know that the cover really drew me in as I felt it really captured that satirical old lad feel.
Honestly, I really enjoyed the book. I found there are as a lot of dark, dry humour and that is absolute perfection in my book. I absolutely love a straight fo ward, dry and rough as sandpaper laugh, as it cuts right to the true point and has a laugh about it. This book is a story to share that aging is often a way to feel like everything breaks and no one is left to care for you. I liked the take on it.

[Julia Carter · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book spoke to me as I work in a nursing home and some of my residents can be beastly!! However in this retirement home the residents are actually beasts! Vampires, werewolfs, leprechauns. the paranormal have elderly too and they need somewhere to stay. I was expecting a LOL story. The beginning was slow and I'll admit it did take me a bit to get into it, but once I did I enjoyed it!
This book has some bittersweet moments as the aging paranormal have to deal with their powers dwindling and making them feel almost human. It's a poignant feeling where you were once powerful and then feeling them diminish. It also had some funny moments. The friendships that developed and the world building were exquisite.
The dry humor and wit kept my interest as well as the antics of the characters. All in all I really enjoyed this story and I would be interested in reading more from this author.
I received this ArC from netgalley. All opinions are my own.

[Young · Rating 2 out of 5]

Chaos, was this only word that popped in my head while reading this book and when I finally finished it. The whole story was so chaotic that I didn’t really get a grasp on what I was reading but at the same time it was written well enough that I wasn’t hopelessly lost. I did enjoy it from time to time, but I did skim through many of the chapters because it was starting to feel repetitious.
The concept was really interesting, aging supernaturals trying to save their special retirement home from foreclosure. But I felt that the plot became bloated trying to juggle all the characters and the various sub plots, which is usually not an issue unless the story becomes so out of hand that it needs a deus-ex-machina-like ending to solve the problem.
I will say, I did not expect it to end the way it did and I think if I wasn’t expecting a humorous slice-of-life introspective experience I wouldn’t have been as disappointed.

This book was won in a Goodreads giveaway

[Kilgallen · Rating 5 out of 5]

The premise of this book immediately hooked me. Aging supernatural beings and their lives in a retirement home???? Yes please! The originality of this story and the authors ability to deliver on the premise was awesome. Excellent, believable and sympathetic characters are, in my opinion, the highlight of this book. As someone who is currently navigating life with an aging parent who lives in a retirement residence, I can say that the humour in this one was not only appreciated but truly hit home. The pacing was a little slow, as one might expect from a character driven narrative with characters past their prime. Certainly will be one that I add to my recommendable shelf!
A huge thank you to NetGalley and the author for allowing me to access this novel free of charge. I am leaving my honest review voluntarily.

[Emma Minazza · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was quite a funny read and I laughed out loud a few times. The wit of the characters and their personalities show that they are mischievous at times but also know their mind. My favourite character is Darnell, a zombie who loses fingers or his jaw in funny situations. He's a kind of background character but always around when Vlad and Luis are up to their tricks.

This book was a bit different from my usual read but it was nice to break the mould of my reading. I liked the storyline, it was funny and endearing at times. Something a bit different. I like how there was a mixture of witches, werewolf, leprechaun and zombie in Upton Arms, they make up a funny group of individuals.

Good read for a change of genre's for me.

[Jennie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Upton Arms is a quirky read. I describe it as a paranormal comedy. There's a lot of dark humor, which I enjoy. We follow a multitude of supernatural creatures who are getting on in years. Abilities are not what they used to be, things are achy, and they are cranky. They reside in a retirement home for creatures of the supernatural persuasion. The different story arcs for the characters were enjoyable and brought them to life.

I struggled in the beginning with the pacing. But I thought it smoothed out quickly and was really entertaining. A quirky, fun story about finding your purpose, or perhaps a new purpose, later in life.

Thank you to Love Books Tours and City Owl Press for the gifted digital copy of the book. All thoughts expressed are my own.

[Annarella · Rating 5 out of 5]

It you love humour, senior, humorous paranormal stories. That is Pratchett and Tom Holt on top of a list of names.
If you are ready to be shocked and discover that there are assisted living home for paranormal being, that vampire can get old: read it
The characters: A gloriously dysfunctional supernatural retirement squad. Each one of them is funny, witty, and own a big heart.
The humour is dry and I often laughed out loud. I appreciated the storytelling, the fast pace, and the very original world building.
I want to read more about these characters as they were a treat that made me laugh and feel good.
Many thanks to City Owl and LBT Tour for this digital copy. All opinions are mine.

[Suzanne Irving · Rating 5 out of 5]

Don’t believe a thing could be the alternate title of this book as Scott Craven gives us a delightfully unique story about a retirement home for supernatural beings that isn’t quite what you might expect. It’s a very fun read that is serious at times, especially when it involves the problems of living for such a long time. The story is unique, the characters are all interesting and the ending is not what you would expect.
This is the first book I’ve read from this author and I will definitely be looking out for more because this was a terrific read.

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[Steve · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book has some strong points. It is a good look at aging and some of the character arcs are interesting, although I didn’t really like any of the characters and won’t miss them now that I’ve read the book. I liked some of the thoughtful discussion around social issues. However, aside from a couple of clever lines, I did not find any of the book funny and I strongly disliked the banter between the characters. Thank you to Edelweiss and City Owl Press for the digital review copy.

[Sue Wallace · Rating 3 out of 5]

Upton Arms by Scott Craven.
This was a good read. I loved the cover and blurb of this book. I did find it slow. It took me a few chapters to get into this book. I did like the story. I wasn't sure how I felt about the characters. You have Vlad the vampire and Luis the werewolf. Ralph the invisible man and Patrick the leprechaun. I read this in 3 days as I had trouble getting into the story. It had promise. I was surprised by the ending.

[Joanna C · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fun read about various paranormal characters living together in a retirement home. What could be more fun and unexpected than having a bunch of different creatures living together. Of course there will be different situations that these characters get into making it even more interesting with all the ways each character wants to tackle each situation.

Thanks to City Owl Press for the e-galley!

[Stephanie W · Rating 4 out of 5]

The cover, title, and blurb caught my attention. A bunch of retirees who are at the point of not caring, and are supernaturals? What could possibly be better. This was honestly better than I anticipated. Plenty of sharp wit, humor, and more of what you'd expect when you're done with the niceties.

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[Emy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a fun read where grumpy old supernaturals are living in a retirement home. Whilst I found the subject handled in a stereotypical fashion, the writing tone was relatively light with a dose of humour. My only grip was that it was somewhat repetitive - but isn't that what happens in retirement homes?

[LizJ. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Upton Arms Book 1 A Retirement Home for Supernaturals by new to me author Scott Craven is slow to start but so worth sticking with it, it's quirky, fun with dark humor. I really enjoyed reading this story.

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[Addled Rabbit]

Grumpy old men who just happen to be supernatural creatures? Cute and yes please.

I was expecting just a funny little romp and it was that. Everything you think could be funny about aging supernatural beings is here. Everything that could be funny about aging life in general is here. But to build on that the characters themselves are all very much full of personal issues, woes, and commentary. Especially Vlad.

The plot is simple enough to keep it light, a classic problem they must face and solve on top of their own. But the bits and pieces thrown in add just enough excitement to the story to keep it from being ho-hum or predictiable.

And the commentary on aging in general? (Especially when these use to be the top of the top as far as power goes) I mean looking back it makes sense it was included but going into the book I was surprised just how touching it was.

Really all around a cozy fun little read for this spooky season. I went into it with high hopes based off the idea and blurb and it was just such a fun time.

Thank you so much to Owl City Press for the ARC on Netgalley.