My Parent's Keeper: Adult Children of the Emotionally Ill

by Eva Marian Brown

Eva Brown, who coined the acronym 'ACMI' (Adult Children of the Mentally Ill), wrote this book as a supportive and encouraging guide for dealing with the challenging legacy of growing up with a mentally ill parent. Richly peppered with quotes from interviews with ACMIs, My Parent's Keeper covers issues ranging from being a 'parentified child' to dealing with unstable aging parents.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Mental Health, Self Help

131 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 1989

Reviews

[Midori Watanabe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think the word "survivor" can be lopsided, or rather this concept congratulates surviving as an end-result while masking its painful price. It's not easy for people who perceive themselves as survivors to accept that surviving has incurred a cost to themselves and others, that help and guidance may be needed. But once that mental acceptance comes, it makes a difference in every way.
The author's point on how ACMIs build their lives around being in control and exhibit self-punishing behavior is particularly poignant. Coming to terms that circumstances are often out of our hands helps us make peace with the past and do our best to live in the present. We are less defined by what happens to us than how we choose to respond to it. Such recognition frees courage from fear, nurtures it to grow beyond the bare need for survival and extend into a future that, although unpredictable, is full of possibilities and choices.

[Di · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book-- Focuses on the repercussions for the adult child, rather than behaviors of the parent, which is very helpful. Also, Brown's book is grounded in the encouraging premise that growth and happiness are possible.

[Claire · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short read. Yet confronting enough. Half the book is on practical suggestions around the issue of assertiveness and working with boundaries and communication in relationship.

Brown provides a model of how to assess level of risk of such communication which seems very useful, and straightforward. Really it's a lesson in titration. There's a whole chapter giving an example utilizing this approach. This is encouraging, however she notes that the process of learning a new way of relating is long, with many emotional/psychological obstacles along the way that will need addressing.

She also provides many alternative ways to look at oneself; this is helpful, along with quotes from those who struggle with parentification issues. The last five pages for helping professionals seem a mere token, but are packed with valuable information.

[Morgan Schulman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve read a lot of books on this subject, and this is by far my favorite. I don’t know it just gets to the center of having mentally ill parents in a concise and understandable way. I wish I’d found this book 20 years ago.

[Joel Atella · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazingly powerful book. Many thanks to the author!

[Timothy Huffman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book. Short and to the point. Everything is spelled out very simply and easy to follow. A great read that doesn’t wear you out.

[loeilecoute · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very short book on a topic that is rarely addressed as clearly and compassionately. A helpful book for those who are just beginning in self recovery from emotionally abusive parents, with a practical approach that is easy to follow.

I found the first chapter describing the perspective of the child in a chaotic family most helpful, as well as chapter four that describes how these childhood events and subsequent emotional patterns leads to a tendency to avoid intimacy as an adult.

[Julene · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this in 1993.

[Ammie Rivera · Rating 4 out of 5]

An easy read with helpful insight into behaviors adult children of the emotionally ill exhibit, and how to work through them as well.